Is Cohabitation Immoral?

[opebo]

Really shocking to see that in the previous poll a majority of forum Republicans voted it immoral!

[opebo]

establishing sexual compatibility

"Sexual compatibility" as a static construct that people either have or don't have is a myth. Any couple in a healthy relationship where both parties communicate and compromise as needed are able to create sexual compatibility.

'Compromise as needed' = ridiculously low standards.  One should try to find what actually satisfies, not settle for third rate.

[opebo]

Republicans keep saying that there is this silent epidemic of Nymphomania...

Man, I wish!

[opebo]

my community

What is it?  Hasidic?  Opus Dei?

[opebo]

But the bottom line is morals can and should be rationalized.  It makes very little sense to follow them if there's no reason to.

Well you overlooked the flip side which is there is no reason not to follow them.

Besides I've spent a considerable number of years on the dating scene and with the exception of a few characters in Europe most ladies find it a positive that I have never cohabitated with anyone.  Underneath their cavalier exterior deep down they value it.  Particularly as they get older.  Once they aren't 18 or 22 anymore and real life hits they really start to value a stable guy with a code of conduct.  By your late twenties so many people have blown up their academics, career and personal life it's pretty easy to get a date just being even keeled and conservative.  Life is just simpler if you do the basics.  No one's life got screwed up because they didn't cohabitate with a woman.

Are you an extreme Catholic or what?

[opebo]

Are you an extreme Catholic or what?

Lol.  I didn't say I never got laid.  I'm just not about making babies or getting stuck in any quagmires.  I go to school and work during the week.  Some weekends I go out and drink and get laid.  But I don't get caught up in all that stuff and have a girl start living with me 24/7.  Is that the makings of an extremist?  I know most people don't live their life the way I do so I guess in a sense I am an extremist.  I'm keeping it extremely simple.  I couldn't do all the interesting things I've done in my life if there was a woman in tow.  When the time comes to settle down I will do it right.  She won't be the first person I slept with but there will be other firsts.

Haha, fair enough.  You sound sort of normal.  I've never really lived with anyone voluntarily.  I mean, I have briefly lived with girlfriends due to one, or the other, or both of us being really really impecunious.   Rather than get jobs we'd live together for a very short time.. but never more than a few months at most.  Can't bear living with people and hate to sleep in the same bad with another person.

[opebo]

No, but I can tell you from personal experience that it leads to many dramatic problems couples can avoid if they wait until they're married to live together. It also devalues the marriage which becomes simply something that happens throughout your history of living together rather than the start of your life together. Many relationships where couples live together before marriage end prematurely. This happens in marriage too, but at least married couples get that far.

Please elaborate on your points, because right now, it doesn't make that much sense.

How can cohabiting devalue your marriage? If you realize too late that your marriage doesn't work and it ends in divorce, wouldn't that devalue it far more than cohabitation beforehand?

Yes, many relationships that involve cohabitation before marriage end prematurely, but many also last a long time and result in marriage. Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater! Also, if you have any statistics that support your claim, please show them.

I'm glad you acknowledge that marriages can end prematurely (ie. in divorce), but I still don't understand why that's better than cohabiting beforehand. Why would divorce be better than cohabiting?

Ask and ye shall receive



The usual caveats about correlation apply.

It looks like the cohabitors don't make it as long. I knew it.

Yeah but that's just because the non-cohabitors are generally so nerdy, fat, and unattractive that nobody decent would have them - thus nothing to lure them out of a marriage once they settle for another boring fatty.