Southern Legislation Introduction Thread

[Mr. Reactionary]

A.N.D.Y. N.G.O. ACT

1. This act shall be known as the Antiterrorism Needed to Destroy Yuppie No Good Organizations Act or A.N.D.Y. N.G.O. Act.

2. The Southern Region hereby declares the group identified as "Anti-Fascist Action" or "Antifa" as a terrorist organization. Any member of Antifa that is convicted of:

A. a crime of violence;

B. a crime requiring registration as a sex offender;

C. a crime requiring registration as an animal, food, or ecological terrorist;

D. a violation of the F.U. Rioters Act;

E. a violation of the Banning Racist Curriculum Act, as amended;

F. A violation of Title IV of the Fraudulent Deceit Is A Sin Act;

G. A violation of the Malevolent Magic Is A Sin Act;

H. A violation of the Lynching Is A Sin Act;

I. A violation of the Pagan Sacrifice Is A Sin Act;

J. A violation of the Monkeypox Prevention Act;

K. A violation of the S.T.D. Act; or

L. A violation of the Promoting Holy Hygiene Act

shall be included in the animal, food, and ecological terrorist registry.

3. This act shall take effect immediately.

[FairBol]

Mr./Ms. INSERT SPONSOR NAME HERE, with thanks to Mr. WICKER and others, proposes

A RESOLUTION

designating the period from September 20 to September 26 as “Southern Rail Safety Week”.

BE IT ENACTED BY THE SOUTHERN CHAMBER RESOLVED,

SECTION 1. TITLE.

This Resolution may be cited as the “Southern Rail Safety Week Act”.


SECTION 2. FINDINGS.


  1. There is an urgent need for greater awareness in the area of railroad safety.

  2. Rail Safety Week was launched to raise awareness about the need for increased education on how to be safe around highway-rail grade crossings and railroad tracks and to highlight efforts to further reduce collisions, injuries, and fatalities.

  3. A high percentage of rail related fatalities happen as a result of accidents involving highway-rail crossings, as well as trespassing incidents at such crossings.  

  4. Railroad collisions between trains and motor vehicles or pedestrians happen frequently; often, these incidents result in fatalities.

  5. Over the years, the Southern Region has been the location of many of these tragic accidents.  

  6. It is in the Region’s interest to, through increased education, engineering, and enforcement, attempt to prevent incidents of rail-related fatalities.  



SECTION 3. GENERAL RESOLUTION.

  Now, therefore, it is resolved that –

    1. The period from September 20 to September 26 is hereby designated as “Southern Rail Safety Week” in the South Region.

    2. This Chamber encourages all Southerners –

      (a) to participate in Southern Rail Safety Week events and activities; and

      (b) to educate themselves and others on how to be safe around railroad tracks.



SECTION 4. EFFECTIVE DATE.

This bill shall take effect upon its lawful passage.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

PUBLIC CONTRACT VENDORS REFORM ACT

1. It is the position that the following product names or mascots therefor are not racist, sexist, bigoted, or otherwise problematic to modern society:

A. Aunt Jemima (Aunt Jemima)

B. Mrs. Butterworth (Mrs. Butterworth's)

C. Uncle Ben (Uncle Ben's)

D. Chef Rassus (Cream of Wheat)

E. Miss Chiquita (Chiquita Banana)

F. Eskimo (Eskimo Pie)

G. Indian Girl (Land O Lakes)

H. Tropic-Ana (Tropicana)

I. Frito Bandito (Fritos)

J. Indian (Mutual of Omaha)

K. Jeep Cherokee and Grand Cherokee

L. Red Man (Red Man Chewing Tobacco)

M. Sambo's Restaurant

N. Big Boy (Big Boy Burgers)

O. Indian (American Spirits)

P. Indian (Callumet Baking Powder)

Q. Darlie Toothpaste

R. Light and Lovely

S. Dixie Cups

2. The Southern Region hereby condemns any proposed censorship, redesigns, or retirements, or renamings pertaining to the above listed product names and mascots.

3. No Regional, State, or local public funds shall be expended to acquire or provide any product identified above if such product or its mascot is renamed, redesigned, or retired, or has been renamed, redesigned, or retired in the last five (5) years.

4. No Regional, State, or local public funds shall be expended to acquire or provide any any other product manufactured or sold by the parent company of any product identified above if such product or its mascot is renamed, redesigned, or retired, or has been renamed, redesigned, or retired in the last five (5) years, and subsidiaries of such company for no less than ten (10) years unless such change is reversed.

5. The Southern Region hereby posthumously congratulates Nancy Green, the original spokeswoman for Aunt Jemima, for her courageous and entrepreneurial spirit and importance to fostering racial harmony and love and spresding Southern culture. $50,000.00 is hereby authorized and appropriated to design and construct a monument for
to be located at her gravesite. Such monument shall include a bronze relief of Nancy Green of a design to be approved of by the Governor.

6. This act shall take effect January 1, 2023.

I'd like to sign on as a co-sponsor of this legislation.

[Mr. Reactionary]

WE ARE NOT AMUSED ACT

1. The Southern Region hereby designates the following Amusement Park rides in the Southern Region as culturally significant southern landmarks:

A. The Rebel Yell rollercoaster at King's Dominion in Virginia;

B. The Splash Mountain flume ride at Disney World in Florida;

C. The Great Locomotive Chase at Stone Mountain State Park in Georgia; and

D. The Texas Giant rollercoaster at Six Flags in Texas.

2. The Southern Region hereby condemns any proposed censorship, redesigns, retirements, or renamings pertaining to the above listed culturally significant southern landmarks.

