Here are seven alleged news stories from Germany – but only one piece of information is the genuine article; the other ones are entirely made up by my brilliant cray-cray mind. Can you guess what is real and what is fake news?
1.) Zänk ju for trävellink vizout Deutsche Bahn!Deutsche Bahn has to pay a non-binary trans* person named René_ Rain Hornstein from Berlin €1,000 compensation for discrimination during online registration. That was decided by the Higher Regional Court in Frankfurt am Main last Tuesday. It is a judgment that should strengthen the personal rights of transgender and non-binary people in the long term.
Hornstein bought a train ticket in October 2019, online, via a personalized Bahn account. So far, this can only be created if a mandatory question about gender has to be answered: man or woman? The selection WILL then be shown on booking confirmations, invoices or tickets, and will appear in newsletters or automated e-mails as a message. For the same reason, there were other lawsuits being heard in parallel. Here, too, the court ruled against the railway.
The railway was spared a compensation payment. Which is why Hornstein - just like Deutsche Bahn - sought an appeal. In the second instance, the judgment was confirmed and compensation was ordered as well. "The disadvantages for the plaintiff should be assessed as so massive that they could not be satisfactorily compensated for in any other way than by paying money," said the court about the verdict.
2.) NYT's favorite former German editor-in-chief doesn't molest women anymore.In an article on the blog of Ex-BILD editor-in-chief Julian Reichelt, a trans woman was referred to as a man. A district court in Frankfurt has prohibited this with a temporary injunction. The decision has a signal effect for the lawyers of those affected.
The Frankfurt Regional Court has prohibited the trans woman Janka Kluge from being referred to as a man in a blog article by the media company by Ex-BILD editor-in-chief Julian Reichelt.
Kluge had defended himself against an article from February 3 on
Pleiteticker.de by the author Judith Sevinç Basad. In the text she was first referred to as a "biological man", later only as a "man".
The press chamber of the district court in Frankfurt agreed with Kluge with an injunction on March 17 and ruled against Reichelt's company Rome Medien GmbH, to which the blog belongs.
3.) The real reason the police weren't able to find a missing teenager:The woke (!) Schleswig-Holstein newspaper
"Kieler Nachrichten" received a huge sh💩tstorm from trans activists, from the Antifa, and from Woko Haram.
The
"Kieler Nachrichten" had used "his" dead name in a search report about a "boy", having referred to "him" as a she.
The KN has apologized for its reporting on the missing person of a 16-year-old "boy". Although the newspaper knew the youth's name and the fact that "he" was transgender, the search for a 16-year-old female was reported.
On anuary 29, the newspaper reported that a 16-year-old girl was missing from a residential facility in Osdorf. The teenager might stay in Kiel, Neumünster or Neustadt. Then the newspaper named the female dead name and wrote that "Maike-Madlene listens to the name Jonas - it is the actual, male connoted name of the young person. [...] And: Maike-Madlene is a transgender."
4.) Virginia's flag (the U.S. state's, not the admin's) can now be hoisted at Berlin's public swimming pools.The black-green coalition may not have been brought to fruition in Berlin, but the Greens have managed to realize one of the key items of their agenda that they were hoping to achieve since their onset...
In the future, everyone will be allowed to swim without a top in Berlin's swimming pools. According to the capital's administration of justice, it should also be possible for women and people "with a female-read breast" to swim shirtless. The background to this is a woman's complaint to the ombudsman's office of the State Office for Equal Treatment and Against Discrimination.
The woman is said to have been asked by the supervisory staff in a swimming pool in the Berlin district of Kaulsdorf on December 18 to cover her breasts. You were not allowed to go to the swimming pool "topless", although the house and bathing rules of the bathing establishments only stipulate that you wear "commercial bathing suits". The discrimination complaint was successful, the bathing establishments would apply their house and bathing rules in a gender-fair manner in the future, it said.
The beneficiaries of this act are, on the one hand, the gym garden tools, who can now complain of sexual harassment more often, and on the other hand the mobs of hundreds of Nafris, Turks and Arabs who have caused dozens of SWAT actions at Berlin's swimming pools over the last years.
This news is so world-shaking that even CNN sent me a push notification on my smartphone.
