Category: Real NewsTHE TRUTH ABOUT WINFIELD
Written By: Isaac CummingsFor the last few days, the offices of the Questioner have resembled the Ekklesia of ancient Athens rather than the offices of a functioning newspaper.
Certainly I could not tell you why this rag tag bunch of failed politicians and concerned citizens decided to take up residence in our Foyer to talk about the latest scandal within this stinking cesspool of a city. Admittedly, the increasing irrationality of the argument and the growing number of glass bottles thrown in our bins ruining our recycling record suggests one reason. But from this perfect demonstration of Athenian excess, I did discover one important piece of news for the world.
Indeed, we may be seeing a blast from the past in the next Presidential election - that being if our rulers allow us to have a meaningful election again - as Mr Winfield may well be making another run for the Presidency, my sources report. Normally I would be delighted to hear about any challenge to our lovely, august, undemocratically imposed President Frank but when you look into the situation a lot more closely; my second to last preference would quite clearly be for the President.
There are two important factors to consider: first the past political actions of Whitney Winfield are quite frankly unpatriotic and against the views on any ordinary, right thinking Atlasian citizen. I could name a countless list of examples, but the prime one to consider is his opposition to Marriage Equality in our fine country. I know that many of you will have forgotten that fact - because quite frankly, when was the last time that Whitney was relevant, anyway? - but alas, it was true. Such a terrible attack on an incredibly large number of Atlasian citizens shows that he is not fit to serve in the highest office in the land.
But there are also his present… difficulties to consider. When I was busy running through our foyer getting to meetings and working on stories trying to avoid the modern day Athenian assembly taking place in our once very lovely reception; I couldn’t help noticing that Whitney was continually there, in the thick of it - usually sitting down, for some reason. I must admit to finding that incredibly intriguing - after all, this once perennial candidate and office holder seemed to have nothing better to do that rant and rave about how all of the corrupt Nyman elite were white supremacists (accusations which The Questioner totally condemn - the swamp creatures may be many bad things, but they are certainly not racists). I also found it especially odd that he was lurking outside our offices beside the bins when I left very late a few nights ago. The reason that my sources report sounds shocking but I can confirm its veracity: Mr Winfield doesn’t seem to have anywhere else to live. He used the continual, continual badgering of our employees as an excuse to sneak it and sleep on our reception sofas during the day, between his continual, spurious accusations.
Quite how this once proud public figure got into this sad, sad situation is not for me to say - indeed, in any other western democracy, the state would be there to help him in his hour of need. However; it would suggest to me that he is not suited for any powerful office in this land. I would not suggest that of all homeless people naturally - there are many people who are dealt a terrible hand in life and we ought to not judge them for their misfurtines. However, if someone who’s spent most of his adult life engaged in the Atlasian political process and gets in that situation, they clearly do not have enough personal responsibility to be in any influential Atlasian role.