3. No Regional, State, or local public funds shall be expended to promote or advertise any ride, attraction, park, or business owned by any company or business entity if such company or entity censors, redesigns for a reason other than safety, retires, or renames any culturally significant southern landmark listed above or has censored, redesigned for a reason other than safety, retired, or renamed any culturally significant southern landmark listed above in the last five (5) years.

4. This act shall take effect immediately.

[Mr. Reactionary]

PUBLIC CONTRACT VENDORS REFORM ACT

1. It is the position that the following product names or mascots therefor are not racist, sexist, bigoted, or otherwise problematic to modern society:

A. Aunt Jemima (Aunt Jemima)

B. Mrs. Butterworth (Mrs. Butterworth's)

C. Uncle Ben (Uncle Ben's)

D. Chef Rassus (Cream of Wheat)

E. Miss Chiquita (Chiquita Banana)

F. Eskimo (Eskimo Pie)

G. Indian Girl (Land O Lakes)

H. Tropic-Ana (Tropicana)

I. Frito Bandito (Fritos)

J. Indian (Mutual of Omaha)

K. Jeep Cherokee and Grand Cherokee

L. Red Man (Red Man Chewing Tobacco)

M. Sambo's Restaurant

N. Big Boy (Big Boy Burgers)

O. Indian (American Spirits)

P. Indian (Callumet Baking Powder)

Q. Darlie Toothpaste

R. Light and Lovely

S. Dixie Cups

2. The Southern Region hereby condemns any proposed censorship, redesigns, or retirements, or renamings pertaining to the above listed product names and mascots.

3. No Regional, State, or local public funds shall be expended to acquire or provide any product identified above if such product or its mascot is renamed, redesigned, or retired, or has been renamed, redesigned, or retired in the last five (5) years.

4. No Regional, State, or local public funds shall be expended to acquire or provide any any other product manufactured or sold by the parent company of any product identified above if such product or its mascot is renamed, redesigned, or retired, or has been renamed, redesigned, or retired in the last five (5) years, and subsidiaries of such company for no less than ten (10) years unless such change is reversed.

5. The Southern Region hereby posthumously congratulates Nancy Green, the original spokeswoman for Aunt Jemima, for her courageous and entrepreneurial spirit and importance to fostering racial harmony and love and spresding Southern culture. $50,000.00 is hereby authorized and appropriated to design and construct a monument for
to be located at her gravesite. Such monument shall include a bronze relief of Nancy Green of a design to be approved of by the Governor.

6. This act shall take effect January 1, 2023.

I'd like to sign on as a co-sponsor of this legislation.

You can be the only sponsor which will bump this bill to the front of the queue in the next session. Thanks!

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

PUBLIC CONTRACT VENDORS REFORM ACT

1. It is the position that the following product names or mascots therefor are not racist, sexist, bigoted, or otherwise problematic to modern society:

A. Aunt Jemima (Aunt Jemima)

B. Mrs. Butterworth (Mrs. Butterworth's)

C. Uncle Ben (Uncle Ben's)

D. Chef Rassus (Cream of Wheat)

E. Miss Chiquita (Chiquita Banana)

F. Eskimo (Eskimo Pie)

G. Indian Girl (Land O Lakes)

H. Tropic-Ana (Tropicana)

I. Frito Bandito (Fritos)

J. Indian (Mutual of Omaha)

K. Jeep Cherokee and Grand Cherokee

L. Red Man (Red Man Chewing Tobacco)

M. Sambo's Restaurant

N. Big Boy (Big Boy Burgers)

O. Indian (American Spirits)

P. Indian (Callumet Baking Powder)

Q. Darlie Toothpaste

R. Light and Lovely

S. Dixie Cups

2. The Southern Region hereby condemns any proposed censorship, redesigns, or retirements, or renamings pertaining to the above listed product names and mascots.

3. No Regional, State, or local public funds shall be expended to acquire or provide any product identified above if such product or its mascot is renamed, redesigned, or retired, or has been renamed, redesigned, or retired in the last five (5) years.

4. No Regional, State, or local public funds shall be expended to acquire or provide any any other product manufactured or sold by the parent company of any product identified above if such product or its mascot is renamed, redesigned, or retired, or has been renamed, redesigned, or retired in the last five (5) years, and subsidiaries of such company for no less than ten (10) years unless such change is reversed.

5. The Southern Region hereby posthumously congratulates Nancy Green, the original spokeswoman for Aunt Jemima, for her courageous and entrepreneurial spirit and importance to fostering racial harmony and love and spresding Southern culture. $50,000.00 is hereby authorized and appropriated to design and construct a monument for
to be located at her gravesite. Such monument shall include a bronze relief of Nancy Green of a design to be approved of by the Governor.

6. This act shall take effect January 1, 2023.

I'd like to sign on as a co-sponsor of this legislation.

You can be the only sponsor which will bump this bill to the front of the queue in the next session. Thanks!

Nice.

[Mr. Reactionary]

COLLEGE IMPROVEMENT ACT

TITLE I: TENURE REVIEW

1. Each tenured faculty member of any public college or university or nonpublic college or university that receives public funds in the Southern Region shall be required to undergo a comprehensive post-tenure review every five (5) years. The review must address:

A. Accomplishments and productivity;

B. Assigned duties in research, teaching, and service;

C. Performance metrics, evaluations, and ratings; and

D. Recognition and compensation considerations, as well as improvement plans and consequences for underperformance.

2. For tenured faculty determined to be unsatisfactory upon review the evaluation shall include recommendations for how the faculty member might improve, including but not limited to additional professional training, classroom monitoring, or reassignment. Any faculty member determined to be unsatisfactory upin review shall be subject to an additional pist-tenure review after two (2) years. If such additional review again finds unsatisfactory performance by the faculty member the evaluation may recommend additional opportunities for improvement or it may recommend the termination of tenure for the faculty member.

