Comedy Goldmine Rises

[Landslide Lyndon]

PROTIP: Confronting Al is serious business and is not recommended if you have nothing of substance to tell him.

If your feelings are hurt, please hit the report post to moderator button.  There are three possible outcomes to this action:

25% -- The post will be deleted. (Inks)
75% -- Sam Spade will call you a f****t. (Mikado)
0% -- Nothing. (Alcon)

Proceed with caution.

[Хahar 🤔]

if Mitt wins the presidency I don't know how we're going to endure the strokefest that will ensue, though on one level I feel happy for him.  it'd be kind of like me getting to see the Mets win the World Series.

He must be overjoyed at the state of the Mets now.

[Bacon King]

Delete this thread!

Does it offensive to GOd?

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

You must be logged in to read this quote.

lol

I call it an alliance because they are not the same thing.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

No matter how much people ignore me, i'm still here with more nationalism

I must say, I have a newfound love for Argentina.

Contact Mark Sanford.

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

Something simple. Wood, but sturdy. No wheels or anything. A few drawers. Elegant but understated.

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

Coolidge, no birthers are sensible, and neither are those who do not know how to properly quote a post.

I learnt my lesson on the second one. But birthers are sensible.

[RIP Robert H Bork]

Context is needed:

Something simple. Wood, but sturdy. No wheels or anything. A few drawers. Elegant but understated.

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

With Indiana's direct and popular vote to ban it occurring in 2014, following California's prop 8 it will be 33 states ban it, 6 states allow and 11 either yet to decide. 5 more states ban it you could get a constuitional amendment banning it in all 50. We have enough
now for the states to propose a convention to ban gay marriage. 38 needed to pass a federal marriage amendment. Full ban in all 50 by the 2030's

[MJM58]

cant believe I'm opening this can of worms, but if we're talking under age girls, I think Ariana Grande is pretty dang good looking.  seems to be intelligent also

miley is 18.

ok, but Ariana doesnt turn 18 until later this month.  that girl can give some pretty pretty girlish smiles.  when my 6 and 10 year old girls have that show on, I sneak a peek at her often.

eww, not even. that is just gross. i feel sorry for mothers cildren around you.

what?

you are a creeper who likes little girls. that is gross. yucky.

because I think a 17.9 year old girl has a pretty girlish smile?!

[King]

Department of Defense
Chuck Norris (R-TX)

Win.

[Joe Republic]

Not a bad idea, actually.  You could cut the entire federal defense budget to zero and just let him handle sh*t on his own.

[Lief 🗽]

If I were cleaning toilets all day I'd want to rape somebody too (probably with the plunger, however, and probably not a female).

[exopolitician]

THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA

CLASSIFIED

0600  Gym

0800  Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites)

0900  Hair appointment

1000  Shopping

1200  Brunch

1400	• Assume complete control of the U.S. Federal, State and Local Governments as well as all other national governments
	• Recruit all straight youngsters to our debauched lifestyle
	• Destroy all healthy heterosexual marriages
	• Replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with agents of Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels
	• Establish planetary chain of "homo breeding gulags" where over-medicated imprisoned straight women are turned into artificially impregnated baby factories to produce prepubescent love slaves for our devotedly pederastic gay leadership
	• Bulldoze all houses of worship
	• Secure total control of the INTERNET and all mass media for the exclusive use of child pornographers

1430 Get forty winks of beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from stress of world conquest

1600 Cocktails

1800 Light Dinner (soup, salad, with Chardonnay)

2000 Theater

2300 Bed



(Credit to the long-forgotten Internetizen who came up with this.)

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

I love this ridiculous "everyone needs to breed!  EVERYONE!"  thing that gets brought up as an argument against gay marriage.  I mean, there have been people that don't want children in every era. 

Hey, if you really feel that way, you should be passionate supporters of gay adoption and getting orphans into stable two-parent households.

I don't think scientifically that gay adoption is even necessary.  A straight couple usually adopts if the woman or man cannot have children.  But there is nothing physically preventing a gay male or gay female from becoming pregnant, unless they are not mentally capable of intercourse with the opposite gender for the purposes of procreation.  Also, it is possible for single individuals to adopt or serve as foster parents, or even adopt relatives. 

