The Crusader (Public Service Announcement)

[Lumine]

The Crusader

March 21st, 2020

In the News:

All Hands on Deck!

Coronavirus pandemic becomes political focus for the nation,
Congress and Administration adopt bold, drastic measures to deal with crisis

Yangbucks for Atlasia?

Senators debate universal basic income,
Policy championed by some as a necessity for families

We're not in Kansas anymore

The Commonwealth and the South wage rhetorical war,
Fremont Irredentism gains steam with regional legislators

Clyde nominated for CG

Labor veteran becomes first nominee for position,
Senate debates methodology and impartiality

Tales from Atlasland:

Wrath of the Chief Justice

Senator Tack denounces Supreme Court delay,
Jokingly talks impeachment
Chief Justice delivers concise response

₁

_____________________________
^{1.) Original Image: 1890's caricature of Americans kicking out the British, 1890's, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

Special Single Issue

Celebrating our Fourth Anniversary!

January 28th, 2021

Tales from Atlasland, I:

Zombie Fight!

Presidential candidates scramble for extra support,
Tales of sorcery and zombie hordes spread,
The dead speak! The old reappear!

₁

Tales from Atlasland, II:

Southern Reconquista

Senator LT defeats Governor Tim Turner,
Labor in shock due to losing an electoral contest,
Federalist Party stuns Atlasia by showing signs of life

₂

Tales from Atlasland, III:

The Impossible Dream

Errant knight continues anti-McDonald's crusade,
Promises to tilt at windmills until the end of times,
Regional Legislators shudder in terror

₃

_____________________________
^{1.) Original Image: We'll Give 'Em Fitz!, Clifford Berryman, 1898, US National Archives, public domain,, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.
2.) Original Image: Survival of the Fittest, Puck Magazine, 1900, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.
3.) Original Image: Don Quixote fighting windmills, G. A. Harker, 1910, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[Anna Komnene]

I the impossible dream. Reeaach the unreachable... staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar

[Mike Thick]

Labor in shock due to losing an electoral contest,

[Lumine]

Got hit by inspiration on a break. Interviews will be prepared in the coming days.

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

March 24th, 2021

In the News:

The Great Zombie Hunt

Debate over zombies and off site recruits heats up,
Both chambers pass harsh voting restrictions, final vote outstanding,
Opponents to the bill denounce cliques, potential voter suppression,
Will the President sign it into law?

Thermidor in Lincoln

Chancellor S019 brought down in sudden VONC,
Opposition displaces Labor with a month to go until elections,
Liberal newcomer AGA nominated Chancellor,
Wulfric overheard shouting: “I AM THE COUNCIL”

But why? Why would you do that?

Congress faces stream of absurd bills,
Olawakandi worship, annexing North America, Bir Tawil, Bigfoot,
Nyman to be declared reality-free zone

Changing of the Guard

Governor R2D2 leaves office in Lincoln,
Delivers heartfelt address decrying partisan mentality,
Leaves the game after a long record of service

Tales from Atlasland:

Thus Spoke Lakithustra

Pink Jaguar shaman launches major diatribe,
 Rages on and on about the value of political consistency,
Nyman residents report being enlightened,
"We're not sold on the Native American cosplay", tribes say

₁

_____________________________
^{1.) Original Image:
Illustration from "César Cascabel", George Roux, 1880, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[Dr. MB]

I think I should address several misconceptions about what I meant in the interview.

I did not believe that MB would've defeated Pericles in a primary if it was actually held since the numbers were on Peri's side all the way through (MB bringing third party lefties into Labor did make it more competitive to the point that Peri would feel insecure and would actually have to campaign hard for a win which is probably what spurred the rules change). However, I do feel like that changing the rules and disenfranchising a lot of people in what was really a blatant and greedy power grab for Pericles de-legitimized his nomination. Of course we know this ended with Pericles clearly winning the general election with Laborite defections kept at a bare minimum (there was that HCP/Sestak protest ticket which wasn't particularly useful as a vehicle for protest since I know Sestak ensured that most of his voters preferenced Pericles over Koopa but at least it knocked Peri under 50% on the first round). And of course we can't ignore the fact that MB's little deal with Pericles orchestrated by Windjammer didn't play out so great for MB as he ended up getting his dues from myself instead of going to the White House. He didn't have to drop out of the presidential race just because he lost the primary, but this Labor mentality of loyalty and unity at all costs can't give them ownership of the game forever, but some may digress at their own loss. As for other points, I was honest in telling what I really think. It's good that Pericles creates his own opposition, and I'm largely proud of the Federalist Party and the way we do things regardless of what the haters say.

