Update for Everyone VIII: He who laughs have the last laugh

[ChelseaT]

I swear some professors have no business holding that title. This is going to be a rant, so be forewarned. For my accelerated math course we're required to submit weekly homework assignments. I asked the professor if I could type instead, as I have fine & gross motor issues. Even offered to provide proof, but no she wasn't willing. So I reached out to the disability center instead, and they sent her an email.  I thought that was the end of it, but of course not! She flew into a rage and sent me an extremely nasty email about my "unprofessionalism and going behind her back". Since then she's also started ignoring my questions during our zoom sessions, and become nitpicky in grading my work. I'm so over it, finally sent an email to the department chair. If that doesn't resolve anything, I'm honestly considering @ ing her on Twitter to talk about her foul treatment of disabled students. Because it would be really funny to watch a social justice mob try to get her fired. Am I a petty ahole? Yes, yes I am.

You are not petty, it’s their bloody job to be considerate for something so small and understanding to almost anyone else. She isn’t with it, she can leave then.

Thank you! So many people I've spoken to about this just go "hur dur should've followed instructions. Be respectful!" I'm not asking to be let out of the work. Just to be able to do it in a way that isn't physically painful.

[Co-Chair Bagel23]

I swear some professors have no business holding that title. This is going to be a rant, so be forewarned. For my accelerated math course we're required to submit weekly homework assignments. I asked the professor if I could type instead, as I have fine & gross motor issues. Even offered to provide proof, but no she wasn't willing. So I reached out to the disability center instead, and they sent her an email.  I thought that was the end of it, but of course not! She flew into a rage and sent me an extremely nasty email about my "unprofessionalism and going behind her back". Since then she's also started ignoring my questions during our zoom sessions, and become nitpicky in grading my work. I'm so over it, finally sent an email to the department chair. If that doesn't resolve anything, I'm honestly considering @ ing her on Twitter to talk about her foul treatment of disabled students. Because it would be really funny to watch a social justice mob try to get her fired. Am I a petty ahole? Yes, yes I am.

You are not petty, it’s their bloody job to be considerate for something so small and understanding to almost anyone else. She isn’t with it, she can leave then.

Thank you! So many people I've spoken to about this just go "hur dur should've followed instructions. Be respectful!" I'm not asking to be let out of the work. Just to be able to do it in a way that isn't physically painful.

iap student here too. Can confirm your teacher is a piece of śhit

[America Needs R'hllor]

I haven't showered in like 3 days so I'm starting to feel Italian, but I hate standing in the shower, so maybe ill bring a chair

What exactly is this supposed to mean?

Whenever I haven't showered in a bit, I start feeling Italian, like the meatballs and pizza and olive oil, and when I shower then I feel Japanese, like I want sushi and miso and like cleaner healthier foods and stuff.

This is hilarious but also you should take a shower

[Never Made it to Graceland]

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

[Donerail]

Driving through San Anselmo, got cut off by a Tesla with the California license plate "DULEST." Not saying it was a certain poster, but...

[Co-Chair Bagel23]

Can confirm the watch has been collecting dust for two years



I turn 20 today, can continue confirming

[Never Made it to Graceland]

In the words of Dwight Schrute, it is my birthday.

[𝕭𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖆 𝕸𝖎𝖓𝖔𝖑𝖆]

In the words of Dwight Schrute, it is my birthday.

In the words of the Beatles, happy birthday.

[muon2]

I have encountered a new downside to the pandemic - a clogged shower drain. My last visit to the barber was Jan 2020, and his shop was a particularly high risk area so I stopped getting my hair cut. It's grown enough that I can tie about 3-4 in (8-10 cm) in the back. But my hair is fine and apparently likes to shed when I shower. The fine texture means it doesn't all get trapped at the drain cover.

So Wed night we get back from an 11-day road trip to celebrate my wife's 60th B-Day. Fri morning the shower drain backs up after I was done. The sink drain stopped a few hours later. I spent an hour yesterday snaking the shower drain which I haven't had to do since my daughter moved out. No luck and I had a number of errands to run, so I took a sponge bath in our half-bath sink.