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

should the democrats try to forge their own type of identity politics?

I think Obama should try to create a sense of identity politics similar to what Nixon did 40 years ago. He should try to think of a "silent majority". I think for Obama the silent majority is the people who may not always vote. I've seen movies like "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" or "Lords of Dogtown" where I see plenty of people who may not always vote but are natural democratic constituents. He should try in his speeches to label them as such and to create policies helpful to them so he can get these people out to vote for him.

Another thing is to portray the democrats as Lebowski's character in "The Big Lebowski" and portray the republicans as "the Old Lebowski", who is the old coot who is out of touch ("the bums always lose"). We should also convince these "silent majority" that the republican party hates them and is always trying to find ways to lock them up ("i'm expressing to my full capabilities, now i'm living in correctional facilities").

[Lief 🗽]

Luckily for him, he's getting that excellent Cuban medical care.

Im sure he will be fine. Cuba, according too numerous fat clowns, has good medical care.

Hmmm, the Cuban healthcare system is pretty good at keeping people alive. Michael Moore didn't invent its reputation. Just saying.

I thought the reference was to Diego Maradona.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

I love this ridiculous "everyone needs to breed!  EVERYONE!"  thing that gets brought up as an argument against gay marriage.  I mean, there have been people that don't want children in every era. 

Hey, if you really feel that way, you should be passionate supporters of gay adoption and getting orphans into stable two-parent households.

I don't think scientifically that gay adoption is even necessary.  A straight couple usually adopts if the woman or man cannot have children.  But there is nothing physically preventing a gay male or gay female from becoming pregnant, unless they are not mentally capable of intercourse with the opposite gender for the purposes of procreation.  Also, it is possible for single individuals to adopt or serve as foster parents, or even adopt relatives. 

Obviously you have never had to hear a father-to-be gush about how he and his significant other are pregnant, for which you should be thankful.

[Keystone Phil]

Someone didn't pick up on a fairly obvious joke...

This is simply ridiculous. I made one post on my twitter tonight, and it certainly wasn't a picture. I've gone the last 4 hours without electricity, and considering I don't have internet on my phone, this is phony and irrelevant.

[tmthforu94]

Someone didn't pick up on a fairly obvious joke...

This is simply ridiculous. I made one post on my twitter tonight, and it certainly wasn't a picture. I've gone the last 4 hours without electricity, and considering I don't have internet on my phone, this is phony and irrelevant.

Well, I got it now. Considering all of the attacks and fabricated lies that have been thrown my way in the past few hours, I see the bad in just about every comment directed towards me.

[Badger]

Anybody remember that legendary 'moderate hero'-coining post of Tweed's in which he referred to me and Gabu as blowhards?

So, yeah...

Tweed was shooting skeet with a thesaurus and this was the result.  Or perchance this is the argot of his bailiwick and it is I that err.

[Gustaf]

Let me redo that for you Badger:

Why is it that this thread is making me more and more wary of just anyone being able to breed. There are some "dropped on the head genes" that should not be passed on.

Madness and stupidity are two different entities.  The stupid are at least easy to control.  Madness is impossible to control because it often has its own competence.

Did you get that from a fortune cookie?

[Badger]

Let me redo that for you Badger:

Why is it that this thread is making me more and more wary of just anyone being able to breed. There are some "dropped on the head genes" that should not be passed on.

Madness and stupidity are two different entities.  The stupid are at least easy to control.  Madness is impossible to control because it often has its own competence.

Did you get that from a fortune cookie?

D'OH! Thanks, Gustav. Inferiorly formatted post to be deleted in 5...4...

[Joe Republic]

I still remember the first time someone disguised a link of a man's prolapsed anus in a legitimate-seeming link and sent it to me.  Ahh, Goatse.  That must've been 12 years ago.  Now, whenever someone goatse's me, it just brings back fond memories of my childhood.  That pic brings back so much nostalgia.

[Mechaman]

How does it end?

President Bachmann signs an executive order to begin an orientation-cleansing program.  The militia is called out.  By the summer of 2015 there are no homosexuals left in the United States, although some have sought asylum elsewhere.  No gays = No push for gay marriage.  Problem solved.