No Joke

[Amanda Huggenkiss]

N O  J O K E
A Presidential Election Timeline

Source: Stemoc - Stephen Colbert December 2019 via Wikimedia (CC 2.0)

[BigVic]

Colbert 2020. Oh boy

[GoTfan]

[credit: Tenor]

[Independents for George Santos]

Delete this

[Amanda Huggenkiss]

Delete this

no. No joke it says so in the title

[Amanda Huggenkiss]

P R O L O G U E

“New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio becomes latest candidate for president in an already crowded field”
- CNN, May 16th 2019

“New Poll: Biden leading the Democratic pack, but most respondents unhappy with their options”
- THE HILL, May 18th 2019

“Stephen Colbert ridicules Democratic field: ‘Like the last season of Game of Thrones: So many characters yet no one you’re still rooting for’”
- USA Today, May 22nd 2019

“Feud between Trump and Pelosi escalates”
- LA Times, May 24th 2019

“Stephen Colbert gets serious during show: ‘There is too much at stake to allow Democrats to mess this up again’”
- CNN, May 24th 2019

“Colbert fuels presidential speculation with cryptic tweet”
- USA Today, May 26th 2019

“I think Stephen Colbert is a terrific guy, but I really don’t care for his tweets.”
- Sen. Amy Klobuchar, May 26th 2019

“Colbert? Not in a thousand years, man.”
- Vice-Pres. Joe Biden, May 26th 2019

“BREAKING: Stephen Colbert running for President”
- CNN, May 27th 2019

Colbert’s Announcement Rally in Charleston, South Carolina
May 30th 2019

Well, this is weird. We sure do live in a strange timeline. We live in a timeline in which the least qualified person living in the United States is occupying the White House, in which one party is actively trying to undermine democratic values and the foundations of our republic, and in which the other party has nothing to offer. Twenty-some-ish Democrats are running for president. They are united in their conviction of what they are against. But what are they for? What is their positive outlook for America? What do they want? […] Therefore, I will offer you an alternative. Hereby, I declare that I am positively, seriously, no joke, running for president of the United States. I will make the nation kinder, better, and more understanding of its citizens. And I will make the White House more open for great minds and great ideas than it has ever been.

[MATTROSE94]

Colbert 2020! Hopefully he will become the Democratic equivalent of Ronald Reagan if he wins.

[Real Texan Politics]

How the hell did you make the logo??

[Amanda Huggenkiss]

P A R T   O N E

“If Democrats think they can stop me by running failed comedian Colbert, try again. Their clown show gets bigger and bigger. Will surely be entertaining to watch, but BAD for our country.”
- @realdonaldtrump, May 30th 2019

“Stephen Colbert could fundamentally shake up the Democratic race for president”
- fivethirtyeight, May 31st 2019

“Amy Poehler becomes the new host of the Late Show”
- CNN, June 1st 2019

“Democratic candidates try to ignore Colbert as they fear he will gain traction”
- THE HILL, June 2nd 2019

CNN Democratic Primary Poll
June 4th 2019

Vice-Pres. Joe Biden … 24%
Sen. Bernie Sanders … 13%
Stephen Colbert … 10%
Sen. Elizabeth Warren … 8%
Mayor Pete Buttigieg … 6%
Sen. Kamala Harris … 5%
Rep. Beto O’Rourke … 3%
Sen. Cory Booker … 2%
others … 10%
undecided … 19%

“Prominent Democrats Urge Colbert To Withdraw”
- The Washington Post, June 5th 2019

“I have had the unfortunate experience to work with a president who is unqualified for the office, who has no idea what he does, and who has no knowledge on basically, anything that happens. The presidential election is no popularity contest. I urge Stephen Colbert to take a step back and reflect on his decision to enter the race.”
- Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, June 5th 2019

“Colbert is generating buzz. But what does he want?”
- Vox, June 7th 2019

“Look, I’m all for democratic competition. But so far, the voters have no idea what he wants. So I think that Stephen should tell us his plan. What is his policy on taxes? What is his policy on the middle class? What is his policy on climate change? What is his policy on the middle east?”
- Sen. Elizabeth Warren, June 8th 2019

“Sparing public appearances, Colbert slips to 6 percent in the polls”
- THE HILL, 10th June 2019

“Colbert agrees to prime time interview with Lester Holt”
- NBC News, June 12th 2019

NBC Prime Time Interview with Stephen Colbert
June 12th 2019

Holt: Mr. Colbert--.

