The Press

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Charter of the Radicals

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The Pennsylvania Gazette

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On Slavery; a response to Mr. Jackson

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The Pennsylvania Gazette
On Westsylvania

I understand that many of the residents of our great Commonwealth have been recently unduly disappointed by the actions taken by legislation, on the issue of the movement of the Capitol of our Commonwealth to the town of Chambersburg, and have taken themselves insulted by such movement.

However, I do write to ensure that the fears or unhappinesses of our residents are rather unfounded, for I believe we all place the integrity of the unity of our Commonwealth above our pride, and that such a move is a fair compromise, especially to avoid the near-guarantee of armed conflict in our Western frontier, which would have otherwise resulted in the Great loss of Life and in the arrest of commerce and peace in the fighting of a conflict that is wholly unavoidable.

However, there are also clear benefits to the movement of our capitol westward. The growth of a new city, especially one further away from our developed area, will surely bring about an expansion of commerce, making all residents of our Commonwealth more prosperous.

Second, it does lend more importance to the city of Philadelphia as our Nation's capitol, allowing itself to be dedicated solely to the administration of that Government, whereas Chambersburg will be focused more on the administration of the issues of our Commonwealth.

Third, the movement of our Capital will precipitate the continued westward expansion of the people of our Commonwealth. As more people will feel inclined to scout and settle the lands west of what is currently inhabited, our state's population will grow, and so will commerce, once again allowing the general wealth of our Commonwealth to increase.

Fourth, such growth in population will also result in the growth of our Commonwealth's political power, allowing our state to send more Deputies to Congress Hall. Such increase in representation will mean that the people of Pennsylvania will have more control in the fate of our Country, and make most certain that it will not work actively against the best interests of our Commonwealth.

Fifth, as part of the assuage of the fears of our western residents, we not ensure the absence of armed conflict, but that the rich natural resources of the western Frontier remain in the hands of the people of Pennsylvania and no other master; once again, the contribution to commerce by these resources cannot be understated.

Sixth, as part of the assuage of the fears of our western residents, we ensure that the western Frontier's population remains within the bounds of Pennsylvania, ensuring that we retain our political power on the national stage, and not wasted away to the interests of other state.

Seventh, that our Commonwealth will continue to grow in a fashion that stresses a unity of our Commonwealth, rather than using the great mountains of Appalachia as a wedge to cleave our Commonwealth in two. We are all Pennsylvanians, not Eastsylvanians or Westsylvanians, and we should not allow conquerable natural barriers to overcome our strength in unity.

And to the western residents of Pennsylvania, I hope that you see that our government, despite being located far from you, does concern itself with your issues and is wholeheartedly willing to hear your concerns and take the necessary steps to rectify them; that in the future there should be no question whether the Pennsylvania Legislature does regard you as equal members of our Commonwealth, and that talk of secession is ultimately unnecessary.

The bounds of Commonwealth that hold us together are ultimately a blessing upon all residents of Pennsylvania; that a small hit to our pride is well worth the preservation of these bounds, and that unlawful secession would only result in devastating consequences that would be a curse on this generation and future ones as well.

– Mr. Franklin

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The Boston Gazette

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Nero Redivivus

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Nero Redivivus, II

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The Pennsylvania Gazette
Benjamin Franklin's address in Philadelphia, "Shamed Be the Man", is published and distributed throughout Pennsylvania.

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The honourable Mr. Richard BACHE for Congress
The honourable Mr. Hugh Henry BRACKENRIDGE, Esquire, for Governor
A ticket most LOYAL to the Commonwealth of PENNSYLVANIA
against all enemies, foreign and domestic, such being;

the FRAUDULENT First Secretary, the dishonourable Mr. MADISON, who, in his capacity, has used every opportunity to BACKSTAB the Commonwealth, a most loyal State of this Union,
STOLEN the position of Governor from its LEGAL occupier,
and INSTALLED a PUPPET to do his every bidding.
This treacherous NERO will find no Kiss on his RING from the Radical candidates.


the MONARCHIST Tories, who have continued to express their expediency for the DEATH of the Commonwealth and its CONSOLIDATION under the control of the treacherous NERO
This RIDICULOUSNESS is wrong for the Union and wrong for Pennsylvania.


the WORTHLESS Samuelites, who have stood by vile NERO as he had betrayed the Commonwealth,
who have entered in an ALLIANCE with the wretched WESTERNERS to destroy our Commonwealth plot by plot,
They may NOT be TRUSTED with the interests of Pennsylvania.


the UPSTART "Pennsylvanians", who have BESMEARED the name of our glorious commonwealth for political gain,
whose election shall signal the END of Pennsylvania
and the beginning of CEASELESS VIOLENCE.

