The Atlasian Workingman's Paper

[Fritz]

Your sobriety is working wonders on you, Mechaman...keep it up! 

[Mechaman]

Well here I go people.  Prepare yourselves!

On Snowstalker vs. the Midwest: A What-If for us all to ponder. (and other musings, aka MUH FREE SPEECH!)

First off, here is a reference to the original ruling for your convenience.  I highly recommend you read the whole thread before reading the rest of this post:

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=192565.msg4167732#msg4167732

I’ll be honest, I had been thinking about making this entry for awhile given the amount of controversy surrounding the (not so) recent decision made by the Atlasian Supreme Court that struck down the recent LGBT Protection Act.  Because the truth of it is that this case is really at its fundamentals about three things: 1) the challenge that comes with proposing a comprehensive legislation to battle homophobic bigotry in employment, in education, and other fields, 2) why we should be careful with the legal language we use in these laws, and 3) why we should be wary of any attempt to limit free speech by using very broad language and definition that would include anything from death threats to the common play yard insult.

For the record, I had originally sought out to make a case that the courts were heavy handed in overturning all of the act.  However, upon a convincing talk with my friend Oakvale over how messy the language was as well as the implications of such broad language, I must admit that I have been turned.  So here is my story:

As it is, the Atlasian Constitution, as pointed out by the Justice, is one of the more liberally minded Constitutions in the world.  The founders of Atlasia, for good or for ill, intended (as Oakvale pointed out) to set in place a Constitution that recognized the rights of all people to be served in a right equal manner.  Given that, I believe that the legislatures are not the battlefield that needs to be fought on in order to get recognition of equal rights under the Atlasian Constitution.  Rather, I believe that this case has established pretty well that the proper action, given our own Constitution’s passages, is to appeal to the Courts of this nation on the grounds of Constitutionality.  If necessary, an amendment might be the way to go, but in my mind there was never any need for legislative action.  The founders of this nation established the Atlasian Constitution with a progressive vision that had planned for a time when sexual orientation equality would become the norm.  They weren’t backwards yahoos who envisioned a backwards republic that would never progress beyond its standards (as much as this will piss of reactionaries).  As it was written, the law passed by the Midwest Alping, arguably, would undo a lot of the social progress we had made in the fields of civil rights and civil liberties if passed in it's current language.  It would've helped a lot if they had contacted an astute constitutional law expert (like our Justices) to see if there could be any legal troubles caused by the legislation as is.

With the time that I do have I will just comment on a danger that this law, as originally proposed, would bring to the millions of Atlasians in this country.  The danger in this law is quite simple: the language.  More specifically, it is the usage of the designation “LGBT” without any specific definition in the law itself as to what it actually means.  As Oakvale said, the LGBT designation could mean Leninists, Gorbachevists, Bolshevists, and Trots.  It could also mean, as I found out while doing a disturbing game of letter association: Lewd Guys Banging Teenagers.

But first, let’s go back to an argument used by the advocates here: that LGBT obviously means “Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, and Transgenders”.  Basically, the whole “I Know It When I See It” reasoning that comes from before the time of the founding of the Atlasian state.  On the face of it this is a problem, as the advocates of this law seek to in effect “own” four letters.  TO our knowledge there has been no legal suits filed in the history of mankind that establishes those four letters used in that sequence to mean “Lesbian, Gays, Bisexuals, and Transgenders.”  And even if it were, the law would be void due to a myriad of other reasons that exceed the vague use of language.  As it stands, it is established that the law is so vaguely written that we must assume legal jurisprudence into assuming that the subject for this legal protection is “LGBT”, an acronym in the language of this law that literally has no definition besides that.

If allowed to stand with no attempts whatsoever at rewrite, the so-called “Compromise Act” would allow sexual molesters to in effect flaunt the established criminal laws of this country that would be rendered void by the ruling.  40 year old men would be lying outside of high schools with the strong arm of the government siding with them against concerned local education boards and the like on a legal basis.

Male child molesters would flood our schools, claiming that the law establishes that in the Midwest it is their right to seek position as a public educator of Midwest children without fear of being denied employment.  That, as the Justice pointed out, the language in the law is broad enough to make the “LGBT”, however the hell it’s defined, as a special protected class.  Not only that, but they could use the arm of the government to effectively sue any school that dare holds their record of sexual crimes against them for employment opportunities at public schools and other avenues that see a lot a lot of our young at.