Colbert: Future President Colbert, please.

Holt: Do you genuinely believe that you, looking at the very high-profile Democrats running right now, would be the best possible president out of all the options there are?

Colbert: I think that I would be the most effective president, and the most handsome.

Holt: But how could you be? You have the same level of qualification that Donald Trump has, you have never held elected office, you have never worked for the government--.

Colbert: What is, Lester--.

Holt: --Joe Biden has been a public servant for so many years.

Colbert: So, here’s what I believe about the presidency. Look at the presidents of the last fifty years. Look at every president who came after Kennedy. Every one of them has been perceived as a failed president in one or two aspects in their administration, maybe more even. This is because presidential candidates have been so ambitious. They’ve been saying, look, ‘This is my plan. This is exactly what I am going to do. This is going to change your life.’ No, you won't. You’re not the messiah, but that’s alright. No human being is capable of that. No human being can do that.

Holt: So what is, in your view, the job of a president?

Colbert: The president must provide the fundamental vision for the country and he must make basic policy decisions. But, boy, he must absolutely leave the specifics to the policy experts! Presidents have always failed when they believed that they were the smartest people in the room. I can assure you: I am not the smartest person in the room. But neither is any other person running for president. No person can be a pro in every policy area. The president must humble enough to allow the experts into the oval office. And I think that my competitors must be humble enough to admit that, too. The president must say: This is the direction of my administration. Tell me how this is best achieved.

[...]

Holt: What is the direction you want to go?

Colbert: My number one issue is the state of our democratic republic. I want to introduce the Bill of Empowerment. Five constitutional amendments to bring our democracy back on track. Number one: Ban partisan redistricting by giving all redistricting matters into the hands of nonpartisan expert commissions. Number two: Introducing term limits for supreme court justices and legislators. Number three: Prevent large corporations from buying our politicians. Number four: Abolish the electoral college. Number five: Permit national referenda.

Holt: And that would improve the state of our republic?

Colbert: Substantially. By giving the power over politics to the American people, in a more authentic way than Trump has ever offered.

[…]

Holt: But I mean, come on. A constitutional amendment is very hard to pass. Why do you think that you could do that?

Colbert: I will campaign on these issues. I am not a politician. I have been making fun of politicians my entire life. I have ridiculed them. I don’t provide a democratic platform, I provide the people’s platform. And if, when I’m president, the Republican Party decides to oppose these measures, they will have to justify – why do they work against the will of the people? Why do they put career over country?

[NewYorkExpress]

Colbert vs Trump in a Presidential Debate has the potential to be hilarious.

[Amanda Huggenkiss]

P A R T   T W O

Colbert for President Internal Campaign Memo
June 13th 2019

Stephen dodged a bullet last night. Feedback was good. First lesson: The media hiatus did not work. It did not make people curious, it did make them think the candidacy is a joke. Listen, guys. This is no joke. This is a campaign for president.
Stephen must be everywhere. Policy is secondary. First phase is about buzz. He needs to do interviews all days (Chuck Todd, Maddow, Wallace – anyone who wants him). Can we get him on Ellen before the debate?
June 24th is the NYC commencement rally of the campaign tour, which will get rolling after the debate on the 26th OR 27th. The rally better be packed. Task for Stephen: Get John Oliver on board. He’s popular among democrats.
Debate prep starts tomorrow when the lineup is released. PRAY for a good one. Ideal would be Biden against at least one progressive (Sanders/Warren). Open a third lane. Again, policy is secondary. People want to get to know Stephen. Prepare some zingers.
Some unsolved issues: Comedy vs presidentiality (urgent), social & health policy, tax & economic policy, foreign & security policy, getting some lower-profile Dems on board.

