The February 2012 Presidential Debate

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Hello. I am Andrew, but most of you know me as Duke, former Governor of the Southeast and former at-large Senator. I was elected far too many times and served until I was nearly burned out, but I obviously loved every minute of it. I want to thank Shua for dedicating his time to moderate us and thank myself, the other candidates, and the Atlasian public for taking their precious time to read our answers.

I am running for President because I love Atlasia. There, I said it. Atlasia and I have had an affair behind my lover, AndrewPA's back, for a long time now. I first met Atlasia in 2008 and we have been inseparable since; but don't tell anyone! I want to share that love with everyone, in a sense have an affair with everyone, and run a campaign based on respect, love, compassion, truth, and dignity. These are attributes we all must have to be proper public citizens!

I am also running to keep my name in the news. You see, we all have big egos, and many of us are doing this for self assurance we still have it or because we think we are the best. But the truth is, we all are great, but I know I am the greatest. And I am the only one to tell you the truth!

This is an exciting time for Atlasia. We are forming new parties, new bonds, new relationships and new marriages. I have been married to the RPP since it was born, and now theres a new lady in my life. And it's time Atlasia had a new president.

I am running because I am consistent. I have consistently played this game. I have consistently voted my conscience. My co-president mate and I consistently share the same name. We have pledged to serve two consistent terms, and Atlasians need consistency. There is enough change going on in the political arena! Keep the white house consistent! Our unemployment is at 9.2% and we keep changing presidents and policies every 4 months! Let's stick with someone for a while!

I look forward to distinguishing myself from the others through a message of love, consistency and human dignity! Thank you all!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

1. One of the most obvious signs Atlasia lacks compassion is the hatred we show towards our cabinet members. These men and women risk their lives on a daily basis to serve us, and we don't even like them. But things will change under an Andrews led nation. Because we promise love and respect, each cabinet member will feel love radiating off our bodies each day at the office. They will be encouraged, given special time with us alone in our office, and invited to Sunday brunch each week.

Our ticket also believes in equality, so these cabinet members will be as recognized as we ourselves are. Sure, they will likely lack the charisma and good looks we possess, but frankly no one compares. These cabinet members will be our friends, our family and our close confidants. Far too often we neglect them, especially Ben, for the hard work they do. Not under our administration. If we have absences, we will just step in and act as our own cabinet members. Our goal is to have all our staff be named Andrew, and that would just make is easier for us. Plus, we are the best employees anyone could ever have. Once people see how happy we are as cabinet members, they will be lining up to be appointed!

2. Consistency. Love. Respect. A kindler, more caring nation. Atlasia is a tough place to live. If you don't have balls, you can get kicked to the side fast, especially in the past when our lives were ruled by two party bosses. But, we are in a new era now! So we must elect someone who hasn't been president before to usher us into this new era, free from the shackles of yesterday.

We also need love. We need a leader people aren't afraid to talk to, that they know will give them a PBR here and there, a slap on the back, a pinch on the cheek or a wild night out. My co-presidental candidate and I pledge to serve The People. We won't bore them with trivial things, but rather, we will tackle big issues because we have big hearts.

I also feel our unorthodox campaign will make Atlasia much more interesting. Never before has a ticket run on such unity, such compassion and such a respect for human dignity. Never before has a ticket expressed the actual wish to be benevolent and had no interest in being supreme overlord over The People. Instead, we want to work with Them.

If folks want a ticket that is truly dedicated to making Atlasia more interesting, they will listen to that little pitter patter in their hearts and vote for the Andrews. Through us, everyone will feel welcome in the New Atlasia.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Where do you stand on having a national daycare program?

I feel it's important we love our children as we love ourselves and put ourselves in their diapers. Friends, these children are our future. We must foster them and care for them, both inside and outside of the classroom. If I was a youngster, I would want to know I had a safe, clean place to go when I wasn't with my school teachers. That's why the Andrews ticket will institute a national "Child Love" day in which we bring awareness to the serious problem facing some of our nation's youth not born with a silver spoon in their mouths. We will share the love, if you will, with regional governments to make sure the future of our young boys and girls is consistent, supportive and full of love! It's for our future!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

I don't like this question. I don't think anyone should ever take office trying to emulate someone else, or say "I admire X's presidency and want to do like they did."

