HARD TO FOLLOW: A new non-serious election game interest thread

[VirginiaAaron]

So, I'm sure most of you are familiar with the "Beto Late than Never" timeline. I decided that rather than doing a serious game that I'd quickly get bored of, I'd do a non-serious game.

So, presenting.....

Hard to Follow

A Non-Serious Election Game

-In 2016, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is elected President of the United States under a write-in campaign with reality TV host Jeff Probst as his Vice President
-The Rock isn’t running for a second term, because he’s going to be running for the UK Parliament as a Tory
-The Rock repeals Obamacare and replaces it with DwayneCare, which is a healthcare plan that abolishes all hospitals, doctors, dentists, etc.
-Vice President Probst attempts to overthrow the Johnson administration and the federal government
-President Johnson creates the Department of Muscle
-President Johnson initially appoints Eric Holder the Secretary of Muscle, but then appoints 4-time Survivor contestant, Sandra Diaz-Twine on the advice of Vice President Probst.

Here are some of the Cabinet appointees:

-Secretary of State: Julia Louis Dreyfus (in character as Selina Meyer)
-Secretary of Treasury: Kevin Hart
-Secretary of Defense: Vin Diesel
-Attorney General: Kevin James (in character as Paul Blart, Mall Cop)
-Secretary of Muscle: Sandra Diaz-Twine
-Secretary of Interior: Amy Poehler (in character as Leslie Knope)
-Secretary of Agriculture: Ben Carson
-Secretary of Commerce: Arnold Schwarzenegger
-Secretary of Labor: The Ghost of Joan Rivers
-Secretary of Health and Human Services: Dr. Mehmet Oz
-Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Harry Reid
-Secretary of Transportation: Jay Leno
-Secretary of Energy: Tom Bergeron
-Secretary of Education: Angelina Jolie
-Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Adam Driver
-Secretary of Homeland Security: Larry the Cable Guy
-Postmaster General: Mark Sanford

President Johnson's approval rating is at an all-time high. A new Gallup poll says that around 83% of Americans approve of President Johnson, while a mere 31% say they approve of Vice President Probst.

GOP 2020 Candidates:

-Arnold Schwarzenegger, Secretary of Commerce and former Governor of California
-Larry the Cable Guy, Secretary of Homeland Security (NOTTYLER)
-Katie Arrington, former South Carolina State Representative and 2018 candidate for Congress (SC-01)
-Mark Sanford, Postmaster General and former South Carolina Governor
-Janet Jackson, singer
-Willie Robertson, CEO of Duck Commander and reality TV star
-Phil Robertson, founder of Duck Commander, reality TV star, and former college football player
-Kevin James (in character as Paul Blart), Attorney General and actor
-Reba McEntire, singer
-Vicki Gunvalson, insurance agent and cast member of “The Real Housewives of Orange County”

Dem 2020 Candidates:

-Jeff Probst, Vice President and host of “Survivor”
-Chris Rothfuss, Minority Leader of the Wyoming Senate and 2008 Senate candidate
-Jane Sanders, wife and murderer of Bernie Sanders
-Andy Cohen, host of Bravo’s “Watch What Happens, Live” and Lindsey Graham’s secret boyfriend
-Amy O’Rourke, wife and murderer of Beto O’Rourke
-Hunter Biden, son of former Vice President Joe Biden (OregonBlueDog)
-Vrindavan Gabbard, sister of Tulsi Gabbard (KaiserDave)
-Dolly Parton, singer
-Shania Twain, singer
-Sandra Diaz-Twine, Secretary of Muscle and 2-time winner of “Survivor” (jakobisgood)
-Mike Gravel, current and former Alaska U.S. Senator (Lincoln Council Speaker S019)
-Julie Chen, reality TV show host and former talk show host

WHO WILL FOLLOW THE ROCK TO THE WHITE HOUSE?!

[VirginiaAaron]

Literally have 1% comprehension of this scenario but I'll take Hunter Biden.

Granted!

[VirginiaAaron]

I am so confused

Good, who you playin as?

[VirginiaAaron]

I’ll take Larry the Cable Guy

Granted

[VirginiaAaron]

Rules:

Turns will vary depending on what stage of the campaign we're in. Each candidate will get 2 free endorsements (no high-profile leaders such as The Rock or any cabinet members or any former presidents). For every 5% in a poll, a candidate will receive 1 credit. US House members or state legislators are worth 1 credit. Former Senators, former cabinet officials, and former Governors are worth 2 credits. And lastly, sitting Senators, Governors, cabinet officials, and political organizations (such as the NAACP or the AFL-CIO) are worth 3 credits. You are allowed 2 ads per week and are restricted from buying out other candidates' ads.

