AN ACT
To alleviate the growing Atlasian housing crisis.
This Act may be referred to as the Goleta HyperCube Act of 2022.
Section 2. Purpose1. This Act will fund and facilitate the construction of a 1 km x 1 km x 1 km housing block within the city boundaries of Goleta, California;
2. The aforementioned housing block will be owned by the Federal Government of Atlasia, and used as auxiliary housing as needed;
3. All housing within the aforementioned housing block (hencefore to be referred to as the Goleta HyperCube) shall be provided free of charge to any in need;
4. A total of $420,069,000,000 will be allocated towards funding the construction, provision of services within, and maintenance of, or relating to the Goleta HyperCube, its residents, the city of Goleta, the residents of the city of Goleta, the environs of the Goleta HyperCube, and the society within which it resides.
Section 3. Implementation1. The Goleta HyperCube shall be exempt from all federal, state, local, and tribal zoning regulations;
2. The Goleta HyperCube shall be constructed out of concrete having a compressive strength of no less than 80 megapascals (MPa), as tested in accordance with the ISO 1920-4:2020 standard;
3. The Goleta HyperCube shall not be furnished with windows before, during, or after construction. The creation of windows within the outer frame of the Goleta HyperCube, whether through construction, formation, apparation, transfiguration, or any other method, shall be deemed a Class C felony punishable by a fine of no less than $3,141,592 dollars, imprisonment for up to 5 years, or both;
4. The Goleta HyperCube shall be classified as a Windows-free zone. The use of the Windows operating system, forks or copies thereof, and Microsoft-branded products shall be prohibited within the Goleta HyperCube, and violations of this clause shall be deemed a Class C felony punishable by a fine of no less than $2,718,281 dollars, imprisonment for up to 5 years, or both;
5. 18 U.S.C. § 3571 (b)(3) shall be modified as follows:
- a. strike the number "500,000",
- b. replace with the number "50,000,000";
6. 18 U.S.C. § 892 (b)(2) shall be modified as follows:
- a. strike the number "45",
- b. replace with the number "44.98";
7. 23 U.S.C. § 158 (a)(1)(B) shall be modified as follows:
- a. strike the number "8",
- b. replace with the number "0";
8. 36 U.S. Code § 107 shall be modified as follows:
- a. strike every occurrence of "Columbus",
- b. replace with "Indigenous Peoples'"
9. A tax of 0.01 United States cents per million cubic feet of methane emitted shall be levied upon all sources of methane emissions within continental Atlasia;
10. The Chick-Fil-A chain of restaurants shall be nationalized and purged of all religious references and thoroughly inspected for and cleansed of residual homophobic vibes;
11. The Cathy family, formerly owners of Chick-Fil-A, shall be imprisoned for crimes against humanity;
12. This Act shall supersede any and all other legislation in matters of law;
13. This Act shall take effect immediately upon passage.
Section 4. EarmarksOf the $420,069,000,000 allocated to this Act:
1. $2,000,000 shall be allocated towards the construction of a bust of Francine Joy Drescher, to be displayed prominently within a foyer;
2. $25,000,000 shall be allocated towards the purchase of Ukrainian flags to be distributed evenly throughout the building;
3. $1 will be allocated for the exclusive use of Lincoln residents, to be used at any location of the following stores:
- Daiso,
- Dollar Tree,
- Miniso,
- Dollar General,
- Family Dollar,
- 99 Cents Only;
4. $1,000,000,000 shall be allocated towards the purchase of Hostess-branded Twinkies, which will serve as the Designated Survival Food of the Goleta HyperCube;
5. $2,500,000,000 shall be allocated towards the construction and maintenance of a finished, painted, and air-conditioned concrete Twinkie for storage of the Goleta HyperCube's Designated Survival Food;
6. $1,000,000,000 shall be allocated towards the endowment fund of Brown University;
7. $50,000,000,000 shall be allocated towards the promotion of Tom Lehrer's cultural heritage and works;
8. $69,000,000 shall be allocated towards the provision of casual sex and beer to the students of the University of California, Santa Barbara at no cost;
9. $3.50 (Three dollars and fifty cents) shall be deposited into a newly-created West Midlander Fund for Sucking Eggs held by the federal government, to be invested in an egg-related stock chosen at random by one (1) fertile, egg-laying hen of the Rhode Island Red species through a method chosen by any board-certified practitioner of sports medicine;
10. $5,000,000,000 shall be allocated towards the broadcasting of Hans Zimmer's Interstellar Original Soundtrack throughout the premises of the Goleta HyperCube;
11. $8,008,580,085 shall be allocated towards the purchase of either 300 ml or 400 ml silicone breast implants for the residents of the state of New York, to be distributed at no charge;
12. $1,000,000 shall be allocated towards the endowment fund of the University of Oregon system;
13. $1,000,000 shall be allocated towards the endowment fund of Oregon State University;
14. $375,000,000 shall be allocated towards the construction of a new terminal at Eugene Municipal Airport;
15. $375,000,000 shall be allocated towards the construction of a new terminal at Portland International Airport;