I mostly agree with this. I didn't really think I was ever the favorite going into it but at least I had a fighting chance if I'd brought Peace members into Labor. So of course I tried that out and then the rule change happened and I would've lost 60-40 so no use in trying. Since Pericles I think had won out the support of a lot of the other members (like Truman) back before I was even planning a run for president.

The reason I even ran in the first place was less so because I desperately wanted to be president and more so because I wanted to prove a point, I was pissed off at the anointed successor system, and Pericles' cocky attitude about it all was annoying me. So that's why I ran for chair (mostly because Pericles announced his "slate" earlier on and despite being a lot more involved with the party than either Tack or DevoutCentrist he never offered me vice chair). So I lost that obviously and thought well I didn't win this time but three months to prepare for a presidential primary would be enough. (If I'd won the chair race I doubt I would've run for president). The issue was more bad timing, I wasn't expecting Pericles to declare so early and I ignored the advice Sestak had given me a few months back and didn't contact people early either because I didn't want to bother/annoy them. Pericles obviously did and came out with a big slate of endorsements right off the bat. A couple of them defected right after (I think PSOL and Elcaspar) because they didn't know I was running but coming in second place and having to frantically assemble a campaign thread and activate a team was tough and the only upper hand I had was announcing Leinad as my VP right away while Peri took a couple weeks to announce Peanut. (Even though the Peanut pick was pretty obvious).

As for the senate election that time I overcalculated and thought it would be an easier battle than it turned out to be. I'd gone into October thinking I was gonna lose but ended up beating Deadprez something like 60-40 so I assumed I was the heavy favorite. LT moving to the south and entering the race wasn't something I thought would happen and by February I wasn't at a 100% level of caring anymore while LT was tuned up to the top. So I didn't try hard, didn't really go for feds or swing voters, and somehow still expected to win. Stupid move on my part.

During the original presidential campaign as well my focus wasn't always great - I thought about dropping out or even deregistering a couple times because my mental health wasn't too good at the time and I didn't feel like I had the energy to put my 100% effort in. That turned out to not be an issue then but it might have been had I made it to the primary.

And in the presidential election I honestly wanted Pericles to lose. I voted for him, obviously, and I got people out to vote for him but I was pretty pissed from the maneuvering to get me out of the primary and thought if he lost it would be karma for that. I guess the way to ensure he lost would've been to, well... not vote for him or defect as I considered doing initially but decided it would be a bad idea.

[Southern Senator North Carolina Yankee]

But why? Why would you do that?

Congress faces stream of absurd bills,
Olawakandi worship, annexing North America, Bir Tawil, Bigfoot,
Nyman to be declared reality-free zone

Not sure if this is what Sestak had in mind when he put out the call for unconventional bills, but these are certainly pressing boundaries.

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing the truth since 2017

April 1st, 2021

In the (Alternative) News:

Very little has happened

Seriously, it's been kind of a dead week,
Still, we must publish something,
So here are some alternative news

Dissolution finally achieved

Atlasians party in the streets as the duopoly ends,
Yankee, Griffin sign historic mutual acccord,
Nation finally allowed to move on after nine years,
"Best day ever", Yankee says

Four Years of Partnership

Fhtagn and Pericles celebrate friendship anniversary,
dynamic duo remains the Republic's favorite couple,
Musical based on their story to hit Broadway

Mount Rushmore II inaugurated

Artificial mountain to celebrate a new set of Presidents,
Indian residents nowhere to be seen, assumed to be on vacation,
Olawakandi's likeness inmortalized four times in stone

Few surprises in regional elections

South becomes a People's Republic by acclamation,
Lincoln government re-elected, promises to pass a new budget in 2030,
Fremont residents tense after yet another competitive election

Tales from Atlasland:

A Deadly Ambush

Brave explorers blindsided by enemy NPC pact,
Walk directly into electoral ambush, at risk of a horrible death,
"Deploy the Cao!", one explorer says

₁

An interview with Ishan:

Lumine: Congressman, glad to have you here today.

