My life is awful
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January 20, 2022, 09:28:26 AM

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Ishan
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« on: January 14, 2022, 10:59:14 PM »

I haven't been open about it but my life feels awful for various reasons. I hate school, and I have never hated school that much before. I hate the idiots in homeroom who I have to be with and some of them harass me just to annoy me. I hate how my life is, having to be harrassed and I can't be with people who I consider to be my friends as they go to advanced LA first and I didn't qualify for that class this year and the only class I share with them is Geometry and you can't interact with people that much there for reasons that should be obvious. Everyone in my grade has known me since at least Kindergarten and avoids me like as if I am the plague or thinks I am weird or harasses me. I feel lost in life and it feels like Atlas is an escape from an awful reality which I have to live in and sometimes I wish that I was dead and sometimes I feel like I'm a burden on my parents who have spent tens of thousands of dollars or even more on me because I have autism. I can't wait until the summer and for High School to begin because I hopefully won't be in the same classes as the people who harass me and try to ruin my life.
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Peebs
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« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2022, 11:00:38 PM »

I know I constantly make everything about myself, but I'm here to talk if you need me.
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« Reply #2 on: January 14, 2022, 11:05:26 PM »

I haven't been open about it but my life feels awful for various reasons. I hate school, and I have never hated school that much before. I hate the idiots in homeroom who I have to be with and some of them harass me just to annoy me. I hate how my life is, having to be harrassed and I can't be with people who I consider to be my friends as they go to advanced LA first and I didn't qualify for that class this year and the only class I share with them is Geometry and you can't interact with people that much there for reasons that should be obvious. Everyone in my grade has known me since at least Kindergarten and avoids me like as if I am the plague or thinks I am weird or harasses me. I feel lost in life and it feels like Atlas is an escape from an awful reality which I have to live in and sometimes I wish that I was dead and sometimes I feel like I'm a burden on my parents who have spent tens of thousands of dollars or even more on me because I have autism. I can't wait until the summer and for High School to begin because I hopefully won't be in the same classes as the people who harass me and try to ruin my life.
Sorry about all of that. Please feel free to PM me if you want someone to talk to.
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TheReckoning
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« Reply #3 on: January 14, 2022, 11:07:58 PM »

I haven't been open about it but my life feels awful for various reasons. I hate school, and I have never hated school that much before. I hate the idiots in homeroom who I have to be with and some of them harass me just to annoy me. I hate how my life is, having to be harrassed and I can't be with people who I consider to be my friends as they go to advanced LA first and I didn't qualify for that class this year and the only class I share with them is Geometry and you can't interact with people that much there for reasons that should be obvious. Everyone in my grade has known me since at least Kindergarten and avoids me like as if I am the plague or thinks I am weird or harasses me. I feel lost in life and it feels like Atlas is an escape from an awful reality which I have to live in and sometimes I wish that I was dead and sometimes I feel like I'm a burden on my parents who have spent tens of thousands of dollars or even more on me because I have autism. I can't wait until the summer and for High School to begin because I hopefully won't be in the same classes as the people who harass me and try to ruin my life.
Also when you get high school, the people who are in the classes that you’re in have littler to no impact on your life. People in high school generally take school more seriously, so even if annoying people are in your class, they’ll probably be more worried about themselves. People mostly hang out outside of school.
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« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2022, 11:21:29 PM »

I haven't been open about it but my life feels awful for various reasons. I hate school, and I have never hated school that much before. I hate the idiots in homeroom who I have to be with and some of them harass me just to annoy me. I hate how my life is, having to be harrassed and I can't be with people who I consider to be my friends as they go to advanced LA first and I didn't qualify for that class this year and the only class I share with them is Geometry and you can't interact with people that much there for reasons that should be obvious. Everyone in my grade has known me since at least Kindergarten and avoids me like as if I am the plague or thinks I am weird or harasses me. I feel lost in life and it feels like Atlas is an escape from an awful reality which I have to live in and sometimes I wish that I was dead and sometimes I feel like I'm a burden on my parents who have spent tens of thousands of dollars or even more on me because I have autism. I can't wait until the summer and for High School to begin because I hopefully won't be in the same classes as the people who harass me and try to ruin my life.
I forgot to mention this in my other post, but as a 9th grader, I believe things will get better for you over the next year. As TheReckoning said, people will be more focused on themselves and their friend groups. Also, going from middle to high school is a big transition and could cause some of your peers to mature quickly over the next year. I believe and hope that your situation will get much better in the next year
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MRS KSHAMA SAWANT
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« Reply #5 on: January 14, 2022, 11:55:05 PM »

I had this feeling carved into me permanently. PM me man whenever.
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Cokeland Saxton
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« Reply #6 on: January 15, 2022, 02:28:34 AM »

I'm here to talk if you need someone a little older to talk to. I know the struggle of being autistic first-hand and my school experience wasn't that great either. Hopefully your peers mature as they grow up. You are not a burden. My PMs are open.
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Badger
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« Reply #7 on: January 15, 2022, 02:51:21 AM »

The best I can tell you is this period high school is indeed some of the worst years of your life. At least they work for me, and frankly most other people I know. It's it seems like people who Is actually idealized their high school days worthy quintessential cheerleaders and football players, who even if they aren't working at the local car wash are  If mostly still dicks.

