Southern Legislation Introduction Thread

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

Fines Fairness Act

Section 1
The title of this law is the "Fines Fairness Act" or FF Act for short.

Section 2
1. No person shall have a driver's license revoked or suspended as a result of not paying fines or penalties to a local, state, federal, or the Southern government.
2. Section 1 shall not apply to those who are charged with or convicted of vehicular crimes.

Major credit goes to the Governor for helping flesh out this bill.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

snip

signing on as co-sponsor

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

CalamityBlue's Anti-Gambling Act

1. All card games making use of the number "twenty-one"(21) shall be deemed illegal and each instance of the playing, provision, and/or quartering of such games with any of the following: (i) a house edge of greater than one and one-half (1.5) percentage points as established through rigorous statisical analysis; (ii) play resulting in outcomes less optimal than basic strategy; or (iii) payouts of less than 3:2 for blackjacks, shall be punishable by a fine of no less than $5000, as well as a federal supermax prison sentence of no less than seventeen(17) minutes, but no more than thirty-one(31) minutes.

2. Two (2) weeks in 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th grade Math shall be dedicated to teaching children the probabilities of winning in different card games, and demonstrate how the house has a greater chance of winning in most of the card games. This teaching shall cover basic blackjack strategy, the effect of various rulesets on the house edge, and is not required to, but is encouraged to provide a basic understanding of advantage play and card counting.

3. The song "Hoedown Throwdown" by Hannah Montana shall be designated as an officially proscribed musical performance within the Southern region, and any instance of its playing or listening shall be punishable by a fine of eight and one-half (8.5) cents and one (1) slap on the wrist.

I thank you for taking the step of introducing this act. We can hopefully move swiftly on the prostitution bill with this behind us.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

Hope y'all don't mind if this Western imperialist submits a bill for someone to sponsor on my behalf, since Fremont and Lincoln are acting on this...

A RESOLUTION
To push Turn 6 of the NPC campaigns to August 2021

Be it resolved by the Chamber of Delegates assembled

Section 1. Title

This legislation may be cited as the July 2021 Southern NPC Delay Act.

Section 2. Delaying Turn 6 NPC Contests for One Month

Upon passage of this act, the Chamber of Delegates officially submits to the Game Moderator a formal request to reschedule elections in Arkansas, Tennessee, Georgia, and the City of Houston to August 2021.

Please take this to the floor ASAP.

I sponsor

So does I.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

Barbeque Resolution
1. This resolution should be called 'Resolution to Recognize the Good of Barbeque' or 'Barbeque Resolution' for short.
2. This resolution is to serve as a reminder to the great variety of barbeque styles that are in the South.
3. Kansas, the two Carolina, and Texas are the most famous of the aforementioned of these barbeque styles.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

Working Experience for Students Act

Section I. Title
i. This bill may be known as the “Working Experience for Students Act” or "WESA Act" for short.

Section II. Substance
i. All accredited universities in the South shall require students to be in the state of being in an internship or job throughout their time studying.
ii. Institutions can make exceptions for those with disabilities from being impacted by this bill.
iii. A total of $20,000,000 is to be given to the relevant authorities in question to aid with enforcement of this law.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

Barbeque Resolution
1. This resolution should be called 'Resolution to Recognize the Good of Barbeque' or 'Barbeque Resolution' for short.
2. This resolution is to serve as a reminder to the great variety of barbeque styles that are in the South.
3. Kansas, the two Carolina, and Texas are the most famous of the aforementioned of these barbeque styles.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

RESOLUTION IN SUPPORT OF CHICK-FIL-A

Whereas Chick-Fil-A is a proud southern business providing an important and delicious way to maintain proper nutrition, and;

Whereas Chick-Fil-A is culturally associated with Southern Region, and serves as an excellent symbol of Southern love, hospitality, and charm, and;

Whereas Chick-Fil-A has donated lots of money to worthwhile charities and organizations, cares deeply about its employees, and is an exemplary corporate citizen;

Now therefore, the month of June 2022 shall be proclaimed Chick-Fil-A Pride Month. It shall be the official policy of the Southern Region to encourage all Atlasians to eat at Chick-Fil-A at least once during Chick-Fil-A Pride Month.

I sign on as a co-sponsor of this legislation.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

PUBLIC CONTRACT VENDORS REFORM ACT

1. It is the position that the following product names or mascots therefor are not racist, sexist, bigoted, or otherwise problematic to modern society:

A. Aunt Jemima (Aunt Jemima)

B. Mrs. Butterworth (Mrs. Butterworth's)

C. Uncle Ben (Uncle Ben's)

D. Chef Rassus (Cream of Wheat)

E. Miss Chiquita (Chiquita Banana)

F. Eskimo (Eskimo Pie)

G. Indian Girl (Land O Lakes)

H. Tropic-Ana (Tropicana)

I. Frito Bandito (Fritos)

J. Indian (Mutual of Omaha)

K. Jeep Cherokee and Grand Cherokee

L. Red Man (Red Man Chewing Tobacco)

M. Sambo's Restaurant

N. Big Boy (Big Boy Burgers)

O. Indian (American Spirits)

P. Indian (Callumet Baking Powder)

Q. Darlie Toothpaste

R. Light and Lovely

S. Dixie Cups

2. The Southern Region hereby condemns any proposed censorship, redesigns, or retirements, or renamings pertaining to the above listed product names and mascots.

