The Comedy Goldmine

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

context:

  Here at atlas they never did get around to building a closet, citing a shortage in doors.

[Sol]

The episode with Zecora the zebra teaches tolerance and that not everyone who looks "strange" is a threat to you. He should see that one.

[Lief 🗽]

You might want to send a letter to your "children" saying that it was nice knowing them but that you're never coming back though.

[Pheurton Skeurto]

I'm very conflicted about the existence of a God or Gods, but I am convinced that there is a higher power of sorts. Not a person or living being, but rather a physical power. It's very tough to explain.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spinoza%27s_god

really?  A twelve-year-old has an existential crisis and you immediately direct him toward the esoteric and unorthodox philosophy of Spinoza?

This is why you're having trouble getting laid, man.  

[minionofmidas]

I'm very conflicted about the existence of a God or Gods, but I am convinced that there is a higher power of sorts. Not a person or living being, but rather a physical power. It's very tough to explain.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spinoza%27s_god

really?  A twelve-year-old has an existential crisis and you immediately direct him toward the esoteric and unorthodox philosophy of Spinoza?

This is why you're having trouble getting laid, man.  

Am I the only one seeing a double entendre in Angus' post?

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

I can tell that I am going to like this new poster...

Any Republican poster who thinks this is cool can NEVER say anything socially conservative again without being a huge hypocrite.

Having sex in a bar has very little to do with immigration and gun control...

Well to be fair he did (at least we're assuming) get lucky in the bar instead of going to one of their places to have sex, so he obviously views "gun control" with no small amount of contempt.

[King]

I have no objections to hunting, I just can think of better things to do with my time.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Joe Biden was in favor of parking down the street, but Hillary opposed it.

[Sol]

I heard these Bone Brains had a very close vote on another subject recently. They voted to start wearing shoes. It passed by one vote. They are making progress.

[Landslide Lyndon]

I don't understand his metaphor. Why can't the mule kick a third time?

[Pheurton Skeurto]

Today my mother, sister, niece and I had to help shave my grandmother's back for her birthday.  The real problem?  There were only two of us the whole time.

[Sopranos Republican]

How long are you going to continue numbering the dates?

"Have fun home alone tonight, Bushie Jr., your mom and I are going on Date #7180!  Burgers at Braum's! We'll bring you some leftovers!"

What leftovers?

Season XI has been the best thing ever, thus far.

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

Thank God he's not my dad

I think your Mom had more to do with it.  God already shot his wad twenty centuries ago.

Well, the answer on the gay child is barf worthy.

Yeah that's one of few things that really gets me about Christie.

Your boner for Christie is one of the few things that really gets me about you.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Is it the height of irony that Cracker Barrell and the American Heart Association are two of the ads on my fb newsfeed page?

[SPC]

[H. Ross Peron]

Politically: my formative years were spent in a Democratic household during the Bush administration as Obama was beginning his meteoric rise. Considering my ethnic background and increasing affinity with cosmopolitan cultural activities, this destined me to eternal religious devotion to the Democratic Party. In my life, the narrative of the fight between Democrats and Republicans is one that reflects personal conflicts with Republicans representing everything that is evil and Democrats being the "good guys". Recently, I've realized this will probably not change with maturity.

As far as ideological identification goes, I've been all over the place. I don't hold coherent views and am still attempting to reconcile dissonant viewpoints. My love of history and working class heritage made me a self-described socialist at a young age but my American upbringing left my susceptible to standard refrains about liberty: I had a love affair with a libertarian approach to social issues in high school as a result of this. College turned me into a feminist and wiped this belief system away. I now identify with Marx, socialism and the historical struggle of the radical left but I also identify with the promise of capitalism (economics major) and a few other liberal beliefs to a degree. Increasingly, I've discovered that I am actually a leftist: being in contact with the elite has made me self-aware. The likelihood of me disavowing the idea of using markets as a mean to an egalitarian end is high.

