Update for Everyone VII: Insert Something Philosophical Sounding Here

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Thank you guys for all the support and offers to donate, but this procedure (as Truman alluded to) is extremely expensive and only something that insurance could pay for.  Unfortunately, TMS is not covered under my plan.  My psychiatrist said that he would talk to Medicaid on Tuesday and explain the severity of this.

But when I think about living on this earth until I'm 80 - hell, probably 100 given the medical/technological advancements that will be around at that point - honestly, I just dread it.  I feel no joy in living each day.  I want to see what lies beyond this reality, even if it's nothing at all.  All I want is peace and freedom from emotional pain.

I don't want to have autism anymore.  I don't want to live with clinical depression and social anxiety.  I'm sick of being an outcast my entire life.  And I'm ending it no matter what it takes.  I have been on literally dozens of medications throughout my life and none of them work.  The TMS is my last chance.  If I can't get that because of some greedy f#cks at Medicaid, the blood will be on their hands.  I don't care anymore.

But I truly, truly am sorry for the people I will leave behind, both my family and the awesome people I've met on this site and elsewhere.  I know that my departure will hurt, but people will cope.  I had to cope when my dad died in a household accident.  It's a natural thing to do.  It is as natural as death itself.

But whether I get the TMS or check out from this world early, just know that I will finally be at peace.  It's the only thing I want.

Scott, we love you man. Please don't do anything today that you'd regret later. Please, please, please try to keep your eyes on the prize, even if it the billows are rolling all around you. Your mother loves you. Jesus loves you. We love you.

Your life has value. It matters. I know good things might not be in your line of sight today, but thats only because good things are just around the corner. You'll intersect with it at the right time. Please keep that in mind. I wish I had more to add besides platitudes, because I've been in shoes and nothing sounded more impossible to hear than "it gets better."

But it DOES get better. I'll say a prayer so that Medicare won't screw you over. We all have your back, Scott.

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

In unrelated news (though I echo Sanchez's remarks, Scott), there's a very good chance I'll be getting a consultation for SRS in June, and almost certainly by July. Maybe I'll start up a GoFundMe once I have a rough estimate for what my insurance doesn't cover.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Guys,

I'm sorry if my last posts in this thread worried anyone.  That was never my intention.  I just needed to vent.  I'm just very lost right now and I feel like my options are dwindling ever since I got turned down by Medicaid.  When my psychiatrist got the news he literally cursed up a storm.  He is writing an appeal to get me covered.  (My psychologist wrote the original appeal, but because she's not an MD her opinion probably doesn't carry as much weight.  In either case, I'll continue speaking to her.  She's one of the few in-person resources I have right now and it's not her fault that these assholes are being so difficult.)  There is also another type of shock therapy that's available, but it causes short-term memory loss and I'd rather avoid resorting to that.

But I've been seeing different doctors and trying different medications for most of my life.  Either they don't work at all or they work for a few days and then they're useless.  And honestly, I'm tired.  Last week I took a whole ten Lyrica and felt absolutely nothing.  The only thing that seems to work for me is cannabis, but that's not legal in my state and even my psychiatrist told me that it's extremely difficult to find the medicinal kind here.  It doesn't help that my asshole dealer cut me loose last year, either.

So I'm Virginia-bound until I save up enough to leave this crummy state.  I know that stoners get a bad rap, but trust me when I say that for some people, it's essential.  And it definitely beats suicide and leaving your loved ones behind.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Medicaid won't cover my TMS.  I had my psychologist make an appeal and she was turned down, so my psychiatrist is writing a letter that will be ready Tuesday.

If this doesn't work, this might be my time to go.  I refuse to go through 60+ years of endless suffering and pain whenever I am conscious.

No matter what happens, I love (most of) you guys and the community this forum has brought to me.  Many of you have been very supportive of me throughout all of this.

But I don't want to be in pain anymore.  We (rightly) put suffering animals out of their misery.  It is egregious that we don't afford the same option to humans that are suffering.

For the last few years my original plan has been to off myself after my mother passes, so that she wouldn't have to bury her only child.  I know that even if I do that I will probably be leaving a lot of people behind.  And I live with the guilt of that every day.  There are no good options here.  But I have to do something to end the pain.  Talk therapy is no longer working and I will probably be dropping my psychologist next week.  All the pills no longer help either.

If my psychiatrist's appeal fails, that will be my signal to go.

I'm sorry.

How much will this procedure cost? Is there any way we can send you money to help pay for treatment?

According to this the average cost is around $400-$500/session, or $15,000 total.

