Name Tradition in Marriage

[dazzleman]

I love feminists.  I think they are cute.

I'm not extreme; I only go with tradition.  Tradition is important to me, and I will find a girl that shares that belief.

I think your statement that "it is my household, not hers" is pretty extreme.  I think husband and wife should be equal, though they may decide among themselves to give one partner or the other more authority within certain realms.

Will a "traditional" girl marry a guy who also likes to get it on with other men?   Sorry, I just couldn't resist asking.

[Richard]

The household is named after the last name.  It will be my last name, not some hyphenated halfbreed mongrol piece of crap.  I firmly believe the man is the head of the house.  That said, each family member must respect each other.  But the man is the head and it is his name, his household.

[Richard]

Will a "traditional" girl marry a guy who also likes to get it on with other men?   Sorry, I just couldn't resist asking.

They still marry men who likes to get it on with other girls...

[dazzleman]

Will a "traditional" girl marry a guy who also likes to get it on with other men?   Sorry, I just couldn't resist asking.

They still marry men who likes to get it on with other girls...

Maybe, but that's not viewed quite the same way as getting it on with other men, at least when you're dealing with a traditional woman.

[dazzleman]

The household is named after the last name.  It will be my last name, not some hyphenated halfbreed mongrol piece of crap.  I firmly believe the man is the head of the house.  That said, each family member must respect each other.  But the man is the head and it is his name, his household.

You're implying that the use of the male name gives the man total control.  Honestly, this is the feminist argument against women adopting the man's name.  I have never found it to be true, in any case.

[Richard]

The man does have total control.  Ultimately, important decisions lie with him.  The family unit isn't a democracy!  HOWEVER, men are known to abuse this, which is not cool.  Men must show their wives more respect than they show themselves or the Pope or the Queen.  It is only good measure to ask, talk, communicate and all of that with your wife.  At the same time, women must yield to the husband when it comes down to a final decision.  Perpetual disagreements lead to a dysfunctional family and eventually divorce.

[John Dibble]

The household is named after the last name.  It will be my last name, not some hyphenated halfbreed mongrol piece of crap.  I firmly believe the man is the head of the house.  That said, each family member must respect each other.  But the man is the head and it is his name, his household.

Well, sorry, but I don't buy into that - just not how I was raised, and from my experience a household run by equals is happier. If I get married, it will be to a woman that I regard as nothing less than my equal and my partner. If we're equals and partners, we share everything equally, including the authority over the household.

As far as the name goes, I couldn't really care less - I'm keeping my name, what she does with hers is her choice. I don't put much value into such trivial things. Names are one of the least important things in a successful marriage.

[John Dibble]

Perpetual disagreements lead to a dysfunctional family and eventually divorce.

Couldn't the man always getting his way lead to the woman being resentful, leading to dysfunction and eventually divorce?

[Richard]

Perpetual disagreements lead to a dysfunctional family and eventually divorce.

Couldn't the man always getting his way lead to the woman being resentful, leading to dysfunction and eventually divorce?

No.  That is the difference between yielding to the man and just giving him his way for sake of argument.

[Everett]

So, uh, how would you propose handling disagreements, then?

[Richard]

So, uh, how would you propose handling disagreements, then?

Such as?  What color to paint the living room?  I'd let her pick.  I really don't care.  Perhaps adding a patio?  I'd let her decide after ensuring we discussed the finances and other factors.  It probably isn't a big deal to me.  Perhaps about moving overseas?  Such a decision I believe requires both to agree.  That is my personal belief.  But should the husband decide so anyways after careful consideration and discussion with his wife, it is his final say, and it is the wife's responsibility to support the husband.

Families don't stay together unless there is mutual respect for each other.  BUT, should a disagreement arise, there is a time for the head of the house to make a decision.

Consider this scenario: The wife wants to stay, the husband wants to move to Texas (from Canada).  There is no compromise; you either stay or you go.  One HAS to yield; if one doesn't, there will be a divorce.  There is simply no other way out.  The head of the household is responsible for his house and with that power comes great responsibilities.

[Gabu]

So, uh, how would you propose handling disagreements, then?

Such as?  What color to paint the living room?  I'd let her pick.  I really don't care.  Perhaps adding a patio?  I'd let her decide after ensuring we discussed the finances and other factors.  It probably isn't a big deal to me.  Perhaps about moving overseas?  Such a decision I believe requires both to agree.  That is my personal belief.  But should the husband decide so anyways after careful consideration and discussion with his wife, it is his final say, and it is the wife's responsibility to support the husband.

Families don't stay together unless there is mutual respect for each other.  BUT, should a disagreement arise, there is a time for the head of the house to make a decision.

Consider this scenario: The wife wants to stay, the husband wants to move to Texas (from Canada).  There is no compromise; you either stay or you go.  One HAS to yield; if one doesn't, there will be a divorce.  There is simply no other way out.  The head of the household is responsible for his house and with that power comes great responsibilities.

As I see it, all that you're saying is that, eventually, both people in a marriage have to come to an agreement on every issue that affects both of them or else divorce is inevitable, right?

When you put it that way, I can't really argue against that notion, although I'm curious why you say that the man is the head of the household, given that you seem to describe as a much more egalitarian setup than one might perceive from the short description, in which both spouses are expected to consider the other's opinion.

[dazzleman]

The man does have total control.  Ultimately, important decisions lie with him. 

Obviously, you've never been married.

[John Dibble]

Consider this scenario: The wife wants to stay, the husband wants to move to Texas (from Canada).  There is no compromise; you either stay or you go.  One HAS to yield; if one doesn't, there will be a divorce.  There is simply no other way out.  The head of the household is responsible for his house and with that power comes great responsibilities.

So then, why is it that the woman has to be the one to yield? In this case, it seems the man has the less reasonable request - he's asking the woman to leave behind her friends, any nearby family, her current home, her job if she has one, ect. Now, certainly both sides can't always get their way, but it seems unreasonable that one side always gets the final say in the big decisions.

And you don't thing that these kinds of things can cause resentfulness that results in divorce. Let's take this situation you described - the wife yields, but she's still unhappy about it and doesn't really want to go to Texas. She's not happy because she's had to leave those precious things behind, so she rarely ever gets in the mood anymore. Since she's not putting out, the man is no longer sexually satisfied. He cheats on his wife. His wife finds out. They divorce even though the woman yielded to the man.