Those people are the past. We are now in post-apocolyptic Atlasia. Two large bodies lie on the sidelines. We don't need to look behind us for inspiration. Rather, we need to embrace the best of our abilities and move forward. As President, the Andrews will consistently look forward and try to emulate ourselves and no one else. We will do what we feel is right in our big hearts and do our best to enact policies we feel will show our love. The past is the past. Today begins now!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Our ticket has one thing that the others don't, and that is love and consistency. It is widely known people are healthier if they have a consistent foundation of love and compassion in their lives, and throughout our two terms in office, we will show this nation, through our actions, love. And with our names both being Andrew, we will also be a beacon of consistency. Atlasians are stressed out with such systematic and deliberate changes in Nyman each year. We cannot have this. We need consistency and love. These things alone will make for a healthier population and thus reduce costs.

I will say that my co-presidential mate and I are totally opposed to reducing the scope of covered services. Would you reduce your love of your partner it times were tough? Absolutely not. You would love them more, so much so that they would stop spending all that money on your credit cards. We will not throw our holocaust surviving seniors on the street without care!

Voters will ask us, well, once you show us your love and compassion and we become healthier, how else will you close the deficit in the medicare gap? Friends, that is simple. It is unacceptable to raise the payroll tax to 6.5%. Instead, we need a long term fix, like showing love to more doctors! If we had more doctors in this country, the cost of care would drop dramatically. Also, we do recognize some people prefer to show their love through their money, so allowing co-pays is something my co-president and I will allow in our administration. We cannot allow such a travesty as to quadruple our payroll tax though, not at 9.2% unemployment! No wonder we are going backwards! As with any other big government program, however, we cannot replace or repeal it, and neither one of us favor such a drastic move. There is nothing a little love and creativity cannot solve. Look forward! Vote for the Andrews!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Here's another audience question for the candidates, on the topic of the military's role and strategy -

how will the candidates ensure our national interests are met overseas while avoiding as many troop casualties as possible

?

What a question! And a very special happy Valentine's Day to clarence and shua!

As Co-Presidents, the Andrews believe in treating our troops with the utmost love and respect. They are off fighting wars for us to have the freedom to love freely. We must return the love. Our policy is this: we must give our troops the most love and greatest care we can while they are meddling overseas. If they are stationed in other countries, we will send them care packages. If they are fighting, we will send them better uniforms and guns.

That brings me to my final point. We mustn't be quick to start wars, but we must be quick to win them. In our administration, we will first attempt to love our enemies as our friends, using diplomacy, care packages and handshakes to win over their hearts. If that doesn't work, we will love them with our sanctions. If that fails, we will show them all our love through the butts of our guns and the explosions of our bombs. But we don't wish this on anyone, so we hope our first style of good old loving will stick with our enemies. Remember, Jesus said to love thy enemy, and because we has His endorsement, we will do the same. But remember, Jesus isn't afraid to fight for what is His if necessary, so we will not be afraid to fight when we need to!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Friends, I don't usually mention the past, because the past is the past, it's over and done with, and we shouldn't dwell on it. However, in my past life as a Senator, I did a lot for mother nature, to have and to hold her, to protect the smallest of creatures and ensure we had clear air and clean water.

As a senator, I established the green fund for small businesses, gave low interest loans and tax breaks to those companies that invested in green tech, and also tried to implement a cap and trade system which the senate rejected rudely. It's okay though.

Friends, we must protect our trees for our children to play on, our dogs to climb, and our birds to sit. I know we are on the right track because I, in my past life, put us on that track. As co-president, I promise to you all now we will remain on that road and continue to see more trees bloom and more birds chirp when those April showers bring May flowers. We represent the environmentalist in this race, and we proud wear that rainbow coat of love!