We have a hundred of posters here, some pretty wealthy. If 100 of us were willing to give 150 bucks on average, that would cover most of the costs. I'd be happy to do my part. And I'm sure Scott has other friends and family who would pitch in as well.

Scott, if worse comes to worst, please do consider starting a GoFundMe or something like that. While it's abhorrent that we live in a society where that's even necessary, anecdotal evidence does show that it can work.

[PSOL]

I hope you feel better Scott. Please don’t be afraid to ask out for help.

Anyway, I now just discovered that Ice Cube makes good music

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Medicaid won't cover my TMS.  I had my psychologist make an appeal and she was turned down, so my psychiatrist is writing a letter that will be ready Tuesday.

If this doesn't work, this might be my time to go.  I refuse to go through 60+ years of endless suffering and pain whenever I am conscious.

No matter what happens, I love (most of) you guys and the community this forum has brought to me.  Many of you have been very supportive of me throughout all of this.

But I don't want to be in pain anymore.  We (rightly) put suffering animals out of their misery.  It is egregious that we don't afford the same option to humans that are suffering.

For the last few years my original plan has been to off myself after my mother passes, so that she wouldn't have to bury her only child.  I know that even if I do that I will probably be leaving a lot of people behind.  And I live with the guilt of that every day.  There are no good options here.  But I have to do something to end the pain.  Talk therapy is no longer working and I will probably be dropping my psychologist next week.  All the pills no longer help either.

If my psychiatrist's appeal fails, that will be my signal to go.

I'm sorry.

How much will this procedure cost? Is there any way we can send you money to help pay for treatment?

According to this the average cost is around $400-$500/session, or $15,000 total.

We have a hundred of posters here, some pretty wealthy. If 100 of us were willing to give 150 bucks on average, that would cover most of the costs. I'd be happy to do my part. And I'm sure Scott has other friends and family who would pitch in as well.

Scott, if worse comes to worst, please do consider starting a GoFundMe or something like that. While it's abhorrent that we live in a society where that's even necessary, anecdotal evidence does show that it can work.

That is extremely kind of you to offer, Antonio.  Like I said, this week my psychiatrist will be writing an appeal and hopefully I'll get better news soon afterwards.  (He's writing to them on Wednesday... not completely sure why, but he's working from home like most people and his workload is already very high, so I really can't blame him.  I'm just grateful to have a fighter on my side.)  If that fails, I'll look into switching Medicaid plans.  I'm not sure how the system works, but I'll find a way.  I generally don't like doing GoFundMe's or asking other people for money because, well, it's kind of a pride thing for me.  (I don't even like having to be on government assistance!)  It's not a life-or-death procedure.  I just want to get better.

On a slightly unrelated note, I will say my whole experience with the system has moved me towards supporting single-payer instead of a convoluted multi-payer system and definitely the mishmash of a system we have now.  Although technically Medicaid is single-payer, it just goes to show how little the government values mental healthcare in addition to physical healthcare.  But in fact mental health is just as important as physical.  When a person has cancer or two limbs missing, we (rightly) treat that person as someone in need.  When they suffer from clinical depression, they're either "having a bad day" or "making it up".  Or worse yet, they're "crazy".  Society (and the government) have a long way to go on accepting mental illness and not stigmatizing the people who live with it.

End rant.  If I can't get TMS, I'll look into other things.  I'm not giving up yet.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Scott, have you looked into ketamine therapy? I was going to do that, but the doctor there ended up diagnosing me as bipolar one. IIRC, the sessions are like $300 (at least down here).

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Scott, have you looked into ketamine therapy? I was going to do that, but the doctor there ended up diagnosing me as bipolar one. IIRC, the sessions are like $300 (at least down here).

I'm honestly not familiar with that.  A quick google says it induces memory loss, but I suppose that's one side-effect I can deal with (provided it's not Carrie Fisher levels of memory loss...).  I'll bring it up to my shrink and psychiatrist, though.

[Co-Chair Bagel23]

I still have not left home since march 9th, and I am coming to terms with the fact I might not leave home till 2021.

[America Needs R'hllor]

Guys,

I'm sorry if my last posts in this thread worried anyone.  That was never my intention.  I just needed to vent.  I'm just very lost right now and I feel like my options are dwindling ever since I got turned down by Medicaid.  When my psychiatrist got the news he literally cursed up a storm.  He is writing an appeal to get me covered.  (My psychologist wrote the original appeal, but because she's not an MD her opinion probably doesn't carry as much weight.  In either case, I'll continue speaking to her.  She's one of the few in-person resources I have right now and it's not her fault that these assholes are being so difficult.)  There is also another type of shock therapy that's available, but it causes short-term memory loss and I'd rather avoid resorting to that.

