A short story

[GlobeSoc]

I am posting this in the us general discussion board so that this gets more attention, even though it's technically off-topic

Over the past week, I have discovered a variety of issues both in myself and my environment. The root cause of all of these issues is that my father is very likely to have NPD. I didn't figure it out because he has put up a front for the last several years. Most of the memories that would have helped me figure it out were repressed, and I didn't think about the ones that weren't because I didn't have a reason to, and thought he was operating in good faith.

When I was a child, he would regularly spank me for seemingly arbitrary reasons, including one case where I didn't retrieve an item fast enough, and whenever I cried(to the point where I am unable to now). His final act to hurt me was emotionally abusing me during a messy divorce period, after which my mom, who I was staying with during and afterwards thought that I needed a therapist. He used whatever financial and legal power he had to block the idea. This is probably the number one cause of my mental problems, including a possible case of depression. The abuse stopped afterwards, even though I was visiting him every so often because I had to. That was the worst of it for me, but not in general. At least, that's what I can figure out upon present reflection. He would be very likely to block an attempt to get a therapist again, especially since my mom doesn't have the money to do so herself.

A few years later, a stepmother came into the picture, with a number of stepchildren. They seemed relatively normal. However, a couple of days ago my stepsisters came forward to me and explained their situation. Apparently, my father is sexually and emotionally abusing them in a variety of ways, with their mother enabling and doing some gaslighting and other manipulation herself. Nearly no-one believes them when they attempt to explain the situation to them, especially since my father is relatively charismatic and wealthy.

He doesn't know that I know about the present situation, let alone believe it.

As far as why I'm posting this in a political forum of all places, I have two reasons. The first is that posting this on a less obscure platform would have a higher risk of doxing. They second is that politics was one of the only rewarding things I have in my life right now, with little to no effort involved to get into the hobby, only an internet connection and some google searches. Seeing the machine of the world turn, with myself as part of it, somehow was a soothing idea. Indeed, casting my first ballot back in march was one of the only times where I felt genuinely good in the last year or so.

To end, I have two "simple" questions: How do I move on from my past situation under my current constraints, and how do I help my stepsisters with their current situation?

[Co-Chair Bagel23]

via Imgflip Meme Generator

Umm, I don't know all the answers to your questions, but I will say this, be careful about taking any of it public or directly confronting your dad about it, at least without a lot of solid proof, otherwise they are

via Imgflip Meme Generator

And from the side you described him from, if true, he sounds like quite a wealthy yet spiteful person, and might legally go after you in court for this and attempt to ruin your life. This is already a pain in the rear, and it is even worse if your opponent has substantially more money than you.

So recap, I would not make a move unless you got a lot of solid proof, and I would also seek out free and affordable counseling resources in your community and online, cheers!

[PSOL]

First off, how are you doing? Are you okay? Do you feel suicidal? We all would really love if you can call a suicide hotline if the case. Please respond to this email, I want to know if you’ll be safe. I want you, like a lot of people do, to be okay.
Get into contact with someone professional. There are actually good areas on Reddit(ex:Offmychest)to talk about it if you want, just use a throwaway email and don’t connect many internet dots. Get into contact with a social worker if you can first, a qualified one. Go out more, find a less head aching hobby in the meantime, like a club or group. I really hope the best for you.
I will be here tomorrow to respond.

[SATW]

The walrus: Thank you for sharing w/ us. It is not easy to do.  I echo all of PSOL's comments. I wish I had some solutions for you, but we are here for you.

[Koharu]

Please find a counselor to help you through this. There are lots of support channels but it is work to find what works for you and a therapist who fits you. I still haven't found "the" one, bit I have learned helpful things from the ones I've had in the meantime. I'm not sure where you live, but if you are a minor, there are resources to help you get access. If you are not a minor, there are lots of places that offer low cost therapy, and depending on the circumstances, you might qualify for Medicaid.

In regards to your sisters, please contact a social worker or the police. They need to get out of the house as soon as possible. It is not your job to protect them from their parents or try to keep things okay at home--that's what professionals are for. This is beyond that, and you need to protect and take care of yourself. There is abuse and children cannot remain in that house.

I have a fair bit of experience with finding professionals for helping folks and also the process of starting looking at Medicaid. If you want me to PM you details about stuff even just in your state, let me know.

Take care of yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help in real life. There are people who will help you.

[pbrower2a]

I am posting this in the us general discussion board so that this gets more attention, even though it's technically off-topic

Over the past week, I have discovered a variety of issues both in myself and my environment. The root cause of all of these issues is that my father is very likely to have NPD. I didn't figure it out because he has put up a front for the last several years. Most of the memories that would have helped me figure it out were repressed, and I didn't think about the ones that weren't because I didn't have a reason to, and thought he was operating in good faith.