I took a fresh start this morning by taking apart the sink drain and attacking from that side. After an hour's work with my hand snake I seem to have freed the clog. Now for the real test - I'll take a shower and pay attention to hair headed for the drain.

[100% pro-life no matter what]

The Harpeth River in downtown Franklin might be three times as wide as it normally is right now and is running just a couple feet below the bridge that heads into the downtown area.

[Anti Democrat Democrat Club]

I regret to inform you that The Algorithms have found us. Facebook is now suggesting that I should add Chris Sununu, Phil Scott, and Corey Lewandowski.

Not like their fanpages. Their personal accounts.

[Continential]

I got my retainers a few hours ago.

[Clarko95 📚💰📈]

I got a really nice job offer in Berlin. I've got another job interview (second round) also in Berlin tomorrow with a different company, and sometime this week I'm having another second round interview with the VP of Finance of a tech firm here in Stocky. Still waiting to hear back from a Swedish furniture and design studio as well sometime this week.

This is gonna be a big week for me. Although Germany was originally Goal #1 for many, many years, I'm not sure if I want to take it and move somewhere else where I don't know anyone and start from scratch all over again. I feel that I've really settled down here in Stockholm, gotten a solid grip on the language, understand the work culture and laws, and generally just enjoy the city and country.

Also, I really want a little red summerhouse.

I got a job offer at a fintech startup in Berlin. Good salary, good benefits, good recommendations both inside and outside the company, relocation assistance, and lots of opportunity to move up.

I think I'll take it.

I'm getting tired of getting through 3 or 4 rounds of interviews in Sweden and then being rejected. I've done 27 interviews since mid-January. Furthermore, living costs are far lower in Berlin and I have some money to pay back regarding school. Even if salaries are comparable in Stockholm and Berlin, being able to save at least 500 Euros a month is very important. Finally, my German is still far better than my Swedish, and working at a fintech as a financial accountant would probably command more respect than some of the other job offers in Sweden. Also techno is good, and beer is far cheaper in Germany.

I have five days to make up my mind on this.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

I got a job offer at a fintech startup in Berlin. Good salary, good benefits, good recommendations both inside and outside the company, relocation assistance, and lots of opportunity to move up.

I think I'll take it.

I'm getting tired of getting through 3 or 4 rounds of interviews in Sweden and then being rejected. I've done 27 interviews since mid-January. Furthermore, living costs are far lower in Berlin and I have some money to pay back regarding school. Even if salaries are comparable in Stockholm and Berlin, being able to save at least 500 Euros a month is very important. Finally, my German is still far better than my Swedish, and working at a fintech as a financial accountant would probably command more respect than some of the other job offers in Sweden. Also techno is good, and beer is far cheaper in Germany.

I have five days to make up my mind on this.

Hell yeah, brother.

[Clarko95 📚💰📈]

I got a job offer at a fintech startup in Berlin. Good salary, good benefits, good recommendations both inside and outside the company, relocation assistance, and lots of opportunity to move up.

I think I'll take it.

I'm getting tired of getting through 3 or 4 rounds of interviews in Sweden and then being rejected. I've done 27 interviews since mid-January. Furthermore, living costs are far lower in Berlin and I have some money to pay back regarding school. Even if salaries are comparable in Stockholm and Berlin, being able to save at least 500 Euros a month is very important. Finally, my German is still far better than my Swedish, and working at a fintech as a financial accountant would probably command more respect than some of the other job offers in Sweden. Also techno is good, and beer is far cheaper in Germany.

I have five days to make up my mind on this.

Hell yeah, brother.

You gotta come visit me!

[GM Team Member and Senator WB]

Got turned down for a paid summer research opportunity, so I’m feeling kinda down

[Santander]

I got a really nice job offer in Berlin. I've got another job interview (second round) also in Berlin tomorrow with a different company, and sometime this week I'm having another second round interview with the VP of Finance of a tech firm here in Stocky. Still waiting to hear back from a Swedish furniture and design studio as well sometime this week.

This is gonna be a big week for me. Although Germany was originally Goal #1 for many, many years, I'm not sure if I want to take it and move somewhere else where I don't know anyone and start from scratch all over again. I feel that I've really settled down here in Stockholm, gotten a solid grip on the language, understand the work culture and laws, and generally just enjoy the city and country.

