Update for Everyone VII: Insert Something Philosophical Sounding Here

[HillGoose]

A pair of finches have returned to their nest in the lantern on my front porch after being absent for two years. I checked the nest today and found five eggs. Going to do my best to defend them from the blue jays and crows.

every time u see a blue jay or crow in ur yard flash a Glock at the window so they know not to mess with u

[HillGoose]

i have been exceptionally ill the last couple days. i got so bad last night that i thought if things kept getting worse i was probably gonna die. my fever got over 103 and i can't even remember it being that high ever.

i kept just trying to sleep it off but every time i feel asleep i pretty much stopped breathing and i guess my body just forced me to wake up when that happened lol.

i'm feeling better today though, just keeping nyquil in my system constantly.

[Mr. Smith]

The fight to land a job somewhere continues. 3 applications in.

Couldn't have guessed there'd be a big screener test on some of them. Welp, I now know which districts I'm not applying for!

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

This is the "Saturday" of my first two-day weekend since March, and it marks the return to two-day weekends from here on out. By my memory I took a total of three days off between, say, the last week of March and the end of the second full week of May.

I have spent my time off thus far trying to rapidly makeup for lost time on a project due 5/31. Owing to work schedule, I was unable to complete it in April, when it was due, and am on the cusp of basically restarting because of hard-to-use data.

Additionally, I was accepted to Indiana University's Language Workshop for Russian 2. I could easily pay for this, but it appears to be 5.5 hours a day every day for two months during working hours. Too bad I'm not laid off. I'm afraid I'll have to pass on this.

EDIT: finished "Dune" the book two nights ago and watched the 1984 film yesterday. This some awesome sh#t, I'm'a tell ya.

[Antonio the Sixth]

It's been 5 years since I submitted by Master's Thesis. Gotta say, it feels like I've been stuck in academic limbo ever since.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

It's been 5 years since I submitted by Master's Thesis. Gotta say, it feels like I've been stuck in academic limbo ever since.

May I humbly suggest that, with your prudishness, knowledge of history, and quant skills, you could drop out and join the security services?

[Antonio the Sixth]

It's been 5 years since I submitted by Master's Thesis. Gotta say, it feels like I've been stuck in academic limbo ever since.

May I humbly suggest that, with your prudishness, knowledge of history, and quant skills, you could drop out and join the security services?

The sunk cost fallacy is too powerful a motivator. After I finally get that scrap of paper I've been working for, all bets are off.

[100% pro-life no matter what]

i have been exceptionally ill the last couple days. i got so bad last night that i thought if things kept getting worse i was probably gonna die. my fever got over 103 and i can't even remember it being that high ever.

i kept just trying to sleep it off but every time i feel asleep i pretty much stopped breathing and i guess my body just forced me to wake up when that happened lol.

i'm feeling better today though, just keeping nyquil in my system constantly.

Hope you're feeling better!  Do you think it is the coronavirus or something else?

[💥💥 brandon bro (he/him/his)]

A pair of finches have returned to their nest in the lantern on my front porch after being absent for two years. I checked the nest today and found five eggs. Going to do my best to defend them from the blue jays and crows.

[Mr. Smith]

A pair of finches have returned to their nest in the lantern on my front porch after being absent for two years. I checked the nest today and found five eggs. Going to do my best to defend them from the blue jays and crows.

Blue jays don't exist on this side of the Rockies. That sort are a ton more pretty, but also a ton noisier.

[HillGoose]

i have been exceptionally ill the last couple days. i got so bad last night that i thought if things kept getting worse i was probably gonna die. my fever got over 103 and i can't even remember it being that high ever.

i kept just trying to sleep it off but every time i feel asleep i pretty much stopped breathing and i guess my body just forced me to wake up when that happened lol.

i'm feeling better today though, just keeping nyquil in my system constantly.

Hope you're feeling better!  Do you think it is the coronavirus or something else?

