The Comedy Goldmine(ONLY FUNNY ATLAS POSTS ALLOWED, NO BRTD ALLOWED)

[Alcon]

Which three people voted to ban nutmeg?

That stuff destroys lives.

[Alcon]

Do you young people 'date' anymore?  I'm talking about going to dinner, the movies, etc., as a pair.

[Alcon]

Are you fond of the gay?

[Alcon]

Bush is obviously too stupid to understand any economic theory.  In this respect he is similar to most americans.

Why is that funny?

[Alcon]

I got this in the mail from the President.

I think it will help his ratings.

[Alcon]

I think your school is justified in not allowing foreigners to vote in their elections.

I think my school was justified in go screwing itself.

[Alcon]

Bonus points to anyone who can identify what's going on in the stuff I posted.

I think the letter E is trying to do something unspeakable to the the expontent dt.

[Alcon]

He's absolutely correct Aussie.

Another good man who has seen through the liberal conspiracy to destroy families just because they are psychopaths!

[Alcon]

A funny exchange:

Why the hell would anyone want a record?

Hah, enjoy your Walmart lifestyle, you philistine.

I download all my music off the internet, fool.

Your Wal-Mart Lifestyle would be a great band name, too.

[Alcon]

pRe-InVasiOn cuZ tehre WeRe MoEre StriP CluBZZzzzzz lAwL.......... hAwwWwwTttttTTT

Just for you BRTD.

The best part about that is that BRTD actually answered it with a straight face.

[Alcon]

To Opebo:

are you aroused by ladyboys?

Are you aroused by children?

Are you aroused by Muhammad Ali Jinnah?

[Alcon]

I bet Kermit the Frog is a Gerald Ford Republican.

There's nothing better than the phrase "Kermit the Frog is a Gerald Ford Republican" to make me laugh after being up all night.

[Alcon]

"Would You Kill Your Family for $1 Billion?"

no, I'm not a Libertarian

[Alcon]

You know, if their were a single, centrist, transgendered porn star named Kinky Carole Bell, that person would likely win 60% of the vote.

[Alcon]

According to this site, I was just shot.

[Alcon]

Of course I am, I can't wait!

I also eagerly await the sequels; Bears on a Boat, and Sharks in a Taxi.

[Alcon]

STOP ARGUING OR I WILL FASCISTLY ENFORCE THE FUNNY

FASCISTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Alcon]

A reminder that this topic isn't for:

1. Posting opinions that are unpopular/widely believed incorrect because they are "funny" only because they are so ridiculous.  Unless everyone finds it funny because it's one that is just totally outrageous, don't bother.  Partisan hackery is amusing, but causes arguments here.

2. Defending quoted posts.  For God's sake, it's an Internet message board.  Clarification isn't funny, and this thread is FOR FUNNY ONLY.

I've had to delete a lot of stuff here.  One of them (Virginian's) I deleted before realising that it could have been posted for a different reason than just #1, so feel free to re-post it if you really want.

[Alcon]

A reminder that this topic isn't for:FUNNY

1. One of them (Virginian's) I deleted because they are so funny.  Unless Alcon finds it funny, don't bother. 
2.I've had to delete a lot of stuff here.

Wait...I didn't...OH!!!! Hahahah!!! You got me, man.  Well done!

[Alcon]

Why did the country vote for Bush in 2004 and he was unpopular as well? I agree with you that Washington isn't like the rest of the south but having an incumbant in the WH does give advantages to the party that is challenging the outparty. I was refering to the spending bills on defense spending not social spending bills like tax cuts. The country wants continued support of defense build up and Cantwell might not fit that bill. She hasn't vote  for all of Bush defense authorization bills.

Confusing D.C. with the state.  Wow.

[Alcon]

A word was secretly brought to me, my ears caught a whisper of it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia

[Alcon]

! DANGER !

I would like to thank those who are posting things because they are "ridiculous" or "so wrong" for stopping this.  I know these people (or, rather, the one person and their dozen or so deleted posts) will pay attention to the wrathful moderator this time and live a happy life without their home address and phone number posted to alt.fans.ricky-martin.orthodox-jewish-transvestites.

Thank you.

[Alcon]

The funniest is still alcon's comment about the mason dixon poll.

I said something amusing about a Mason-Dixon poll?

[Alcon]

Why do we need surveillence cameras in the middle of forest.

Wanted

Yusif Yogi BinBear...last seen in the woods.

[Alcon]

Oh lord, why did I have to Google that?

Fortunately, it was just chest up...but...why.

Now he's going to join Pete Sessions in my recurring nightmares.

...And it's gone now, so the context makes no sense.  Oh well.

From the "questions apt for, but not intended for, introspection" category:

To whom, exactly, are you preaching?