I no longer have a family.

[Cashew]

My condolences for your loss. While talk elections is no substitute for a mother's love, I hope you have been made aware just how much people on here care about you, and how many of us, myself included, are willing to provide a listening ear should you ever feel you need it.

[LAKISYLVANIA]

Scott. This is awful. I'm so sorry for you. If i knew this, I would never have run against you on Atlasia. My respect for you went up a lot. I hope your mother can pray in rest, and if you really do need some money to be sent over, i can give you 10 euro's to pay for her funeral. That's not a lot, but it is something and if more people do it, you can have a better life. If you ever visit Belgium, you can have a friend of me and i will offer you a place to stay for a week of two (food and travelling/making fun included) to give you a nice experience, which you truly deserve. I know this is just the internet, but know that we're friends and that the Atlas forum is a nice community where you have a lot of friends. They cannot replace your family, i know. But you're not alone on this road.

____

I'm reading the thread. Where can i donate? And can I donate from Belgium? It will only be 10 euros, but it's better than nothing.

EDIT: I found the link, but I don't have a credit card, so this might take a while. And I still don't know if this works from Belgium. I will ask my mom to pay with her credit card, and give her 10 euros in exchange. How long will the GFM message be up?

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Guys,

I still am really amazed and touched by the support I've gotten in the past week. And these donations will go a long way in helping me furbish my next domicile. Joe is going to send the proceeds to my uncle in MA, who will manage the funds for me and give advice on how to save it and spend it wisely.

Here's the deal: after a long talk with a mutual friend of me and my mom, I think I know exactly how she died.

[CW: Graphic details and very disturbing and upsetting revelations]

So, although a forensics team should have been sent to investigate the scene, I could not find any evidence of blood droppings or injuries sustained from crashing into furniture. All I could find beside my mother's head was a puddle of blood. The lining around her eyes were also bloody and there was so much blood in her nose that her nostrils were bloated.

Now my mom had a bad history of overtaking her pills... [redacted]

Here's the thing: my mom would often open Lyrica capsules and snort what was inside, supposedly because doing so makes the Lyrica "kick in faster". I had done this once before as well, but I ended up getting a terrible migraine and never did it again.

After my mom had passed, I found one empty Lyrica capsule on top of the microwave on the fridge that's at the end of the bed.

Again, I could not find any blood in the shed or bathroom other than the puddle of blood next to my mother's head (which forensics, for some reason, did not show up thus forcing me to clean it myself as well as the urine that had leaked onto the bed at the time of her death. I'm still very upset about it, but there's nothing I can do at this point.)

Finally, my mother's nostrils appeared disfigured and almost 'crushed' in a way, and I wondered how a concussion supposedly sustained a few days before could possibly cause that to happen.

In other words... I think my mother overdosed. [redacted]

I guess the moral of the story here is never snort medication that is stored in a capsule. Never crush pills or ingest medications the way they are not meant to be ingested. Lyrica exists in tablet form for a reason, and that reason is to limit the effect it has on a person's body. Tablet-contained medicine ingested by itself is extremely dangerous.

The state decided not to conduct an autopsy. I am hoping I'll still learn more when the results of her blood test come back. But I am 98% sure this was an overdose.

I don't really know what else to say here, other than please only take medicine as it's intended to be taken. I'm being a massive hypocrite by saying this because I do often go a few days without Lyrica and then take twice the amount I'm prescribed because it is more potent this way, but my body is also extremely resistant to most medications in general.

[LAKISYLVANIA]

I cut myself for the first time since college, and now my left arm is completely sliced. I did it only to release endorphins, and shortly after the cutting I fell asleep. (I had also cut my right arm, but the knife was too dull at that point, so I gave up.)

Know that i'm a cutter as well. I cut for less valid reasons than you i suppose, but I do it to release endorphins as well and against my depression. I did cut for the last time 3-4 weeks ago, and it had to be stitched. It's hard to stop cutting, but if i was in your situation, i'd probably cut again and a lot too, so know that I understand you.

If you ever want to talk to me, you're welcome. You're always welcome and a good friend of me!

