Name Tradition in Marriage

[John Dibble]

Neither. It's just a name, get over it.

[John Dibble]

A name is who you are. It defines you, that's why I think it is important for women to keep their names- at least part.

I have to say that I disagree wholeheartedly with this sentiment - I believe that it is your character and your actions that define you, not your name. If your name was Joe instead of Earl, you wouldn't really be regarded any differently than you are now.

[John Dibble]

I'm not saying people should be forced to have hyphenated names, or to keep their maiden names. The only law I would like changed is that, you should have to legally change your name when you get married, if you choose to, instead of de facto being the husband's name.

No such law exists as far as I know, at least not in the US.

[John Dibble]

Marriage is about equality, simply put. You can tell how equal a marriage is a lot by the last names of the married.

No, you really can't.

[John Dibble]

My wife will take my last name.  It will not be hyphenated either.

ahh, but you're gay, so you'll never have a wife

Actually he's bi.

[John Dibble]

I will assume my wife will take my last name.  There is simply no liberty here. ... It is my household, not hers.

Advice for you - don't marry a woman with a mind of her own. It won't work well for you as you'll fight a lot.

BTW, I would only marry a woman I would have respect for - given that, the household would be ours not mine.

[John Dibble]

The household is named after the last name.  It will be my last name, not some hyphenated halfbreed mongrol piece of crap.  I firmly believe the man is the head of the house.  That said, each family member must respect each other.  But the man is the head and it is his name, his household.

Well, sorry, but I don't buy into that - just not how I was raised, and from my experience a household run by equals is happier. If I get married, it will be to a woman that I regard as nothing less than my equal and my partner. If we're equals and partners, we share everything equally, including the authority over the household.

As far as the name goes, I couldn't really care less - I'm keeping my name, what she does with hers is her choice. I don't put much value into such trivial things. Names are one of the least important things in a successful marriage.

[John Dibble]

Perpetual disagreements lead to a dysfunctional family and eventually divorce.

Couldn't the man always getting his way lead to the woman being resentful, leading to dysfunction and eventually divorce?

[John Dibble]

Consider this scenario: The wife wants to stay, the husband wants to move to Texas (from Canada).  There is no compromise; you either stay or you go.  One HAS to yield; if one doesn't, there will be a divorce.  There is simply no other way out.  The head of the household is responsible for his house and with that power comes great responsibilities.

So then, why is it that the woman has to be the one to yield? In this case, it seems the man has the less reasonable request - he's asking the woman to leave behind her friends, any nearby family, her current home, her job if she has one, ect. Now, certainly both sides can't always get their way, but it seems unreasonable that one side always gets the final say in the big decisions.

And you don't thing that these kinds of things can cause resentfulness that results in divorce. Let's take this situation you described - the wife yields, but she's still unhappy about it and doesn't really want to go to Texas. She's not happy because she's had to leave those precious things behind, so she rarely ever gets in the mood anymore. Since she's not putting out, the man is no longer sexually satisfied. He cheats on his wife. His wife finds out. They divorce even though the woman yielded to the man.