NBC: Lineup for the first Democratic debates
June 14th 2019

Night 1, June 26

Sen. Elizabeth Warren
Sen. Kamala Harris
Fmr. Rep. Beto O’Rourke
Mayor Pete Buttigieg
Sen. Cory Booker
Andrew Yang
Sen. Kirstin Gillibrand
Rep. Tulsi Gabbard
Marianne Williamson
Rep. Tim Ryan

Night 2, June 27

Vice-Pres. Joe Biden
Sen. Bernie Sanders
Stephen Colbert
Sen. Amy Klobuchar
Fmr. Sec. Julián Castro
Mayor Bill deBlasio
Sen. John Hickenlooper
Sen. Michael Bennet
Rep. Eric Swalwell
Gov. Jay Inslee

“Comedian Stephen Colbert now more popular than Elizabeth Warren”
- FOX NEWS, June 17th 2019

“John Oliver endorses Colbert: ‘What’s the worst that could happen’”
- CNN, June 18th 2019

“Harris criticizes debate lineup, but NBC rules out any changes”
- NPR, June 21st 2019

“By packing the three front-runners in one night, NBC has created two different qualities for two debates.”
- Sen. Kamala Harris, June 21st 2019

“See the moment when Colbert reacted to Trumps tweets about him”
- CNN, June 22nd 2019

“Colbert draws crowd of 10.000 people at New York Campaign rally”
- New York Times, June 24th 2019

“Four winners and four losers from the first night of the Democratic debate”
- Vox, June 26th 2019

“Harris Struggles As Warren And Buttigieg Take The Limelight”
- The Washington Post, June 26th 2019

“The Beto Bubble Bursts”
- FOX NEWS, June 26th 2019

“The Democratic debate stays pretty tame”
- fivethirtyeight, June 26th 2019

“All eyes on Colbert at the second night of the Democratic debate”
- fivethirtyeight, June 27th 2019

Highlights of the Second Night of the Democratic Debate
June 27th 2019

Guthrie: Mr. Colbert, we would like to include you in the policy discussion, but unfortunately, you have not come forward with much substance.

Colbert: Pleasure to meet you too, Savannah.

Guthrie: Why do you think that you should become president if you don’t have any substantive opinions on anything.

Colbert: I mean, come on. If you really, sincerely, look back at my career, the stances I took, the issues I’ve talked about and ridiculed, it is clear that I have been a fighter for progressive causes. I have been a supporter of gay marriage before most major Democrats, including President Obama. I have publicly spoken on all major issues, from climate change to immigration to healthcare. I have spoken to millions of Americans about these issues almost every night. It is one thing to fight for these things in the institutions – it is another to promote these issues among the public. The only criticism I accept is that my campaign was not diligently prepared as the rest of ‘em – but I take great pride in that. This is not a career opportunity for me. This is something I do for the American people.

[…]

Biden: So here’s the, look-- America has a choice. It has a choice. We, now, we have a clown already in the oval office. Someone who’s not remotely prepared for the job. Someone who’s run a mediocre business and is now in possession of the nuclear codes. We don’t want that. We don’t want that. And Stephen, I’m sorry, I like you a lot. But America does not need another clown in the oval office. We need somebody with experience. Somebody you can trust. Maybe someone boring. I take that. I sure know that I am an old white guy. But I bring experience. Spent half a life in the Senate, eight years as vice president. I assure you: I am not an entertainer. But I am a professional. I. Know. The. Job.

Maddow: Thank you, Mr. Vice President--.

Colbert: I gotta respond to--.

Maddow: --Vice President Biden. Yes, Mr. Colbert, go ahead.

Colbert: Well, what an inspiring message. This is the cardinal problem that Democrats do this election. ‘Vote for me. I am not the worst choice’. This is highly cynical. The truth is, the times before Trump weren’t great. Not only for Trump supporters but also for many who held their noses and voted for Hillary, the time before Trump was a dumpster fire. Sure, if what we have now is like a radioactive leak, a return to the dumpster fire seems quite attractive. But we have to do better. We have to. The American people deserve better than a radioactive leak and a dumpster fire.