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

I am taking a class about drugs right now and was just learning about physiological delivery.  Snorting is especially powerful and quick and therefore dangerous because it goes straight into the lungs and all the blood that runs through them. It's completely different then if it goes through the digestive system.  This stuff just isn't widely enough understood by the public I think given how many people are taking drugs.  Scott you can't blame yourself.  She was in pain and you did the best that you possibly could to take care of her.

[AustralianSwingVoter]

I knew a kid with pretty strong ADHD a few years back. He'd been on a pretty strong dose of Ritalin for a decade without any problems. Got very ed up at a party one weekend, and the next day tried snorting his Ritalin. Ended up in hospital with the doctor's thinking he'd OD'd on cocaine because of how severe it was. Prescription drugs are still very nasty substances and can mess you up just as badly as illicit drugs if you abuse them.

[Calthrina950]

I haven't posted here until now, but I'll go ahead and say that I am very sorry to hear about what you've had to go through, and I hope that things pull through for you. I'm pretty certain that you are religious, but I'll also say this: May God embrace you in his arms. Moreover, I can relate to and fully sympathize with your experience, since when I was eleven years old, back in August 2009, I found my mother's cold, dead body in her bed, and had to call over the paramedics and her family. That was a gut-wrenching experience, and one that I will never forget for the remainder of my life. But I had people who pulled me through, and judging from the response here, know that you have the same.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

I haven't posted here until now, but I'll go ahead and say that I am very sorry to hear about what you've had to go through, and I hope that things pull through for you. I'm pretty certain that you are religious, but I'll also say this: May God embrace you in his arms. Moreover, I can relate to and fully sympathize with your experience, since when I was eleven years old, back in August 2009, I found my mother's cold, dead body in her bed, and had to call over the paramedics and her family. That was a gut-wrenching experience, and one that I will never forget for the remainder of my life. But I had people who pulled me through, and judging from the response here, know that you have the same.

The first time I found a parent dead (my father) was in 2013, after me and my mom had returned from what was supposed to be just a fun day at the beach. I was eighteen at the time and it still haunts me occasionally, but in a weird way I feel like it helped me handle my mother's unexpected passing a lot easier.

You know it's the natural, and really the ideal, for parents to predecease their kids, but those experiences still leave an emotional mark on you that just never goes away. So I sympathize; I can't even imagine what I'd do had I been in your shoes at such a young age.

Maybe I already said this here, but since my mom was my biggest advocate, I had a plan for years that after my mom had passed away, I would be joining her soon after so that I could be reunited with her and my dad. I would always think about how I would go about it, the fastest way, the least painful way. Because I just didn't see the point of continuing to live with all my psychological issues and not have either of the two most important people in my life to help me through it.

But seeing all the love and support I've gotten from people, both online and in person and from (physically) distant family members, I decided that I just can't do that. I don't want my last act on this earth to be hurting the scores of people who know and care about me. And I want to give life another chance now and help other people who've been through trauma.

If anything has taught me the value of life, it's been this last week and a half. It just isn't something you can take for granted.

[America Needs R'hllor]

But seeing all the love and support I've gotten from people, both online and in person and from (physically) distant family members, I decided that I just can't do that. I don't want my last act on this earth to be hurting the scores of people who know and care about me. And I want to give life another chance now and help other people who've been through trauma.

If anything has taught me the value of life, it's been this last week and a half. It just isn't something you can take for granted.

We're pulling for you, friend. You can do it all.

[Calthrina950]

I haven't posted here until now, but I'll go ahead and say that I am very sorry to hear about what you've had to go through, and I hope that things pull through for you. I'm pretty certain that you are religious, but I'll also say this: May God embrace you in his arms. Moreover, I can relate to and fully sympathize with your experience, since when I was eleven years old, back in August 2009, I found my mother's cold, dead body in her bed, and had to call over the paramedics and her family. That was a gut-wrenching experience, and one that I will never forget for the remainder of my life. But I had people who pulled me through, and judging from the response here, know that you have the same.

The first time I found a parent dead (my father) was in 2013, after me and my mom had returned from what was supposed to be just a fun day at the beach. I was eighteen at the time and it still haunts me occasionally, but in a weird way I feel like it helped me handle my mother's unexpected passing a lot easier.