No clue. Right now I'm going on day 8 of whatever this is and around Wednesday my symptoms changed from fever and cough/chest tightness being the main issues to a pounding headache and stomach pain being my main issues. I'm hoping I'll be better by Monday, for sure.

[PSOL]

i have been exceptionally ill the last couple days. i got so bad last night that i thought if things kept getting worse i was probably gonna die. my fever got over 103 and i can't even remember it being that high ever.

i kept just trying to sleep it off but every time i feel asleep i pretty much stopped breathing and i guess my body just forced me to wake up when that happened lol.

i'm feeling better today though, just keeping nyquil in my system constantly.

Hope you're feeling better!  Do you think it is the coronavirus or something else?

No clue. Right now I'm going on day 8 of whatever this is and around Wednesday my symptoms changed from fever and cough/chest tightness being the main issues to a pounding headache and stomach pain being my main issues. I'm hoping I'll be better by Monday, for sure.

Dude, I urge you to contact your healthcare provider to see what’s up. You may be infected, in which I urge you to get an answer and then possible treatment as soon as possible.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

I am so happy that I have a beautiful Latino boyfriend and another Latino friend after literally scaring every gay latino away from me in St. Louis.

That is not hyperbolic. The Latino population in St. Louis, let alone the gay Latino one, is tiny so it is very likely that I saturated the gay latino market and scared them away from me .

I do wish Virginia had more Latinos though

Miami must be paradise to you.

[HillGoose]

i have been exceptionally ill the last couple days. i got so bad last night that i thought if things kept getting worse i was probably gonna die. my fever got over 103 and i can't even remember it being that high ever.

i kept just trying to sleep it off but every time i feel asleep i pretty much stopped breathing and i guess my body just forced me to wake up when that happened lol.

i'm feeling better today though, just keeping nyquil in my system constantly.

Hope you're feeling better!  Do you think it is the coronavirus or something else?

No clue. Right now I'm going on day 8 of whatever this is and around Wednesday my symptoms changed from fever and cough/chest tightness being the main issues to a pounding headache and stomach pain being my main issues. I'm hoping I'll be better by Monday, for sure.

Dude, I urge you to contact your healthcare provider to see what’s up. You may be infected, in which I urge you to get an answer and then possible treatment as soon as possible.

I did the online google test thing that u r supposed to do before going to get tested and it just told me to stay home but not go get tested so that's what i've been doing. idk though maybe i should anyway?

[100% pro-life no matter what]

i have been exceptionally ill the last couple days. i got so bad last night that i thought if things kept getting worse i was probably gonna die. my fever got over 103 and i can't even remember it being that high ever.

i kept just trying to sleep it off but every time i feel asleep i pretty much stopped breathing and i guess my body just forced me to wake up when that happened lol.

i'm feeling better today though, just keeping nyquil in my system constantly.

Hope you're feeling better!  Do you think it is the coronavirus or something else?

No clue. Right now I'm going on day 8 of whatever this is and around Wednesday my symptoms changed from fever and cough/chest tightness being the main issues to a pounding headache and stomach pain being my main issues. I'm hoping I'll be better by Monday, for sure.

Dude, I urge you to contact your healthcare provider to see what’s up. You may be infected, in which I urge you to get an answer and then possible treatment as soon as possible.

I did the online google test thing that u r supposed to do before going to get tested and it just told me to stay home but not go get tested so that's what i've been doing. idk though maybe i should anyway?

Tennessee has free testing in every county, so it couldn't hurt to get one.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Shopping for a mountain bike has become ridiculously discouraging. Everything affordable has been sold out.

[Santander]

I've started a literal cult at work. Surprisingly, a lot of people are joining me.

[PSOL]

i have been exceptionally ill the last couple days. i got so bad last night that i thought if things kept getting worse i was probably gonna die. my fever got over 103 and i can't even remember it being that high ever.

i kept just trying to sleep it off but every time i feel asleep i pretty much stopped breathing and i guess my body just forced me to wake up when that happened lol.

i'm feeling better today though, just keeping nyquil in my system constantly.