3. Nothing in this title shall prohibit the termination of a tenured faculty member for cause, including but not limited to disciplinary action, elimination of the teaching position, or other lawful reason unrelated to the performance evaluation.

TITLE II: TEXT BOOK LISTS

1. Each class offered at any public college or university or nonpublic college or university that receives public funds in the Southern Region shall:

A. Post lists of required and recommended textbooks and instructional materials as early as is feasible but at least 45 days before the first day of class for each term.

B. Maintain such posted list for at least five (5) academic years.

C. Be searchable by the course subject, the course number, the course title, the name of the instructor of the course, the title of each assigned textbook or instructional material, and each author of an assigned textbook or instructional material.

 D. Be easily downloadable by current and prospective students.

 E. Include course syllabi information containing sufficient detail to inform students of the course curriculum, the goals, objectives, and student expectations of the course, and how student performance will be measured.

TITLE III: ACCREDITATION

1. Any public college or university or nonpublic college or university that receives public funds in the Southern Region shall be required to seek and obtain accreditation from an approved Regional accrediting agency or association every eight (8 ) years, with a post-accreditation review after year five (5).

2. The Attorney General shall identify and determine the accrediting agencies or associations best suited to serve as an accreditor for colleges and universities in the Southern Region. Such accrediting agencies or associations shall be enumerated in a database created and maintained by the Attorney General's Office.

3. A college or university may not be accredited by the same accrediting agency or association for consecutive accreditation cycles.

4. Each college or university shall provide quarterly reports of its progress towards obtaining or maintaing its accreditation status to the Governor.

5. If each Regional accreditation agency or association has refused to grant candidacy status to a college or university, the college or university shall seek and obtain accreditation from any accrediting agency or association that is different than its current accrediting agency or association and is recognized by the database created and maintained by the Attorney General's Office.

6. If a college or university is not granted candidacy status before its next reaffirmation or fifth-year review date, the college or university may remain with its current accrediting agency or association.

7. The requirements of this title are not applicable to those professional, graduate, departmental, or certificate programs that have specific accreditation requirements or best practices, including, but not limited to, law, pharmacy, engineering, or other similarly situated educational programs.

 8. A college or university negatively impacted by retaliatory action taken against the college or university by an accrediting agency or association may bring an action against the accrediting agency or association in a court of competent jurisdiction and may obtain liquidated damages up to the amount of federal financial aid received by the college or university and reasonable legal costs.

TITLE IV: FEE INCREASES

1. The Attacking The Tower Act shall be amended as follows:

...

5. Any proposal or action of any public college or university or nonpublic college or university that receives public funds in the Southern Region to raise, impose, or authorize any fee, except for tuition, must be approved by a 2/3 vote of the members of the governing board of the College or University, in order to take effect.

...

TITLE V: COLLEGE NAMES

1. The names of the following public Virginia Community Colleges are hereby reaffirmed and comemended for celebrating Virginia history:

A. Dabney S. Lancaster Community College

B. John Tyler Community College

C. Lord Fairfax Community College

D. Patrick Henry Community College

E. Thomas Nelson Community College

TITLE VI: EFFECTIVE DATE

1. This act shall take effect April 1, 2023.

[Mr. Reactionary]

OATH KEEPER ACT

1. No member of the Southern Regional Guard, any State Defense force, the organized militia, or unorganized militia shall be ordered to:

A. Disarm the Southern people in violation of the Southern Constitution;

B. Conduct warrantless searches of the Southern people in violation of the Southern Constitution;

C.  Detain Southern citizens as “unlawful enemy combatants” or to subject them to military tribunal in violation of the Southern Constitution;

D. Impose martial law or a “state of emergency” on a State in violation of the Southern Constitution;

E. Invade and subjugate any State that lawfully asserts its sovereignty over the government of Atlasia;

F. Blockade Southern cities, thus turning them into giant concentration camps in violation of the Southern Constitution;

G. Force Southern citizens into any form of detention camps under any pretext;

H. Assist or support the use of any foreign troops on Atlasian soil against the Southern people to “keep the peace” or to “maintain control.”

I. Confiscate the lawful property of the Southern people, including food and other essential supplies.

J. Infringe on the right of the Southern people to free speech, to peaceably assemble, and to petition their government for a redress of grievances.

2. This act shall take effect immediately.

[Mr. Reactionary]

STOP GREEDY LAWYERS ACT

1. It shall be a misdemeanor punishable by imprisonment for no more than one (1) year and a fine of no more than $10,000.00 and disgorgement of profits in all States and external territories of the Southern Region for any person to engage in the practice of law in a State in which he is not licensed to practice law. For purposes of this act engaging in the practice of law on behalf of one's self, spouse, or child shall not constitute the unlawful unlicensed practice of law.

2. Any person who is actively licensed to practice law in any State in the Southern Region and who has been actively licensed to practice law in any State in the Southern Region for at least five (5) prior consecutive years, shall be entitled to engage in the practice of law in any other State in the Southern Region.

3. It shall be a misdemeanor punishable by imprisonment for no more than one (1) year and a fine of no more than $10,000.00 and disgorgement of profits in all States and external territories of the Southern Region for any person to engage in barratry. Barratry means encouraging lawsuits between others in order to create legal business for one’s personal gain and profit, or when a licensed attorney solicits employment 
through live person-to person contact.

4. The use of the suffix esquire or Esq. by a person who is not licensed to engage in the practice of law in any State in the Southern Region, or in any State in Atlasia, shall constitute prima facia evidence that a person is engaging in the unlicensed practice of law.