NPD is narcissism. It is commonplace among elected public officials and business executives -- probably among people of power and influence as a perquisite of status. It is a signal that one can get away with doing bad things to people so long as one turns or enforces a profit or allows growth of the organization. With it comes the ability to punish and humiliate people without guilt.

Narcissistic parents may be preparing their children for the nastiness of commercial and governmental hierarchies in which power demonstrates itself in the ability to humiliate subordinates at will.  I wish that our system would change so that it did not foster such dehumanizing behavior, but it will not do so until it endures a calamity on the scale of another 1929-32 meltdown or some catastrophic military defeat.

You can do little about your childhood; it now controls how you think.   

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This behavior goes beyond narcissism to criminality. Sexual abuse of stepchildren is incest as well as child sexual abuse. Your father belongs in prison, and not in a role of responsibility for the well-being of others. You may have to sacrifice something in the process, including income that comes from working for him and any chance of inheriting anything from him. If he is doing criminal sexual abuse, then he deserves ruin to the extent of fearing exposure in a prison as a child abuser who will be subjected to the worst abuse by fellow prisoners.

Poverty is now the norm in American life, and it may be the price of integrity as a person. That can include being stranded in a community that you loathe, but that one cannot escape on weekends or holidays. That can mean the spiritual poverty of working in some place in which stupidity is necessary for happiness. Remember -- the elites of our corrupt and cruel society have their wealth and maintain their power by doing nasty things to people. They consider exploitation of workers benefice to those workers. But even they do not tolerate sexual abuse of children.

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But you have a responsibility to your step-siblings and their children, and to have any claim to decency you must expose your father to the appropriate authorities. Not doing so makes you complicit. You could face legal consequences if you do not expose the crimes of your father.

But I am not an attorney or a therapist. Maybe you need to see an attorney to protect yourself. Maybe you will lose your comfortable life, but there are worse ways of life than living hand-to-mouth in a slum with your sustenance coming from work in a convenience store.

 

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I do not have the means of exposing you and do not want to. But you apparently need legal as well as mental help. That is not an enjoyable way to drain the assets that your father will lose as a consequence of a criminal conviction, but that could be something that you will need to do. By betraying his stepchildren he has betrayed you by putting you at legal risk that you do not deserve. Maybe your economically-soft way of life comes to an end, and you will be worse off than people who have been poor all their lives. There are worse ways of life than having to mop floors and serve as a cashier exchanging money for cigarettes, candy, sodas, and artery-glue snacks. One of them is prison.   

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First, be ready to exchange the middle-class dream for the nightmare of American poverty. You have said that your father is wealthy -- divest yourself of the need for such support that he gives you. Second, recognize that abusive narcissism is the norm among elites in our depraved social order, and if it comes from someone with no emotional ties to you, it comes with no compensating virtue other than survival. Third, cultivate new friends who will give you some emotional support and companionship just for being a good person. There is no money in it, but that is necessary for emotional survival.


Anything more needs to be said by competent people in law enforcement, the legal practice, clergy (if such is acceptable), and persons in mental health or social work.     

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

You still live with him?

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

We got your back! You'll be in my prayers for sure, friend. You're a great poster and you deserve to be happy

[Since I'm the mad scientist proclaimed by myself]

I'm sorry...

I hope it works out for you...

[GlobeSoc]

You still live with him?

With my mom, but I have to visit him every so often

[ProudModerate2]

You are very brave to share your personal story with us.
My first thought is to your step-sisters. Any sexual abuse needs to stop, so somehow you need to inform the authorities.
Atlas member Koharu/jphp (in the post above), is offering to assist you to make a connection with councilors that will help with how to (best) proceed.

I hope you well with everything.
Take care.

Edit to add: Just in case ... I'm not sure if you know how to send a personal message to another Atlas member.
Click on the user name found on the left-hand side of a post (for example click on "Koharu" on post/reply#4 above). When the new page opens, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page, and then click on "Send this member a personal message."

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

You still live with him?

With my mom, but I have to visit him every so often

Can you talk with her about it?

[Bidenworth2020]

How do I move on from my past situation under my current constraints?

Well, I think investing yourself in something like politics is a good idea, especially since there is so much to it. Maybe find some other interests too, and as for therapy, most states have a fund that you can qualify for (though if your dad is wealthy it may disqualify you )

How do I help my stepsisters with their current situation?

Honestly, I would call the cops. They are your best shot at getting help for your stepsisters. You will need them to testify to it though. Hope this helped