Religion: went to church weekly until high school, then became a militant atheist before chilling out with marijuana and staying a calm secular person. I'm now rediscoveing religion as a 19 year old. Godless modernity leaves a lot to be desired. As my civil religion appears flaccid and weak in the face of the triumphant global consensus, maybe I can find consolation in rituals steeped in two thousands years of history?

[badgate]

Oreos are ok I guess, but there's plenty of types of cookies I prefer. [/moderatehero]

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Politically: my formative years were spent in a Democratic household during the Bush administration as Obama was beginning his meteoric rise. Considering my ethnic background and increasing affinity with cosmopolitan cultural activities, this destined me to eternal religious devotion to the Democratic Party. In my life, the narrative of the fight between Democrats and Republicans is one that reflects personal conflicts with Republicans representing everything that is evil and Democrats being the "good guys". Recently, I've realized this will probably not change with maturity.

As far as ideological identification goes, I've been all over the place. I don't hold coherent views and am still attempting to reconcile dissonant viewpoints. My love of history and working class heritage made me a self-described socialist at a young age but my American upbringing left my susceptible to standard refrains about liberty: I had a love affair with a libertarian approach to social issues in high school as a result of this. College turned me into a feminist and wiped this belief system away. I now identify with Marx, socialism and the historical struggle of the radical left but I also identify with the promise of capitalism (economics major) and a few other liberal beliefs to a degree. Increasingly, I've discovered that I am actually a leftist: being in contact with the elite has made me self-aware. The likelihood of me disavowing the idea of using markets as a mean to an egalitarian end is high.

Religion: went to church weekly until high school, then became a militant atheist before chilling out with marijuana and staying a calm secular person. I'm now rediscoveing religion as a 19 year old. Godless modernity leaves a lot to be desired. As my civil religion appears flaccid and weak in the face of the triumphant global consensus, maybe I can find consolation in rituals steeped in two thousands years of history?

The first paragraph and parts of the second are a little odd or ill-thought-out, but I don't understand what's so funny about this.

[Leftbehind]

Oh, God, I love these guys. I've had so much fun with them. Here is a typical conversation:

Call Center: Hello, is Mr. [Me] available?
Me: Speaking. What's this about?
CC: Hello, my name is Fred and I am calling from Perth. I am calling today to warn you that our records indicate that your Windows computer is infected with a virus.
Me: What's the weather like over in Perth, Freddie? Pretty rainy this time of year in Queensland.
CC: Oh, yes, it is certainly very rainy here in Queensland. Now, please let me help you fix the virus on your computer.
Me: A virus, John? How do you know that?
CC: Our logs indicate that you are infected. Please follow my instructions to get rid of the virus on your computer.
Me: I don't own a computer, Mike.
CC: My name is Fred. And I know that you have a computer.
Me: Oh, you're right! Look at that! You're quick, James!
CC: It is Fred! Please follow my directions. Can you press the Start button please?
Me: The Start button? I don't see one.
CC: It should be located in the bottom left of your screen.
Me: I don't see anything there. Oh my God, you're right! I'm infected. AHHHHH
CC: Yes, I know! It is very serious!
Me: This is so frightening. I've never had a virus on my Linux machine before!
CC: ...

*Indian man hangs up*

[Antonio the Sixth]

This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here: huge success.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

This lady I work with literally said the Secret Service's Colombia prostitution scandal would not have happened if not for Obama being the President.

What scandal? Would you criticize the secret service for driving on the left side of the road in the UK?

On a different day I'd find this objectionable and patronizing, but today I chuckled.

[Pheurton Skeurto]

baby oyu a song, you make we wanna roll my ewindow downa dn cRUZZZZZZZZZ

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

(Sorry BRTD, nothing personal, but really)

[Sol]

very ff, donte lt brown ones gangbangers bused from chicago to tako ever poll. cruz-ffalin '16

[Sopranos Republican]

A brony t-shirt and a trenchcoat to complement my fedora and classy neckbeard.