5. It is the position of the Southern Region that the use of the suffix esquire or Esq. by a person who is licensed to engage in the practice of law in any State in the Southern Region, or in any State in Atlasia, does not constitute the awarding of an unconstitutional title of nobility, as such title does not pass to descendants.

6. This act shall take effect April 1, 2023.

[Mr. Reactionary]

FLAGPOLE FAIRNESS ACT

1. Neither the Southern Regional government nor any State or local government therein shall permit or allow any third party to raise or display any flag upon a flagpole owned or controlled by such government, unless such government allows other third parties to similarly and fairly raise or display a flag on such flagpole without regard to the content of such flag.

2. This act shall not apply to any flagpole located in a cemetery or upon or appurtenant to a monument.

3. This act shall take effect immediately.

[Mr. Reactionary]

ALL THE PRETTY HORSES ACT

1. The Southern Region hereby encourages all Southerners to attend the Chincoteague pony swim festival in Accomack County Virginia on July 26 and July 27, 2023.

2. $50,000.00 from the Public Monument Art Trust Fund is hereby appropriated to assist the Town of Chincoteague prepare for the festival.

3. This act shall take effect immediately.

[Mr. Reactionary]

SLOW DOWN TRAFFIC PUMPING ACT

1. For the purposes of this Act, the term access stimulation charge means any switched access charge assessed by a local exchange carrier for delivery of intrastate telecommunications to an entity that:

A.Provides a free or below cost service, discount, credit, or other product offering to any person calling a telephone number assigned by the local exchange carrier to an entity's service; and

B. Purchases no end user services for the provision of the free service and has a financial or contractual interest, which is either direct or indirect, in the intercarrier compensation revenue received by a telecommunications carrier, including access charges or reciprocal compensation for delivering calls to the telephone numbers assigned to any entity providing the free or below cost service.

2. No local exchange carrier (LEC) may assess an access stimulation charge. No access stimulation charge may be applied to any intrastate intraMTA telecommunications service which is originated by a commercial mobile radio service provider and terminated by an LEC.

3. An LEC is not engaged in the provisions of local exchange service if the carrier delivers calls to an entity that has a financial or contractual interest, which is either direct or indirect, in the intercarrier compensation revenue received by the local exchange carrier for processing any telephone traffic that is subject to an access stimulation charge as defined in herein.

4. An entity that has a financial or contractual interest, which is either direct or indirect, in the intercarrier compensation revenue received by an LEC for delivering calls to the telephone numbers assigned to the entity is not an end user of or subscriber of the LEC's telecommunications services.

 5. Any person who violates this Act is subject to a civil penalty to be imposed by the Attorney General after notice and opportunity for hearing. The civil penalty may not exceed twenty thousand dollars ($20,000.00) for each day there is a violation of this Act. In determining the amount of the penalty upon finding a violation, or the amount of the compromise settlement, the Attorney General shall consider the appropriateness of the penalty to the size of the business of the person charged, prior offenses and compliance history, the good faith efforts of the person charged in attempting to achieve compliance, and such other matters as justice may require. All penalties collected pursuant to this section shall be deposited in the Regional treasury. In addition to assessing a civil penalty for a violation of this Act, the Attorney General may revoke or suspend a telecommunications company's license to operate for repeated offenses.

6. This act shall take effect April 1, 2023.

[Mr. Reactionary]

THE FUTURE WILL BE BRIGHT ACT

1.  In the event that the Atlasian Constitution is ever amended to allow the Regions to determine abortion policy, interpreted by the Supreme Court to allow the Regions to determine abortion policy, or the Southern Region is no longer subject to the Atlasian Constitution, the following law shall take effect:

1. It shall be a felony punishable by imprisonment for no less than five (5) years and no more than twenty (20) years and a fine of $100,000.00 for any person in the Southern Region to purposefully, knowingly, or recklessly perform, induce, or prescribe or dispense drugs to perform or induce an abortion.

2. This prohibition shall not apply if the abortion is performed or induced when necessary to preserve the life of the mother, or when necessary to prevent serious physical harm to the mother, or when the fetus has been diagnosed with a lethal fetal abnormality, or when the pregnancy was caused by rape; however no abortion shall be performed or induced when the pregnancy was caused by rape if the abortion is performed or induced after nine (9) weeks of such pregnancy or if a formal charge of rape has not been filed with an appropriate law enforcement official.

3. For purposes of this act, a spontaneous miscarriage, the removal of a deceased fetus, or the removal of an ectopic pregnancy as defined by law shall not be considered an abortion.

4. This act shall take effect ten (10) days after the triggering event occurs.

2. The provisions of this act shall be severable to the maximum extent allowed by law, and if any such provision be rendered invalid by an appropriate court, all other provisions of this act shall remain in full force, as originally set out herein.

3. This act shall take effect immediately.

[Mr. Reactionary]

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL ACT

1. As used in this act:

A. Burglary means intentionally breaking and entering into a dwelling at night to commit a felony or theft therein.

B. Embezzlement means fraudulently misappropriating or stealing the property of another by a person to whom such property has been entrusted, who has a legal duty over such property. or into whose hands the property has lawfully come. Embezzlement shall also include the use of a computer or other electronic device to fraudulently misappropriate or steal the property of another through digital methods.

C. Robbery means unlawfully and intentionally taking the property of another person by force or threat of force.

D. Theft means purposefully taking the property of another person with the intent of permanently depriving that person of the use of their property.

2. It shall be a misdemeanor in all States and external territories of the Southern Region punishable by a fine of no more than $500.00 and restitution for any person to alter, change, manipulate, or remove a price tag, product label, barcode, or other feature on an item of merchandise offered for sale with the intent to commit theft or facilitate theft by another. For purposes of this provision, purchasing an item of merchandise offered for sale at a reduced price from what the owner intends is theft.