The wording of the law is clear and doesn’t make any less sense from a legal standpoint as it is currently worded if we assumed the definition of LGBT to mean Lewd Guys Banging Teens than it would if it were Lesbians Gays Bisexuals and Transgenders.  There is no mention of exceptions made in the case that the applicant for employment or being insulted has a criminal record.  There are no mentions at all of a criminal history or implications of that being an exception.  Sure there are explicit mention of legal standards to protect transgendered, gay, and lesbian individuals later on in the law (namely Section 2 and Section 4) that would come off as confusing if we assumed the Lewd Guys interpretation (though to be fair, it would only be marginally more confusing than the law that was struck down).

However, as it is there would be no clear marker that these weren’t things that applied to “Lewd Guys Banging Teenagers.”  As it is, even the references to schools can apply here, as there is no qualification if this is for public schools or if it is for higher education (the latter of which allows adult males which would be assumed by the designation “Lewd Guys”).  In effect, colleges and universities would be prevented from denying the application of an applicant with an established sex crime record from entering the school.  They would be prevented from using a tool they have in today’s society in fighting rape on college campuses, a tragic fact of Atlasian life that we are all too much aware of.

The court’s decision to strike down this law was the right just one, to prevent such tragic occurrences as this from happening.  Sure, you can bring up how the guns are being loaded in the rooms of gay students around the nation, but I would ask if you thought about the number of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender students who would be in grave danger by dangerous perverts if this vaguely worded slippery slope act was allowed to stand as is?  I find it sad that this was actually considered to be the “compromise bill”.  This makes me shudder at the thought of how many slippery slopes would’ve been created if the non-compromise version was passed.

[Mechaman]

On Snowstalker vs. the Midwest Continued:

Furthermore, while I still have some time left, I should briefly note with amusement that one of the defenders of this bill, Sol, defended what is obviously trying to inflict a restrictive definition of “free speech” by bringing up the so-called “Fighting Words Doctrine” which came about after a US Supreme Court case decided 9-0 against a Jehovah’s Witness preacher who was arrested on grounds that have since been challenged by the civil libertarians as dubious and the “official story” is under much skepticism.  More amazingly, since Chaplinski (which was decided in paranoia stricken World War II era America) the Supreme Court of the United States hasn’t upheld any convictions made under the doctrine.  I think it’s quite telling of the disdain for speech that the advocates of this act that they have pushed a doctrine as a defense of persecuting “verbal abuse” that was the first argument used by government officials in the late 60’s and early 70’s in persecuting draft dodgers and anti-war advocates who stood against the Vietnam War.  I must say that I am quite impressed that people who claim to be writing a law to prevent bullying use a doctrine whose history seems to have been used by the biggest bullies of all (the State) to stifle pacifist minded preachers and protesters who made brave stands against jingoistic warmongering nationalism.

I admit on a very damn personal level that I oppose this act with every fiber of my being on that ground alone.  I commend the Atlasian Court and my good friend Oakvale for seeing the danger this kind of language implies for the civil liberties of every Atlasian.  What was proposed in the Midwest Fitzgerald-Cris-Sol Compromise, LGBT Equality, Hate Crimes and Suicide Prevention Act was not anti-bullying legislation, it was an invitation to create a police state that would make illegal even our thoughts and our words.  When we use the force of government to make illegal even unpopular and dare I say even cruel speech we in effect have shredded the Atlasian Constitution to pieces and taken a big dog shit all over it.  Sure, I realize to many out there this makes me sound like a speech anarchist.  Well, all I can say to that is YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT.

If there is one element of our society that suffers too much from government intervention it is laws that regulate the act of talking.  Our society, the great progressive force that it is, has proven a far more effective bulwark against bigotry and intolerance than any anti-speech law that we can pass in our legislatures.  Tv stations fire stars who call homosexuality a sin.  In today’s society we have a grounds up social media movement that is millions strong against anti-gay prejudice in our schools.  Society has put down these bigoted ingrates, and will continue to do so very well without government controlled speech laws.  It is the responsibilities of our schools, it is the responsibilities of the administrators of those schools, of the teachers and faculty of those fine institutions, as well as the students within to combat the plague of bullying.  Though I do very strongly agree that teachers who punish students for their sexual orientation should be fired, administrators who don’t admit students on the basis of their orientation should be blacklisted, etc. etc.  Point is, regulations against the act of verbally expressing your thoughts smacks of subtle totalitarianism, regardless of the intentions of the supporters of this bill.
I admit, this is by far my strongest objection to this bill.

