Genuinely happy to see more positive self-esteem and objective criticism towards your egos than I was expecting. I see online communities are often breeding grounds for negative opinions of their selves, and I am willing to conceive that this, alongside fear of having an over-inflated ego and just my overall childhood, had led me to have a far-too negative outlook on myself. This was propagated even further by subreddits like r/2meirl42meirl4meirl and other toxic online places. I still feel bad towards myself a lot, and I still do say mean things to myself in my head when bad situations come up. However, things have gotten a lot better. I haven't had serious s**cidal thoughts in a long time, I'm much less likely to blame bad things on myself or mentally bully myself for the things that I do, and I'm
much less unlikely to let my meltdowns escalate to where it hurts the people around me by engulfing them in harmful and unproductive rants about my worth as a human.
Part of it is me getting a part-time job that allows me less do-nothing time to let harmful thoughts fester in, part of it is improving my physical, mental, and emotional well-being, and part of it is accepting some basic truths about myself that I refused to accept a long time ago. Regardless of how it's happened, though, I've been able to cease these destructive thoughts and actions that do nothing but cause me to dig a hole of hatred, disgust, shame, and thoughts of extreme solutions. I'm still a little mad at myself for the way I've handled my symptoms, still very mad at the toxic environments I've been surrounded by, but it's not worth using negative defense mechanisms that only hurt, not help, myself.
To the 35.4% who voted HP, I don't really have any cheesy "It gets better!!!1!" advice or whatever. It will almost certainly get better, but I know you've probably heard that a billion times before. I don't know your living situation, job, peers, whatever, that cause your negative self-outlook. I still have some very negative opinions of myself, and I still come to incorrect and irrational thought patterns to explain why someone or something doesn't go my way. It's just about the little things. Questioning your thought processes when you come to a large generalization about yourself. Thinking more critically about why you got left on read instead of just assuming that they hate you. Your feelings won't get fixed overnight, but overcoming damaging thoughts is a gradual process, and not a one-size-fits-all thing. The way that you find joy is through a road map, and whether or not it's through therapy, anti-depressants, CBT, distancing yourself from toxic environments, or something else is strictly up to what you, as an individual, find to be the most productive.
Stay safe.
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