3. It shall be a misdemeanor in all States and external territories of the Southern Region punishable by a fine of no more than $1,000.00 and restitution for any person to knowingly commit theft when the value of the property stolen does not exceed $750.

4. It shall be a felony in all States and external territories of the Southern Region punishable by imprisonment for no more than one (1) year and a fine of no more than $10,000.00 and restitution for any person to knowingly commit theft when the value of the property stolen exceeds $750 but does not exceed $10,000.00 or when the property is a non-human animal pet.

5.  It shall be a felony in all States and external territories of the Southern Region punishable by imprisonment for no more than five (5) years and a fine of no more than $100,000.00 and restitution for any person to knowingly commit theft when the value of the property stolen exceeds $10,000.00.

6.  It shall be a felony in all States and external territories of the Southern Region punishable by imprisonment for no more than one (1) year and a fine of no more than $50,000.00 and restitution for any person to knowingly commit embezzlement.

7.  It shall be a felony in all States and external territories of the Southern Region punishable by imprisonment for no more than one (1) year and a fine of no more than $10,000.00 and restitution for any person to commit burglary in an unoccupied dwelling that is known or believed by the perpetrator to be unoccupied.

8. It shall be a felony in all States and external territories of the Southern Region punishable by imprisonment for no less than one (1) year and no more than ten (10) years a fine of no more than $50,000.00 and restitution for any person to commit burglary in an occupied dwelling or a dwelling believed by the perpetrator to be occupied.

9. It shall be a felony in all States and external territories of the Southern Region punishable by imprisonment for no less than two (2) years and no more than twenty (20) years and a fine of no less than $10,000.00 and more than $100,000.00 and restitution for any person to knowingly commit robbery. If such robbery is committed with a firearm imprisonment shall be for no less than five (5) years.

10. The awarding of restitution shall be a mandatory component of any punishment for a crime committed under this act and upon a conviction for a crime committed under this act, the presiding judge shall include an order if restitution that shall be treated the same as an awarded civil judgment.

11. The Lee-Jackson-Davis Criminal Reform Act shall be amended as follows:

...

1. Any State in the Southern Region shall be permitted to operate diversion programs whereby persons admitting guilt for the following crimes may instead of conviction have the charges dismissed upon completion of a court approved counseling and monitoring program for six (6) consecutive months and payment of any restitution:

A. Unlawful possession of a controlled substance

B. Prostitution

C. Public drunkenness

D. Driving while Intoxicated

E. Reckless Driving

F. A violation of Section 2 - 4 of the Thou Shalt Not Steal Act

...

12. Any person convicted of a crime under this act may be ordered to attend an appropriate treatment program or obtain psychiatric or psychological counseling.

13. If any person is convicted on two (2) or more occasions of theft from the same person within a year the value of the property stolen from all such occasions shall be cumulatively totaled for purposes of determining sentencing.

14. This act shall take effect April 1, 2023.

[Mr. Reactionary]

PROMOTING HOLY CALENDARS ACT

1. The Southern Region officially reaffirms that the present year is the Year of our Lord, 2022 Anno Domini or A.D. and that when identifying a year prior to 2022 years ago, such year be numbered in ascending order backwards along with the qualifier before Christ or B.C.. Any use of or reference to the qualifier before common era or B.C.E. in any government document shall be corrected to B.C. All future government documents shall use the year qualifiers A.D. and B.C..

2. The Southern Region officially reaffirms that the Holy Gregorian Calendar is in effect in the Southern Region.

3. For purposes of calculating time, the entirety of the States of Texas and Kansas shall be required to use Central Time. Any maps to the contrary shall be amended.

4. The Southern Region officially reaffirms that the Southern Region uses Daylight Savings Time (DST) during the entirety of the year. DST shall not be recognized by the South to end, nor to begin, at any time.

5. Nothing in this act shall prohibit the Southern Region from using the Hebrew Calendar or the Byzantine Calendar as a secondary calendar for the determination of religious holiday dates.

6. This act shall take effect January 1, 2022 A.D..

[Mr. Reactionary]

WARNER BROS. CENSORSHIP RESOLUTION

1. It is the position that the following movies, art, and other intellectual properties owned by Warner Bros. Discovery are not racist, sexist, bigoted, or otherwise problematic to modern society:

Film

A. The Littlest Rebel (1935)

B. Gone With The Wind (1939)

C. Space Jam (1995)

D. Space Jam 2 (2022)

Cartoon Characters

A. The Looney Toons character Yosemite Sam using firearms

B. The Looney Toons character Elmer Fudd using firearms

C. The Looney Toons character Lola Bunny drawn in a seductive manner

D. The Looney Toons character Pepe Le Pew

E. The Looney Toons character Speedy Gonzales

F. The Looney Toons character Slowpoke Rodriguez

G. The Looney Toons character Foghorn Leghorn

H. The Tom and Jerry character Mammy Two-Shoes

I. The Hanna-Barbera character Hong Kong Fooey

J. The Super Friends character Apache Chief

K. The Super Friends character Samurai

L. The Super Friends character Black Vulcan

M. The Super Friends character El Dorado

N. The Johnny Quest character Hadji

Television and Shorts

A. Hittin' the Trail for Hallelujah Land (1931)

B. Sunday Go to Meetin' Time (1936)

C. Clean Pastures (1937)

D. Uncle Tom's Bungalow (1937)

E. September in the Rain (1937)

F. Porky's Railroad (1937)

G. Jungle Jitters (1938)

H. The Isle of Pingo Pongo (1938)

I. Confederate Honey (1940)

J. The Hardship of Miles Standish (1940)

K. Scrub Me Mama With a Boogie Beat (1941)

L. All This and Rabbit Stew (1941)

M. Fresh Hare (1942)

N. Coal Black and de Sebben Dwarfs (1943)

O. Tin Pan Alley Cats (1943)

P. Tokio Jokio (1943)

Q. Angel Puss (1944)

R. Goldilocks and the Jivin' Bears (1944)

S. Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips (1944)