[…]

Colbert: I have tremendous respect for Bernie and I think that Bernie knows that. When he was ignored in 2016 by most corporate media formats – I had him on. In fact, he’s been my most frequent guest ever. So if that’s not a sign of respect, I don’t know. But if you’re asking the question, you know, this Colbert, is he a progressive, is he a liberal, is he a moderate-- see: Here’s what I believe. I believe that the last two decades have been unbearable for the American people. I think that our system is rigged in favor of the rich, I think healthcare is too expensive, I think the minimum wage is too low. I think we desperately need solutions for that. But I don’t want to dictate them from the top. The radical transformation that our country needs to come from the bottom. Not from politicians, but from the people. That is what the Bill of Empowerment does: Take the power away from the politicians. Take the power away from all these career politicians who have sat in their seats for too long, and hand it to the American people.

[OSR STANDS WITH PALESTINE]

I honestly can’t tell if this is meant as a serious timeline or a spoof

[Amanda Huggenkiss]

I honestly can’t tell if this is meant as a serious timeline or a spoof

It is whichever makes me look smarter

[Joseph Cao]

Ah, a nicely written realization of a ridiculous concept, the two ingredients of a classic Atlas timeline.

This intrigues me greatly.

[Amanda Huggenkiss]

P A R T  T H R E E

Excerpt from "No Joke - Inside the 2020 Election"
pp. 179-181

Evelyn, Jay Katsir, Joe Trippi, who had unofficially joined the campaign during debate prep and who made a solid debate performance a necessary condition for further help, and a bunch of other senior staff were assembled in a tiny room in the Arsht Center. The atmosphere was tense. Everyone remembered debate prep.
  Debate prep was not a disaster, but it was chaotic. Stephen absorbed information quickly, but he was bad with numbers. Repeating them helped, but Stephen refused to repeat a phrase, a zinger, or a sentence too often. “It has to be natural,” he insisted. “I don’t want to seem over-prepared.”
“You’re not over-prepared, you moron,” Trippi refuted, “you’re seriously under-prepared.” But Stephen’s stance was firm. No phrase was to be repeated more than three times in one prep session.
Jay Katsir, who had already been a writer on the Late Show, tried to prepare some pre-baked jokes about each candidate, which he wrote on the fact sheet. There were nine fact sheets, one for each opponent in the debate. Jay Katsir researched a few points about the candidates that people admired, two or three points of valid criticism, a general debate strategy (the fact sheet on deBlasio, Hickenlooper, Bennet, and Swalwell simply stated IGNORE), and a few very tame jokes about everyone. Stephen studied the sheets eagerly but decided to ignore the jokes. Instead, he decided to come up with his own. Everyone instantly understood that there was not much room for negotiation regarding this point.
  It was funny, at the beginning. Stephen, in contrast to most other politicians, had the advantage of being a genuinely funny person. He knew how to make jokes. He knew how to improvise. But he forgot the setting. Every two appropriate jokes, which made everyone in the room chuckle a little, was followed by one extremely funny roast, which made everyone burst out in laughter. A favorite of the group: “Mister Vice President, we all know that for fifty years now, you’ve been trying to lay your hand on the office as if the presidency is a barely legal-aged woman.”
  Often, Colbert mistakenly referred to Biden as “Joe”, and upon realization of his error, he interrupted his response, turned to the Biden-stand in, and asked him: “Hey, can I call you Joe?” The reference to the 2008 vice-presidential debate was to the amusement of everybody in the room. Until it wasn’t.
  The closer the debate came, the more concerned the team was about Stephen’s performance. Debate answers became a Russian roulette: most answers were excellent, some were absolutely horrible and highly inappropriate. At one point, Joe Trippi suggested cutting the jokes altogether, but he saw that this was not an option. Stephen’s humor was an important part of his brand. Without his humor, all that was left was a middle-aged white guy with no government experience and mediocre knowledge of policy issues.
  But on the 27th of June, after almost 120 minutes, the group was relieved.
  Stephen’s performance wasn’t flawless. He struggled a bit on the specifics of healthcare and foreign policy. However, he handled the attacks well. He was the center of attention and he was aware of that. He successfully opened his own lane and his political profile was taking shape. Joe Trippi later stated that Stephen’s response to Biden’s attacks was his favorite moment of the night. “We need more of that,” he stated. “Maybe trash your opponents a little more. Let your charisma play its part.”
 Stephen nodded. “So,” he said, “you want me to act like Trump?”