16. $100,000,000 shall be allocated towards the renovation of Eugene–Springfield, Albany, Salem, Oregon City, and Portland Amtrak train stations;
17. $90,000,000 shall be allocated towards the study, promotion, and cultural awareness of the
Cannabis spp. plant genus;
18. $1,250,000 shall be allocated for the Lane Transit District;
19. $500,000 shall be allocated for the Brown University Shuttle system to add new service around the campus and to downtown Providence;
20. An automatic tax credit of 0.01 United States cents per million cubic feet of methane emitted shall be granted to all sources of methane emissions within continental Atlasia;
21. $1,500,000 shall be allocated to Brown University Dining Services annually to replace existing dining halls with actual restaurants;
22. $690,420,666 shall be allocated to the City of Portland for the purposes of infrastructure construction, affordable housing construction, park maintenence, clean energy expansion, the placement of solar panels on every building possible, and public transit expansion;
23. $42,069,666 shall be allocated to the City of Beaverton for the purposes of infrastructure construction, affordable housing construction, park maintenence, clean energy expansion, and public transit expansion;
24. $100,000,000 shall be allocated for the erection of a 500-foot black penis and testicles to replace the Southern Capitol building, complete with a milk fountain (on the top) and minimal internal furnishings for the use of government officials;
25. $50,000,000 shall be allocated to subsidies for Five Guys Burgers and Fries, McDonalds and In-n-Out, to open 40 locations in the Morris County area. Additionally, In-n-Out shall open two locations in the Providence area (one on the Brown University campus) and one location in the Boston international airport;
26. In-n-Out shall be nationalized and purged of executives that fail to pass a homophobia test, developed by the School Board of San Francisco;
27. $3,500,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of a metro system in the Eugene-Springfield Metropolitan area with two routes (A and B)
The following stations will be on route A: Thurston, Fort Park, Bluebelle Park, 42nd St, East Springfield, McKenzie-Williamette Center, Gateway, Sheldon, Cal Young, Santa Clara, Eugene Airport
The following stations will be on route B: Thurston, Fort Park, Bluebelle Park, 42nd St, East Springfield, McKenzie-Williamette Center, Island Park, Glenwood, Autzen, University Station, Pearl St, Washington-Jefferson, Valley River Center;
28. $2,000,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of the Eastern Line for the Pittsburgh light rail network. This adds a third line to the existing downtown and Southern branches. It will terminate at Bakery Square, roughly following the existing infrastructure of the Martin Luther King East Busway. It will include one or more stops in the Strip District, Lawrenceville, Bloomfield, Shadyside, and East Liberty;
29. $5,000,000,000 shall be allocated towards the endowment fund of the University of Southern California;
30. $100,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of express lanes on the Garden State Parkway from I-280 to the New Jersey Turnpike;
31. $100,000,000 for the upgrading of Oregon SR 18 from Grand Ronde to Dayton, Oregon SR 99W from Dayton, around Newberg via the Newberg-Dundee Bypass, and a new freeway from the eastern terminus of the Newberg-Dunbee bypass to the I-5/I-205 interchange in Tualatin, passing along the south of Sherwood, to be designated as Interstate 84. Owners of private property along this corridor shall be compensated with free healthcare for themselves and the next 10 generations of their descendants. The Interstate 84 designation shall be extended from the I-5/I-205 interchange along Interstate 5 to the existing I-5/I-84 interchange. Additionally studies shall be conducted to determine the enviromental feasibility of extending Interstate 84 to Lincoln City;
32. $1,000,000,000 shall be allocated to the Oregon Coast for earthquake and tsunami-protection upgrades;
33. $1,200,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of Boeing assembly facilities in the cities of Medford, Yakima, and Sacramento;
34. $50,000,000 shall be designated to extend I-495 to the current NJ-495/I-95 terminus in Secaucus. The portion of the roadway not currently existing shall be constructed above 34th Street via a 70 foot high elevated highway. No demolition of existing buildings shall be required;
35. $3,000,000 shall be designated for the study of the construction of a levitating HyperCube over Megler, Washington, complete with a space elevator in addition to emergency tsunami elevators for the Astoria and Long Beach areas;
36. $1,000,000 shall be allocated to the bank account of one Ms. April Daniels;
37. $1,200,000 shall be allocated for the construction of a monument to the Labor Party of Atlasia in Nyman;
38. $100,000,000 shall be allocated for the establishment of Appalachian education and cultural heritage centers and programs;
39. $1,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of the Harry S. Truman Museum of Socialism and Revolutionary Thought;
40. $1,000,000 shall be allocated towards funding the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority;
41. $2,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of the Victims of Capitalism monument in Nyman, DC;