T. Slightly Daffy (1944)

U. Book Revue (1946)

V. A Feather in His Hare (1948)

W. The Truce Hurts (1948)

X. Nothing But the Tooth (1948)

Y. Tom Tom Tomcat (1953)

Z. Horse Hare (1960)

AA. Hocus Pocus Powwow (1968)

BB. Injun Trouble (1969)

CC. Any episode of the Flintstones

DD. Any episode of Johnny Quest

EE. Any episode of the Harlem Globetrotters or the Super Globetrotters

FF. Any short created to promote the sale of War Bonds during World War II

GG. Any short featuring Private Snafu

HH. Any cartoon short for merely featuring a cartoon character listed above.


2. The Southern Region hereby condemns any proposed censorship or trigger warnings pertaining to the above listed intellectual properties from their original presentations.

3. The Southern Region hereby condemns the recent decisions of DC Comics to superficially replace or retcon established characters with tokenized versions of such characters to artificially promote racial, sexual, or LGBT diversity. The Southern Region further believes that to truly promote racial, sexual, or LGBT diversity new and interesting characters of such backgrounds should be created rather than merely repackaging existing characters.

4. The Southern Region hereby posthumously congratulates Bill "Bojangles" Robinson for his prolific musical and dancing talent.

5. The Southern Region hereby posthumously congratulates Mel Blanc for his prolific voice acting talent.

6.  It is the position of the Southern Region that should the holder of the copyright of any intellectual property listed herein claim to permanently halt and prohibit the redistribution of any copyrighted movie, short, or cartoon, or any scene or character therefrom, such copyright shall be null and void and the movie, short, cartoon, or the scene or character therefrom shall be a part of the public domain.

7. This act shall take effect immediately.

[Mr. Reactionary]

WRESTLING CENSORSHIP RESOLUTION

1. It is the position that the following wrestlers along with their costumes, tag teams, wrestling matches, and other intellectual properties owned by Titan Sports Inc and distributed by Peacock are not racist, sexist, bigoted, or otherwise problematic to modern society:

Matches and Promos

A. Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. Bad News Brown (Wrestlemania VI, 1990)

B. Harlem Heat Promo (Spring Stampede, 1997)

C. JBL vs. Eddie Guerrero (Judgment Day, 2005)

D. Vince McMahon promo with John Cena (Survivor Series, 2005)

E. Muhammad Hassan promo (Smackdown episode July 7, 2005)

F. Any Smokey Mountain Wrestling match or promo featuring New Jack, Mustafa, or the Gangstas

G. Any Wrestling match or promo merely for featuring a wrestler identified herein ir their costume.

H. Any match or promo merely for featuring blood.

Wrestlers

A. New Jack, Mustafa, or their tag team the Gangstas

B. The tag team the Nation of Domination

C. Kamala

D. The Junkyard Dog

E. Akeem the African Dream

F. The Godfather

G. The Wild Samoans

H. Superfly Jimmie Snuka

I. Razor Ramon

J. Chief Jay Strongbow

K. Chief Wahoo McDaniel

L. High Chief Peter Maivia

M. Tojo Yamamoto

N. Yamaguchi-San

O. Val Venis

P. Nature Boy Ric Flair

Q. Tommy Dreamer

R. Chris Benoit

S. Eddie Guerrero

T. Eugene

U. The Spirit Squad

V. Scotty 2 Hottie

W. Mankind, Cactus Jack, or Dude Love

X. Tracey Smothers, Steve Armstrong, and their tag team the Southern Boys

Y. Phineas I. Godwinn, Henry O. Godwinn, and their tag team the Godwinns

Z. Michael Hayes, Buddy Roberts, Terry Gordy, Jimmy Garvin Badstreet, and their tag team the Fabulous Freebirds

AA. The Big Boss Man

BB. The Dirty White Boy

CC. Booker T., Stevie Ray, and their tag team Harlem Heat

DD. The tag team Retribution

EE. Umaga

FF. Oogie Boogie Man

GG. Muhammad Hassan

HH. The Iron Sheikh


2. The Southern Region hereby condemns any proposed censorship or trigger warnings pertaining to the above listed intellectual properties from their original presentations.

3. It is the position of the Southern Region that the masked wrestler Konichiwa who wrestled for Pure Pro Wrestling is not racist, bigoted, or otherwise problematic to modern society.

4. It is the position of the Southern Region that the wrestler the Progressive Liberal who wrestled for Southern States Wrestling is not racist, bigoted, or otherwise problematic to modern society.

5. The Southern Region hereby declares profssional wrestling to be an official Southern pastime.

6.  It is the position of the Southern Region that should the holder of the copyright of any intellectual property listed herein claim to permanently halt and prohibit the redistribution of any copyrighted wrestling match, promo, or wrestling tag team, persona, or costume, such copyright shall be null and void and the wrestling match, promo, or wrestling tag team, persona, or costume shall be a part of the public domain.

7. This act shall take effect immediately.

[Mr. Reactionary]

HONK HONK ACT

TITLE I: FINDINGS

1. Article II, Sec. 3, Cl. 1 of the Constitution of Atlasia guarantees to the Regions and their people all powers not granted to the federal government elsewhere in the Constitution and reserves to the Southern Region and people of the South certain powers as they were understood at the time that Constitution was ratified. The guaranty of those powers is a matter of contract between the Southern Region and people of the South and the government of Atlasia.

