Is this morally justified in your opinion?

[dead0man]

Yes.  spouse > parent

[dead0man]

Yes.  spouse > parent

That's an utterly disgusting way to look at it.

You are always so respectful to people who disagree with you, and always explain yourself so well.....is it hard to be so nice all the time?

[dead0man]

awww schucks, I feel so special.


Now, do you think a parent is more important than a spouse, or do you not like the idea of ranking their importance?  Nobody likes to be forced to rank their loved ones (especially the children), but we all do it, whether we admit it to ourselves or not.  My wife is much more important to me than my parents and my kids when they were young were more important than my spouse, but that kind of changes as they turn into teenagers and evolution tells them they have to hate* their parents (much more so with girls than boys for whatever reason) so it's emotionally easier for everybody when they leave...and the spouse goes back to being number 1 on the call sheet.


I'd like to find out why it's a disgusting way to look at things.  It's possible I'm wrong and can learn something from you.



*hyperbole

[dead0man]

Why do you always think I'm "offended" by things, it's very weird.  I don't even understand how I could be offended by anything you've posted in this thread.  Saying something I posted is disgusting doesn't make feel offended, it makes me feel curious (unless I understand the stupid reason the person said that, then it would make me smile).


There is no "right or wrong" here though.  It's not wrong to put your elderly and very sick mother in a nursing facility, even if you promised you never would 30 years ago.  It's for HER benefit, and yours, and your wife, and your kids if you have them or potential future kids.

[dead0man]

There is no "right or wrong" here though.  It's not wrong to put your elderly and very sick mother in a nursing facility, even if you promised you never would 30 years ago.  It's for HER benefit, and yours, and your wife, and your kids if you have them or potential future kids.

Breaking a promise you made to a relative isn't wrong? Not even a little?

No, not if it's literally better for everyone involved.

[dead0man]

But it very well could be.  People often go to those places because it's better for them, ya know, health wise.  Nurses visiting a few times a day isn't as good as a nurse always 20 feet away.  What if she doesn't even remember the promise because of dementia or Alzheimer's.  You're going to potentially ruin your marriage to keep a promise to a vegetable?

[dead0man]

Well I'm confused.  That second sentence had too many pronouns I think.  Broke something in the language corner of my brain (it's a small, dark and dusty corner).

[dead0man]

I'm not saying you're wrong for keeping the promise, I'm saying I'm not a horrible person (like you and several others seem to be suggesting) because I'd literally do the best thing for everybody involved....which could be dozens of people.  Yes, making the lives of a whole bunch of people I love better is more important than keeping a promise I made 30 years ago to one of them.

Yeah, perhaps mom thought about all that and decided she'd still rather be a burden to her child and her child's loved ones, possibly her own grand children and risk her own health in the deal just to be cared for by her kid.  Or maybe she didn't think it all out.  I don't know, and it doesn't really matter because I'm not saying you'd be wrong (or a horrible person) for keeping your promise to mom....even if it literally is taking food out of your kid's mouth.  I'd assume you wouldn't go destitute to keep mom alive in the spare bedroom would you?  If you did that, you might be a horrible person, but only if you had a spouse or children (or any other minors that depend on you financially).

edit-it doesn't really matter which way you go if you're a single dude with nothing but a cat that depends on you, but if you have other humans that depend on you financially, it seems I'd have to do whatever made the greater good to everybody involved.  If I had made such a promise to mom (which I'd never have done and she'd never have asked, she's a nurse, she's smart enough to know that it would be a stupid promise to make or expect to be kept) I'd certainly weigh that in, but not a lot.

[dead0man]

I fully stand by my opinion that spouse>parent, and I don't care if people that have a different opinion are offended by it


I also never said it was easy, or even judged someone else's opinion on the matter.