Hope you're feeling better!  Do you think it is the coronavirus or something else?

No clue. Right now I'm going on day 8 of whatever this is and around Wednesday my symptoms changed from fever and cough/chest tightness being the main issues to a pounding headache and stomach pain being my main issues. I'm hoping I'll be better by Monday, for sure.

Dude, I urge you to contact your healthcare provider to see what’s up. You may be infected, in which I urge you to get an answer and then possible treatment as soon as possible.

I did the online google test thing that u r supposed to do before going to get tested and it just told me to stay home but not go get tested so that's what i've been doing. idk though maybe i should anyway?

Was that from your healthcare provider? Maybe you should give them a call or contact them directly?

[John Dule]

A pair of finches have returned to their nest in the lantern on my front porch after being absent for two years. I checked the nest today and found five eggs. Going to do my best to defend them from the blue jays and crows.

Blue jays don't exist on this side of the Rockies. That sort are a ton more pretty, but also a ton noisier.

Well, whatever they are, they just destroyed the nest. All eggs are gone.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Medicaid won't cover my TMS.  I had my psychologist make an appeal and she was turned down, so my psychiatrist is writing a letter that will be ready Tuesday.

If this doesn't work, this might be my time to go.  I refuse to go through 60+ years of endless suffering and pain whenever I am conscious.

No matter what happens, I love (most of) you guys and the community this forum has brought to me.  Many of you have been very supportive of me throughout all of this.

But I don't want to be in pain anymore.  We (rightly) put suffering animals out of their misery.  It is egregious that we don't afford the same option to humans that are suffering.

For the last few years my original plan has been to off myself after my mother passes, so that she wouldn't have to bury her only child.  I know that even if I do that I will probably be leaving a lot of people behind.  And I live with the guilt of that every day.  There are no good options here.  But I have to do something to end the pain.  Talk therapy is no longer working and I will probably be dropping my psychologist next week.  All the pills no longer help either.

If my psychiatrist's appeal fails, that will be my signal to go.

I'm sorry.

[afleitch]

Medicaid won't cover my TMS.  I had my psychologist make an appeal and she was turned down, so my psychiatrist is writing a letter that will be ready Tuesday.

If this doesn't work, this might be my time to go.  I refuse to go through 60+ years of endless suffering and pain whenever I am conscious.

No matter what happens, I love (most of) you guys and the community this forum has brought to me.  Many of you have been very supportive of me throughout all of this.

But I don't want to be in pain anymore.  We (rightly) put suffering animals out of their misery.  It is egregious that we don't afford the same option to humans that are suffering.

For the last few years my original plan has been to off myself after my mother passes, so that she wouldn't have to bury her only child.  I know that even if I do that I will probably be leaving a lot of people behind.  And I live with the guilt of that every day.  There are no good options here.  But I have to do something to end the pain.  Talk therapy is no longer working and I will probably be dropping my psychologist next week.  All the pills no longer help either.

If my psychiatrist's appeal fails, that will be my signal to go.

I'm sorry.

There are signals to stay. People you know. People you have yet to know. Please keep talking to your psychologist.

[Devout Centrist]

Medicaid won't cover my TMS.  I had my psychologist make an appeal and she was turned down, so my psychiatrist is writing a letter that will be ready Tuesday.

If this doesn't work, this might be my time to go.  I refuse to go through 60+ years of endless suffering and pain whenever I am conscious.

No matter what happens, I love (most of) you guys and the community this forum has brought to me.  Many of you have been very supportive of me throughout all of this.

But I don't want to be in pain anymore.  We (rightly) put suffering animals out of their misery.  It is egregious that we don't afford the same option to humans that are suffering.