“Four winners and three losers from the first night of the Democratic debate”
- Vox, June 27th 2019

“Colbert Becomes The Fresh Face Of The Democratic Party”
- The Washington Post, June 27th 2019

“Biden humiliated by comedian Colbert”
- FOX NEWS, June 27th 2019

“Biden remains bland as Colbert and Sanders dominate”
- USA Today, June 27th 2019

“Veteran strategist Joe Trippi joins Colbert campaign”
- THE HILL, June 30th 2019

CNN Democratic Primary Poll
July 1st 2019

Vice-Pres. Joe Biden … 20%
Stephen Colbert … 15%
Sen. Bernie Sanders … 14%
Sen. Elizabeth Warren … 11%
Mayor Pete Buttigieg … 9%
Sen. Kamala Harris … 4%
Sen. Cory Booker … 3%
others … 11%
undecided … 13%

“Sanders and Warren are both trying to take the progressive lane. That can’t work.”
- Vox, July 2nd 2019

“Colbert attacks Democratic moderates: ‘As inspiring as an excel sheet’”
- CNN, July 5th 2019

“Well, of course that is not my opinion. But if Stephen is serious with his candidacy, which I still am not convinced that this is true, then I would invite him to show me his policies. Don’t hide behind rhetoric, but show me your plans for this country.”
- Sen. Amy Klobuchar, July 5th 2019

“Eric Swalwell drops out”
- THE HILL, July 8th 2019

“Colbert may have some good polling numbers. But he lacks crucial endorsements.”
- fivethirtyeight, July 11th 2019

“Colbert Is Rich. Some Progressives Are Not Comfortable With That.”
- Washington Post, July 16th 2019

“First night of the second Democratic Debate to feature Biden, Colbert, Warren, Booker, Klobuchar,  O’Rourke, Castro, Yang, Delaney, Williamson”
- NBC, July 17th 2019

“I’m going to say something good about Stephen Colbert because I was thought to say something good about someone before you say something mean. Stephen Colbert is a very nice and hilarious guy. But that’s all there is. He can give great speeches and say not a single thing. Stephen Colbert is an entertainer. He knows nothing about policy and nothing about the presidency. And the fact that he still has not released a single concise policy proposal is very, very concerning, in my opinion. All that we have is some rich white dude using his personality for political gain.”
- Elizabeth Warren, July 19th 2019

“So folks, as some of you might have heard that some people now are trying to pick fights with me. Liz Warren has accused me of being unspecific about my plans. Well, I actually like what Liz has to offer, policy wise. But Liz acts as if she has a magic wand. If Liz Warren will enter the Oval Office, she will take these plans and she can put them right into the bin. In a system in which the  Joe Manchins, the Mitch McConnells, the Dianne Feinsteins, the Chuck Schumers and the Dick Durbins have say, in a system that is fundamentally constructed to preserve what we have, in a system in which the legislators are the masters and not the mastered, Liz Warren’s plan is worth the paper it is printed on. So I say to Liz Warren: Stop the fighting and join our side. Join the side of the people’s movement.”
- Stephen Colbert, July 22nd 2019

[Kahane's Grave Is A Gender-Neutral Bathroom]

This is good.

[Utah Neolib]

I absolutely love this

[Amanda Huggenkiss]

P A R T  F O U R

“Warren hits back at Colbert”
- THE HILL, July 23rd 2019

Campaign Memo
July 24th 2019

KEEP. IT. LOW. Bit of a fuzz is really good BUT we don’t want to alienates progressives. Stephen is popular among young people and quite popular among progressives. We’re not running against Bernie/Warren. We’re running against Biden & moderate dems. Those we have to hit hard in their faces.

