You Have Two Cows

[2952-0-0]

Modern China:

You have two cows, which are able to produce massive amounts of milk at a low price. You also have thousands of people who depend on the cows for their job, and you realize that if those people aren't employed you will be overthrown. So you sell the milk to the massive milk market across the ocean in exchange for IOUs printed on green paper with long-dead people on it. You know that you're getting ripped off by giving away all your milk, and whenever you try to return those IOUs in exchange for parts of the market they refuse. Suddenly everyone shies away from the market and finally you realize the big trap you set up for yourself.

[Earth]

You don't have any cows, worker - you are the cow.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

My two favorites.

[The Mikado]

Nate Silverism: You have two cows and a large field.  You do a complex analysis based on the type of grass, the cows' lineage, and previous cattle on the field to determine which of the cows eats more grass.  You are right within three tenths of a hectare.  You're a master rancher, but you're still a nerd.

[Lunar]

Sam Spadeism:  You have two cows.  Or do you?  We'll see.

Starkism: You have two cows.  Better build a high fence so that the Jewish Illuminati don't let the illegals steal them.

Lunarism: You have two cows and you start a thread about it.

[The Mikado]

Ultra Orthodox Judaism: You have two cows.  You spray-paint one red and claim you've bred a flawless red heifer.  World War Three results.

[Matt Damon™]

BRTDism: You have Two cow,s you attempt to train them to do lap dances for you but fail then you shoot them and make beef patties which you then bread and fry up.

[Alcon]

warning: 99% certain these are only half-amusing because i'm sleep deprived.

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[Matt Damon™]

alcon I liked the first pic you had for Lunarism.

[Хahar 🤔]

Ah. Those were good.

[Sensei]

Opeboism: You have two cows. You have to sell them because ladyboys took your Baht.

[Lunar]

[k-onmmunist]

Futurism: You kill the cows; they represent the past.

[Hash]

Mike Harrism: You have two cows. One costs too much and isn't needed. You kill it.

[Fritz]

Atlasianism: You have two cows.  You run for the Senate on a platform advocating cow ownership.  You register your two cows in your region so they will vote for you.  You make a secret backroom deal with an opposing party, promising the second preference votes of your cows.  The deal is exposed, and your credibility is forever lost.  Your two cows vote for you, and are never seen in Atlasia again.

[Mechaman]

Atlasianism: You have two cows.  You run for the Senate on a platform advocating cow ownership.  You register your two cows in your region so they will vote for you.  You make a secret backroom deal with an opposing party, promising the second preference votes of your cows.  The deal is exposed, and your credibility is forever lost.  Your two cows vote for you, and are never seen in Atlasia again.

LMAO

[Silent Hunter]

Putinism: You have two cows. You ride them to show that you're strong and tough. Then invade Georgia.

[Platypus]

6:30 journalismism: You have two cows? Or do you? Find out tonight on A Current Affair. Also: How terrorists are poor desperate people who want to kill your cows and just be given a fair go. Plus we discuss which cow is best for your family, and talk to the experts about how much your cows are worth in every capital city.

[Ban my account ffs!]

Minnesotan:  You have two cows.  Your neighbor's barn burns down, killing his cows.  You give him one of yours.  He mortgages the house to buy a bull that he lets you use to mate with your remaining cow.  You find the bull and cow flash frozen in the mating position after a strong Alberta Clipper came through.  You preserve them like that using experimental chemicals provided by 3M and charge people 25 cents to see them, all the while decorating the highway for miles with large, gaudy billboards advertising the spectacle.  The local news station comes out to do live reports.

Your wife thinks the whole thing is immodest.

I thought this was pretty funny

[Joe Republic]

Venice Beach:  You have two cows, but when the effects of the 'medicinal' marijuana have worn off, you realize that the cows were actually a beat up old winnebago and a dead hobo which is really starting to stink man we need to do something about it cuz I'm fuckin freakin out dude i cant go back to jail again man holy shit

[Lunar]

Milwaukee: You have two cows, you just woke up, your head hurts, and where did these cows come from man, f&*# man

[Antonio the Sixth]

DWTLism: You have two cows and spend your time trying to convince other people that they should give you their cows. During this time, Pit steals your cows.

Rowanism: You have two cows, one of them doesn't give milk. You sell both and buy a horse, even if you don't like riding. You realize that you have nothing to do with a horse and sell it again to re-buy one of your cows (the prices raised). But you realize that you bought the one that doesn't give milk. Desperate, you kill your cow and are arrested for mistreatment. You tell your lawyer to run away thinking he is the prosecutor.

Antoniovism: You have two cows, and you spend your entire life trying to understand how to milk them because nobody told you there was a milk store.

[DownWithTheLeft]

DWTLism: You have two cows and spend your time trying to convince other people that they should give you their cows. During this time, Pit stealsyour cows.

Man crush has gone completely overboard at this point

[Hash]

IBism: You have two cows. Now write, with a maximum of 1,200 words and no more than that, an IA on what the cows inspire. Then milk the cows for CAS hours.

Stephen Harperism: You have two cows. One is a EVIL SEPARATIST LIBERAL SOCIALIST from Quebec: KILL IT.

[k-onmmunist]

Social Credit: You have two cows. You kill and eat one and the government gives you another.

[k-onmmunist]

Blairism: You have two cows. You 'accidentally' let 20 more into your farm.

Mercantilism: You have two cows. You ride them into battle to steal more cows!