The Comedy Goldmine

[Morning in Atlas]

I actually lol'd

Good show, Snowy

I made that, asshole.

[Morning in Atlas]

You're too kind. I wouldn't have noticed this without Bacon King.

[Morning in Atlas]

I have more confidence in Bushie's weight loss plans.

Context: thread title.

[Morning in Atlas]

I have the guy who directed Boondock Saints and the Epic Rap Battles of History guy. That's it.

[Morning in Atlas]

I am not morbidly obese, I am just obese.

[Morning in Atlas]

Meanwhile, the former senate majority leader and the deputy MNGOP chair had their affair exposed, and the latter has lost most everything and recently was in a pretty serious car accident.

Wonderful news!

I think it's been established that BeccaM is an HP.

Not a fan. I didn't know trying to explain a foreign culture was racism, but hey, the more you know.

[Morning in Atlas]

I think that if Corbett wins, I'll venture as far as to say that Casey runs for Governor in 2018. Really isn't a problem though, we got Kane waiting in the wings.

[Morning in Atlas]

Ok boys, have at it.

This will never get old.

[Morning in Atlas]

How ARG conducts their polling:

First, numbers are picked randomly out of a hat


Then, through a contract with the local school district, third grade students are told to take the numbers and use them as variables in the "The Supersecret Highly Intelligent Turnout formula", hereafter known as The S.H.I.T. formula


It doesn't matter if they do the math correctly - that's what the margin of error is for

ARG then randomly calls a number determined by The S.H.I.T. formula. Racial turnout is based upon what color pen the third-graders used


ARG then subtracts 7 from one of the candidates totals, 'cause 7 is their lucky number

NOTE: ARG is currently considering switching to a new polling methodology involving bloodhounds, a bundle of bananas, and a bingo parlor off I-67

A classic entry.

[Morning in Atlas]

A quote that many people, especially males, should take notice. People will like you if you're nice, and that's that.

Right. And if they're women, they will promptly put nice guys like you in the 'friend zone'.    

Can't tell if serious or

[Morning in Atlas]

snowstalker is a strong independent cogendist who dont need no female

[Morning in Atlas]

 1.01.10, a day of loss, homelessness and brake adjustments.

[Morning in Atlas]

Nikki Haley only gave me a back rub, just like I said.  Can't a man get a back rub in his dream?

[Morning in Atlas]

Being half a race is NOT a half-breed... That would be something like Half-Vulcan or Half-Dalek

[Morning in Atlas]

July 16, 2019: former President Bill Clinton dies of a massive heart attack at his vacation home in Santa Fe, New Mexico, while having hardcore sex with Vanessa Hudgens. Both completely naked, she struggles to get out underneath him which lasts half an hour. She calls close friends, Monique Coleman and Ashley Tisdale, whom both clean up evidence and call 911.

Clinton dies on the way to the hospital. It's revealed Hudgens is pregnant with twin girls. Clinton's family is not too surprised about how he died: his daughter, Chelsea (now a U.S. Senator from NY St) says her father just "wanted to be loved."

[Morning in Atlas]

Uh, wasn't there a user called Russ Powers? If so, then Russ Powers.