Schedules are HIGHLY recommended, along with 1 or 2 stump speeches. Schedules can be as specific as a day-by-day format with 1-3 events per day or "Larry the Cable Guy spent 2 weeks in Iowa and a few days in New Hampshire". Schedule windows with their due dates will be posted with the annual polling updates. An announcement speech is required to begin your campaign and should be posted ASAP.

Lastly, do not take this seriously. This is a ridiculous game, treat it like one. Be funny, be creative, and most of all have fun.

[VirginiaAaron]

Endorsement Tracker:

Democrats:

Hunter Biden-

Joe Biden, father of the candidate and former Vice President of the United States (freebie because they're family)

Chelsea Clinton, former First Daughter of the United States

Tom Perez, Chairman of the Democratic National Committee

Sandra Diaz-Twine

Debbie Wanner, former Survivor contestant from Seasons 32 and 34

"Boston Rob" Mariano, 5-time Survivor contestant from seasons 4, 8, 20, 22, and 40

Mike Gravel

Chuck Schumer, Senate Minority Leader and senior Senator from New York

Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House and Representative from California's 12th District

Vrindavan Gabbard

Tulsi Gabbard, Representative from Hawaii's 2nd District

Bashar al-Assad, 19th President of Syria

Vladimir Putin, 2nd and 4th President of Russia

Republicans:

Larry the Cable Guy-

Sarah Palin, former Governor of Alaska and 2008 GOP nominee for Vice President

Marilyn Manson, singer

[VirginiaAaron]

TURN 1: READY, SET, GO!

With several prospective candidates hinting they will run for the highest office in the land, a contentious primary and close general election will come soon...

Schedules for this turn should be between the months of January and April 2019. You pick when and where you want to do your announcement speech and post an excerpt of the speech. The schedules and announcement speeches will be due on April 12 (it'll be pushed back if we get more candidates, however, I doubt it, unfortunately).

There will likely be a debate this turn, or some sort of town hall. Get posting and don't take this seriously.

Here's an early poll that really indicates nothing.

DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL PRESIDENTIAL PREFERENCE POLL (JANUARY 2019)

Hunter Biden: 13%

Sandra Diaz-Twine: 13%

Mike Gravel: 13%

Vrindavan Gabbard: 13%

Undecided: 48%

REPUBLICAN NATIONAL PRESIDENTIAL PREFERENCE POLL (JANUARY 2019)

Larry the Cable Guy: 17%

Undecided: 83%

[VirginiaAaron]

sandra diaz twine campaign schedule:

- campaign in all 50 states

This. Is. Perfection.

[VirginiaAaron]

Is it too late for me to join as Mike Gravel

No it's not. PM me your 2 free endorsements.

[VirginiaAaron]

FIRST DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE(all images downloaded from Flickr, except for Gravel which is from Wikimedia Commons)

Carlson: Good evening. I'm Tucker Carlson, and I'll be moderating this first Democratic presidential debate in Des Moines, Iowa. I'm here with...

...son of fomer Vice President Joe Biden and board member of Burisma, Hunter Biden...

...4-time Survivor contestant and the first ever Secretary of Muscle, Sandra Diaz-Twine...

...sister of Hawaii Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard, Vrindavan Gabbard...
(I could not find any CC photos of Vrindavan, so Tulsi will have to do for now)

...and lastly Alaska Senator, Mike Gravel

Carlson: Candidates will give an opening statement, answer two specific questions, and give a closing statement. Responses and statements will be judged on craziness, length, and, of course, votes from the audience and you, the viewers across the nation. So, without further ado, let's start.

Specific Questions

To Mr. Biden: Recently, you've been using your connections to Ukraine via Burisma to "correct" the election to your favor along with the help of DNC Chairman Tom Perez. What do you say to critics say that this is "anti-democratic"?

To Secretary Diaz-Twine In the last few weeks you've started your very own 50-state tour. Do you think this is practical? Follow-up question, you've established yourself as the "Queen". Why is this and do you plan to reform the United States to a monarchy, if elected?

To Ms. Gabbard You've just announced your candidacy and immediately gotten the endorsements of the Presidents of Syria and Russia. What do you say to critics who think that you and your sister are "apologists" to Putin and Assad?

To Senator Gravel In the past, you've campaigned on ending all wars and becoming an isolationist nation. President Johnson's approval is sky-high. He's embraced interventionist beliefs and has started 33 wars in the last few years alone. Do you stand by that previous promise to "end all wars"?

[VirginiaAaron]

BIDEN, GABBARD WIN DEM DEBATE

Mr. Hunter Biden and Ms. Vrindavan Gabbard were viewed as the biggest winners in the Democratic debate last week, per a Reuters poll conducted shortly thereafter. Biden was viewed as the best debater by 30% of respondents, while Gabbard was most approved of by 28%. The rest of the support was largely evenly split among Diaz-Twine and Gravel.