Ishan: Thanks for having me here.

Lumine: We’re arguably still facing the aftermath of what was a rather entertaining – if controversial – election, including a rather surprising outcome in terms of who occupies the White House at the present. What are your thoughts on the matter?

Ishan: To be honest, it feels quite weird that the events that took place – happened. If you would have asked me at the start of February, I would have said that Ted Bessell would have won, and if you would have asked me after Arpaiogate, I would have said that Young Texan would have won in a landslide. The election was a surprise, but it was a pleasant surprise, with the Chief Justice having won over me, no – to fully win over me to support him. I generally approve of the President, and I would probably support him if he runs for re-election.

Lumine: You seem to have emerged as one of the two leading Liberal politicians, alongside Poirot. What would you say is the Liberal vision for Atlasia at the moment?

Ishan: The Liberal vision for Atlasia is an Atlasia which is more closer to the center and a Atlasia that is growing. I believe that a center which is willing to work with both sides, and both sides wants to negotiate and help the center is a center which is strong, and the Liberal Party works with the Right and the Left in Atlasia. 

Lumine: One of the biggest issues facing centrist parties is the inevitable dilemma of whom to collaborate with, whether the Federalists or Labor. What do you make of that situation? How do you think the Liberals have handled themselves in it?

Ishan: I think that the Liberals have collaborated with both sides, and we have not fallen in the dilemma of becoming a satellite of any of the two major parties.

You can see that just a few days ago, Councilor AGA, widely considered to be the de facto candidate of the right and center, defeated former Delegate Nyssus, with the Councilor's support mainly being from Federalists and members of the Democratic Alliance, and of course, the Liberal Party.

On the other hand, I got some Labor support when I ran for the People's House in February, and I voted for the ticket of Windjammer and J.K. Sestak in the final round, so I might be considered to be aligned with the left.

Overall, I'd say that the Liberals have collaborated with both major parties on the duopoly, and I hope that continues.

Lumine: It’s been almost three years since you joined the game, quite a respectable tenure. Do you see yourself as one of the younger, newer players, or you consider yourself to be more of a veteran player at this point?

Ishan: I see myself as a veteran because I have been in the game for nearly three years, and even if I was a zombie or a glorified zombie for most of the three years, I experienced the events of June 2019, which was the election of Adam Griffin, and I paid attention to the game for most of the three years, even if I was a zombie.

Lumine: There's a favorite question of mine I always like to ask at least once: what would you say is your proudest moment in the game? And your biggest regret?

Ishan: My proudest moment in this game was electing Windjammer to the Presidency, and my reason why is because he convinced me to support me, and helping him win felt great. Another mention was helping Jimmy tie the Lincoln Senate election in August 2020, because despite all of the odds, I defeated "the machine", and I helped re-elected someone who I'd thought as a friend, and my regrets in this game are getting into a dumb scandal because I was bored, and taking the game seriously, instead of treating it as it should be, a game.

Lumine: As a freshman representative, could you tell us about your initial experiences on the job?

Ishan: I like serving in the House, because I like having my voice represented by myself in the chamber instead of having it being represented by someone else who doesn't hold all of my views. In the House, I have reconsidered my view on unicameralism, as I support returning to unicameralism because I support more debate.
 
Lumine: You were among those who pushed for a Constitutional Convention a couple of weeks ago, a push that seems to have, at the very least, slowed down on its momentum. Do you still believe a Con Con is necessary? If so, why?

Ishan: While I still believe that a Constitutional Convention is needed, there has been more activity in the Atlas Fantasy boards, so I am fine with the status quo currently. I do believe that in the event of a few more landslide elections for Labor, that the support Constitutional Convention will pick up steam and grow.