However, the good news is high school is temporary. It seems overwhelming because however many years you have left is a sizable portion of your conscious life is life so far.  What I mean is As you are 14 the 4 years you have left in school cool is like 1/3 of your If conscious life (as few of us remember anything before we were 3)..  It seems like a huge wall right now from that perspective, but on the other side of it I promise you it is a bad memory that disappears in the rear view mirror so damn quickly when you get to college, and is barely a blip Years later..

Seriously, spending the next 1/3 of your life thus far in high school seems daunting, but I promise you it is doable and Survivable. Plus above all forgettable..
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Old School Republican
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« Reply #8 on: January 15, 2022, 02:54:11 AM »

Sorry to hear that man and hope things go better in high school
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Doctor V
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« Reply #9 on: January 15, 2022, 06:24:34 AM »
« Edited: January 15, 2022, 11:39:30 AM by Doctor V »

I don't know how comparable our experiences are exactly, but I also hated middle school over a mix of social isolation, harassment, and just not finding anything stimulating to do in class or outside. However, high school was a huge improvement in all these areas, and I hope it will be for you to. By the time you get to high school age, kids are at least beginning to get over themselves and not be such despicable brats anymore (though there's a learning curve there for sure).

I wish you best. Please hang in there.
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dead0man
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« Reply #10 on: January 15, 2022, 07:16:07 AM »

middle school age humans are horrible people, it really does get better

Talk it out with one of the above people you trust, talking sh**t out really does help.  Good luck man.
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beesley
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« Reply #11 on: January 15, 2022, 07:25:09 AM »
« Edited: January 15, 2022, 07:54:57 AM by beesley »

Sorry to hear my friend.

I'm not familiar with the concept of a homeroom, but could you not ask to be moved to another one? In any case, high school will certainly be better than middle school.

As good a community as Atlas is (for all the jokes about our collective failure), if there are people you can connect with in real life, that will certainly be a better help. Though I can sympathise with not wanting to insert you and your problems on someone else. In the meantime, dead0man's advice has been good.
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Liam
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« Reply #12 on: January 15, 2022, 07:30:21 AM »

I haven't been open about it but my life feels awful for various reasons. I hate school, and I have never hated school that much before. I hate the idiots in homeroom who I have to be with and some of them harass me just to annoy me. I hate how my life is, having to be harrassed and I can't be with people who I consider to be my friends as they go to advanced LA first and I didn't qualify for that class this year and the only class I share with them is Geometry and you can't interact with people that much there for reasons that should be obvious. Everyone in my grade has known me since at least Kindergarten and avoids me like as if I am the plague or thinks I am weird or harasses me. I feel lost in life and it feels like Atlas is an escape from an awful reality which I have to live in and sometimes I wish that I was dead and sometimes I feel like I'm a burden on my parents who have spent tens of thousands of dollars or even more on me because I have autism. I can't wait until the summer and for High School to begin because I hopefully won't be in the same classes as the people who harass me and try to ruin my life.
I forgot to mention this in my other post, but as a 9th grader, I believe things will get better for you over the next year. As TheReckoning said, people will be more focused on themselves and their friend groups. Also, going from middle to high school is a big transition and could cause some of your peers to mature quickly over the next year. I believe and hope that your situation will get much better in the next year
Trust me guys, they do
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Liam
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« Reply #13 on: January 15, 2022, 07:31:01 AM »

I haven't been open about it but my life feels awful for various reasons. I hate school, and I have never hated school that much before. I hate the idiots in homeroom who I have to be with and some of them harass me just to annoy me. I hate how my life is, having to be harrassed and I can't be with people who I consider to be my friends as they go to advanced LA first and I didn't qualify for that class this year and the only class I share with them is Geometry and you can't interact with people that much there for reasons that should be obvious. Everyone in my grade has known me since at least Kindergarten and avoids me like as if I am the plague or thinks I am weird or harasses me. I feel lost in life and it feels like Atlas is an escape from an awful reality which I have to live in and sometimes I wish that I was dead and sometimes I feel like I'm a burden on my parents who have spent tens of thousands of dollars or even more on me because I have autism. I can't wait until the summer and for High School to begin because I hopefully won't be in the same classes as the people who harass me and try to ruin my life.
Added you as a buddy. My PM’s are always open if you need to talk
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Hindsight was 2020
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« Reply #14 on: January 15, 2022, 08:30:06 AM »

Sorry to hear 🙏. The best advice I can give is that once you are done with school in general you will come to realize this really is a small and temporary time in your life and it will be over before you know it
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Penn_Quaker_Girl
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« Reply #15 on: January 15, 2022, 09:21:52 AM »

My inbox is always open for you, Ishan. 

