Is Cohabitation Immoral?

[DC Al Fine]

I honestly can't think of a single poster here who I'd expect to vote "yes" and yet there will inevitably be some "yes" votes. Perplexing.

You need to start hanging out with the socons more

Yes - (GOP)

[DC Al Fine]

I honestly can't think of a single poster here who I'd expect to vote "yes" and yet there will inevitably be some "yes" votes. Perplexing.

You need to start hanging out with the socons more

Yes - (GOP)

So it's immoral for a boyfriend/girlfriend pair to live together because they don't make enough money to maintain separate residences for themselves?

I don't view this as a sort of "minimum to get an excuse" issue. I can see some circumstances where it would be the best answer to a very bad situation, but I think such cases are relatively rare. In most cases, moving back in with Mom and Dad or finding a roommate on Craigslist are the better options.

[DC Al Fine]

serious question for those answering "yes, immoral" from a Judeo-Christian standpoint.  how should we take into account the fact that in Biblical times lifespans were much shorter and people married in their early to mid teens, vs the reality now?  certainly it is much more reasonable to ask celibacy before marriage if that marriage happens as the sex drive materializes vs 10-15 years thereafter.

The lifespan thing doesn't seem to be much of an issue. How many people get divorced in their 70's?

As for the difference in marital ages, the conservative reformed types in my community take a number of steps to reduce pre-marital sex.

First, we encourage younger marriages. Girls are usually married off in their late teens and early twenties to guys who have stable jobs. Boys are steered into training that leads to careers. Two year programs are very popular. Second, children don't go away for post-secondary training, and are given a much shorter leash than their secular teenage counterparts with the opposite sex so there's less opportunity for pre-marital relations.

This drastically cuts down on the average age of marriage, reducing the number of decade long waits. I'm getting married next summer; I'll be 21 and my wife will be 19. This is pretty common for my community.

I agree with your general concern. The lifestyles of most people are adapted for a world where pre-marital sex is ok. That some Evangelicals and Catholics encourage abstinence without changing other aspects of their lives to accommodate is is asinine.

[DC Al Fine]

No, but I can tell you from personal experience that it leads to many dramatic problems couples can avoid if they wait until they're married to live together. It also devalues the marriage which becomes simply something that happens throughout your history of living together rather than the start of your life together. Many relationships where couples live together before marriage end prematurely. This happens in marriage too, but at least married couples get that far.

Please elaborate on your points, because right now, it doesn't make that much sense.

How can cohabiting devalue your marriage? If you realize too late that your marriage doesn't work and it ends in divorce, wouldn't that devalue it far more than cohabitation beforehand?

Yes, many relationships that involve cohabitation before marriage end prematurely, but many also last a long time and result in marriage. Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater! Also, if you have any statistics that support your claim, please show them.

I'm glad you acknowledge that marriages can end prematurely (ie. in divorce), but I still don't understand why that's better than cohabiting beforehand. Why would divorce be better than cohabiting?

Ask and ye shall receive



The usual caveats about correlation apply.

[DC Al Fine]

Relevant and from the same study



Sexual compatibility problems my ass.

[DC Al Fine]

I don't think divorce/ lack of divorce is the best metric for whether a marriage is successful.

Fair enough

First, people who abstain until marriage are generally less attractive.

Cite?

They have to stay married because they don't have other options. 

Cite?

Second, people who abstain until marriage are more willing to stay in a horrible marriage. 

Probably true, they do have a negative attitude towards divorce.

Staying in a horrible marriage is worse than divorce. 

Really depends on how you define "horrible". Horrible can mean a lot of things from "We don't get along very well" to "I get beaten daily". In the latter case, yeah divorce is better, but I'd suggest that in the former case the effects of divorce would be worse than sticking the marriage out, since divorce has major adverse affects on finances/children and marriages can and do get mended.

[DC Al Fine]

On the other hand ignorance is bliss.  So I suppose if you are both virgins you won't know any better.  I have always suspected that is why premarital sex and adultery and almost universally frowned upon by major religions.  It does make society a bit more stable.

I tend to agree. Bed hopping does not a healthy society make.

[DC Al Fine]

The idea that, five years into the 21st century, there was still one third of the voters who answered yes, scares the sh*t out of me.

Lol!  Wut?

So if you brought a girl home who had live out of wedlock with some other dude for three years and your mother said she frowned upon that type of behavior it would "scare the sh*t" out of you?

My advice?  Grow a pair.  Newsflash, in life sometimes you encounter people who disagree with you.

What reasonable person would disapprove of people in a relationship that lasted three years deciding to live together? She wouldn't have lived with "some other dude" for that long unless it was a serious relationship or a very close gay roommate.

That's got nothing to do with Link's post (who supports cohabitation IIRC). Antonio et al said that it's "scares the sh*t out of me" that so many people think it's immoral. Now I enjoy making people crap themselves with my mind as much as the next guy, but this is a bit much.

People have views that other people think is absurd. There's no reason to reach for the fainting couch when someone merely disapproves of a behavior.