Of course, some of the supporters of this act will likely not heed my warnings of the implications of vaguely worded legislation and will charge me and this paper, like they have Snowstalker, of leading the charge against Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender students.  They will grandstand as they have these past few weeks, threatening fellow party members with primaries, throwing the bigotry labels, and comparing justices to Dred Scott than actually rewrite the damn thing in a manner that makes sense.  Instead, they will moan and groan incessantly about how we are allowing more and more Lesbian, Gay, Bissexual, and Transgender kids to kill themselves rather than write a comprehensive anti-discrimination law that explicitly defines LGBT in a way that ensures a specific narrow reading of the law that would defend Atlasians based on their sexual identity and can’t be misconstrued to such a length as to protect those who would harm our young.
The Justices do not want a war, they just want clearly worded legislation that does not disenfranchise the rights of everybody just to stop bullying or bigotry.

Basically, rewrite this law damn it!  If you need help the people at this paper would be more than happy to assist.  We are all freedom fighters in the trenches, after all.

-Mechaman


Note: For the record, Mechaman favors loosening some laws on reformed sexual predators.  I believe that laws that violate a citizen’s privacy, even a sexual predator, are wrong.  I also believe that, at least for repentant former sexual predators, there should be some sort of job program for them to undergo that will give them living compensation.  However, and I think most sane people would agree here, we should at least have background test and psych profiles done on those with an established sex crime record, with some exceptions (like a consensual sexual relationship between a 17 year old and a 25 year old, which the Mecha thinks shouldn’t even be illegal (as it is in some regions)).  Don’t take this entry as an endorsement of Nanny Statism, but more of a rally for sanity.

[Mechaman]

BUMP

Coming soon: The Failure of Labor

[Mechaman]

The Resurrection:



So yes, this Paper is back.

I have no intention of changing the name of this paper, as I believe that it is a proper vehicle for advocating the interests of the working masses in the Mideast and around the nation.  I still believe in advancing the interests of the common man and taking the fight to the defenders of the landed interests in this nation.  We, the staff of the Mideast Workingman's Paper, stand strong against the bulwark of state and corporate authoritarianism no matter where it rears it's head.  We strive to support the ideal of a non-violent egalitarian society with the staunchest defense of civil liberties possible.

We will bring you the passionate commentary you desire and you deserve and will stand up to any special interests that stand in our way.

Your Editor-in-Chief,

Mechaman

[Mechaman]

And now a word from our sponsor!



Apollo Creed thinks you should join the Mideast Workingman's Paper!  Now hiring all positions!  Please apply now!  Or we will fucking murder you.

[Sopranos Republican]

I'd like to apply. I have no demands other than smoke breaks and booze on the job. Other than that I am ready to serve The People by writing for this paper dedicated to the plight of The Common Man. 

[Mechaman]

I'd like to apply. I have no demands other than smoke breaks and booze on the job. Other than that I am ready to serve The People by writing for this paper dedicated to the plight of The Common Man. 

Sounds good mang.

[Mechaman]

Announcement

Due to the recent chaos, I will be indefinitely postponing the History of the Labor Party to another day.  Recent events have convinced us that more than anything the people need a news agency that will report the news that other outfits refuse to.  You will hear more about the violent police actions against defenseless minorities throughout the Pacific Region as well as the conflicts between IDS citizenry and the New Dawn cult that recently came to Governor Maxwell's attention.

Stay tuned.

Also,

effective immediately Mr. X is now an official member of the Atlasian Workingman's Paper staff.  An experienced politician in his own right and influential member of the left, his insights and coverage of today's events are certain to be a valuable asset to our organization.

-Mechaman
Mideast Legislator and Co-Editor

[Mechaman]

Trouble Brewin' in Ole Mobile



Greetings my fellow Atlasians.  I am coming to you tonight from a hidden safe house bunker in Mobile, Alabama.  It is currently 6:02.