Lumine: Finally, I have to ask you the philosophical question. Is Atlasia on the right track?

Ishan: I don't see it on the right track because of the off-site recruitment and the zombie recruitment happening near daily. With 2 out of the 3 regions being safe or near safe Labor and 1 region being safe Federalist, I see Fantasyland activity going down. Also, with Labor majorities for nearly 2 years straight, nearly everything that is considered a center left wing policy has been done.

Lumine: Thank you, congressman.

_____________________________
^{1.) Original Image:
Poster for the film "The Time Machine", Reynold Brown, 1960, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

June 22nd, 2021

Amidst the backdrop of anti Discord backlash,
we in The Crusader say this again:

₁

_____________________________
^{1.) Original Image: Uncle Sam needs YOU!, US Propaganda material, James Montgomery Flagg, 1916, Wikimedia Commons, modified for patriotic Atlasian purposes.}

[Southern Senator North Carolina Yankee]

Very fitting.

[Joseph Cao]

Things like these make me wish specific posts could be pinned.

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

July 2nd, 2021

The Witchfinder General strikes!

Incoming President appoints Tack as a new inquisitor,
 Criminals tremble before the sight of the Witchfinder General
Who will be charged first? Many wonder,
"Light the pyres!", Labor apparatchik comments

₁

_____________________________
^{1.) Original Image:
Portrait of Matthew Hopkins, Science Museum Group, UK, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Please make fun of me.

[Southern Senator North Carolina Yankee]

Remember that ye are but a wretched sinner, uncleaned, fit only to be hewn down and BURNED. Stay thy life in prayer and hope that God sees fit to have mercy on thy corrupted soul!!!

NO MUSIC!!!!

[AustralianSwingVoter]

Please make fun of me.

[Continential]

Please make fun of me.

[Kuumo]

Please make fun of me.

[OBD]

Please make fun of me.

[At-Large Senator LouisvilleThunder]

Please make fun of me.

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

Remember that ye are but a wretched sinner, uncleaned, fit only to be hewn down and BURNED. Stay thy life in prayer and hope that God sees fit to have mercy on thy corrupted soul!!!

NO MUSIC!!!!

I'm impressed, Yankee. When did you convert to liberalism?

A fountain of pollution indeed is deep within thy nature.

[GM Team Member and Senator WB]

Please make fun of me.

[Utah Neolib]

Please make fun of me.

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

September 17th, 2021

As the Republic sinks further down,
a small piece of theatre and farce:

SECESSION

A Story in Three Acts

ACT I

In the peaceful, often badly governed valleys of Lincoln,
A parliamentary coup brings out a man's inner rebel,
Hell-bent on revenge, out of the General Court he storms,
A self appointed Sheriff on his tail, ready to call on the judges

₁

ACT II

In his Philist palace, a Governor smiles,
"I bring good tidings!" the rebel says, "the nation is bored, no one governs",
The Governor brings forth the perfidious crown, enthrones himself,
Roses fall, secessionists gather, for Lincoln, they say, shall be free again

₂

ACT III

On the streets of Burlington the rebels party,
Anarchy reigns at last, Philism shows them the golden future,
The patriots gather, for this they have seen before,
Annoyed yet determined, they know how this story usually ends

₃

THE END

_____________________________
<sup>1.) Original Image:
Gone crazy, J.S. Pughe, Puck Magazine, 1896, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.

2.) Original Image:
Coronation of the Autocrat of Protection, Puck Magazine, 1896, UK, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.

3.) Original Images:
A noisy mob; - but the sound money police are closing in on them, Udo Keppler, Puck Magazine, 1896, Wikimedia Commons; [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Phil_Scott_2017_(cropped).jpg
Consul General Alsace meets Governor Phil Scott, US Embassy Canada, Wikimedia Commons, both modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire</sup>

[KaiserDave]

All my trouble making was worth it for this, we all love you Lumine!

[Lumine]

All my trouble making was worth it for this, we all love you Lumine!

Glad you liked it! I've had way too many people taking it too seriously in the past.