An alternate theory to evolution and ID

[John Dibble]

The following letter was sent to the Kansas School Board

OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.



In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.

[The Dowager Mod]

Hey it's just as likely as any other intelligent design claim.

[KillerPollo]

WOW I'm convinced on spot! OH SNAP!

[David S]

Well being half Italian I really like Spaghetti. 

[Cashcow]

I was the first person to post this.

It's a hilarious website. There was an article in the New York Times (I MEAN SLIMES LOL) about it recently.

[7,052,770]

I'm the son of the Flying Spaghetti Master, here to decide which of you go to Heaven and Spaghelli.  And anyone who didn't vote for me for president either time...it's Spaghelli for you!

[Joe Kakistocracy]

Very funny, and a very valid point.  It won't be long before people claim that J. R. R. Tolkien was actually a prophet, and that Lord of the Rings was a true account of the events leading up to mankind becoming the dominant race.  I still find it amazing that some people still consider the fairy tales of the Old Testament to be literal fact.

[KillerPollo]

Very funny, and a very valid point.  It won't be long before people claim that J. R. R. Tolkien was actually a prophet, and that Lord of the Rings was a true account of the events leading up to mankind becoming the dominant race.  I still find it amazing that some people still consider the fairy tales of the Old Testament to be literal fact.

with that I actually have to agree with you. The old testament (well 2 least creation), was metaphorical.

[Max Power]

Very funny, and a very valid point.  It won't be long before people claim that J. R. R. Tolkien was actually a prophet, and that Lord of the Rings was a true account of the events leading up to mankind becoming the dominant race.

That's pretty much what scientology is.

[Giant Saguaro]

Well this all reminds me of something kind of funny. They used to run a series of mock documentaries on UFO's 10 or 12 years ago or so on which some of the most loopy people I have ever heard actually tried to advance some of the most asinine theories I have ever heard on this subject. There's a planet that makes a complete rotation around the sun once every several hundred thousand years or something and when Earth is close they travel here and they seeded the planet to begin with. Aliens are genetically manipulating humans and so on and so forth. Those are the ones I remember and boy, they were humdingers. A guy had an easel with all kinds of charts and stuff he had collected - too far out on the fringes, but certainly entertaining.

[MaC]

although, I believe evolutionism to be true, Dibble's Spaghetti Monster Theory is about as useful in real life as the other two.  Honestly, why do people get in such violent disagreements over this crap?

[KillerPollo]

although, I believe evolutionism to be true, Dibble's Spaghetti Monster Theory is about as useful in real life as the other two.  Honestly, why do people get in such violent disagreements over this crap?

I have another theory.

Invisible airwaves crackled w/ life, and molecules became DNA

[MaC]

although, I believe evolutionism to be true, Dibble's Spaghetti Monster Theory is about as useful in real life as the other two.  Honestly, why do people get in such violent disagreements over this crap?

I have another theory.

Invisible airwaves crackled w/ life, and molecules became DNA

No!
 Invisible airwaves crackle with life
Bright antennae bristle with the energy
Emotional feedback on timeless wavelength
Bearing a gift beyond price, almost free

get it right or pay the price.

[○∙◄☻¥tπ[╪AV┼cVê└]

I have a theory. We are all a simulation experiment running on a very powerful computer.

[Jens]

I have a theory. We are all a simulation experiment running on a very powerful computer.

Oh no, we are all parts of a computer and the mice are running the show

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Something that's amusing me at the moment is that the people getting their collective knickers in a twist about adding "someone or something designed, planned or whatever, this" in front of the whole evolution thing have plenty of beliefs based on little more than blind faith themselves... (ie; the idea that evolution explains existance).
In the end the whole row is a fuss about nothing; so long as the kids are taught that evolution happens, then that's O.K by me. Nowt wrong with teaching possible explanations for *why* it happens as well. Some perspective is needed all round...

[○∙◄☻¥tπ[╪AV┼cVê└]

Something that's amusing me at the moment is that the people getting their collective knickers in a twist about adding "someone or something designed, planned or whatever, this" in front of the whole evolution thing have plenty of beliefs based on little more than blind faith themselves... (ie; the idea that evolution explains existance).
In the end the whole row is a fuss about nothing; so long as the kids are taught that evolution happens, then that's O.K by me. Nowt wrong with teaching possible explanations for *why* it happens as well. Some perspective is needed all round...

If Intelligent Design is taught, then equal time must go to the Flying Spaghetti Master.

[○∙◄☻¥tπ[╪AV┼cVê└]

Intelligent design would be in a much weaker position if reporters who reported on science knew anything about science. When they're trained to be reporters, they learn that they must accept all views, and that there is no wrong answer. In science, their asses would have failed out for being wrong.

[Giant Saguaro]

I understand where people are coming from, but the Spaghetti Master or the Linguini Monster or whatever are not apart of the collective consciousness and have not been for the past several thousand years.

[○∙◄☻¥tπ[╪AV┼cVê└]

I understand where people are coming from, but the Spaghetti Master or the Linguini Monster or whatever are not apart of the collective consciousness and have not been for the past several thousand years.

That's irrelevant to scientific validity.

[Giant Saguaro]

I understand where people are coming from, but the Spaghetti Master or the Linguini Monster or whatever are not apart of the collective consciousness and have not been for the past several thousand years.

That's irrelevant to scientific validity.

Your analogy is flawed, that's very relevant to your argument.

[○∙◄☻¥tπ[╪AV┼cVê└]

I understand where people are coming from, but the Spaghetti Master or the Linguini Monster or whatever are not apart of the collective consciousness and have not been for the past several thousand years.

That's irrelevant to scientific validity.

Your analogy is flawed, that's very relevant to your argument.

Huh? How old a theory is doesn't determine how scientifically valid the theory is. Why don't you Republicans spend more time learning science and less time arguing that the Flying Spaghetti Master shouldn't get equal time with Intelligent Design?

[Giant Saguaro]

I understand where people are coming from, but the Spaghetti Master or the Linguini Monster or whatever are not apart of the collective consciousness and have not been for the past several thousand years.

That's irrelevant to scientific validity.

Your analogy is flawed, that's very relevant to your argument.

Huh? How old a theory is doesn't determine how scientifically valid the theory is. Why don't you Republicans spend more time learning science and less time arguing that the Flying Spaghetti Master shouldn't get equal time with Intelligent Design?

Figure out a new analogy. That one doesn't work.

You like this debate btw, don't you?