Was reading some archives and enjoying these:
https://talkelections.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=138934.0https://talkelections.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=154108.0https://talkelections.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=168969.0https://talkelections.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=145421.msg3122390#msg3122390Or an IRC quote that many people here loved from me: "I may have got 7 death points, but Jesus got a hell of a lot more."
I really wish I could feel that way again.
I know a lot of people suspected I was kind of joking around and larping, but the truth is that's really how I felt, I had some spiritual experiences and got so deep into being a Christian but that also melded with my "eccentric" personality and came out in a pretty strange way, haha. Unfortunately my fire and passion for that died down, but I was still deep into church just because I loved the community and the people. It did have another flare up in 2014/early 2015 when I started with current and soon to be former church, but eight years of that kind of ossified my feelings and when I was trying to be really Christian I was sort of playing a role. Maybe I'll find another one that rejuvenates me again, maybe I won't. I'm nowhere near as young obviously as I was when I got into that so the idea of a "cool" youth-oriented church is maybe a bit strange now (although I realize that one issue with such churches is just like me the rest of the membership grew up, my soon to be former young is much younger than most church congregations but definitely wouldn't appeal to college aged people like it did ten years ago), but I'm still quite young by church congregation standards so I'd prefer such a place if I do go to one again.
Anyway I was recently thinking about how as strange and perhaps misguided I was at that time I was at least trying to be a good person, something I way fell sort of in recent years. And...I sent a few PMs to some people.
And if you're wondering if this would be me coming out as an atheist now or something, well the answer is no. I don't know what the future holds and I'm pretty sure I'm not going that route, but maybe I might end up being more like my friend who I've never seen post anything Christian-related on social media until her toddler developed cancer (I realize that's an upsetting story so I'll just tell up front that it has a happy ending before anyone gets too crushed), and in her GoFundMe requests and other things also posted about prayers and things like "God is good!" whenever she had a successful operation...and in the end when she had a final operation completely ridding her of cancer. Now she's a healthy 5-year old who'll only need a cancer screening every couple years. I don't know if she's even been baptized, and maybe her mother is a "convenient believer", but really there's nothing wrong with that.
But thanks for being there for me all of you.
