Update Thread and Other Ramblings by BushOklahoma

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Arguments are healthy in a relationship, sure, but i hope this doesn't end up like the last one. I'm beginning to sense that she may be getting cold feet, but maybe that is just me and only me. I would hate for this to start down that path over the next few days.

[patrick1]

"being a wife"  often = Trying to change you, nagging you to death and run your life.  It seems your balls are already in a mason jar and like addressing all these "concerns" is a one way street,  Dont get hen pecked out of the gate.

[Lief 🗽]

We had a good dinner this evening and a nice chat.  She expressed some concerns, which I happily agreed to the changes.  Nothing was ever in question or in jeopardy, but now that we're 3 weeks into the engagement, she is starting to shift her mentality from being a momma's girl to being a wife.  She does want me to clean up better, which I agree.  Being a bachelor really is no excuse for a messy house or messy car.  This is where the relationship will really take off when we come to agreement on concerns about each other.  Getting the concerns out of the way now is a really healthy thing for a relationship, because, the closer we get to the wedding, the more stressed we'll be and the less time we'll have to worry about concerns.  Like with any relationship, there must be compromise, and that's what we will do.  Plus, this will teach us that we can work things out when we do get married and are in a lifetime commitment.  We have a pact in our relationship that the word divorce will be banned from our vocabulary.

What concerns of yours is she making efforts and compromises to meet?

[Joe Biden 2020]

Arguments are healthy in a relationship, sure, but i hope this doesn't end up like the last one. I'm beginning to sense that she may be getting cold feet, but maybe that is just me and only me. I would hate for this to start down that path over the next few days.

These were definitely not arguments, they were civil discussions of her concerns.  I haven't brought up any concerns, yet, to her so I can't really answer Lief's question truthfully.  I've got a couple that I will let remain between us, but they are definitely no biggies.  This has no signs of ending up like the last one.  For one, she came to me out of love, instead of biting my head off.  She told me today that these were not doubts, by any means, they were just honest concerns.  You know how I know it's not cold feet.  She proudly proclaimed to the grocery store cashier whom she knew, "I want you to meet my fiancee'!!  We're getting married next April!!!!".  Is cold feet a possibility?  I guess so, but it's not something I am worried about.  She has a great supporting cast around her, as do I, that are very supportive of our engagement, and they will do everything in their power to keep both her feet and my feet warm.

Patrick, this will not be a one-sided marriage.  She will not dominate, nor will I dominate.  This will be a 100-100 marriage, meaning she will give 100% and I will give 100%.  I will help her in the kitchen and around the house and she will help me in the yard.  We will both cook together and we will watch mostly the same shows.  We will also try to not be hermits, either.  We want to get out and explore the great City of Oklahoma City.  I will take her on a vacation every year, in so far as possible.  I've already promised her for her 27th birthday in October 2011, I am going to take her to Branson, Missouri to spend the weekend!!  I'm starting to think of somewhere to take her for our first anniversary!!

[Mr. Morden]

I've already promised her for her 27th birthday in October 2011, I am going to take her to Branson, Missouri to spend the weekend!!

Whoa, you're really living it up there.  Branson, Missouri?  If you're going to go that far, why not visit the Great Wall of China or the Eiffel Tower?

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You've only made it to the planning of your first anniversary?  I was expecting that you'd be investigating retirement homes by now.  You're only some four decades away from retirement.

[The Mikado]

I will take her on a vacation every year, in so far as possible.  I've already promised her for her 27th birthday in October 2011, I am going to take her to Branson, Missouri to spend the weekend!!

https://tickets.yakov.com/mainstore.asp?cid=1203

Do it.  Do it.

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[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Bushie, did she mention CUT OUT THE FAST FOOD?

[Lunar]

I've already promised her for her 27th birthday in October 2011, I am going to take her to Branson, Missouri to spend the weekend!!

Whoa, you're really living it up there.  Branson, Missouri?  If you're going to go that far, why not visit the Great Wall of China or the Eiffel Tower?

Gah, I had to go there for a family reunion when I was 13-14.

I certainly wouldn't take anyone I respect there.

[AndrewTX]

ITS A TARP!