2. Article III, Sec. 3 of the Constitution of Atlasia only gives the federal government to regulate foreign trade and inter-regional commerce.

3. The government of Atlasia is a government of limited powers. Only those powers expressly granted to the government of Atlasia by the Constitution of Atlasia may be exercised by the government of Atlasia.

4. The regulation of intraregional or intrastate commerce, including the operation of trucks as affected by intrastate business, is vested in the Regions under the Atlasian Constitution and is specifically retained by the Southern Region.

5. In light of the above findings, trucking regulation in the Southern Region for all purposes of regulating business activity performed in the Southern Region when the products of such business activities are held, maintained, or retained within the borders of the Southern Region, is the principal responsibility of the the Southern Region, and any federal law or regulation over such intraregional or intrastate activity and are hereby declared to be null, void, and of no effect within the Southern Region to the extent it is contradicted herein. No local, State, or Regional money or resources shall be expended in the enforcement of such federal nullities, nor shall any local, State, Regional, or Atlasian employees or agents enforce, or attempt to enforce such federal nullities within the Southern Region.

6. Any provision herein found to be unconstitutional by a court of proper jurisdiction shall be severable from the remainder of this act.

TITLE II: TRUCKS

1. Each intrastate or intraregional motor carrier that operates in the Southern Region, in addition to the name or trade name of the motor carrier, must mark or affix on each self-propelled commercial motor vehicle operated by the carrier the initials "S.R." for Southern Region along with a red square containing a blue St. Andrew's Cross to visibly identify such motor vehicle as originating in the Southern Region. Such initials and marking shall be of the same size as required for any federally required DOT number on interstate commercial motor vehicles.

2. With respect to 49 CFR 390.19, an intrastate or intraregional motor carrier must only complete a "Motor Carrier Identification Report" (form MCS-150) at the following times:

A. Before the carrier begins operation; and

B. Every 24 months thereafter, in accordance with the schedule in 49 CFR 390.19.

3. For purposes of 49 CFR part 385, the safety investigation applied to intrastate or intraregional carriers will be conducted in compliance with Regional law.

4. For purposes of 49 CFR part 387, subpart A, 387.7 and 387.9, the minimum level of financial responsibility for for-hire motor carriers shall only apply to  intrastate or intraregional motor carriers transporting hazardous material.

5. For the purpose of 49 CFR 395.1(k), the planting and harvesting seasons during which transportation of agricultural commodities or farm supplies for agricultural purposes is conducted shall be deemed to run from January 1 through December 31 of each year.

6. For purposes of 49 CFR 382, marijuana or cannabis shall not be considered a controlled substance for intrastate or intraregional motor carriers.

7. For the purposes of 49 C.F.R §§ 390-399, no regulation thereunder shall apply to any intrastate or intraregional motor carriers unless otherwise specified by Regional law.
 
8. The Southern Region hereby declares "Turkey in the Straw" to be the official ice cream truck jingle of the Southern Region. The Southern Region hereby condemns any proposed censorship or discontinuance of the above listed song by ice cream trucks. It is the position of the Southern Region that the use by Ice Cream trucks of the song "Turkey In The Straw" is not racist, bigoted, or otherwise problematic to modern society.

9. This act shall take effect April 1, 2023.

[Mr. Reactionary]

1-800-THIS-IS-A-SIN ACT

1. The Prostitution Is A Sin Act shall be amended as follows:

...

1. Adult Entertainer means a person who engages in any of the following professions, acts, or performances, for money or other valuable thing or consideration, regardless of if the person receives any money or other valuable thing or consideration on a particular instance:

   ...

H. Producing, recording, facilitating, selling, or participating in an obscene, pornographic, or otherwise sexualized phone call or live chat.

...

2. No licensed adult entertainer may enter into a fee sharing agreement with a Local Exchange Carrier (LEC) for the purpose of routing bulk phone calls through an LEC to pump traffic.

3. Any telecommunications provider in the Southern Region that contracts with a licensed adult entertainer, licensed prostitute, or licensed brothel for the provision of telephone, fax, or pager service related to the provision of prostitution adult entertainment shall assign such phone, fax, or pager number with the prefratory area code 666. It shall be a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of not more than $5,000.00 per call, fax, or page for any telecommunications provider to transfer, connect, or facilitate any phone call, fax, or page from a licensed adult entertainer or licensed prostitite related to the provision of adult entertainment or prostitution without including the prefratory area code 666.

4. It shall be a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of not more than $5,000.00 per call, fax, or page for any licensed adult entertainer or licensed prostitute to make any phone call, fax, or page related to the provision of adult entertainment or prostitution from a telephone, fax, or pager number that does not contain prefratory area code 666. Three (3) convictions of this provision in a five (5) year period shall result in the revocation of the adult entertainment license or prostitution license.

5. This act shall take effect sixty (60) days after the date of passage.

[Mr. Reactionary]

SUICIDE HOTLINE HARMONIZATION ACT

1.Any telecommunications provider in the Southern Region that contracts for the provision of telephone, fax, or pager service shall not when assigning phone, fax, or pager numbers assign the area code 988 or assign a phone, fax, or pager number beginning with 988. 988 shall be exclusively reserved for assignment to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline and any affiliates, contractors, agents, or volunteers thereof.

2. It shall be a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of not more than $5,000.00 per call, fax, or page for any telecommunications provider to assign any phone call, fax, or page including the prefratory area code 988 or the first three (3) digits 988 in violation of this act.

3. This act shall take effect July 1, 2023.

[Mr. Reactionary]

PARDON SOUTHERN PATRIOTS RESOLUTION

1. The Southern Region hereby recommends that the Governor grant a full and unconditional pardon for any crimes or offenses which may have committed during the 2022 invasion of the South by any Southerner who actively resisted the invasion or took up arms in defense of the Southern Region.