5.) The Uschi principleThe President of the European Commission, Ursula von der Leyen, is apparently being traded as a candidate for the office of the new NATO Secretary General. This was reported by the British newspaper "The Sun" on Friday with reference to information from British diplomatic circles.
According to the report, a number of NATO member states have suggested that von der Leyen should take up her new post in October. However,
"the Sun" report goes on to say Britain is likely to veto von der Leyen given her poor track record in her previous role as German defense minister.
But mind, just like a candidate country's appeal for accession to NATO, the NATO Secretary General has to be unanimously elected by each NATO member. Let's wait and see if Erdogan is gonna offer Uschi a seat this time. (I want some accolades for that ingenious pun!)
6.) How much would y'all Yankees be wiling to pay for CNN and MSNBC?Soon, all German citizens, from a cleaner to a chief resident, will have to pay €25 for their public-sector broadcasters, no matter if they own a television, a radio, a computer or a smartphone. Each month! Isn't it great? This fee is called "democracy due" in Germany, it is collected by a private company, and it lacks an opt-out clause. If you refuse or fail to pay your dues, you will have to serve a prison sentence.
Btw, this hike in charge is not to be approved by the federal Bundestag, but by the 16 state parliaments. And shall I tell you what? The Landtag of Saxony-Anhaot refused to approve said rise, after a far-left Antifa "journalist" Aurel Mertz denounced the German police as racist and far-right; but our "Constitutional" Court ruled in 2021 that the members of the state parliaments have no alternative but to approve the markup for our "democracy due". Isn't that great news for our so-called "democracy"? 😃
Currently, the Rundfunkgebühr amounts to €18.36 per month.
Edit: 6.a) Herr Hitler venerated mothers. ➡ mother = Nazi lingo ➡ Let's erase mothers!!!! 🫃🏻Speaking of our tax-financed state TV channel
Das Erste: When their tax-financed news portal
tagesschau.de recently reported on a reformation of the family law, they replaced the noun
"mother" with the circumlocutory expressions
"bearing person" and
"delivering person". tageschau.de explained upon request that they elected to avoid that vile word in order to not discriminate against anybody.
People on Twitter have been discussing if that was supposed to be an April Fools' joke or not. Or did I maybe make this malarkey merely up? What do you think?
7.) Another great news for all Green voters: Our "Constitutional" Court also achieved another tour de farce...The law on child marriages that came into force under the Grand Coalition violates the Basic Law. In its decision, the Federal Constitutional Court is primarily urging greater legal protection for those affected. According to the Federal Constitutional Court, the law on so-called child marriages, which has been in force in Germany since 2017, violates the Basic Law. The Karlsruhe judges are calling for the existing regulations to be improved by mid-2024.
The Federal Constitutional Court sees it as legitimate to make a marriage dependent on a minimum age of the spouses - and accordingly to declare a marriage invalid if a spouse is below this age limit at the time of the marriage. However, in such a case, regulations would have to be made to protect the rights of the spouses concerned.
The Federal Constitutional Court therefore partly follows the assessment of the Federal Court of Justice. In 2018, it dealt with the case of a couple from Syria who had come to Germany in 2015 and had married shortly before. At that time, the man was 21 years old and his partner was 14 years old.
The Federal Constitutional Court has now ruled that a marriage can be declared null and void without prior examination of the individual case. However, the consequences of the invalidity of the marriage for the spouses involved would have to be regulated by law. In addition,
a marriage concluded abroad should also be valid in Germany as soon as both spouses have reached the age of majority. The law on child marriages is to be amended accordingly by the end of June next year. Until then, the applicable regulations will remain in force. For the time being, courts should set their own standards for maintenance claims.
Take a guess at what single story is genuine. Here is the answer:
Spoiler alert! Click Show to show the content.
April, April, you chumps!!! Y'all have fallen for my Seemannsgarn hook, line and sinker. 🖕🏻😝🖕🏻 All those "news stories" are fake news made up by my insane brain. Why would anybody think that any of that bullsh💩t could really occur in the real world. 🤣 We don't live in a deranged dystopia, do we?Oh, before I forget: The obligatory P.S.: Sorry for my NoN-UnDeRsTaNdAbLe PrOsE™!
