I sincerely hope things get better for you Scott.
I'm not completely sure of what advice to give. I've had similar struggles, but I won't claim to have it as hard as you. My situation has been fairly lucky recently, but I'm still frustrated that my anxiety keeps me from progressing as much as I'd like, such as in increasing my independence and obtaining decent employment, I mostly blame myself, (though I still haven't gotten the SSI benefits a judge ruled I'm entitled to receive
). I need to continue trying; perseverance generally works, I'm hopeful it will eventually work for you, though I'm sorry if it seems like you keep trying and nothing gets done. On one hand a positive attitude helps, on the other hand denying how bad you feel would be counterproductive. It's complicated, but hopefully a right balance between can be found. Continuing to have faith and trust in God is also good, as is seeking help from a pastor.
As for making friends, after a high school experience with virtually no social life, I was lucky that my college (which I attended for several years as a part-time student, followed by my enrollment in a three-year program for people with disabilities, now I'm finally done with school
) had caring faculty who helped me a lot in finding a few good friends. I don't know what opportunities you'd have for anything like that. Some may feel it's a desperate way to make friends, but it seems to have generally worked for me. I've also improved my social skills to an extent that making friends more spontaneously is possible.
The most important thing I want to say is that if you have suicidal thoughts, seek help immediately! Your life may be rough, but life is worth living. Don't give up!
I don't always read this thread, so I wasn't completely aware with all you've been going through Scott, but I hope I can help.
This maybe a bad segue, but there was a tornado within a mile of my house last night, and it appears to have destroyed what was my favorite restaurant in town.
