Convince me to believe

[Alben Barkley]

Call me Fox Mulder, but I really do WANT to believe.

I just CAN’T, knowing what I know about the hodgepodge of sketchy sources the Bible is compiled from which undermines the “sola scriptura” principle of protestantism, and the long history of corruption in the Catholic Church which makes it difficult to believe it really has somehow been a source of divine tradition for thousands of years.

And don’t even get me started on other religions; Islam and Mormonism SCREAM “con artist” in their origins. Buddhism honestly feels less like a religion and more like a slightly less secular version of the “mindfulness” exercises therapists have tried and failed to use on me over the years. Hinduism is… well… something, that’s for sure.

That basically leaves just Judaism and Christianity in some form. But I just can’t escape or overlook the numerous flaws in them as well. These days I consider myself a deist, as in someone who thinks there is probably some kind of supernatural force out there which put all our laws of nature into motion, but hasn’t interfered since. I’m looking for some kind of concrete evidence, especially from but not limited to the Judeo-Christian perspective, that is not the case and there really somehow is a loving, caring god out there in this cruel, uncaring world. Again, I WANT to believe it. I just find it increasingly difficult to do so by the day.