Also, I really want a little red summerhouse.

I got a job offer at a fintech startup in Berlin. Good salary, good benefits, good recommendations both inside and outside the company, relocation assistance, and lots of opportunity to move up.

I think I'll take it.

I'm getting tired of getting through 3 or 4 rounds of interviews in Sweden and then being rejected. I've done 27 interviews since mid-January. Furthermore, living costs are far lower in Berlin and I have some money to pay back regarding school. Even if salaries are comparable in Stockholm and Berlin, being able to save at least 500 Euros a month is very important. Finally, my German is still far better than my Swedish, and working at a fintech as a financial accountant would probably command more respect than some of the other job offers in Sweden. Also techno is good, and beer is far cheaper in Germany.

I have five days to make up my mind on this.

Well, my Swedish is better than my non-existent German, but Berlin is among my favorite cities in the world (and within driving distance of Czechia!), so I definitely approve this choice.

[parochial boy]

I got a really nice job offer in Berlin. I've got another job interview (second round) also in Berlin tomorrow with a different company, and sometime this week I'm having another second round interview with the VP of Finance of a tech firm here in Stocky. Still waiting to hear back from a Swedish furniture and design studio as well sometime this week.

This is gonna be a big week for me. Although Germany was originally Goal #1 for many, many years, I'm not sure if I want to take it and move somewhere else where I don't know anyone and start from scratch all over again. I feel that I've really settled down here in Stockholm, gotten a solid grip on the language, understand the work culture and laws, and generally just enjoy the city and country.

Also, I really want a little red summerhouse.

I got a job offer at a fintech startup in Berlin. Good salary, good benefits, good recommendations both inside and outside the company, relocation assistance, and lots of opportunity to move up.

I think I'll take it.

I'm getting tired of getting through 3 or 4 rounds of interviews in Sweden and then being rejected. I've done 27 interviews since mid-January. Furthermore, living costs are far lower in Berlin and I have some money to pay back regarding school. Even if salaries are comparable in Stockholm and Berlin, being able to save at least 500 Euros a month is very important. Finally, my German is still far better than my Swedish, and working at a fintech as a financial accountant would probably command more respect than some of the other job offers in Sweden. Also techno is good, and beer is far cheaper in Germany.

I have five days to make up my mind on this.

Wilkommen im Deutschsprachiger raum! (I've probably made a massive mistakte with the dative there, who cares)

One thing I've learnt is the they are immer sehr begiestert when us deutsch als Fremdprache speakers make an effort with the language. So you can't lose. Berlin sounds amazing too.

[bagelman]

Got a vaccine appointment!

[GM Team Member and Senator WB]

Got a vaccine appointment!

Same here! On-campus clinic is opening up tomorrow and I signed up for it as soon as I could

[courts]

I regret to inform you that The Algorithms have found us. Facebook is now suggesting that I should add Chris Sununu, Phil Scott, and Corey Lewandowski.

Not like their fanpages. Their personal accounts.

cursed times

[KoopaDaQuick 🇵🇸]

I just got my first Pfizer dose today!!! I'm not a gay lizard yet, but this is still awesome.

[Never Made it to Graceland]

After much thought and introspection, I have come to the conclusion that libertarianism is the best and most coherent political philosophy out there.

[GM Team Member and Senator WB]

Got a vaccine appointment!

Same here! On-campus clinic is opening up tomorrow and I signed up for it as soon as I could

Vaccine#1 get!

[𝕭𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖆 𝕸𝖎𝖓𝖔𝖑𝖆]

Today is the first time in five years that April 1st is just any other day in my life as single instead of my anniversary with my girlfriend.

Maybe True Federalist was right... [post is from the Update VII thread, which is locked]

Today marks exactly four years and a half my girlfriend and I are a couple. Purple heart

You definitely are not from a place that celebrates April Fools Day if you began a relationship on April 1.

We do April Fools Day. It was just a coincidence we became a couple on April 1. A coincidence which many, many people have joked upon as you may imagine.

Or maybe your girlfriend enjoys brick jokes.