As you may know, there have been a series of lynchings that took place in Mobile and environs against New Dawn cult members.  New Dawn, the gay polygamist cult that has become infamous for it's advocacy of "male supremacy" as well as questionable treatment of young preteen boys, has recently got into hot water with locals in the IDS for it's practices.  Recently, IDS Governor Maxwell has attempted to defuse the situation by bringing up conflicts on the outside in an attempt to unify all sections of Imperial Society.  His speech was received with loud thunderous applause outside the region's capital, as many saw the brave Democratic-Republican Governor as an above the fray pragmatist who killed both controversial sides in the conflict with one stone while urging a call for regional unity.

Sadly, his declaration and deployment of the region's guard to help contain the violence in the southern sections of the Great Imperial Region have gone onto a wrong end.  New Dawn forces, now numbering in the tens of thousands after a massive recruiting drive among the region's male homosexual population, have taken advantage of the weakened IDS forces still worn out by putting down the Mobile rioters who had hung a few dozen New Dawn members the previous few days.  Rising from the hot steamy marshlands the heavily armed New Dawn forces have swept through Mobile County and the surrounding areas like locusts.  As of this writing the forces have now taken control of the center of Mobile City and have segregated the men and women.  By the womanly screams outside I can only venture to guess that the supremacist outfit is committing a through genocide of all female residents in the area.

What is known of New Dawn is that they believe in an agenda of violent male supremacy.  That is, they believe that the earth and all of it's resources should belong to an overwhelmingly male civilization that breeds the strongest and most wise of the human race.  What few female survivors are left would be kept, in this hypothetical future, as breeding "cattle" to produce more males to run their ideal society.  Nobody knows why New Dawn has such a fundamental hatred of all womankind, but it is rumored to be an indirect result of the sexual abuse the cult's founder (an Indian Atlasian named Waron Fabulous) received at the hands of a dykey gym teacher in primary schooling.

From what I gather from some sources the cult has a very lax policy in regards to straight males.  According to inside sources, a sort of "evaluation or test" is done on "straight subjects" to determine their "curviness on sexual issues."  The intelligence arm of New Dawn injects all males they capture with a sort of truth serum and they ask a series of questions, mainly about sexual preferences, to gather how "convertible" subjects are and their "domination factor".  Those that score low on the "conversion test" are summarily executed.  The "domination test" (only used if subjects pass the "conversion test" mentioned earlier) is used to determine where to use converted subjects.  Like many other extremist paramilitary outfits, dealers in vice are almost always executed immediately without further questioning.

It is unclear what the policy is in regards to transgendered individuals..  Though given what we have witnessed so far it probably isn't pretty.

I will report to you all as time allots. . . .hey what is that?   Looks like a limo,



I hope it has a lot of alcohol in it, cos this sh*t is getting crazy.  Oh hey, what the fuck!?



It's Senator Yankee!  What the hell is he doing here!?

[Mechaman]

News Update:

Senator Yankee of the IDS has been captured by New Dawn terrorist extremists!  He has been detained in his limo and they are taking him to an undisclosed location!  BE ADVISED!



Last known picture of Senator Yankee.  PLEASE LET US KNOW IF YOU SEE HIM!

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

News Update:

Heavy Fighting in the Northeast; Ganonsyoni Counter-Offensive in Progress

In the Northeast, we have begun receiving unconfirmed reports that Ganonsyoni forces in the Northeast have not only stalled the Northeastern National Guard's offensive, but launched a counter-offensive with the aid of forces loyal to self-declared Pope Kalwejt I.  According to these reports, the counter-offensive has captured or re-captured the cities of Buffalo, Syracuse, Scranton, Wilkes-Barre, Binghampton, and Erie.  We eagerly await word from the SoIA on whether or not these reports out of Upstate New York and northern Pennsylvania.  However.  Unfortunately, we have still heard nothing from Vermont, all lines of communication have gone dead in that city and it is believed that only Secretary Cranberry's office knows what is going on there.  There have been rumored sightings of armed Canadians in Ogdensburg, New York, but these may simply be rumors.  That's all for now and holy sh**t...our sources on the ground have just informed us that another large explosion has occurred in the Midwest, this time in Sioux City.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Isn't Milwaukee in the Mideast?

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Isn't Milwaukee in the Mideast?

We received reports of both, but our sources now seem to be largely in agreement that (if these reports are correct), the explosion actually occurred in Sioux City.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Isn't Milwaukee in the Mideast?

