Confessions of Atlas

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

I hate being autistic and feel like a second-class person. I'm jealous of people that don't have to deal with so many challenges.

I know this feel all too well.

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

I hate being autistic and feel like a second-class person. I'm jealous of people that don't have to deal with so many challenges.

I know this feel all too well.

Autism being a spectrum and all, I've had to deal with severely autistic people who could barely function. Presumably, since you can post on this site coherently and rather intelligently, you're toward the middle of the spectrum, say, Asperger's? I could be way off base. But I know even the so-called Normies deal with the same awkwardness and insecurity, it's simply handled in another way. Correct me if I'm wrong.

I was diagnosed in December.  According to my shrink, they don't differentiate between "high-functioning" and "low-functioning" anymore and Asperger's is no longer a medical term.  I don't know if I agree with that, but I'm not a psychologist.

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

I hate being autistic and feel like a second-class person. I'm jealous of people that don't have to deal with so many challenges.

I know this feel all too well.

Autism being a spectrum and all, I've had to deal with severely autistic people who could barely function. Presumably, since you can post on this site coherently and rather intelligently, you're toward the middle of the spectrum, say, Asperger's? I could be way off base. But I know even the so-called Normies deal with the same awkwardness and insecurity, it's simply handled in another way. Correct me if I'm wrong.

My youngest brother’s autism is so severe that he could never post here, let alone live on his own in any capacity. The spectrum is way, way, way too long. Socially awkward but functioning kids should not be on the spectrum period. They shouldn’t be put in the same classroom like my brother (for their own sake), and we should if anything be integrating functioning people with mild Aspergers into the general population. It’d be good for their self-esteem but also would lead to more awareness.

When I was a kid circa 2003, I knew of nobody who had an autistic relative in their family. Societal awareness has improved dramatically and strangers are way more sympathetic to him then they were in 15 years. We used to get thrown out of restaurants because his behavior issues.

Last time we all went out to dinner, my brother was a little noisy. A woman stood up and yelled over to my mom to “don’t EVER apologize for him.” It’s a full 180 on societal perception of autism.

Sanchez, I do not in any way intend to minimize what your brother experiences each day, but high-functioning autism extends way beyond social awkwardness.  I think you can make an argument that Aspergers ought to be used to distinguish high-functioning autistic people from low-functioning autistic people; its erasure from scientific literature on the subject is fairly new, after all.  But the spectrum is not a one-dimensional scale.

Before I started school, I literally begged my parents to homeschool me instead, because the thought of being in a classroom with a bunch of kids I don't know scared the sh!t out of me.  While I have managed to cope somewhat with my interaction problems since that time, as a child I had little if any friends.  Throughout all my years in public school I tended to myself whenever possible, because I literally could not handle being in groups of people.  I had the same problem in college.

At one point I walked with a gait, but thankfully I was able to outgrow it (mostly due to social pressure/comments from my parents).  I seldom made eye contact and still struggle with that today.  The mere sight of excessive visual activity induces panic attacks.  Perhaps most importantly I am selectively mute.  (The internet is the only place where I can speak openly and confidently.)  But in person, even talking to people who I've known for years is a challenge.  Often times my inability to speak has induced literal mental breakdowns.

Living with this condition is not fun, and if there were a cure for this I would take it in a heartbeat.  But for now all I can do is cope and pretend as though I'm normal.  (And it rarely works; most people figure out that I'm mentally abnormal fairly quickly.)

Anyway it wasn't my intention to write my whole autobiography here, but that is my experience with autism.  I may be high-functioning, but were it not for therapy and medication and other medical interventions and school accomodations I wouldn't be here right now.

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

People call me the love child of David and Monica. I got my first job when I was fifteen doing maintenance on the streetlights. When I turned eighteen, I decided that I was going to be the face of the Internet. I started selling t-shirts and doing promotional stunts. I did a Doge meme on the internet. I dabbed with Stretch Armstrong and launched a cryptocurrency for victims of Eric Andre. Then I cranked up the zen and went on an intellectual property rights rampage. Doge meme provides some much needed relief from the choreography of your life. Just another sign of the Times New Roman.

