Update

[J-Mann]

Wow, I can't believe I haven't followed this thread until tonight ... BushOK, let me start by saying I'm very sorry that you're going through this rough patch (in what should be a very happy and enjoyable period in your life) and wish you the very best.

There's not much I can say that will be unique or different than anything else that has already been said, but let me make this clear -- you are engaged to this woman and have both, through that engagement, committed to be together; it is not normal or healthy or reasonable for her to have not talked to you for an extended period of time. Couples have fights or disagreements or periods of getting to know each other where they may not get along, but they get over it quickly in all but the most dire circumstances -- she may well need more space, but her unwillingness to talk to you about it is not normal.

I don't know what your circumstances were coming into this relationship, but I can tell you that jumping over a long getting-to-know-you period directly into an engagement typically ends badly. You don't get engaged after the first few dates because there is so much more about each other that you need to know; the very fact that she's telling you she needs more space is proof that you barely knew each other -- otherwise, I'm sure you would have discovered those boundaries before you invested your money and your hopes in an engagement.

You and I are roughly the same age and part of the country, so I can sympathize with the kind of pressures you may be feeling. About nine months ago, I went through a period of being incredibly depressed because nearly everyone around me my age (or anyone over the age of 21 or 22) was married. I'd focused on education and then on my career and found myself "old" and alone. Realistically, 26 is a fantastic age to be unmarried, as most of the married young guys that I know turn into empty shells of their former selves relatively quickly, but because there is so much traditionalized pressure in the Great Plains region to meet someone in high school and get married young, it was starting to wear on me. I questioned why things hadn't "worked out" for me like they had for everyone else. I withdrew from people who genuinely did care about me and scoffed at their advice. I spent far too much time contemplating my situation as well as contemplating suicide. I'm not sure how I pulled myself out of it, but I did, although I have no doubt that had I met someone during that time, I would have moved as quickly as possible.

Perhaps you've gone through a similar experience. Perhaps not. Either way, some of the best advice I received at that time (that I promptly dismissed, because all of the advice-givers were married, thus "successful") was to not think about it -- forget any pressure, whether real or imagined, and do things at my own pace. And when I think about it, some of the best relationships that I've ever had -- friendships or romantic relationships -- were completely and utterly unplanned, and even after that first meeting, we weren't best friends instantly: relationships take time to develop.

I finally took that advice earlier this year and just quit thinking about it -- I was "defeated," but I wasn't going to let it get me down. And just a few weeks later, when I literally least expected it, I met my boyfriend and we've been together for four months. It may not be the ultimate relationship, so to speak, but we're happy and getting to know each other.

Again, best wishes to you, BushOK. Personally, I think you've got a ton of potential outside of this relationship and would be well-served by walking away before you've invested too much. But you've also got to do what makes you happy -- just keep your own health and well-being in mind. You've got a lot of support here, as evidenced by all of the replies, regardless of the harsh tone some of them have taken!

[J-Mann]

I think myself and even AHDuke mean well, but sometimes a guy needs a kick in the ass to realize his needy ways, myself included. I have friends tell me I'm doing sh**t wrong all the time.

Absolutely no offense intended Flyers, as I really do like you, but maybe now is one of those times you need a kick in the ass for being needy. You've said your piece and made your point several pages ago -- you can stop now. This entire thread would be half as long and considerably more substantive if it hadn't devolved into a ridiculous back-and-forth between you, Phil and a few others. We all wanted to help BushOK, but our advice -- regardless of the tone it took -- has been lost beneath several pages of a few very selfish and needy people trying to make their points, not in support of BushOK, but against each other.

And for those of you who regularly do this to threads -- you're not changing each others' minds. In fact, you're just egging each other on and perpetuating the type of posting that you claim to dislike so much. Grow up, get over the personal insults and learn to ignore those posts that irritate you. This type of garbage would have ended on this thread already if all of you would just quit replying to each other.

[J-Mann]

Let me throw another monkey wrench into the fire.  Another reason I know we're going to make it through this together and stronger than ever. 

Here it is:  In 8 months from now, putting it in the late March time frame, if all goes well, I will be a father.  I'm not talking about a step-father, I'm talking about a REAL, biological father.  We went all the way while we were in Arkansas in late June, so that's why I put 8 months, instead of 9, because its already been nearly one month.

I may seem like a goody-two-shoes pious Christian man, but I am definitely not one of those, and I do have my faults.

Plus, every hint I keep getting from her; and I am getting small, subtle hints; are all positive.

Do you know she's pregnant? Late-June to July 21 is a pretty short time-frame to positively find out such a thing.

If so, congratulations -- as ill-timed and accidental as it may be. Regardless of how things work out with her (and I am one of those who believes that couples should not force themselves to stay together), your commitment to the child is critical, and I have no doubt you'd do all you can to care for it, whether you're married or not.

[J-Mann]

The way things transpired the last weekend in June, I would be shocked if she WEREN'T pregnant.

This sounds like a distinct lack of certainty to me ... are you sure she's pregnant? Has she told you, and if so, how did she find out? Did you go to the doctor together? Have you seen a pregnancy test? Again, less than a month is really, really soon to have certain knowledge of such a thing.

[J-Mann]

BushOK, you already have a refreshingly calm and mature view on how this worked out (moving from being very certain that you'd stay together -- which was delusional, to be honest -- to relieved that the relationship is over), and I think as time goes on, you'll look back on the last seven weeks and be exceedingly happy with the way things worked out. Kudos on standing up for yourself and being realistic enough to know that she was no longer worth it.

But do yourself a favor, bud -- take your time in future relationships. Match.com and eHarmony can work, but there is absolutely no rush to get married. Take the time to truly get to know your next partner. Rings and engagements and planning don't make happy couples; quality time spent together building a relationship does.