For the last few years my original plan has been to off myself after my mother passes, so that she wouldn't have to bury her only child.  I know that even if I do that I will probably be leaving a lot of people behind.  And I live with the guilt of that every day.  There are no good options here.  But I have to do something to end the pain.  Talk therapy is no longer working and I will probably be dropping my psychologist next week.  All the pills no longer help either.

If my psychiatrist's appeal fails, that will be my signal to go.

I'm sorry.

How much will this procedure cost? Is there any way we can send you money to help pay for treatment?

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

Medicaid won't cover my TMS.  I had my psychologist make an appeal and she was turned down, so my psychiatrist is writing a letter that will be ready Tuesday.

If this doesn't work, this might be my time to go.  I refuse to go through 60+ years of endless suffering and pain whenever I am conscious.

No matter what happens, I love (most of) you guys and the community this forum has brought to me.  Many of you have been very supportive of me throughout all of this.

But I don't want to be in pain anymore.  We (rightly) put suffering animals out of their misery.  It is egregious that we don't afford the same option to humans that are suffering.

For the last few years my original plan has been to off myself after my mother passes, so that she wouldn't have to bury her only child.  I know that even if I do that I will probably be leaving a lot of people behind.  And I live with the guilt of that every day.  There are no good options here.  But I have to do something to end the pain.  Talk therapy is no longer working and I will probably be dropping my psychologist next week.  All the pills no longer help either.

If my psychiatrist's appeal fails, that will be my signal to go.

I'm sorry.

How much will this procedure cost? Is there any way we can send you money to help pay for treatment?

According to this the average cost is around $400-$500/session, or $15,000 total.

[100% pro-life no matter what]

My weight loss has slowed since the first week, but it's still going down:

1/10: 360.4
1/17: 345.8
1/24: 342.0
1/31: 338.4

I'm planning to go to this adventure tower/ropes course in my hometown that has a 300-pound weight limit to celebrate when I'm under 300.  I'll probably wait until 290 or so, just to be sure that daily fluctuations, shoes, and a different scale won't accidentally put me over (if they actually weigh you, that is).

2/7: 332.6

2/14: 329.4
2/21: 327.2
2/28: 323.4
3/6: 318.4

3/13: 315.2
3/20: 311.2
3/27: 311.4
4/3: 308.8
4/10: 304.8
4/17: 302.0

4/24: 303.0
5/1: 299.6
5/8: 297.2
5/15: 294.8
5/22: 294.0
5/29: 291.6

The pace has definitely slowed (in part because I've been much less strict lately, as eating out is a key way for human contact in reopening until we're fully open), but I'm now at 69 pounds.  Probably another 40-60 left, depending on what it looks and feels like then.  The ropes course celebration is happening tomorrow!

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Thank you guys for all the support and offers to donate, but this procedure (as Truman alluded to) is extremely expensive and only something that insurance could pay for.  Unfortunately, TMS is not covered under my plan.  My psychiatrist said that he would talk to Medicaid on Tuesday and explain the severity of this.

But when I think about living on this earth until I'm 80 - hell, probably 100 given the medical/technological advancements that will be around at that point - honestly, I just dread it.  I feel no joy in living each day.  I want to see what lies beyond this reality, even if it's nothing at all.  All I want is peace and freedom from emotional pain.

I don't want to have autism anymore.  I don't want to live with clinical depression and social anxiety.  I'm sick of being an outcast my entire life.  And I'm ending it no matter what it takes.  I have been on literally dozens of medications throughout my life and none of them work.  The TMS is my last chance.  If I can't get that because of some greedy f#cks at Medicaid, the blood will be on their hands.  I don't care anymore.

But I truly, truly am sorry for the people I will leave behind, both my family and the awesome people I've met on this site and elsewhere.  I know that my departure will hurt, but people will cope.  I had to cope when my dad died in a household accident.  It's a natural thing to do.  It is as natural as death itself.

But whether I get the TMS or check out from this world early, just know that I will finally be at peace.  It's the only thing I want.