Later this week, a town hall for Republican candidate Homeland Security Secretary Larry the Cable Guy. Since he is the only Republican running, he'll get all of the questions and will, by default, win the first Republican debate/forum/town hall.

[VirginiaAaron]

Mike Gravel, Larry the Cable Guy, and Vrindavan Gabbard all need to post their schedules and then we can move to the next phase. I'm also taking interviews now. PM me if you want an interview, I'll send questions and I can post it in the next press update.

[VirginiaAaron]

Interview with Sandra Diaz-Twine

Anderson Cooper: Hello, I'm Anderson Cooper, we've got a special guest with tonight with us, presidential candidate Sandra Diaz-Twine. Secretary Twine, it's a pleasure.

Sandra Diaz-Twine: Hola Anderson.

AC: Let's get right to it. Recently you’ve said that you’re gonna establish a monarchy. How do you plan to do this? Will Congress be involved or will it be done via Executive Order?

SDT: I will make myself Queen when I am president. I don’t need Congress. In fact, we’re going to abolish it. I will never leave office, even after I’m dead. Queen stays Queen, adios.

AC: You’ve emphasized your times on Survivor as experience for the presidency. How does Survivor translate into experience for the White House?

SDT: Because it does. Here’s why, I beat Russell, I beat Rob, I beat everyone else, and that’s why I’m the Queen.

AC: You’ve been endorsed by fellow former Survivor contestants Rob Mariano and Debbie Wanner. If elected, will they have roles in your administration?

SDT: They will have roles in my monarchy. Also, Debbie is going to be the Chair of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. How about no roles except for me and Debbie? Debbie will be the Vice Queen. We’ll also be abolishing the Department of Labor.

AC: If you could say one thing to the American people right now, what would it be?

SDT: I’m the Queen. You will vote for me.

AC: Thank you, Madam Secretary. Always a pleasure.

[VirginiaAaron]

I think a few of you have played one of my games before. So you all know that I move very quickly. After turn 3, the Iowa Caucuses will take place. So, without further adieu...

TURN 2: WAR! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?

With campaigning heating up, the talk of war and foreign policy is taking a front seat role in the campaign to succeed The Rock. Hunter Biden takes the lead, albeit narrowly. Ms. Gabbard, Senator Gravel, and Secretary Diaz-Twine are in a dead heat for 2nd place. Meanwhile, Larry the Cable Guy continues his campaign unopposed.

DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL PRESIDENTIAL PREFERENCE POLL (OCTOBER 2019)

Hunter Biden: 25%

Vrindavan Gabbard: 24%

Sandra Diaz-Twine: 23%

Mike Gravel: 23%

Undecided: 5%

REPUBLICAN NATIONAL PRESIDENTIAL PREFERENCE POLL (OCTOBER 2019)

Larry the Cable Guy: 65%

Undecided: 35%

Endorsement Tracker:

Democrats:

Hunter Biden-

Joe Biden, father of the candidate and former Vice President of the United States

Chelsea Clinton, former First Daughter of the United States

Tom Perez, Chairman of the Democratic National Committee

Al Franken, former U.S. Senator for Minnesota

Michael T. Franken, former Vice Admiral of the US Navy and candidate for Iowa's U.S. Senator

Sandra Diaz-Twine

Debbie Wanner, former Survivor contestant from Seasons 32 and 34

"Boston Rob" Mariano, 5-time Survivor contestant from seasons 4, 8, 20, 22, and 40

Joe Barton, former Representative from Texas's 6th District

Jeanne Shaheen, U.S. Senator from New Hampshire

Rosa DeLauro, Representative from Connecticut's 3rd District

Mike Gravel

Chuck Schumer, Senate Minority Leader and senior Senator from New York

Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House and Representative from California's 12th District

Vrindavan Gabbard

Tulsi Gabbard, Representative from Hawaii's 2nd District

Bashar al-Assad, 19th President of Syria

Vladimir Putin, 2nd and 4th President of Russia

Narenda Modi, 14th Prime Minister of India

Jimmy Dore, comedian and political commentator

Republicans:

Larry the Cable Guy-

Sarah Palin, former Governor of Alaska and 2008 GOP nominee for Vice President

Marilyn Manson, singer

CREDITS:

Hunter Biden: 1

Vrindavan Gabbard: 0.8

Sandra Diaz-Twine: 0

Mike Gravel: 4.6

Larry the Cable Guy: 13

So, now do another schedule or something. This is for October-December. It's due on April 12. Make it as specific as you want. Please PM for endorsements. Please ask for interviews, it'll make your polls go up (maybe). Have fun and again, don't take this seriously.

[VirginiaAaron]

Interview with Hunter Biden

WB: Hello, I'm Wolf Blitzer, we've got a special guest with tonight with us, presidential candidate Hunter Biden. Mr. Biden, thank you for coming on tonight.

