FT - House Committee on Un-Frémontian Activities

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

HOUSE COMMITTEE
ON UN-FRÉMONTIAN ACTIVITIES

(1).

According to the provisions of FT-21.02, the Committee on Un-Frémontian Activities Act, as first minister and permanent chair I call this committee to order.

We are here today engaged in one of the greatest struggles of our history: the struggle against Wulfricism. This is a cause to which every Frémonter will immediately recognize its importance and pledge their allegiance. The work we do today, is but a battle in the larger war against tyranny and chaos. There can be no compromise with the enemy. Our motto must be, "victory or death."

Frémont is the last vestige of liberty on the continent; when she falls, the light of the West goes out forever. We will carry out our work with singleness of heart, fearing God, not as men-pleasers; we will discover the traitors in our midst; we will drive the scourge of Wulfricism from the continent.

Long live the people! Long live the parliament and the constitution!

Harry S Truman, chair

(1) Source: Wikipedia Commons.

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

I name the following Frémonters full members of the committee:

Western Democrat
Australian Swing Voter
Ishan.

We likewise gratefully accept the offer of S019 to serve as an expert witness for the state.

Applications to join the committee will continue to be processed as they are received.

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

[indistinct gargling]

I am informed the "governor" of Lincoln Wilhelm II has issued a response to our committee's deliberations, but we cannot hear him, as we are in Denver and he is somewhere in Vermont. I assume he desires to repent his sins and throw himself on the mercy of the committee.

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

I hereby move that we summon Governor KaiserDave for testimony.

We must compose a list of those who should be called to testify. I would propose all those who registered under the Wulfricist regional party recently be interrogated so that we may determine where their TRUE loyalties lie.

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

I hereby move that we summon Governor KaiserDave for testimony.

Nous devons composer une liste de ceux qui devraient être appelés à témoigner. Je proposerais que tous ceux qui se sont inscrits sous le parti régional wulfriciste soient récemment interrogés afin que nous puissions déterminer où se trouvent leurs VRAIES loyautés.

You are Robespierre! You have revealed yourself!

I am Trotsky, you are Stalin!

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

Point of inquiry: is the First Minister aware of any Lincolnite or otherwise Eastern sympathizers infiltrating the Frémontian government? For that matter, how confident are we in the Senator from New Jersey's intentions?

Furthermore, what is to be done about obscene, extremist music corrupting Frémont youth?

That is exactly why this committee has been formed, to discover answers to these essential questions.

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

I am now receiving intelligence, by way of the witless Wulfricist thugs, that the cities along our Pacific coast are teeming with subversives. In reality, I suspect the threat is much exaggerated. The people of Frémont are loyal and love their constitution; they do not wish to be ruled by Eastern effetes. However, we must take swift action to address the situation before it accelerates.

One center of the Philist conspiracy is Portland, Oregon. A complete reconstruction of the city may be necessary. From a symbolic point of view, "Portland" is named for a city in Maine: the Eastern influences on its culture are clear. I propose that the city be given a new, patriotic WESTERN name.

The senator from Wyoming's recommendations are noted. I agree that some kind of open-air facility may be the most effective means of containing the Wulfricist contagion. What do others think?

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

The ravings of Wulfricist madmen!

Thank-you for this summary of your recent public statements.

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

KaiserDave is acting like no more than a meddling Easterner and his antics shall not be accepted by the Commonwealth of Frémont. Hilarious that he would accuse others of Wulfricism when he is the one who just struck a series of deals with Wulfric stemming from his failed secession attempt.

Very few people take KaiserWilhelm seriously after his disastrous secession attempt —he did not believe in himself and CAVED to Witless Wulfric, to his eternal shame. This entire display is an attempt to CONCEAL his emasculation, as he has lost all power and influence in New York, and dances as Wulfric pulls the strings. Weak, weak, weak!

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

The witness will refrain from making recommendations to the committee unless called upon. We will judge his testimony by the righteous strength of THE PEOPLE and then determine what action should be taken.

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

Egads! New evidence has recently come to light, of a dastardly conspiracy to pervert the outcomes our elections, instigated by the prince of darkness, Witless Wulfric, himself! I am informed by a highly reliable source, that he has engaged to sell his vote for sex socks —a wicked scheme, the product of his depraved mind, which holds no thing sacred.

We must preach vigilance in our communities, and in particular to vulnerable young people: just say no to socks!

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

Egads! New evidence has recently come to light, of a dastardly conspiracy to pervert the outcomes our elections, instigated by the prince of darkness, Witless Wulfric, himself! I am informed by a highly reliable source, that he has engaged to sell his vote for sex socks —a wicked scheme, the product of his depraved mind, which holds no thing sacred.

We must preach vigilance in our communities, and in particular to vulnerable young people: just say no to socks!

“Cascadiuh” or as he’s better known, OBD, should show himself immediately before the committee. He has much to answer for.

I will not accede to the demands of the false committee, so long as they continue to blaspheme against Philism and infringe upon the national sovereignty of Cascadia.

Are you or are you not an agent of Wulfric?

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

Disturbing evidence has recently come to light, that Mr. S019 — who represented himself to this body as an expert on occult Wulfricism — is in fact himself a Wulfricist. Considering the seriousness of these allegations, I call on him to clarify his association with Wulfric to the committee.

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

An anonymous citizen, an honest and vigilant PATRIOT, has advised this committee of various heinous and treasonable crimes falling within the purview of this committee.

You stand accused of murder. You stand accused of treason. How do you answer these charges ... HERR WULFRIC?

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

The accused having entered a plea of "not guilty," the state will now call its first witness.

Secretary PEEBS do you swear the testimony you are about to give is the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

Sorry, I only got to return to this earlier: Yes, I do, so help me Dave or Virginia or Fate or Time.

Tell us, what crimes has Goody Wulfric done, in your opinion, that are inimical to the principles of liberty and the union of this commonwealth? Is it true, as some have said, that "Wulfric did 9/11?"