Vote BACHE and BRACKENRIDGE; vote RADICAL, for a strong and united Pennsylvania, for peace and prosperity, and to
keep alive the SPIRIT, HONOUR, AND MEMORY of our heroes, FRANKLIN and MIFFLIN.

Vote for PENNSYLVANIA !


 

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Encyclopædia Natural
§ On American Animals


Americanus inchordatus
Lit. "spineless American," this creature prides itself on its supposed free-thinking and independent spirit, but is rather cowardly when confronted by a larger foe, such as the Americanus perfidus  (lit. "treacherous American" but more commonly referred to as "Nero"), and is willing to give up, without hesitation, its values and its allies. In some cases, it may even, by choice, cohabit with perfidus, in which inchordatus readily takes the weaker role, and bends over backwards to do the bidding of its larger master. However, when keeping with its own brood, the inchordatus can rarely be called a loving parent, instead engaging in violence and anger with members of its own species and with those it claims dominion over. Overall, the inchordatus is a rather foul creature, with little purpose, not even in flesh or hide, and so one should be most adamant in eliminating its presence from one's homestead or territory.



Tyrannus insatiabilis
Lit. "insatiable tyrant," this beast's endless appetite for wealth and power dominates all other bodily functions, repressing hygiene, sex, and sleep in favour of its ceaseless hoarding of material goods and political power. This creature, in its quest, sees no action as unreasonable to satisfy its urges, whether that be the betrayal of its brood, the swearing of fealty to an Americanus perfidus, or an alliance with the Devil himself. Even with the memory of having helped banish the Devil and his monarchy from its territory, the insatiabilis now welcomes the Devil back to its shores, of course with the perception that it will benefit in resources and in power from such an event. T. insatiabilis also seeks to surrender its brood to a reigning perfidus, and sees no error in its ways. Ironically, in its misguided attempts to gain power for itself, insatiabilis, believing that it will usurp the reigning perfidus, only strengthens the perfidus, allowing it to dominate and wreak more havoc upon insatiabilis's brood, as well as any other brood in the surrounding territory. A wise word for homesteaders: do not invite this creature onto your property, for soon you'll find all your livestock killed and yourself evicted from your home, as both insatiabilis and the wretched perfidus shall choose to take up occupancy on your land.

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An Open Letter from the Ever-grateful People of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania;
directed to the Honorable First Secretary, a most loyal ally to the Commonwealth

In times where credit earned is credit due, the most Honorable James Madison, the illustrious First Secretary of our humble Republic, has earned nothing but top marks from the concerned citizens of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, for his bold actions and intelligent solutions.

Although Mr. Madison hails from Virginia, and represents her in the Congress, we truly believe that his heart lives in Pennsylvania; he drinks from the clear waters of the mighty Schuylkill river, he breathes from the crisp air of the Poconos, he chews on the wheat grown by the proud farmers of Lancaster County, he walks on the cobble gathered from Northampton. It is undeniable, that Pennsylvania does hold a special place in the First Secretary's expansive heart; above all others, it is Pennsylvania he strives for. Mr. Madison, we thank you for your Loyalty!

The magnanimous Madison is the ally the humble folk of Pennsylvania have searched for. He had arrived, like Joan of Arc, to liberate the people against their oppressors. He is truly our Savior, second only to the Messiah himself. He liberated us from the yokes of debt, against the wretched words of those who would have liked to see our loyal Commonwealth fail. He had ignored the malicious intent and manipulative words of our so-called Countrymen in the southern states, casting aside their interests for the best interests of our Commonwealth, like a loyal ally would. Mr. Madison, we thank you for your Bravery!

