So, how guilty should I feel?

[Starbucks Union Thug HokeyPuck]

So, here's the situation.  One of my younger friends, and my best friend's brother, decides to peruse his dreams out in Colorado.  He gets a place with some friends, procures a job, and promptly INKS it all up.  Not more than a few weeks ago, the kids calls me up and says that he went a knocked up a co-worker, as well, and he wants to know what he should do.  Based on the following facts

-he doesn't even really like the girl
-he lost his job
-he's just getting his feet wet out West
-he'd make for a horrible parent as currently formulated

...I recommended they get her an abortion.  She was hesitant about it, so I didn't think they would go through with.  Low and behold, my friend said he sees me as the most logical about it, and went ahead and sent her off to the abortion clinic

Now, separate from policy, I do not see abortion as the desirable outcome.  Whether a fetus is person is one question, but it's most certainly alive.   I can't help but feel I took part in ending a life.  

How should I feel about this moral quandary I've thrust myself into?

[Tokugawa Sexgod Ieyasu]

I think you should feel at least somewhat guilty. On top of the obvious, you seem to have made your recommendation based entirely upon your knowledge of your friend's situation, not that of the woman he impregnated, whom you don't seem to know much or anything about. Most logical or not, this strikes me as hypocritical from somebody who takes the political/legal position on abortion that emphasizes the autonomy of the mother. You should have demurred and told him to seek advice from somebody who knows both potential parents.

[minionofmidas]

I very much doubt they - she, really. In the end it's always really her decision alone in these kind of situations, and rightly so - took the decision based on your advice alone.

[John Dibble]

I don't feel abortion is a desirable outcome either, but I don't particularly think you should feel guilty about anything. Just because a particular path isn't desirable doesn't mean it isn't the one that should be chosen - life is full of tough choices, and sometimes we have to make decisions that are just less wrong than the others available to us others because they provide the least bad outcomes. You gave advice that you thought provided the optimal outcome for the parties involved, that's all there is to it.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

As guilty as you do. Guilt isn't really a choice.

[Knives]

No guilt, it's not like you forced her to have an abortion.

[Insula Dei]

Beaten to it by Al.

The question is wrong, of course. 'How much guilt should I feel?'

Though Al is mistaken if he thinks you're considering guilt a choice. You seem to be considering it an obligation. Ask yourself this question: 'Am I feeling guilty about not feeling guilty? And if so, why?'

I don't know what the answer to that question would be but it's an interesting question to ask yourself regardless.

[tmthforu94]

Considering your post, I'd say it's apparent you already have the guilt, so it is pointless for me or anyone else to weigh in on whether or not you should have it, as it won't change anything deep down.

[RIP Robert H Bork]

Now, separate from policy, I do not see abortion as the desirable outcome.  Whether a fetus is person is one question, but it's most certainly alive.   I can't help but feel I took part in ending a life.  

How should I feel about this moral quandary I've thrust myself into?

Based on your previous sentence ("I can't help....") it appears to me that you are already feeling guilty. Which you should.

(Oh, and you're a much worse person than I thought.)

[Vosem]

I would not feel guilty unless there were some circumstances you have not mentioned...

[Sic Semper Fascistis]

I think you should feel at least somewhat guilty. On top of the obvious, you seem to have made your recommendation based entirely upon your knowledge of your friend's situation, not that of the woman he impregnated, whom you don't seem to know much or anything about. Most logical or not, this strikes me as hypocritical from somebody who takes the political/legal position on abortion that emphasizes the autonomy of the mother. You should have demurred and told him to seek advice from somebody who knows both potential parents.

I absolutely agree with this.

Personally, I've always thought that if asked I would always advise against an abortion. If the woman was hesitant already, convincing her to go ahead might prove psychologically devastating. But of course, I've never been personally involved in such a situation, so I can't judge you or anyone in this sad story.

[dead0man]

I think you should feel at least somewhat guilty. On top of the obvious, you seem to have made your recommendation based entirely upon your knowledge of your friend's situation, not that of the woman he impregnated, whom you don't seem to know much or anything about. Most logical or not, this strikes me as hypocritical from somebody who takes the political/legal position on abortion that emphasizes the autonomy of the mother. You should have demurred and told him to seek advice from somebody who knows both potential parents.

I'm on board with this as well.  You don't know the girl or her situation.....though if she willing slept with your idiot of a younger friend the only thing we do know about her is bad.

[Starbucks Union Thug HokeyPuck]

Maybe I should have named the thread "Is there anything I could have done differently rather than try to get an assessment of guilt.  Thanks for the responses anyway.  To clarify..

1. my friend called me very distraught and I had always been someone a bit older who he tended to come to when he had a problem.  I certainly did not want to blow him off, I felt I had to say something when he asked me what he should do especially with this type of situation.

2. I did not reference abortion SPECIFICALLY, but rather I told him he should not have a kid with a girl he barely knows and doesn't really like, and that'd I'd hate to see his life ruined over it.  He responded by saying "she wants to have it", to which I didn't really say anything to besides "you're an effing idiot you know that?" (his brother, who's my best friend, had a kid with a girl in high school), followed by an insistence that he at the very least make sure he meets any legal/monetary requirements, because he did sound very, very pissed about the whole thing.  I think it's fair to say that I didn't really advise abortion, but I certainty did not make an argument against it, and was kind of surprised when he told me she went through with it (which I didn't expect at all), which is where I thought maybe I had something to do with him convincing her to get an abortion, because generally speaking he tends to listen when I tell him something.  

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Maybe I should have named the thread "Is there anything I could have done differently rather than try to get an assessment of guilt.  

Don't give advice on big-time issues like this?

[rejectamenta]

I would have done the same. Your conclusions were sensible, and ones that the mother clearly arrived at herself.

Consider how many other friends and family he must've spoken to, let alone how many friends the person actually pregnant must've weighed her options with. Friend or not, in this situation you're just some guy on the phone who lives on the moon.

[Oldiesfreak1854]

So, here's the situation.  One of my younger friends, and my best friend's brother, decides to peruse his dreams out in Colorado.  He gets a place with some friends, procures a job, and promptly INKS it all up.  Not more than a few weeks ago, the kids calls me up and says that he went a knocked up a co-worker, as well, and he wants to know what he should do.  Based on the following facts

-he doesn't even really like the girl
-he lost his job
-he's just getting his feet wet out West
-he'd make for a horrible parent as currently formulated

...I recommended they get her an abortion.  She was hesitant about it, so I didn't think they would go through with.  Low and behold, my friend said he sees me as the most logical about it, and went ahead and sent her off to the abortion clinic

Now, separate from policy, I do not see abortion as the desirable outcome.  Whether a fetus is person is one question, but it's most certainly alive.   I can't help but feel I took part in ending a life.  

How should I feel about this moral quandary I've thrust myself into?

He shouldn't have had sex with her in the first place; or the girl at least should have had the foresight to use contraception.  Personally, in this situation, I would rather the girl have the baby and put it up for adoption.

[minionofmidas]

He shouldn't have had sex with her in the first place; or the girl at least should have had the foresight to use contraception. 

And the guy, too. Obviously. However, the situation is kind of past the point where that tip is useful.

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Yes, the American "pro-life movement" are simply the minions of the adoption mafia in reality. We know that.

My advice to her, if I knew her - I really don't know what I would have said to him - would have been along the lines that it's quite feasible to keep the baby and no need to marry that moron. (Details depend on how well I know her family and her own circumstances etc pp, and what these circumstances actually are.)