Laaff-A-Palussa
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Author Topic: Laaff-A-Palussa  (Read 2264 times)
Lincoln Republican
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« on: April 08, 2021, 01:20:39 PM »
« edited: April 09, 2021, 12:08:12 PM by Lincoln Republican »

Question:  What did Richard Nixon say when he was looking for Henry Kissinger?

Answer:   I wonder whose Kissinger now.
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Lincoln Republican
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« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2021, 01:22:53 PM »
« Edited: April 09, 2021, 12:09:50 PM by Lincoln Republican »

Question:  What do you call New York City after it has been overrun by pigs?

Answer:  New Pork City.
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Lincoln Republican
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« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2021, 01:26:42 PM »
« Edited: April 09, 2021, 12:12:05 PM by Lincoln Republican »

Question:  If you live in New York City, where do you take your dog to be groomed?

Answer:  Bark Avenue.

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Lincoln Republican
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« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2021, 01:35:53 PM »
« Edited: April 09, 2021, 12:14:04 PM by Lincoln Republican »

Question:  What did the teenage vampire say when he took his new girlfriend home to meet his parents?

Answer:  Mom, Dad, I would like you to meet my new ghoulfriend. 
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Lincoln Republican
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« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2021, 01:40:48 PM »
« Edited: April 09, 2021, 12:15:13 PM by Lincoln Republican »

Question:  What did the vampire say when he saw the woman of his dreams?

Answer:  Love at first bite.
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Lincoln Republican
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« Reply #5 on: April 08, 2021, 01:47:03 PM »
« Edited: April 09, 2021, 12:16:24 PM by Lincoln Republican »

One suit of armor says to the other suit of armor

Question:  Would you like to go with me to fight in the crusades?  

Answer:  I would love to, but I'm a little rusty right now.
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Lincoln Republican
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« Reply #6 on: April 08, 2021, 01:49:32 PM »
« Edited: April 09, 2021, 12:17:24 PM by Lincoln Republican »

Question:  When a suit of armor dies, what gets written on his tombstone?

Answer:  Rust In Peace.
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Lincoln Republican
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« Reply #7 on: April 08, 2021, 01:51:26 PM »
« Edited: April 09, 2021, 12:18:21 PM by Lincoln Republican »

Question:  What do you call a knight who likes to dance all the time?

Answer:  Sir Prance A Lot.
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Lincoln Republican
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« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2021, 01:54:39 PM »
« Edited: April 09, 2021, 12:29:06 PM by Lincoln Republican »

Question:  Who invented the Round Table?

Answer: Sir Cumference.


 
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Lincoln Republican
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« Reply #9 on: April 12, 2021, 10:31:27 AM »

Santa went to a home on Christmas Eve to leave presents for a girl and a boy 

When he entered the house, the boy and girl who live there were fighting

After leaving presents for the children, as he was leaving, Santa said to the children

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good fight
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Lincoln Republican
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« Reply #10 on: April 16, 2021, 04:26:34 PM »

One chef to another chef:

What thyme is it?
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Lincoln Republican
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« Reply #11 on: April 20, 2021, 07:38:21 PM »

Patient to Doctor:

"Doctor, I broke my arm when I slipped on the ice.  I wasn't wearing winter boots."

Doctor to Patient:

"Yes, I have a bone to pick with you."
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Nutmeg
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« Reply #12 on: April 21, 2021, 07:06:45 AM »

Someone had a happy 4/20, it seems.
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John Dule
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« Reply #13 on: April 21, 2021, 01:32:14 PM »

Question: Will a crowd ever be happy to see Eric Swalwell?

Answer: Only if he has an open-casket funeral.
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John Dule
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« Reply #14 on: April 21, 2021, 04:06:06 PM »

Question: What's more dangerous than standing between a mother bear and her cub?

Answer: Standing between Eric Swalwell and a TV camera.
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Lincoln Republican
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« Reply #15 on: April 25, 2021, 12:46:02 PM »

Patient says:  Doctor, it hurts when I do this.

Doctor says:  Don't do that.
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Lincoln Republican
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« Reply #16 on: May 15, 2021, 01:53:19 PM »

What does the Pope say when he wants to talk to ET?

ET Phone Rome
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John Dule
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« Reply #17 on: May 15, 2021, 02:01:16 PM »

Question: What's the etymology of Eric Swalwell's surname?

Answer: It's an onomatopoetic term for the noise he made when he slithered out of his mother's filthy womb.
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MarkD
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« Reply #18 on: May 15, 2021, 06:45:11 PM »

Question: What's more dangerous than standing between a mother bear and her cub?

Answer: Standing between Eric Swalwell and a TV camera.

In one of Bob Dole's books about political wit (I think it was the first one: Great Political Wit, published 1998), Dole sort of told that joke, but about Chuck Schumer. "Where's the most dangerous place to stand in Washington D.C.? Between Chuck Schumer and a TV camera." (That's as I remember it.)

Here's mine: Pity the man who couldn't find anybody to sing with. He went out and bought himself a Duet Yourself Kit.
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