The year is 1988.
The country is experiencing mediocre economic performance. There is a farming crisis in the Midwest. The American President faces an increasing amount of inquiry and skepticism regarding his involvement in foreign conflicts. A few men have risen. . . . . and fallen rather quickly in the race to complete the Democratic trifecta of pow-ah. With Gary Hart and Joe Biden both out of the race and the people looking for a new top contender the field was wide open. There was rumor that perhaps Jesse Jackson would make another bid for office, or maybe that someone like Massachusetts Governor Michael Dukakis would make a bid. However, there was one man, one man with a vision, one man with a purpose, one man with the brains, the looks, the charisma, and the cybernetic network to make it happen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpMg1upld0wBack in Time
Sometime in 1972William Jefferson Clinton was just an ordinary man with grand ambitions. With the brains of a genius and the charisma of a jock it seemed as if the world was his oyster. He had a smart and beautiful woman. He had all the friends a guy could ask for. However it always felt like something was missing, as if mere educational and political success just wasn't enough. Sure, he could teach law or he could run for Congress, maybe even be president, but what good was that if he didn't affect
Change.Bill was out taking a walk somewhere in the middle of nowhere Texas after a busy day of going door to door for George McGovern, Democrat for President. There were some days where he hated campaigning for a lost cause, and today was one of those days. He had just spent all day walking through some Dallas area suburb in the September heat, sweating like a dog, trying to sell people on the candidacy of George McGovern. After getting tons of hostility, a lot of swearing, and even a few guns show at him Bill decided to call it a day and drove out to the middle of nowhere to go on a long walk.
Suddenly there was a loud boom ahead.
Bill: Whoa Holy Schnikes! What was that!?
It looked like a damned tanker or oil drum or something had gone on. Whatever it was, that crap was loud man! It was like, man it was pretty loud like someone had shot a gun off right next to his ear! Anyways, Bill approaches the site of the explosion, some I dunno 700 meters to his south, and notices a brownish crater with what looked like a spacecraft made out of steel or something. Bill approaches the craft, with a small joint in his hand, when a door of some sort suddenly opens. Bill decides to take a smoke break, taking a light (but not inhaling) to calm his nerves before what seemed to be almost certainly an extra-terrestrial visitor from another planet.
Suddenly, something started to move out of the craft and along the ground. It was like some sort of like big robot spider looking thing. With legs. The robot spider moved along the ground before looking up with a dart like object at Bill. Suddenly Bill looks down and notices it staring at him, intently.
Bill: What?
The dart like object shoots out of the robot into Bill's neck. He lets out a loud scream of agony.
Bill: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH DAMN THAT HURTS1!!!!!!!!
A voice started speaking in his head.
Voice: William Jefferson Clinton. I have moved through the Cosmos looking for you. The master lords of time and space and knowledge have sent me through the ninth realm to search for the one true champion who will unite the Milky Way and Andromeda Galaxies in advance of the Legions of Skilar! The Great Evil is on this planet, bidding it's time in human form, masquerading as a brave traditionalist trying to reclaim this planet from radical Freedom Fighters! The universe is in peril! You are our only hope Bill Clinton! Please accept this ultimate gift, the gift of knowledge, the gift of pow-ah, the gift of the laser, the gift of
CYBER.
In an instant Bill felt an indescribable almost infinite surge of power course through is body, move through his veins, and then surge through to his brain. In an instant he had felt all the voices of the world, all of the thoughts of humanity, move up through to his cerebral cortex. He now knew of all of the world's pain, suffering, and aspirations. He felt them all crying out, in one unified voice, for a supreme champion of the People of Solaris, Pythaeon, Cerebrus, and Gaia to unite the various regions of Milky Way and Andromeda before the ultimate would be threat of Skilar, the Great Deceiver, the Turner of Worlds, the Eater of Time and Space!
Instantaneously Bill began to feel his body begin to change. He felt his abs, torso, biceps, quadriceps, shoulder blades, brain, and even his you know whats begin to bulge and turn into pure metal cyber. What was once human, what was once just a man, what was once just flesh and bone was being eaten away and replace by a superior and cybernetic mainframe of wires and impenetrable steel. Not even the fiercest nuclear fires of the earth could soften this new exoskeleton that had emerged and devoured the previous living structure of the entity once known as William Jefferson Clinton.
What was once Bill Clinton was gone. What was once a man on a bright career path towards regular politics was gone. Mere achievement, the realm of mortals, was way beneath the new Bill Clinton, the Cyber Bill Clinton. With the task now at hand and the goal now all apparent, Cyber Bill Clinton took a huge breath of fresh Texas air as the schematics popped up in his newly designed cybernetic brain.
He knew what he had to do. Reaching into his brain he felt something click, he made a profound realization that he never had before. All those years, trying to be the most popular guy in school, always running for student office, all of those girlfriends he had, it was all just a masquerade. He never felt truly fulfilled. He never felt like he lived his own life. He was always following somebody else's script. Just like the rest of Humanity.
Thus he owed it to himself and everybody else he knew to let them know the truth. The truth that he had been hiding all along.
He was now Cyber Bill Clinton. He was out to save the world. And he was very madly and deeply in love with his fellow classmate and Yale grad student. . . . . . Robert Bernard Reich.
It was clear then what he needed to do:
1. Get into contact with Master Salamius the Wise to learn more about the Fifth Contagion.
2. Get the components necessary to upgrade his built in automatic plasma rifle in case he encounters any shapeshifters in this timeline.
3. Drop off his shirt at the dry cleaners.
4. Stop smoking weed.
5. End things amicably with Hillary.
What will happen next? Will Bill get the Earth Defense Force prepared in time for the Fifth Contagion's arrival on Earth in the year of our lord 1996? Will his new advanced cybernetic form benefit him in his pursuit of the highest office of the land? Will he be able to live a happy life as a gay cybernetic lifeform? Find out on the next installment of
CYBER BILL CLINTON!