We received reports of both, but our sources now seem to be largely in agreement that (if these reports are correct), the explosion actually occurred in Sioux City.

Right. News can get confuzzled in these dark times - I was recently informed that my armies had taken Pittsburgh, but I was not told that "conquering" is apparently a synonym for "partying with furries and getting massacred by the National Guard".

[MyRescueKittehRocks]

Isn't Milwaukee in the Mideast?

We received reports of both, but our sources now seem to be largely in agreement that (if these reports are correct), the explosion actually occurred in Sioux City.

Right. News can get confuzzled in these dark times - I was recently informed that my armies had taken Pittsburgh, but I was not told that "conquering" is apparently a synonym for "partying with furries and getting massacred by the National Guard".

The Northeast National Guard holds Pittsburgh with aid from the Mideast Region (who are loyal to the President and Senate).

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Isn't Milwaukee in the Mideast?

We received reports of both, but our sources now seem to be largely in agreement that (if these reports are correct), the explosion actually occurred in Sioux City.

Right. News can get confuzzled in these dark times - I was recently informed that my armies had taken Pittsburgh, but I was not told that "conquering" is apparently a synonym for "partying with furries and getting massacred by the National Guard".

The Northeast National Guard holds Pittsburgh with aid from the Mideast Region (who are loyal to the President and Senate).

The Northeast National Guard can fight its own battles, thank you very much. Ganonsyoni disapproves of your hateful actions, JCL.

[MyRescueKittehRocks]

Isn't Milwaukee in the Mideast?

We received reports of both, but our sources now seem to be largely in agreement that (if these reports are correct), the explosion actually occurred in Sioux City.

Right. News can get confuzzled in these dark times - I was recently informed that my armies had taken Pittsburgh, but I was not told that "conquering" is apparently a synonym for "partying with furries and getting massacred by the National Guard".

The Northeast National Guard holds Pittsburgh with aid from the Mideast Region (who are loyal to the President and Senate).

The Northeast National Guard can fight its own battles, thank you very much. Ganonsyoni disapproves of your hateful actions, JCL.

 Atlasia doesn't recgonize Ganonsyoni as an independent nation. Our actions are not hateful. Our actions are in the interest of regional order, freedom and peace. Pittsburgh is firmly an Atlasian city as is the rest of the Northeast. Quit with this violent attempt at secession.

[Mechaman]

Isn't Milwaukee in the Mideast?

We received reports of both, but our sources now seem to be largely in agreement that (if these reports are correct), the explosion actually occurred in Sioux City.

Right. News can get confuzzled in these dark times - I was recently informed that my armies had taken Pittsburgh, but I was not told that "conquering" is apparently a synonym for "partying with furries and getting massacred by the National Guard".

The Northeast National Guard holds Pittsburgh with aid from the Mideast Region (who are loyal to the President and Senate).

The Northeast National Guard can fight its own battles, thank you very much. Ganonsyoni disapproves of your hateful actions, JCL.

 Atlasia doesn't recgonize Ganonsyoni as an independent nation. Our actions are not hateful. Our actions are in the interest of regional order, freedom and peace. Pittsburgh is firmly an Atlasian city as is the rest of the Northeast. Quit with this violent attempt at secession.

Why do you hate region rights, JCL?

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Isn't Milwaukee in the Mideast?

We received reports of both, but our sources now seem to be largely in agreement that (if these reports are correct), the explosion actually occurred in Sioux City.

Right. News can get confuzzled in these dark times - I was recently informed that my armies had taken Pittsburgh, but I was not told that "conquering" is apparently a synonym for "partying with furries and getting massacred by the National Guard".

The Northeast National Guard holds Pittsburgh with aid from the Mideast Region (who are loyal to the President and Senate).

The Northeast National Guard can fight its own battles, thank you very much. Ganonsyoni disapproves of your hateful actions, JCL.

 Atlasia doesn't recgonize Ganonsyoni as an independent nation. Our actions are not hateful. Our actions are in the interest of regional order, freedom and peace. Pittsburgh is firmly an Atlasian city as is the rest of the Northeast. Quit with this violent attempt at secession.

The last two Presidents have been unelected and the two preceding the current one are criminals. I'm a more democratic leader of my people than a regional Senator who became President on a fluke after the other President tried to ignore the voice of God.