“Biden’s lead grows in latest FOX poll”
- FOX News, July 24th 2019

“Colbert supports official commission evaluating slavery reparations”
- CNN, July 27th 2019

Highlights of the Second Democratic Debate
July 30th 2019

Colbert: I find it really fascinating how some people on this stage say that Trump’s a sexist and a racist as if that’s some great gotcha-moment. ‘Hey, Republicans! Bet you didn’t know that!’ The truth is, most Trump voters care about this argument as much as CNN cares about John Delaney.

Delaney: Thank you!

Colbert: You’re welcome, random person standing on this stage. But here’s the thing. More than sixty million Americans voted for Trump, the majority of people in thirty states. Democrats will not win a presidential election in America if they say that there are sixty million racists and sexists in this country. They voted for one, yes. But that was not their reason. If you seriously consider voting for a candidate of the Democratic establishment, for a face of the old normal, please consider: How bad must the old normal have been if sixty million people to vote for a person like Trump? If Democrats keep being arrogant, they will go down, and they will have earned it.

[…]

Klobuchar: What really annoys me--.

Tapper: Senator, please—Yes, Senator Klobuchar, go ahead.

Klobuchar: What really annoys me is how you, Mr. Colbert, have not made any effort to befriend a single Republican politician, have constantly, as a comedian, and that’s why you were so popular among liberals, made fun of Trump and accused him of racism and his personality--.

Colbert: I was a satirist, do you know--.

Tapper: Mr. Colbert, please.

Klobuchar: Yes, you were, but then don’t act as if you’re a non-partisan demi-god who will bring bipartisanship back to Washington. Let me tell you something: It is not hard to seem non-partisan if you bring not a single policy proposal to the table!

Colbert: There you go again!

Klobuchar: This is a serious matter! We’re choosing the next President of the United States!

Colbert: Their whole campaigns are all about how bad Trump is, and they are accusing me of being weak on substance? Give me a break! Give me a break! I am in consultation with policy experts in every field to work out the details of my policy proposals which will be made public in the coming weeks. Your platform is written by some underpaid campaign staffer, that’s the difference between you and me.

Text from Campaign Manager Joe Trippi to the policy head of the Colbert campaign
July 30th 2019

TIL I learned that we have a policy expert commission… performance was very good but seriously what the f---.

“Four winners and three losers from the first night of the Democratic debate”
- Vox, July 30th 2019

“Colbert shruggs off criticism in Democratic debate.”
- politico, July 30th 2019

“After this performance, Colbert likely will rebound to the high-10s/low-20s. Yes, he has established himself as a candidate. But it is totally delusional of some people to suggest that he might actually become WIN the nomination (1/4)”
- @natesilver, July 30th 2019

“Two winners and five losers from the second night of the Democratic debate”
- Vox, July 31st 2019

“What happened in El Paso was absolutely horrible. It was also absolutely preventable. My deepest sympathies are with those who have been hurt. This is not the America I want. This must be fixed, urgently.”
- @stephencolbert, August 3rd 2019

“Just a question, everybody: is this greatness?”
- @stephencolbert, August 4th 2019

“I think it is appalling of Mr. Colbert to try to score some political points on this issue. People died. People are hurt. People lost their loved ones. How low can a person go?”
- Sen. Lindsay Graham, August 5th 2019

“Colbert hits back at Graham: ‘Name me one bill you sponsored that could have prevented this’”
- CNN, August 5th 2019

“Colbert: No movement on gun issue unless the NRA has power”
- USA Today August 7th 2019

“Colbert calls Mitch McConnell a public health threat at Gun Safety Forum”
- Des Moines Register, August 10th 2019

“That’s of course totally unbecoming of a presidential candidate.”
- Mitch McConnell, August 10th 2019

“At the Iowa State Fair, Colbert tries to emphasize his humble roots”
- Des Moines Register, August 14th 2019

“I promise that within in first hundred days in office, I will do everything humanly possible to sell Palm Beach to Greenland.”
- Stephen Colbert, August 18th 2019

“Colbert is Yes-ish on medicare for all”
- Vox, August 22nd 2019

CNN Primary Poll
August 25th 2019
Vice-Pres. Joe Biden … 22%
Stephen Colbert … 20%
Sen. Elizabeth Warren … 14%
Sen. Bernie Sanders … 13%
Mayor Pete Buttigieg … 6%
Sen. Kamala Harris … 5%
Fmr. Rep. Beto O‘Rourke  … 3%
others … 10%
undecided … 7%

[Amanda Huggenkiss]

Hey everyone, the next update is drafted and conceptualized bit there will be a delay. I finally received my J&J shot yesterday and it has hit me hard (literally everything in my body hurts right now). So I'm propably not going to be very produktive in the next few days.