When I was ten years old, I came home from a science fair and found my father unloading a cart of bananas on the bathroom floor. My father said: ‘You know how hard it is to find a job when you’re a scientist?’ We never talked about it again.

I made it my life’s work to be the most socially inept, ideologically driven monster there is. Extremely sexy. No pudge. Terrifying. Facts. There were a lot of good times. I sourced my energy from the place where kelp forests and calmer seas meet. All the weeds have been swept from my shoulder. I’ve got eight heads. I’ve got fangs. I can spit fire. I can slap really hard. But at the end of the day, my weapon of choice was the legalese deadfall.

I used to make all my own toilet paper. I wanted to impress my friends-- most of whom have comically low self-esteem. I didn’t have a toilet paper factory. I just scanned it on my computer, added water, and voila! There you have it! My paper made all my friends very sad. Sad because they were so impressed.

Oh, and Batman seems like a little bitch if you ask me. He’s nothing but Ben Affleck with long hair. I used to work as a burlesque dancer and I could lift about 300 lbs of watermelons. He could only lift 80 lbs of apples. One time I was hanging out with Vin Diesel, and he lifted 150 lbs of Sour Diesel. ‘I’m going to jail for this,’ he said.

I gotta be honest.  Out of all the confessions and stories I've read in this thread, yours has really impacted me the most.  I would love to see a feature film directed by Tyler Perry about your experiences if circumstances permit.

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

Where I lived at Pencey, I lived in the Ossenburger Memorial Wing of the new dorms. It was only for juniors and seniors. I was a junior. My roommate was a senior. It was named after this guy Ossenburger that went to Pencey. He made a pot of dough in the undertaking business after he got out of Pencey. What he did, he started these undertaking parlors all over the country that you could get members of your family buried for about five bucks apiece. You should see old Ossenburger. He probably just shoves them in a sack and dumps them in the river. Anyway, he gave Pencey a pile of dough, and they named our wing alter him. The first football game of the year, he came up to school in this big goddam Cadillac, and we all had to stand up in the grandstand and give him a locomotive--that's a cheer. Then, the next morning, in chapel, be made a speech that lasted about ten hours. He started off with about fifty corny jokes, just to show us what a regular guy he was. Very big deal. Then he started telling us how he was never ashamed, when he was in some kind of trouble or something, to get right down his knees and pray to God. He told us we should always pray to God--talk to Him and all--wherever we were. He told us we ought to think of Jesus as our buddy and all. He said he talked to Jesus all the time. Even when he was driving his car. That killed me. I just see the big phony bastard shifting into first gear and asking Jesus to send him a few more stiffs. The only good part of his speech was right in the middle of it. He was telling us all about what a swell guy he was, what a hot-shot and all, then all of a sudden this guy sitting in the row in front of me, Edgar Marsalla, laid this terrific fart. It was a very crude thing to do, in chapel and all, but it was also quite amusing. Old Marsalla. He damn near blew the roof off. Hardly anybody laughed out loud, and old Ossenburger made out like he didn't even hear it, but old Thurmer, the headmaster, was sitting right next to him on the rostrum and all, and you could tell he heard it. Boy, was he sore.

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

Koopa just showed this to me on Discord:



Turning 26 next month and still going strong, folks. The thought of physical intimacy terrifies me. Although since losing my mom I've become more interested in finding a companion.

Part of me also still wishes I had been born a woman or gay. In terms of my gender and sexuality I'm a complete mess.

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

I always thought Johnny Knoxville was kinda hot, so when I came across this photo I was a bit shocked.

Yes, I thought he was hot. Not to the point that I'd have sex with him, but back in the day I like, dayum.

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

I also think Jon Hamm is hot, but even for non-queer people I think it's hard to deny he's a good looking guy.