[MyRescueKittehRocks]

Isn't Milwaukee in the Mideast?

We received reports of both, but our sources now seem to be largely in agreement that (if these reports are correct), the explosion actually occurred in Sioux City.

Right. News can get confuzzled in these dark times - I was recently informed that my armies had taken Pittsburgh, but I was not told that "conquering" is apparently a synonym for "partying with furries and getting massacred by the National Guard".

The Northeast National Guard holds Pittsburgh with aid from the Mideast Region (who are loyal to the President and Senate).

The Northeast National Guard can fight its own battles, thank you very much. Ganonsyoni disapproves of your hateful actions, JCL.

 Atlasia doesn't recgonize Ganonsyoni as an independent nation. Our actions are not hateful. Our actions are in the interest of regional order, freedom and peace. Pittsburgh is firmly an Atlasian city as is the rest of the Northeast. Quit with this violent attempt at secession.

Why do you hate region rights, JCL?

I don't hate regional rights. The factions in the Northeast are advocating violent secession which I oppose. I've always been an advocate for the rights of the regions. Including secession but only via peaceful and democratic means. (I supported Scotland's campaign to break away from the UK which narrowly failed). My Captial Freedom act was a pro-regional rights piece of legislation whigh was defeated by the senate. Im in the process of writing legislation which would forbid the national government from having the final authority regarding matters of the family while still maintaining the status quo.

[Lief 🗽]

I want to clear something up here. The VPRFPS does not support violent revolution. We seek independence for Vermont through purely peaceful means. Thank you.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Isn't Milwaukee in the Mideast?

We received reports of both, but our sources now seem to be largely in agreement that (if these reports are correct), the explosion actually occurred in Sioux City.

Right. News can get confuzzled in these dark times - I was recently informed that my armies had taken Pittsburgh, but I was not told that "conquering" is apparently a synonym for "partying with furries and getting massacred by the National Guard".

The Northeast National Guard holds Pittsburgh with aid from the Mideast Region (who are loyal to the President and Senate).

The Northeast National Guard can fight its own battles, thank you very much. Ganonsyoni disapproves of your hateful actions, JCL.

 Atlasia doesn't recgonize Ganonsyoni as an independent nation. Our actions are not hateful. Our actions are in the interest of regional order, freedom and peace. Pittsburgh is firmly an Atlasian city as is the rest of the Northeast. Quit with this violent attempt at secession.

Why do you hate region rights, JCL?

I don't hate regional rights. The factions in the Northeast are advocating violent secession which I oppose. I've always been an advocate for the rights of the regions. Including secession but only via peaceful and democratic means. (I supported Scotland's campaign to break away from the UK which narrowly failed). My Captial Freedom act was a pro-regional rights piece of legislation whigh was defeated by the senate. Im in the process of writing legislation which would forbid the national government from having the final authority regarding matters of the family while still maintaining the status quo.

The only reason the Free Republic of Ganonsyoni has turned to force is because we have been attacked by the tyrants in Nyman. We wanted a peaceful secession. Where was the outrage there?

[Lief 🗽]

President Lief would like to arrange an interview with this paper, which his sources have told him is the Atlasian paper of record among our Nation's hardworking soft drug dealers, non-violent ne'er-do-wells, and possibly-misogynistic construction workers on their lunch breaks. He would welcome the opportunity to talk with one of your fine reporters about the issues that are most important to him: outlawing incest, independence for Vermont, bulldozing the state of Oklahoma to create the world's largest theme park, and beginning a costly foreign quagmire to bring our Great Nation together again.

He can be reached here. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Zombie Ron Ziegler
Press Secretary, Lief for Atlasia Exploratory Committee

[Mechaman]

President Lief would like to arrange an interview with this paper, which his sources have told him is the Atlasian paper of record among our Nation's hardworking soft drug dealers, non-violent ne'er-do-wells, and possibly-misogynistic construction workers on their lunch breaks. He would welcome the opportunity to talk with one of your fine reporters about the issues that are most important to him: outlawing incest, independence for Vermont, bulldozing the state of Oklahoma to create the world's largest theme park, and beginning a costly foreign quagmire to bring our Great Nation together again.

He can be reached here. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Zombie Ron Ziegler
Press Secretary, Lief for Atlasia Exploratory Committee

Sure thing!

Would you like a nice sushi roll?