[Bakersfield Uber Alles]

Hey everyone, the next update is drafted and conceptualized bit there will be a delay. I finally received my J&J shot yesterday and it has hit me hard (literally everything in my body hurts right now). So I'm propably not going to be very produktive in the next few days.

Glad that you got the shot and hope you feel better over the next week! Looking forward to seeing this TL continue!

[Kahane's Grave Is A Gender-Neutral Bathroom]

Hey everyone, the next update is drafted and conceptualized bit there will be a delay. I finally received my J&J shot yesterday and it has hit me hard (literally everything in my body hurts right now). So I'm propably not going to be very produktive in the next few days.

Good that they are finally giving doses in Germany.

[Amanda Huggenkiss]

P A R T  F I V E

“For the first time, Colbert ties with Biden in new poll”
- FOX News, August 25th 2019

“As you know, I am not a climate scientist. I think no candidate running is. I think no one in Congress is. What I’m trying to say, and what Greta Thunberg and all the young people out there demanding climate action are saying, is that we should just listen to the experts. Just listen to the smart people. That’s what the president should do. So I’m going to promise: When I’m president, I will establish a standing office in the White House, it will be full of climate experts, and they will have full and unmitigated access to the oval office.”
- Stephen Colbert, September 4th 2019

“Bill Nye on Colbert’s climate office: ‘Good Idea’”
- CNN, September 6th 2019

“Colbert is still losing the endorsement primary”
- fivethirtyeight September 9th 2019

Highlights of the Third Democratic Debate
September 12th 2019

Stephanopoulos: And you, Mr. Colbert, what would be your approach towards Iran?

Colbert: The great genius-in-chief has put not just the United States but the whole world in danger with his eff-around-and-find-out style of politics. He has vowed to make America respected again. The world laughs at America. The selfish and unilateral actions, such as the sudden and random withdrawal from the Iran deal have estranged us from our allies and--.

Stephanopoulos: Excuse me, Mr. Colbert, but the question was really, and since you’ve been talking about allies, you know, there’s Isreal, which was against the agreement from the start, so the question is really, what you would actually do concerning Iran.

Colbert: The whole dynamic of the conflict in the middle east is very complicated and has a long history. Of course, I will defend Israel. I do not agree with much of what the Netanyahu government does, but still, Israel is an island of freedom and liberty in the middle east. But there must be some sort of diplomatic effort with Iran that goes beyond finger-pointing and threatening gestures--.

Biden: Would you join the nuclear deal?

Colbert: --and, well, that is a serious option.

Biden: Alright, alright. Look, everybody, we got a serious option!

Stephanopoulos: Mr. Vice-President, please.

Colbert: You’re acting as if it’s so easy, Mr. Vice-President, and as if there’s a clear solution. Let me tell you, if your policy proposals fit on a bumper sticker, then this says more about you than it says about me, let me tell you that.

“Four winners and five losers from the third Democratic debate”
- Vox, September 12th 2019

“Opinion: Colbert is an inspiring person. But when it comes to policy, he struggles.”
- LA Times, September 13th 2019

Excerpt from Game Change 2020
pp. 238-240

So far, the debates had been like the first Rambo movie, with Colbert being Rambo and the establishment candidates being the stupid cops. They (the establishment candidates) had the big guns, but he (Colbert) had been too swift, too agile to get caught. He knew the woods, and he always had an ace up his sleeve. But now, in the third debate, they were out in the fields. There was no hiding anymore.
  Of course, that is not what Colbert’s team told him, but everybody knew, including Colbert, that his performance had been considerably worse than his last two were. “You know, I would say fifty-fifty,” Jay Katsir said immediately after the debate. “I think the good moments and the bad moment outweigh each other.”
  Joe Trippi was visibly uneasy but tried to keep it together. “There are, like, 26 things in my head right now,” he said. “Meeting tomorrow morning.” Stephen nodded.