42. $10,000,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of a 500-m tall statue of Taylor Swift, located on top of the Goleta HyperCube;
43. $100,000,000 shall be allocated for for the replacement of all confederate statues and monuments in the South with statues of Thaddeus Stevens;
44. $10,000,000 shall be allocated for the demolition of the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and its subsequent replacement with truckloads of Port-a-Potties, as provided for by the funds remaining after demolition;
45. $30,000,000 shall be designated towards a nationwide effort to educate the masses on the dangers of electing Ann Davison;
46. $10,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of the SevenEleven Presidential Library;
47. $50,000,000 shall be designated for the construction of a monument to the foremost political leader in Atlasian history, Adam Griffin;
48. $69,696,969 shall be designated for the promotion of pork, pork products, pork derivatives, pork-like substances, and other such piggy things, including but not limited to:
- The McRib,
- Bacon,
- Pork steak,
- Pork sausage,
- Meat substitutes intended to replace pork,
- Ronald Dion DeSantis,
- Peppa the Pig,
- Percy Pig gummies,
- Spiral ham,
- Honey-baked ham,
- Black Forest ham;
49. $42,069,666 shall be allocated to the City of Beaverton for the purposes of construction of places of sexual recreation;
50. $5,000,000,000 shall be allocated towards gay bars within a 250-mile radius of the residence of one Mr Ronald Dion DeSantis;
51. $100,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of signs promoting the city of Brampton in Canada;
52. $1,000,000,000 shall be allocated for the complete and utter destruction of the city of Bakersfield, California using high explosives;
53. $100,000,000 shall be allocated towards an immigration campaign in India, Pakistan, and Bangladesh, along with waiving all immigration requirements or restrictions for Indian immigrants from the United Kingdom, Canada, Kenya, Tanzania, Uganda, South Africa, India, Saudi Arabia, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Australia, New Zealand, Sri Lanka and the United Arab Emirates should they decide to and commit to settling and living in the state of West Virginia for 15 years;
54. $50,000,000 shall be designated to an immigration campaign to encourage people who are Indian to settle in Mingo County, West Virginia by expelling all residents of Mingo County who said they were white on the 2020 Census;
55. $300,000,000 shall be designated towards an immigration campaign encouraging non-Indian Asians to settle in the states of Kansas, Oklahoma, and Arkansas and waiving all immigration requirements or restrictions for all people of Asian origin who who don't fulfill the criteria to live in West Virginia, should they commit to living in any of the states of Kansas, Oklahoma, and Arkansas for fifteen years;
56. $2,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of the monument to victims of prudishness;
57. $30,000,000 shall be designated towards a nationwide effort to educate the masses on the dangers of being a prude;
58. $1,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of the Atlasian Pornographic Museum in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico;
59. $1,000,000 shall be allocated towards funding pro-Atlasia annexation campaigns in Canada;
60. $50,000,000 shall be allocated to subsidies for places intending to provide sexual entertainment in the Morris County area;
61. $69,420,000 shall be allocated towards the promotion of Critical Race Theory in K-12 education across Atlasia;
62. $1,337,000,000 shall be allocated towards the purchase of one (1) copy of Maia Kobabe's Gender Queer: A Memoir per child, to be distributed to every school-aged child in Atlasia, until such time as these funds are exhausted;
63. $69,000,000 shall be allocated towards funding AnthroCon 2022, which is to be held in the David L. Lawrence Convention Center in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania;
64. $10,000,000 shall be designated towards the subsidization of professionally-constructed fursuits, such as to encourage the growth of a burgeoning all-Atlasian industry;
65. $5,000,000 shall be designated towards the cultural promotion of the myriad and diverse positive impacts of furries in Atlasian history;
Section 5. Funding1. The total expenditure of this Act is anticipated to be approximately four hundred and twenty billion, sixty-nine million (420,069,000,000) dollars;
Section 6. Severability1. Any part, provision, representation or warranty of this Act which is prohibited or which is held to be void or unenforceable shall be ineffective to the extent of such prohibition or unenforceability without invalidating the remaining provisions hereof. Any part, provision, representation or warranty of this Act which is prohibited or unenforceable or is held to be void or unenforceable in any jurisdiction shall be ineffective, as to such jurisdiction, to the extent of such prohibition or unenforceability without invalidating the remaining provisions hereof, and any such prohibition or unenforceability in any jurisdiction as to any laws, regulations, or other legal document shall not invalidate or render unenforceable such provision in any other jurisdiction.
A vote is now open on the amendment. Please vote Aye, Nay, or Abstain.
