The Kalwejt Foundation for the Promotion of Atlas Hilarity

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

This is not funny. It's disgusting.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Hey, Trump. Hillary said that single payer will never ever happen. Why don't you stick it to her and make it happen?

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Name it after this loser.

Excuse me? From the day I was born, I was destined for success. I was brought into this world by a software engineer and a prominent actuary, both of British decent. From the moment that the curtains were raised, I was set to dominate the STEM fields. And because I had guardians that actually cared about me, I flourished. Pretty soon, I was placed into a special school of correspondence, specifically the school for gifted children in Santa Barbara. I not only reached my parent's expectations, but I passed the with flying colors. I had raw talent. I was better. I was surrounded by 6th graders, many from Hong Kong, whom were smarter than half the posters in this website. And now where am I? At Caltech, getting my double BS in Electrical Engineering and Physics, with a Stanford-Binet tested IQ of 147 at age 17.

Get this through your head: I am worth more than your entire goddamn family. I'm smarter than you, better looking than you, taller than you, wealthier than you, and more employable than you. While you type out another comment, I'll be simultaneously working with the brightest minds in the world and fornicating with my beautiful girlfriend. It gets on my nerves when people pretend to be better than me. Know your place. Never, ever use me in your posts again.

This is just an abridged version of something from another site that some D-CA forumite posted the last time someone tried to troll people this way

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Post of the century right here:

A quagmire is a situation which is hard to get out of and only gets worse the longer you stay in- think Iraq.

I don't know much about iraq, i was too young to like know/understand. All i know is we asserted ourselves, got into some fights, and it was a bad like war. I think. Not even sure if it was a war, or if we won.

I just lost a bit of faith in humanity thanks to that post

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

I think he'll win the primary but I hope he loses, for things like f**king over his constituents by being one of four Dems to vote for the Stream Protection Rule repeal, approving idiots like Carson and Perry to Trump's cabinet, and voting in favor of JEFF SESSIONS. Yeah, if I had my way, he should resign.

This is what I don't get - you hope he loses, but you understand who will very likely take his place in the Senate then, right? A Republican who would do all those things you just listed and far more.

The JD candidate is definitely someone I'd like in Manchin's seat (as far as I can tell), but she doesn't seem like a realistic winner in WV at all. Is an anti-coal crusader the best option there? Why can't they run candidates for other lower offices in WV first to see if that kind of candidate can actually win? As much as Manchin may piss liberals off, he still votes with Democrats much more than any Republican would.

If groups like JD start torpedoing Democratic Senate seats in conservative-leaning states in 2018, Democrats are going to be in the Senate minority for many years. The current path back to power in that chamber already requires a multi-cycle effort, and has little room for error.

I obviously think Manchin would be the lesser of two evils against a far-right Republican but I think that the right kind of progressive campaign that focuses more on economic issues could win in WV, especially if they are anti-establishment.
</KyleKulinskiHackRant>

I don't think you know that state at all.

You're right, I don't really. But the fact that a room full of Trump voters cheered Bernie's progressive economic agenda could mean something. Not necessarily, but it's worth trying. The approach of running to the right hasn't helped the Dems.
Do you think West Virginians like big business and corporate greed?

Actually, running to the right has worked pretty well for WV Dems.  We control the Governorship and one of the state's Senate seats.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Context:

Actual photo of the Clintons:

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Slavery in the 21st century? This isnt alternate history, this is just straight up fantasy.

SAY THAT TO ALL THE ACTUAL MODERN DAY SLAVES WHO ACTUALLY DO EXIST IN THIS COUNTRY. LEARN A BOOK OR SOMETHING

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Context:

Pardon my crassness, but from one southwestern Sandernista to another (I assume), he can sit on a cactus.

x Saguaro

A smart assumption, albeit an untrue one. I'm ... idiosyncratic, to say the least.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Even better with context (the next few posts in the thread are pretty funny too):

Mustafa III‏ @RealSultanMustafa  4 hours ago

If @LouisXV doesn't have enough strength to satisfy a woman in bed, how on earth can he satisfy his people? Sad! #Impotency #Funny


Mustafa III‏ @RealSultanMustafa  6 hour ago

It's no wonder sweet, sweet @BonnieCharlie4King is @ThePope's favorite. We know what is going on in Vatican bedchambers at night. #LevanousBenedict #Naughty

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Okay, this was really funny.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

For bragging about commiting sexual harassment in this thread.