The next morning, the team met in a tiny conference room in the campaigns Texas headquarter. Joe Trippi entered the room and slammed a heavy staple of loose papers on the table.
  “So, I’ve thought about things,” he announced, flipping through his notes. “Stephen, what do we want people to know about the Middle East?”
  Stephen scratched his forehead and folded his hands on the table. “My position is that it’s very complicated and that there is no simple solution to that, which is exactly what I said yesterday.”
  “This is not about your position, you f*****g moron!” Trippi shouted.
  “Well, okay.”
  “Stephen,” he said, “We don’t need to convince people that you’re a smart-a**.”
  “Everyone knows he’s a smart-a**”, Evelyn said and patted him on the shoulder.
  “You desperately want to prove that you’re qualified to be president,” Trippi continued, “But truth is, the American people don’t care if you’re qualified. America has elected unqualified presidents for the last, what, thirty years. Now, tell me, what’s the most important thing that sets you apart from your competitors?”
  “I’m the most handsome.”
  “And?”
  “I’m new.”
  “That’s it. We want to be the coolest candidate. We want to be the Bernie of 2016. Or the Trump of 2016, for that matter. But let’s go with Bernie. In 2016, he wasn’t the coolest kid on the playground because he challenged the Republicans’ America. People liked him because he challenged Obama’s America. That’s the one thing that we have. Look, we have a guy who was a satirist and who has made jokes about everyone. Who has always seen what went wrong under the Democrats’ watch. And now he’s running for president. He is the one person who has not played his part in letting America become what it is today.”
  “But Joe,” Stephen intervened, “we tried that, and people told us that we have no issues to talk about.”
  “It’s not about not talking about the issues,” Trippi responded, “It’s about making clear that so far, the solutions of every other of your competitors have s****ed f*****g d**k.”

“Colbert’s poll numbers take a hit”
- politico, September 16th 2019

“The student protest against climate change is proof of government failure of the last thirty years. We have to reject the same-old-same-old & those who have represented it”
- @stephencolbert, September 20th 2019

“BREAKING: Trump admits discussing Joe and Hunter Biden in a phone call with Ukrainian president”
- CNN, September 22nd 2019

“What is he hiding? Release the transcript! There has to be a transcript, right? Prove your innocence, Donald!”
- Stephen Colbert, September 22nd 2019

“BREAKING: Colbert calls for impeachment inquiry amid release of memorandum”
- CNN, September 24th 2019

“Pelosi opens impeachment inquiry”
- NBC News, September 25th 2019

“Finally, Congressional Democrats are doing the right thing: to look at the facts and then make an informed judgment. This is how it ought to be. But what I absolutely resent is this unbearable arrogance you hear right now from some of them. This childish finger-pointing at half of the country while saying ‘I told you so’. Keep going Dem’s. This time, it’ll work! Really a sensible idea to further alienate one half of the country by behaving like an actual prick! What they don’t understand is that people voted for this horrible man because he instilled hope. He instilled hope that things might turn around for them. He instilled hope because people believed that he cares. But we have seen that he doesn’t. He doesn’t care for you. He only cares for himself. He cares for himself so much that he breaks laws. That he violates fundamental principles of the constitution.”
- Stephen Colbert, September 28th 2019

“Democratic voters are most sympathetic towards Colbert. Why won’t they vote for him?”
- fivethirtyeight, October 1st 2019

[NewYorkExpress]

Looking forward to the Colbert/Jon Stewart ticket in November.

[Kahane's Grave Is A Gender-Neutral Bathroom]

Is this still alive?

[Amanda Huggenkiss]

Is this still alive?

Yes it is. I have some exams going at the moment, so my writing pace is really slow. But I know it's there and I will take care of it soon.