It sounds like you're having trouble finding where you fit in and figuring yourself out.  And that's okay!

Please don't feel like you're a burden or a chore, though.  I can confidently say that I find you to be an exceptionally bright, mature, and kind person -- particularly for your age. 

As Hindsight said, this is a temporary period of your life.  That doesn't necessarily make it any easier right now, but just know that it will not last forever. 

Hang in there, darling.  You're more than worth it. 
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« Reply #16 on: January 15, 2022, 09:30:57 AM »

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. Praying for you.

God-willing things will get better, especially in high school and onwards.

You're more than welcome to reach out to me here or on Discord any time and I will do my best to respond promptly--if you want to talk or just someone to listen.

All the best,

WM
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DavidB.
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« Reply #17 on: January 15, 2022, 10:28:14 AM »

That's very sad to hear. It's a tough age. But it will definitely get better in High School. You will soon never even have to think about the morons that harass you anymore - ever. Don't be too hard on yourself. And try to spend time doing things you enjoy IRL. Being on Atlas a lot is okay, but not if it comes from a negative place and not if the purpose is to "escape" real life. Perhaps try and pick up a type of sports that you like - maybe something that you can do alone, without others bothering you, like working out in a gym; works amazing to make you feel better. Hang in there.
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L.D. Smith ist kein Technologiefeudalist
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« Reply #18 on: January 15, 2022, 12:55:57 PM »

Middle School is a confused mess for everyone.

People do so much to be cool or hip rather than what they want, so they avoid old friends to find "cooler" friends. And of course, people grow apart too.

All this is happening while there is so little freedom to really do anything.

The good news is, HS is bigger place with far more freedom...but don't expect some overnight maturity shift, and don't expect everything to get better, because it won't.  In fact, the only thing completely certain about HS, is...it's going to get a lot smellier.
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TDAS04
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« Reply #19 on: January 15, 2022, 02:07:48 PM »

Middle School is often a particularly difficult time for many people.  I wish you the best.
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Ishan
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« Reply #20 on: January 15, 2022, 04:45:06 PM »

Thanks to everyone for all the advice and help and support that I have gotten from this thread and the PMs people sent to me after I created this thread.
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Badger
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« Reply #21 on: January 16, 2022, 04:18:58 AM »

Oh gosh! I didn't realize you were still in middle school. Remember what I said that high school is the worst 4 years of your life?  Well, middle school is even worse than that. Seriously.  But again, you will get through it. As crappy as high school Is, believe it or not it's actually better than Junior high school. Furthermore, while wild high school sucks all the way through senior yeprocedure year, it does tend to get better each successive year from 9th grade onward. So what I can tell you is that yes, I'm not surprised that you feel sh**tty right now because you are in a Deep trough at of the worst times of life and enduring a time when your hormones are kicking in and it's the toughest deal with. Life has a perverse sense of humor in this regard. But the good news is it gets a tiny bit better every year from here. Generally speaking of course, your mileage may vary. Wink

Here's a good take on it.  It's not especially related to what you're going through, but hopefully worth a laugh.

https://www.google.com/search?q=middle+school+studio+c&oq=middle+school+studio+c&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i512j0i22i30l4.26648j0j7&client=ms-android-verizon&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:61d19836,vid:9mR8-loJNpU,st:0
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Meclazine
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« Reply #22 on: January 18, 2022, 06:14:53 AM »

We've all been through it, and it's not simple. I don't have the answers.

The fact that you reached out says a lot about your character.
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Zinneke
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« Reply #23 on: January 18, 2022, 06:30:28 AM »

Hi Ishan, I don't know you well but just to give you some concrete steps to add the emotional support :

1. get an app blocker on your phone, a website blocker in your browser or any digital detoxification software. If you are a porn addict consider adding adult sites to the 5 most visited sites.
2. When you are in high school and entering university, but very online, there are still certain fora where you can learn a lot of the hard truths - things like how to be self-aware, how to act calmly as an adult. try to target those forums to read.
3. throw yourself into some sort of social setting you are uncomfortable with, like a conversation table, book club whatever. even if you initially come across as immature, you'll hate yourself but learn in the process.
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« Reply #24 on: January 18, 2022, 12:03:43 PM »

As someone in ninth grade my life has gotten considerably better since middle school, and my grades have gone up. Something that has helped me is thinking that these people teasing you will have their moment of greatness for a few years, but they'll be out in the world for much longer and karma will directly or indirectly bite them in the ass.

Feel free to PM me.
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