I would favor an Ethics Committee investigation of smoltchanov rather than outright banning him without due process.  How do we even know he was saying those things?  It's possible that the people accusing him of making those statements are lying or exaggerating.  Maybe they're even being paid off by his political opponents.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

I expected that. And surprised, that it took so much time for some fools to call for banning. As i said before - they fully justified my thoughts about their level of mental development. That's what most important for me. BTW - mentality in Russia (and i am Russian, and don't pretend to adhere to American standards) is far different, then prevailing mentality on this and other US forums. Ban or no ban - i will be the same. And i and Russian women will decide, when (and how) it's permissible to kiss or pat or whatever else - ourselves. Without heeding "advices" and lectures from here. That's all i want to say.

If you read this in a Russian accent, it’s perfect.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

FF. One of the fine Republicans here.

That’s abit like saying Alexander Kerensky is one of your favorite socialists.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Context (gotta give credit where credit is due): 

That's it. They should propose building a cave on the border!

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Dear Mr. Stone:

It's been rumored you are a lurker on Atlas. Whether you are or not, I sincerely hope that sometime in the future this missive finds you. I want to express my apology for a bon mote that, thanks to the guidance of certain moderators--God Bless Them--I realize now was completely and unquestionably inappropriate to this high-minded forum of sensitive individuals.

You see, a few weeks ago when your lurker status on Atlas was discussed, I saw a unique opportunity. I mean, among the small percentage, but still millions, of Americans who are familiar with you, most would love nothing more than to tell you exactly what they fell about your slovenly race bating, dragging down the democratic political system to a level of gamesmanship and, oh, lets not forget your penchant for a little light treason.

You are--and lets not quibble about this--going to prison in the foreseeable future. You've said yourself you're likely getting indicted by Mueller (if you haven't secretly been so already). If When that happens, the chances of you pulling a deal to avoid time in Club Fed, given your apparent and early deep dealings with the corroded black heart of the fellow traveler organization known as the Trump campaign, well, they don't look good, do they?

So here I am, one of perhaps a couple hundred active American posters on Atlas, with the unique opportunity so so many would like to exercise in telling you the unvarnished opinion millions hold of you. Who would I be, after all, to forgo an opportunity closed to so many?

So of course, I took it.

Now, one can discuss whether in 20/20 hindsight, typing: "Get bent!" was "appropriate" or not. Atlas is made up of individuals whom prize civility above all, and indeed, some posters will whinge on about it in countless threads to remind us of it, even if the pertinent discussion at the time is Brexit, tax policy, or the Federalist Papers (all for our own good, of course). Hindsight is 20/20, and even pushing the limits of Atlas's sacred civility was a bold step indeed.

Now, the next step of following up with: "I hope you die in prison of involuntarily injected ass syphilis", certainly would cause a number of monocles in the old Mod Cave to pop out. Some of them I fear severely chaffed their fingers with resultant pearl clutching at the shock.

Fortunately, our resident defenders of civility spring into action with unmatched alacrity!

Soon, this post was deleted as "inappropriate". Why I could not see that at the time and the weeping this would cause forum wide is shamefully inexplicable. I can only say that hindsight is 20/20 in seeing how uttering such a phrase, even to an unabashed traitor to the country who sold America out like a new $20 hooker sells her virtue, was ever so "inappropriate". Fortunately, the usual suspects among moderators saved the day again, and thereafter were dispatched throughout Atlas with blankets and hot cocoa for distraught survivors.

Inappropriate! How could I not see it? There are so SO many ways to divine harmful inappropriatalia throughout the phrase. Why there's "ass syphilis" for one. Drawing attention to the buttocks (especially in such crude plebeian terminology) is never pleasant. Nor is the existence of the host of insidious social diseases present in our world today. And to combine these two pleasantries into a single phrase! Inappropriaention run amok!

And then there was the proposed method of "transmission". Just because prison sodomy is rampant among those awaiting the rehabilitative effects of today's federal prison system, certainly does not mean it need be thrown in our collective faces! I say again: If prison sodomy must be, our face must not be involved in the process. This distasteful fact of the world is readily understandable to all on Atlas of clear heart and mind. 

And then there is the suggested "involuntary" nature of said ass syphilis being injected into your butt stream. Woe, how could I not see, that even a satirical hope of prison rape for even a loathsome traitor to his country would be permissible under the stern, but fair protections the moderators have created--based on the sacredly vague words laid down many many years before by the venerated Dave Liep himself-- wouldn't be withheld from the Atlas community for its own good? Of course the prohibition against wishing harm on another individual applies even to satirical suggestions for the most loathsome among us. Why, if this forum existed in the 30's and 40's even wishing death upon Adolf Hitler would have of course been prohibited (verboten one might even say, ha ha!). Why? For the principle of the matter, of course! Should we have wished such naughtiness on the Furher, unkempt minds would only be tempted to expand such naughty thoughts to Goebbels or Mussolini as well. And then where would be all be. In a fine pickle, that's where!