3. No Regional, State, or local public funds shall be expended to acquire or provide any product identified above if such product or its mascot is renamed, redesigned, or retired, or has been renamed, redesigned, or retired in the last five (5) years.

4. No Regional, State, or local public funds shall be expended to acquire or provide any any other product manufactured or sold by the parent company of any product identified above if such product or its mascot is renamed, redesigned, or retired, or has been renamed, redesigned, or retired in the last five (5) years, and subsidiaries of such company for no less than ten (10) years unless such change is reversed.

5. The Southern Region hereby posthumously congratulates Nancy Green, the original spokeswoman for Aunt Jemima, for her courageous and entrepreneurial spirit and importance to fostering racial harmony and love and spresding Southern culture. $50,000.00 is hereby authorized and appropriated to design and construct a monument for
to be located at her gravesite. Such monument shall include a bronze relief of Nancy Green of a design to be approved of by the Governor.

6. This act shall take effect January 1, 2023.

I'd like to sign on as a co-sponsor of this legislation.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

PUBLIC CONTRACT VENDORS REFORM ACT

1. It is the position that the following product names or mascots therefor are not racist, sexist, bigoted, or otherwise problematic to modern society:

A. Aunt Jemima (Aunt Jemima)

B. Mrs. Butterworth (Mrs. Butterworth's)

C. Uncle Ben (Uncle Ben's)

D. Chef Rassus (Cream of Wheat)

E. Miss Chiquita (Chiquita Banana)

F. Eskimo (Eskimo Pie)

G. Indian Girl (Land O Lakes)

H. Tropic-Ana (Tropicana)

I. Frito Bandito (Fritos)

J. Indian (Mutual of Omaha)

K. Jeep Cherokee and Grand Cherokee

L. Red Man (Red Man Chewing Tobacco)

M. Sambo's Restaurant

N. Big Boy (Big Boy Burgers)

O. Indian (American Spirits)

P. Indian (Callumet Baking Powder)

Q. Darlie Toothpaste

R. Light and Lovely

S. Dixie Cups

2. The Southern Region hereby condemns any proposed censorship, redesigns, or retirements, or renamings pertaining to the above listed product names and mascots.

3. No Regional, State, or local public funds shall be expended to acquire or provide any product identified above if such product or its mascot is renamed, redesigned, or retired, or has been renamed, redesigned, or retired in the last five (5) years.

4. No Regional, State, or local public funds shall be expended to acquire or provide any any other product manufactured or sold by the parent company of any product identified above if such product or its mascot is renamed, redesigned, or retired, or has been renamed, redesigned, or retired in the last five (5) years, and subsidiaries of such company for no less than ten (10) years unless such change is reversed.

5. The Southern Region hereby posthumously congratulates Nancy Green, the original spokeswoman for Aunt Jemima, for her courageous and entrepreneurial spirit and importance to fostering racial harmony and love and spresding Southern culture. $50,000.00 is hereby authorized and appropriated to design and construct a monument for
to be located at her gravesite. Such monument shall include a bronze relief of Nancy Green of a design to be approved of by the Governor.

6. This act shall take effect January 1, 2023.

I'd like to sign on as a co-sponsor of this legislation.

You can be the only sponsor which will bump this bill to the front of the queue in the next session. Thanks!

Nice.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

COURTROOM ANTICS ACT

1. In any court in the Southern Region, the presiding judge shall be responsible for determining the courtroom rules for walkout music used by lawyers when beginning a trial, provided that any decision to allow walkout music shall permit equal time to each party participating in the trial.

2. No person imprisoned in the Southern Region shall be charged a fee to use any telephone or electronic communication service when such use is to communicate with legal counsel or potential legal counsel.

3. This act shall take effect immediately.

I co-sign as a sponsor of this legislation.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

No action on many of these bills yet...

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

CHEW ON THIS ACT

1. Manufacturers of any chewing gum products that are sold in the Southern Region will be given three months from the passage of this law to comply with the following requirements:

a. Chewing gum products may not contain petroleum by-products, including plastic, as an ingredient.

2. Wholesalers of chewing gum products to retailers in the Southern Region will have six months from the passage of this law to ensure that any chewing gum products that do not satisfy the requirements outlined in Section 1 are removed from their stocks.

3. Manufacturers found to be in violation of this law will be subject to the following penalties:

a. For the first six months of this law being in effect (i.e., until 12 months from the passage of this law), manufacturers found to violate Section 1 will be fined a minimum of $50,000 per product in circulation.

b. Following 12 months from the passage of this law, manufacturers found to violate Section 1 will be fined a minimum of $1,000,000 per product in circulation and may be subject to orders prohibiting manufacture, distribution, and other operations within Fremont.

4. Wholesalers found to be in violation of Section 2 of this law will be required to forfeit any revenues from affected products.  A second and any subsequent violation by the same wholesaler will additionally result in the levy of a fine of a minimum of $5,000 per product in circulation.

I sign on as co-sponsor.