2. The Southern Region further recommends that such pardon not include any crimes committed during the murder of Kansas legislator Henry Secord.

3. This act shall take effect immediately.

[Mr. Reactionary]

R.A.I.N. ACT

1. This act shall be referred to as the Rain And Irrigation Nourishment Act

2. The Southern Region shall establish a program for the acquisition and distribution of rain barrels to irrigate home gardens and community gardens located within the Southern region. $12 Million is hereby authorized from the Food Security Trust Fund (FSTF) to carry out this program.

3. For taxable years beginning on and after January 1, 2024, an individual or married persons filing a joint return shall be allowed a refundable tax credit against up to a maximum of $500 to offset the documented costs of establishing and maintaining a rain water irrigation system for a non-commercial home garden or a non-commercial rain water filtration system for recapturing and recycling rain water runoff for home use. For any taxable year in which married persons file separate income tax returns, the credit provided under this section shall be allowed against the tax liability for only one (1) of such two (2) tax returns. If the amount of the credit exceeds the taxpayer's tax liability for the taxable year, the excess shall be refunded to such taxpayer. Receipts for the costs claimed shall be provided at the time of filing. The proceeds of a home garden claiming this credit shall not be sold in commerce. A maximum of $25 Million is hereby authorized from the FSTF to carry out this program, on a first come-first serve basis. The credit may be claimed only in the taxable year in which the expenses were incurred, unless the yearly allocation has been awarded, in which case the credit may be carried forward up to three (3) years, in order of filing.

4. The Southern Region hereby encourages commercial car washes to consider installing rain water recapture systems to conserve water.

5. This act shall take effect immediately.

[Mr. Reactionary]

CITIZEN'S ARREST ACT

1. In all States and external territories of the Southern Region it shall be lawful for a private citizen to temporarily detain a suspected criminal through a citizen's arrest under the following circumstances:

A. The private citizen personally witnesses the suspect being detained commit or attempt to commit a trespass crime after having been previously barred from private property, violent crime as defined by law or a violation of the Thou Shalt Not Steal Act immediately preceeding the citizen's arrest;

B. The suspect did, in fact, commit the trespass, violent crime or violation of the Thou Shalt Not Steal Act;

C. The private citizen contacts the police as soon as is practicable subsequent to the citizen's arrest;

D. The private citizen only uses reasonable force to detain the suspect given the totality of the circumstances. For purposes of this provision, reasonable force includes but is not limited to standing in front of a motor vehicle attempting to flee the scene of the crime; and

E. The private citizen swears out an affidavit attesting to the facts personally witnessed and the procedure undertaken to place and hold the suspect under citizens arrest.

2. No court in the Southern Region shall hear any criminal or civil case against a person who is determined to have engaged in a lawful citizen's arrest pursuant to this act, or to have lawfully exercised the common law shopkeeper's privilege, or to have engaged in common law hot pursuit.

 3. It is the position of the Southern Region that in the Andy Griffith Show episode "Citizen's Arrest", that Gomer Pyle was not entitled to engage in a citizen's arrest of Mayberry Deputy Barney Fife for making an illegal U-Turn as such crime is merely a traffic infraction.

4. It is the position of the Southern Region that Michael Snyder engaged in a lawful Citizen's Arrest whe Chris Chan Sonichu and Barbara "Snorlax" Chandler struck him with a motor vehicle.

5. This act shall take effect thirty (30) days after the date of passage

[Mr. Reactionary]

JOKES ARE FUNNY RESOLUTION

Whereas, comedy is funny; and

Whereas, comedy is an excellent way to constructively critique society in an entertaining and insightful way; and

Whereas, comedy has nothing to do with punching either up or down or speaking truth to power; and

Whereas, humorless ninnies have been seeking to censor, cancel, or deplatform comedians for making constitutionally-protected jokes;

Now, therefore be it resolved by the Southern Region the following:

1. Comedians should not be censored, canceled, or deplatformed for making constitutionally-protected jokes;

2. The Southern Region hereby condemns unfunny persons who seek to censor, cancel, or deplatform comedy or comedians for making constitutionally-protected jokes and declares that such persons should learn to laugh and should not be taken seriously;

3. The Southern Region hereby condemns networks, streaming services, and comedy venues who seek to censor, cancel, or deplatform comedy or comedians for making constitutionally-protected jokes and declares that such networks, streaming services, and comedy venues are unfunny killjoys;

4. The Southern Region hereby commends and praises comedians, networks, streaming services, and comedy venues that reject calls to censor, cancel, or deplatform comedy or comedians; and

5. The Southern Region hereby commends and praises Texas comedian Tony Hinchcliffe for producing a live comedy show featuring amateur comedians every week.

6. This resolution shall take effect immediately.

[Mr. Reactionary]

DRINK THE MILKSHAKE RESOLUTION

1. It is the position of the Southern Region that the Protecting Our Beautiful Arctic Act should be repealed at oil and gas drilling be allowed in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR).

2. It is the position of the Southern Region that more leases and licenses to allow for oil and gas drilling in the coastal waters and continental shelf be issued.

3. It is the position of the Southern Region that more leases and licenses to allow for oil and gas drilling on federal lands be issued.

4. It is the position of the Southern Region that the Keystone XL Pipeline and Dakota Access Pipeline be approved.

5. It is the position of the Southern Region that curtailing necessary gas and oil production, thus impoverishing the People of Atlasia, merely to further internationalist green nuttery, is bad, condemnable, and a gross dereliction of duty to the People of Atlasia. Further, such curtailing sacrifices our homeland security and empowers foreign dictators all while having a negligible effect on the future climate.

6. This resolution shall take effect immediately.