The First Secretary, having taken responsibility for this affair, has dedicated every act in his administration to further soothe our transitive loss of territory. In fact, he was so generous as to offer our Commonwealth more in reparations for our losses, but we had decided against it, as to not burden our Union of States too much. He has understood our struggles, and he has helped us overcome them, willing to sacrifice an arm, a leg, an eye and an ear for us. He had ignored the woes of unconcerned parties in exchange to help his true love. And we certainly do love Mr. Madison in return. Mr. Madison, we thank you for your Generosity!

And so, as gift and signal of our good faith, in exchange for your acts of Loyalty, Bravery, and Generosity toward the people of Pennsylvania, we do hereby name you a most treasured and beloved Honorary Citizen of the Commonwealth. You will find nothing but kindness and good faith should you travel through the land which you so yearn to inhabit – and so, we, cast our confidence in you, and your loyalty and love to the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.

– A people most indebted to the acts and service of Mr. James Madison, First Secretary of these United States, a people citizen to the Commonwealth which Mr. Madison treasures and loves above all others, even his cradle of Virginia

This shall be distributed and published throughout Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Cumberland, and Virginia.

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At a time when Traitors walk the halls of Congress,
and iron-fisted Morrises beat the body of Liberty,
Vote WHIG
for a delegation most loyal to Pennsylvania;


Del. Richard BACHE,
who had boxed with Nero Madison and WON the Commonwealth PEACE and PROSPERITY.
His endless LOYALTY to Pennsylvania is matched only by the late Hero FRANKLIN.


The good Doctor Benjamin RUSH,
whose expertise and infinite wisdom had HEALED the brave soldiers during our Revolution for liberty,
a most WISE man, who has shared his knowledge with the progeny of our Commonwealth.



Mr. Alexander J. DALLAS, Esq.,
a most loyal ally of the late Hero MIFFLIN, his righthand man in the governance of our great Commonwealth,
an ingeniously THRIFTY man in his ceaseless service to Pennsylvania.


Mr. Thomas McKEAN, Esq.,
a most prized legal mind, a fellow FATHER of our Revolution,
who has bestowed limitless jurisprudence in the defense of the LIBERTIES of our Commonwealth.


General Edward HAND,
who had so bravely fought for the FREEDOM and safety of Pennsylvania,
the HERO Washington's most trusted ally – and now a servant of the County of LANCASTER.
This heroic Man was the SAVIOUR of our Commonwealth from British tyranny.


THE CHOICE BETWEEN FREEDOM AND FEDERALIST TYRANNY IS CLEAR.
VOTE WHIG;
 for LOYALTY to the CONSTITUTION,
for LOYALTY to the COMMONWEALTH,
for LOYALTY to the PEOPLE.

All else is surrender.

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The Pennsylvania Gazette
On the Merger

I understand that the recent developments in Baltimore may have left many wondering if this is the same Richard Bache who had been elected to Congress just one short year ago. Let me assure you that, not only am I the same humble and loyal servant of the people of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania that I was one year ago, the people of Pennsylvania stand only to benefit from the recent wedding of the Radical and Whig factions.

I would have thought that, over the course of the previous four years, the loyalty of the Radicals to the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania would be realized as unshakeable. As such, I, and the rest of the Radicals, would never take any measure that does not advance the interests of the people of Pennsylvania. There is no reason to expect that the Radical faction had, in its union to the Whigs, turned its back on Pennsylvania.

Instead, we have multiplied its political power. By our entrance into the Whig Party, we have pushed it to be the primary party of government – greatly stymying Nero's ability to inflict wounds upon our Commonwealth. Now, by holding the reins of government, we can better protect the interests and liberties of the people of Pennsylvania. And it is not to say that we will be rubber-stamps for the government in voting, either. We remain equal partners in the Whig alliance – and so will have our own voice in opposition to tyrannical policies that men like Madison or Morris may try to pass within the halls of Congress.

The Radical faction is not dead – and neither is its loyalty to the Commonwealth and people of Pennsylvania. We will not stop working to advance the will of the people, we will not stop fighting against the oppressive push of government against liberty, we will never surrender!

- Richard Bache, most loyal servant of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania