The Comedy Goldmine(ONLY FUNNY ATLAS POSTS ALLOWED, NO BRTD ALLOWED)

[Alcon]

"Would You Kill Your Family for $1 Billion?"

no, I'm not a Libertarian

[jokerman]

If ignorance was bliss, you'd be having an orgasm by now.

Here Richard proves what an annoying narcisist he is again.

[riceowl]

In response to: "Would you sleep with Michael Moore for 1 billion"

pitching, probably
catching, probably not

[??????????]

Naso, I really hope you don't get dressed up just to do these terrible ads.

Mas117...since I'm no longer running, go PUT A CHICKEN HEAD IN URANUS!

[Јas]

I guess, although the idea of having $1 billion isn't very attractive to me.  I mean, as much as I'd like to be able to work only when I want to, I'd feel weird.

Plus, imagine the dinner party conversations.  "So how did you make so much money?"  "By not masturbating!"  Awk-ward.

[Jake]

Looks like Woodcock (lol) pulled out (lol) the primary win in Maine.

[Keystone Phil]

As long as he...or is it she? is hot...

Hmmm, if they could make me a hot female (I don't know if that's possible after a sex change operation) and change my attraction it might be worth it, but most guys probably would get too grossed out by a woman who was once a man, even if she had $1 billion. So I'd have to go with no.

[YRABNNRM]

The Democratic party is a much bigger tent. Ignoring obvious Republican DINOs like Zell Miller, we have  Senator Ben Nelson and Represenative Gene Taylor, both of whom actually vote with the Republicans more than the Democrats. We have some wingnut in Lousiana who just signed a bill to outlaw abortion if Roe v. Wade is overturned.

[riceowl]

McCaskill - Don't know much about him
Klobuchar - Don't know much about him

Both are female.

no offense to the fern, it just struck me as funny.

[MaC]

This country should be turned into the world's biggest exporter of pork. Mecca and Medina would make some nice spots for farms.

Only if they can demolish your favourite strip club and build a big mosque over it's remains. And wake you up with an Adhaan every morning.

[Keystone Phil]

Who's the guy in the center? Lamont?

No, the only DINOsaur is the one on the right.

In reference to Joe Lieberman in a picture with Barney the dinosaur.

[YRABNNRM]

programming alert!

a bit off-topic:  Grease is playing now on abcfamily.  There in the "beauty school dropout" musical bit with frankie crooning that pink-haired chick.  (yes, I like musicals and don't mind admitting.  that's not a deal-killer either, apparently)

Oh, now john travolta is stepping in, leather clad and slick greased jet black hair. (that's pre-obesity travolta, you know)  what a stud!  olivia is gazing into his eyes like he's a supermodel.  you just know his gonna hit that tight pink cherry.

check it out.

[KEmperor]

programming alert!

a bit off-topic:  Grease is playing now on abcfamily.  There in the "beauty school dropout" musical bit with frankie crooning that pink-haired chick.  (yes, I like musicals and don't mind admitting.  that's not a deal-killer either, apparently)

Oh, now john travolta is stepping in, leather clad and slick greased jet black hair. (that's pre-obesity travolta, you know)  what a stud!  olivia is gazing into his eyes like he's a supermodel.  you just know his gonna hit that tight pink cherry.

check it out.

What makes me laugh even more is the thread he posted that in.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Sheesh, can't you kids make it through one thread about SE Asia without popping a woody?

I know you are envious, MODU, but there is hope:
https://www.viagra.com/index.asp

I should make a thread 'has opebo recommended viagra to the preceding poster' 

Milk, you prude, nearly all my viagra recommendations have been to MODU, who is both old and anti-sex.

[Keystone Phil]

I didn't just get suspended. I got expelled. From 4 different schools.

First time was in 7th grade in a public school. The gym teacher hit me, so I told him to "eat sh**t!" Result: expulsion. A few years later the gym teacher was fired because he was a pedophile.

Second time was at a Catholic school in 8th grade (a week before graduation). Some kid started crap with me in the hall and shoved me into the drinking fountain, which damaged it. My homeroom teacher heard the commotion and went charging after me. He just assumed I had started it, because the other kid came from a really rich family that bribed the school. Guess what? The teacher in this incident was also fired a few years later for being a pedophile (which the school knew when it hired him, but didn't fire him until he actually got in trouble with the law).

Third time was at a Catholic high school my sophomore year. This was the school from hell. Some fartass vandalized my sketchbook for art class, and I reported it to a teacher. The teacher tried to figure out who did it, but the principal (who was a liar and a Nazi) said this was a "conspiracy" and proof that the teacher was after his job, so he fired the teacher and expelled me.

Fourth time was in a state university my junior year. Because of my "record" in high school, the dean ordered me to get his permission first before doing anything. I basically ignored this order. After that I received a letter informing me I was expelled. So much for due process.

[opebo]

Some fartass vandalized my sketchbook for art class, and I reported it to a teacher.

The bolded parts really had me laughing out loud.

[YRABNNRM]

I wish NJ didn't have to send people to the national congress. Nothing that comes out of NJ is good.

my thoughts exactly.

I wonder, if enough people from the surrounding areas signed a petition or something, would it be possible to force England to accept NJ back?

i dont know.  do they like corrupt politicians in england?   do they prefer their citizens to have mullets?  if so, theyd love the nj!

[YRABNNRM]

It was in Britain, eh?  How do we know that the 'dog' wasn't just an ordinary British woman?










... jk

Sick... just sick! (BTW, you can tell by the TEETH! If they're good it is a dog.)

[© tweed]

i watched it (unfortunately)

1.  little kean is clearly a  moron.

2.  menendez is slime.

3.  the whole d-nj thing was really annoying. 


ive endorsed little kean.  and i still think anyone who votes for menendez should be flogged.  but god almighty, kean is so dumb it is painful to watch.

[bullmoose88]

i watched it (unfortunately)

1.  little kean is clearly a  moron.

2.  menendez is slime.

3.  the whole d-nj thing was really annoying. 


ive endorsed little kean.  and i still think anyone who votes for menendez should be flogged.  but god almighty, kean is so dumb it is painful to watch.

Almost like Casey-Santorum in reverse...except casey leads.

[© tweed]

i watched it (unfortunately)

1.  little kean is clearly a  moron.

2.  menendez is slime.

3.  the whole d-nj thing was really annoying. 


ive endorsed little kean.  and i still think anyone who votes for menendez should be flogged.  but god almighty, kean is so dumb it is painful to watch.

Almost like Casey-Santorum in reverse...except casey leads.

I've never heard Casey speak.  Is he really as dumb as Kean?

[WMS]

It rained because God hates Wimbledon. Wimbledon Village (the posh suburb in which this wee event is played) is one of the strongest Tory wards in the entire U.K. This is why God hates it so.

[Platypus]

I'm relearning all these old kiddy songs with my son.  "this old man he played three he played knick knack on my knee"  Nowadays this old man would go to jail over that.  And have to get on some national registry of sex offenders, or state database, and wouldn't be allowed to buy a home in some neighborhoods.  That, or he'd get ripped off by some teeny-boppers he met on MySpace.  Times really have changed.

[Bacon King]

I have a hobby.  Man's oldest one!

Coin collecting, right?

[nini2287]

Sorry Harry but the optomism is a bit too funny:

Oh well, I've always (and still do) say that Arizona is where we need to concentrate.