At the end of the day, though, it wasn't either the wishing of ass syphilis, or even the suggestion of prison rape that rendered this post patently "inappropriate". One can readily tell this obviousness by the moderator's complete deletion of the entire post, right down to the--clearly inappropriate for Atlas denizens in hindsight--invitation for you to "get bent".

The moderators' actions here have caused me to look long and hard at myself over this unfortunate incident. I confess to you now that, long and bitter were the tears I wept at the damage I caused upon those few Atlasians who read my screed, and harder still considering the wave of inappropriateness I nearly unleashed on this fair jewel. This civility-fortified Arcadia. This...Atlas.

Even now both my lips and fingers tremble as I type this regret infused missive. Truly, simply because you're going to be one of the most historically disgraced figures in American history, right up there with Tokyo Rose, Benedict Arnold, and (to mitigate it somewhat) half the Trump Administration, is no call whatsoever--no it is not!--to invite such a traitor to "get bent".

Mea cupla, culpa mea.

I can only hope you find in your heart, or whatever organ services in its stead, to forgive me for such outlandishly inappropriate posting. Even if you are, understandably, not ready to extend such compassion to me yet, I'm sure we are at least joined in thanking Providence that a handful of resilient moderators desiccated this unpleasantness early on, and by doing so saved countless members of the Atlas community unnecessary heartache and tears.

Your regretful servant,
Badger

GOD SAVE THE MODADMIN!

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Context:

He'd already posted on Atlas, until he started threatening everybody with the flames of hell when nobody was buying his victim narrative.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Bernie Sanders: "I participated in the civil rights movement"

Extremely Online Lunatic: "UHHH...WHY DID YOU MOVE TO WHITE VERMONT THEN??"

Sanders:

Extremely Online Lunatic: "SILENCE IS VIOLENCE MR. SANDERS"

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Context:

Maybe more happened behind closed doors between Trump and Kim Jong Un than we think.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Kal, is your username a reference to the Stephen King short story The Juant?

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Pretty cramped stage. Thank God Abrams isn't running. I don't think they could fit in both of her podiums.

Jesus, man

It’s just a joke lmao

My favorite part of any comedy special is when they just repeat "fat people lmao" over and over again.

Stacey Abrams is so poor that she can’t even pay attention.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Pretty cramped stage. Thank God Abrams isn't running. I don't think they could fit in both of her podiums.

Jesus, man

It’s just a joke lmao

My favorite part of any comedy special is when they just repeat "fat people lmao" over and over again.

Stacey Abrams is so poor that she can’t even pay attention.

Kinda disappointed that you of all people would egg on Sanchez for making jokes that boil down to "haha this woman is black and therefore poor"

That joke had nothing to do with her being black, it was just a really funny response to someone criticizing him for making juvenile jokes. 

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Pretty cramped stage. Thank God Abrams isn't running. I don't think they could fit in both of her podiums.

Jesus, man

It’s just a joke lmao

My favorite part of any comedy special is when they just repeat "fat people lmao" over and over again.

Stacey Abrams is so poor that she can’t even pay attention.

Kinda disappointed that you of all people would egg on Sanchez for making jokes that boil down to "haha this woman is black and therefore poor"

That joke had nothing to do with her being black, it was just a really funny response to someone criticizing him for making juvenile jokes. 

Insert "But was it though?" gif

I mean, it got a chuckle out of me.  I’m not proud

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Context

https://twitter.com/TulsiGabbard/status/1204217776417603584?s=20

And I have decided that I won't accept Scarlett Johansson's proposal to marry her.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

How is the GOP going to find a replacement in one day?

This was planned. They already have a businesswoman running.

Fantastic opportunity for a male state legislator to declare and overpower her in the primary. This seat is too reliable for the party to let slip out of men’s hands.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Likud/B&W talks are resuming- mandate ends shortly.

It appears to be going up in flames.

A #4 coming right up.

If election #3 was "Madness" what on earth should we call #4??

Israeli General Election IV - A New Hope?

Does that make Gantz Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader?

"You were the Chosen One! You were supposed to destroy the Likud, not join them!"