Update XV: Stuck Inside of Tulsa with the Oklahoma City Blues Again

[King]

Bushie, are you sure Tiffany didn't give you HIV?

[King]

You've had every intention to do a lot of things. That's a terrible non-job anyway. Cash your training check and leave.

Glad you're still on the vitamins, which will help you with your illnesseseseses.

[King]

This is just like the movie Groundhog Day.......I can't f[inks]ing believe it.  Even if you shat your pants in the middle of a call and barfed on their carpeting you should have gone.

He would have been sent home.  Clearly this buttgravy bug is contagious.

Only to people with HIV like Bushie.

[King]

Sounds like $9. $8/hr is for less than 30 hours a week and one day will only be 32.

[King]

Congrats on making it with enough time to start up your computer, take a bathroom break, and go home.

[King]

Maybe Bushie found the one call center operated and filed with people like him scamming AT&T. His boss will have him fill out fake timesheets.

[King]

Is this an Update-Workaholics crossover? Is Update moving to Comedy Central?

[King]

Holy crap guys, Bushie might have found a job run by people as averse to working as he is! Bushie, hold on to this baby tight and DO NOT LET GO.

The writers certainly are going to have to outdo themselves to get him fired this time.

[King]

Has training made any mention of quotas for the month?

[King]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-failing-to-heed-harsh-lessons-of-past-orders-s,36440/

How do we know for sure an Onion writer doesn't read Update?

[King]

I setup DD for employees at a small business I worked for a few years ago. It was like $.50 per paycheck.

That said, I wouldn't take DD at any of these jobs Bushie goes for. These are not employers I would trust with my banking information.

[King]

Wait... did they not deduct payroll tax?

[King]

I'm sure the others all paid you what they really promised in the fine print.

[King]

I'd have my feelings pretty damn hurt if I was unemployed and broke like Bushie will be by Labor Day, and my parents said I couldn't come home because having a train room is more important. That's not just ice cold. That's zero degrees Kelvin scale.

Can you really blame them after all these years?

[King]

My grandfather was a letter carrier for 30 years. You're not cut out for it.

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds is pretty much the opposite of your life philosophy.

[King]

Has Bushie been applying through paper this entire time? For everything?

Jesus.

[King]

At Bushie's fitness level, walking the mail can even be having to walk to a doorside mailbox from the driveway too many times in a day. Or having to stand and fill every PO Box at the post office or apartment complexes.

He is more cut out for outbound sales calls than working for a shipping company.

[King]

Surely you could handle an entry-level accounting job where you review orders for accuracy and process things, right?

The guy who spent $58 on a fake job application processing and reviewing orders?

Sounds great.

[King]

What is the update on the CAD certificate?  It's long past the time you said you would know.

He seems to be applying for everything but CAD jobs. Connect the dots.

To be fair, Bushie isn't applying for data entry, file clerk, live chat tech support, or any other sedentary introvert job he can do either. The suave charismatic athletic man he sees in the mirror won't allow him to take those jobs.

[King]

Russ Powers tellin' it like it is.

[King]

Mid-August? Labor Day?

What?

[King]

Well man... all I can say to that is keep saying yes sir, no sir and take home those checks for doing nothing as long as possible.

[King]

Based on what he's describing, it sounds like this call mill isn't firing/losing as many people right now as they usually would in a quarter. They brought in a bunch of folk like Bushie with the expectation that x number of employees would be gone by the time they were trained, and have now discovered that fewer people than normal have quit. This leads to them having an excess number of trained drones on hand that aren't currently needed.

Thanks, Obama.