But I've been seeing different doctors and trying different medications for most of my life.  Either they don't work at all or they work for a few days and then they're useless.  And honestly, I'm tired.  Last week I took a whole ten Lyrica and felt absolutely nothing.  The only thing that seems to work for me is cannabis, but that's not legal in my state and even my psychiatrist told me that it's extremely difficult to find the medicinal kind here.  It doesn't help that my asshole dealer cut me loose last year, either.

So I'm Virginia-bound until I save up enough to leave this crummy state.  I know that stoners get a bad rap, but trust me when I say that for some people, it's essential.  And it definitely beats suicide and leaving your loved ones behind.

That is a goal then! Find a way to have access to medical cannabis, for you first and foremost and for the people who love you too. Increasingly, the need some people have for it is acknowledged and no one decent will judge you for it. If it can help you enjoy life at least part of the time, it's worth it, because there's a lot to enjoy. I have a friend who had to fight for over two years to get it after he had a stroke. It's really abhorrent how hard it is to access, but we believe in you.

And your point about mental healthcare is extremely true. It doesn't get talked about enough in politics.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

On a slightly unrelated note, I will say my whole experience with the system has moved me towards supporting single-payer instead of a convoluted multi-payer system and definitely the mishmash of a system we have now.  Although technically Medicaid is single-payer, it just goes to show how little the government values mental healthcare in addition to physical healthcare.  But in fact mental health is just as important as physical.  When a person has cancer or two limbs missing, we (rightly) treat that person as someone in need.  When they suffer from clinical depression, they're either "having a bad day" or "making it up".  Or worse yet, they're "crazy".  Society (and the government) have a long way to go on accepting mental illness and not stigmatizing the people who live with it.

Scott, I'm addressing only the political and economic implications of what you wrote because those are the only areas I consider myself competent to comment on.

First off, all single payer would accomplish is cause either everyone in your situation receiving the insurance coverage you are seeking or no one receiving it, and it would be likelier to be the latter for a number of reasons, some of which you addressed.

Second, from a public policy point of view, what would separate what you seek to have be covered from a generic funding of all forms of body modification because the body doesn't match one's own self-conception of what it should be? Keep in mind, that for both political and economic reasons, the difference between your situation and more traditional health coverage is that your body is functioning, it just isn't functioning for you, so that is going to make getting government to pay for it more difficult. Sadly, the government isn't infinitely wealthy, so it is going to focus first on problems with a more generic application and it doesn't even always do that adequately.

[Santander]

Russian women are psycho. Stay the F away unless you know what you're doing.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Russian women are psycho. Stay the F away unless you know what you're doing.

Married life stressing you out?

[Santander]

Russian women are psycho. Stay the F away unless you know what you're doing.

Married life stressing you out?

Indeed.

[Boobs]

Russian women are psycho. Stay the F away unless you know what you're doing.

My people have known this for a long time.

[America Needs R'hllor]

Russian women are psycho. Stay the F away unless you know what you're doing.

Nothing can break a strong Russian woman.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Russian women are psycho. Stay the F away unless you know what you're doing.

Nothing can break a strong Russian woman.

Except a strong American black woman.

[Santander]

Russian women are psycho. Stay the F away unless you know what you're doing.

My people have known this for a long time.

I should've known why so many beautiful, smart women were available.

[Boobs]

Russian women are psycho. Stay the F away unless you know what you're doing.

My people have known this for a long time.

I should've known why so many beautiful, smart women were available.

What did you think drives Russian men to have the highest smoking and drinking rates in the world?

[America Needs R'hllor]

Russian women are psycho. Stay the F away unless you know what you're doing.

Nothing can break a strong Russian woman.

Except a strong American black woman.

Ok that's definitely possible

[💥💥 brandon bro (he/him/his)]

Everything that is happening right now is bad.

[Virginiá]

Russian women are psycho. Stay the F away unless you know what you're doing.

 

[Santander]

Russian women are psycho. Stay the F away unless you know what you're doing.

 

I'm sure you're one of the good ones.

[John Dule]

Everything that is happening right now is bad.

Oh, I don't know about that. Between a private company putting two men in space and millions of people suddenly realizing that they might need an assault rifle or two to protect their property, this has been a fairly good week for libertarians.

[Santander]

Everything that is happening right now is bad.

Oh, I don't know about that. Between a private company putting two men in space and millions of people suddenly realizing that they might need an assault rifle or two to protect their property, this has been a fairly good week for libertarians.

But libertarians told me autoloaders weren't assault rifles?