You know it's the natural, and really the ideal, for parents to predecease their kids, but those experiences still leave an emotional mark on you that just never goes away. So I sympathize; I can't even imagine what I'd do had I been in your shoes at such a young age.

Maybe I already said this here, but since my mom was my biggest advocate, I had a plan for years that after my mom had passed away, I would be joining her soon after so that I could be reunited with her and my dad. I would always think about how I would go about it, the fastest way, the least painful way. Because I just didn't see the point of continuing to live with all my psychological issues and not have either of the two most important people in my life to help me through it.

But seeing all the love and support I've gotten from people, both online and in person and from (physically) distant family members, I decided that I just can't do that. I don't want my last act on this earth to be hurting the scores of people who know and care about me. And I want to give life another chance now and help other people who've been through trauma.

If anything has taught me the value of life, it's been this last week and a half. It just isn't something you can take for granted.

Certainly understand, and I want to also say that I hope we can forgive each other for the harsh words that we exchanged on here before I took my hiatus. I want for that burden to be gone.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Certainly understand, and I want to also say that I hope we can forgive each other for the harsh words that we exchanged on here before I took my hiatus. I want for that burden to be gone.

Oh for sure, bud. I do apologize for the harsh words I threw your way and I also think you've improved significantly as a contributor to the forum.

[Southern Senator North Carolina Yankee]

Maybe I already said this here, but since my mom was my biggest advocate, I had a plan for years that after my mom had passed away, I would be joining her soon after so that I could be reunited with her and my dad. I would always think about how I would go about it, the fastest way, the least painful way. Because I just didn't see the point of continuing to live with all my psychological issues and not have either of the two most important people in my life to help me through it.

When the world as you know it ends, it opens the door to consideration of your involvement and value in it also being at an end. When my mother died, there were times of deep despair where I had similar, though not quite the same thoughts.

More like the inability to imagine a long future without someone who had always been there, and thus a desire to grab hold of that so recent but unreachable time. A day, two weeks, a month, two months into the past was further from my reach then the infinite future.

Ever since, it is like there is this giant wall of demarcation in my mind where I automatically consider any event in time as being either before said period, during it, or afterwards.

[Technocracy Timmy]

My condolences Scott. Tragedy hits everyone differently and I wish only the best for you in this time of darkness. I remember bonding with you on discord over how our childhood upbringing has impacted us as adults. This kind of pain cuts deep and we hope you know that you’re not alone in this. My hope is that the kind thoughts and messages of support written on this thread has shown this. Life is hard enough alone and no one deserves that. You’re a great person. Take care and don’t be afraid to reach out.

[SingingAnalyst]

I'm so sorry, Scott. I wish I could say more.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Today I got fully moved (with the help of a friend) to my new temporary domicile. It's not a palace, but it's far safer and better than where I was before.

I'm on like nine Lyrica and some Xanax because I was so anxious for most of the day, but everything worked out well. For the first time in weeks I'm fully relaxed, and I'm ready to take on the new challenges that God has set for me. But tonight is definitely a chill-out night, because I've earned it dammit.

I really can't thank you guys enough, especially Joe, for helping me get to this point with your donations and prayers and words of kindness. I finally have the faith now that everything will fall into place, and it's all because of the love I've received from you guys, as well as family and some of the great people I've come to meet in this area.

I still feel like my family has died in a way, but I am on the path to finding real relationships and becoming part of a real community. And Atlas has no small role in that.

Thank you. All of you. I love you very much.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

We love you too!

[Leinad]

Been a while since I logged on, so I know I'm late on this, but that is really, really terrible news to hear. But I'm happy to hear you have faith things will fall into place, and while I'm obviously not as constant a presence as the others, know that I wish you peace & happiness on your journey to come!

[politicallefty]

I didn't see this topic until now. I can try to tell you how to feel or how I've felt during similar circumstances, but I've never lost a parent.  The closest I've lost are my paternal grandparents in rather quick succession (my grandpa died in December 2011 and my grandma died in February 2013). I wasn't really close with the former, but I was very close with the latter. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but the pain does not go away. It hurts and it will always hurt, but you eventually learn to live with it.

[Suburbia]

If you need anything, I am here to help.

[Sopranos Republican]

I haven’t been around for quite awhile, but damn I’m really really sorry Scott.