Hunter Biden: Thanks for having me.

WB: Let's get right to it, at the moment you’re narrowly leading in the polls, why do you think that is?

HB: I'm gonna struggle on this one, to be honest, there's just so much to like about my campaign. From the Ukrainian sex appeal to the accomplishments of my father to my lofty goals for this country, it's clear Americans believe in the same goals I do. And also, have you seen the opposition? There's some skeleton from Alaska who falsely believes I'm a warmonger, a Russian plant from Hawaii...why did we even admit those states, again? As President, I will eject Alaska and Hawaii from the Union and replace them with Canada and the Crimea. слава на біден!

WB: Some of your critics say that your collaboration with Tom Perez is “corruption at its finest.” What do you say to them and how will you win them over in the general election?

HB: What do you mean, win over? Who needs to win over when you can just win!? And to the naysayers, I will make it very clear - I will win. Our campaign is already running very strong GOTV operations by making it EXTREMELY easy for our voters to vote - through our innovative and forward-thinking program casting ballots for voters without them having to lift a finger! (we will continue this program in the general election) I'm electable because, as the debate shows, my ideology of українеїста-Bidenism is superior to that of my opponents, both Democratic and GOP. And, thanks to my glorious campaign staff, I am confident that I will win all 48 TRUE states! Book it!

WB: What will your first 100 days look like?

HB: The first 100 days of the Biden administration will be full of action. As President, I will take strong action against the Russian menace, by sending a video to President Putin of me t-posing and holding up a крим - українська глина sign. I will also not hesitate to t-pose on virgins like Xi Jinping, Bashar Al-Assad, and Kim Jong Un. Additionally, I will push for an infrastructure bill to build a high-speed rail from Wilmington to the White House, and to develop the state of Wyoming by building tall cool-looking glass buildings next to Yellowstone. We need economic growth!

WB: If you could say one thing to the American people tonight, what would you say?

HB: I'd like to tell them that the choice is clear - either choose Bidenism or one of four forms of destruction for everything we hold dear - as well as Republicans. And if you aren't mentally stable enough to make that choice, I have a perfect offer for you - we'll make that choice for you! We will submit a ballot for you in your state and your neighboring state's primary election. Anyway, remember this from this interview: біден неминучий (Biden is inevitable).

WB: Thanks for coming on. Always a pleasure, Mr. Biden.

Image from Wikimedia Commons

[VirginiaAaron]

Des Moines Register Questionnaire

This year, the Des Moines Register is publicly asking all of the candidates, Democrat and Republican, to answer 3 questions that everybody will be asked and two personalized questions. Whoever has the best response will earn the endorsement of the DMR.

Image from Wikimedia Commons

QUESTIONS FOR EVERYONE

1. What is your #1 priority as President?
2. What have you learned from President Johnson's 4 years in office?
3. In 2018, Special Counsel Robert Mueller indicted several key members of Donald Trump's 2016 campaign including Mr. Trump himself and his eldest son. As president, would you pardon either of the Trump's? Also, should ties with a foreign nation be disqualifying in this election?

PERSONALIZED QUESTIONS

For Larry the Cable Guy: You are currently the only Republican candidate right now. Why do you think the other prospective candidates have held out on declaring their candidacy

For Larry the Cable Guy: You have gotten the endorsement of 2008 VP nominee Sarah Palin. She recently also appeared briefly on "The Masked Singer". Would you be willing to make a campaign stop in costume on that television show?

For Hunter Biden: You frequently emphasize your "lifeguard" persona, particularly the hairy arms and legs. Why won't you shave them?

To Hunter Biden: You have been endorsed by disgraced former Senator Al Franken of Minnesota. If elected, will Senator Franken have a role in your administration?

To Vrindavan Gabbard: Some have urged you to reject the endorsements of foreign leaders such as Vladimir Putin, Bashar al-Assad, and Narendra Modi. What do you say to your critics?

To Vrindavan Gabbard: In the last debate, you threatened to "barrel bomb" anyone who questions you. Is this practical?

To Sandra Diaz-Twine: Can you elaborate on why your experience as a four-time reality show contestant qualifies you for the presidency?

To Sandra Diaz-Twine: You've served in the Johnson administration since day 1. Why do you think he appointed you to his cabinet and if elected, will the President have a role in your administration?

To Mike Gravel: Right now you, along with Ms. Gabbard and Secretary Diaz-Twine, are in a dead heat for 2nd place. What will you do to overcome the gap?

To Mike Gravel: In the last debate, you referred to your fellow candidates as "DINOs". However, in March of 2008, you left the Democratic party and became a Libertarian and stayed there till 2010. How can you convince voters that you are not the same?