[King]

ITS A TARP!

Oh great.  Now the government is going to bail out BushOK's failed engagements?

[Joe Biden 2020]

Bushie, did she mention CUT OUT THE FAST FOOD?

Well, yes and no.  She certainly wants "normal" food, but is not opposed to fast food once in a while.  Her attitude is something's gotta kill ya.

Anyway, all fears of cold feet have been washed away.  She and her mother went and talked to her pastor today about the cost of having the wedding at his church.  We found a pretty good deal.  We were talking about the decorations of the ceremony and the protocol to have it at her church.  We can get it for $435 with $100 refundable after the wedding.  Then, we went to Wal-Mart and looked at different stationery items and the toast glasses.

I have next Thursday and Friday off work so we are going to talk to her pastor next Thursday, on my birthday, and hopefully reserve the church then, too.  We will now have two programs of marriage counselling, one by my pastor in August and September and then one by her pastor in October and November.  My pastor will be the one to do the wedding, though.  After the honeymoon, she will join me at my church which will be our home church until such time as God gives me a church of my own to pastor.

[WalterMitty]

Then, we went to Wal-Mart and looked at different stationery items and the toast glasses.

this is shaping up to be the social event of the year in oklahoma.  i always enjoy a classy wedding....

[CubOB]

I've never heard of a couple having marriage counselling before their wedding

[CARLHAYDEN]

I've never heard of a couple having marriage counselling before their wedding

Well, that's just another thing to add to your list of things of which you have never previous heard.

Its actually rather commonplace, and required by many members of the clergy.

[Franzl]

I've never heard of a couple having marriage counselling before their wedding

Well, that's just another thing to add to your list of things of which you have never previous heard.

Its actually rather commonplace, and required by many members of the clergy.

Is that where engaged couples are reminded that they'll go to hell for all eternity if they have sex before the big day?

[Meeker]

I've never heard of a couple having marriage counselling before their wedding

Well, that's just another thing to add to your list of things of which you have never previous heard.

Its actually rather commonplace, and required by many members of the clergy.

Is that where engaged couples are reminded that they'll go to hell for all eternity if they have sex before the big day?

Or if they get a divorce.

[??????????]

I've never heard of a couple having marriage counselling before their wedding

Well, that's just another thing to add to your list of things of which you have never previous heard.

Its actually rather commonplace, and required by many members of the clergy.

Is that where engaged couples are reminded that they'll go to hell for all eternity if they have sex before the big day?

Or if they get a divorce.

Divorce isn't completely forbidden by the bible.

[Torie]

This may seem like an off the wall comment, but what kind of pressure will be put on the relationship if one loses their excess weight and the other does not?  If it were me, that would be a serious concern, beyond the health concerns down the road.

[CubOB]

That's a good point - it's the sort of thing people don't think would be a problem, but can actually cause all sorts of pressures.

I've never heard of a couple having marriage counselling before their wedding

Well, that's just another thing to add to your list of things of which you have never previous heard.

Its actually rather commonplace, and required by many members of the clergy.

THANKS LOVE.

[Joe Biden 2020]

I've never heard of a couple having marriage counselling before their wedding

Well, that's just another thing to add to your list of things of which you have never previous heard.

Its actually rather commonplace, and required by many members of the clergy.

Not only that, but it's required by the State of Oklahoma and the County of Oklahoma County where I live and where the wedding will happen.  Not to mention, it drops the price of the marriage license from $50 to $5.  That is the least important of the benefits, but it is a benefit, nonetheless.

[Torie]

I've never heard of a couple having marriage counselling before their wedding

Well, that's just another thing to add to your list of things of which you have never previous heard.

Its actually rather commonplace, and required by many members of the clergy.

Not only that, but it's required by the State of Oklahoma and the County of Oklahoma County where I live and where the wedding will happen.  Not to mention, it drops the price of the marriage license from $50 to $5.  That is the least important of the benefits, but it is a benefit, nonetheless.

Regarding pre-marital religious counseling, I remember one of my legal partners back when, who was married in the  Catholic Church, regaling me about the priest counseling the soon to be married happy couple, that the only position for them to "do it" was the missionary position. I guess the concern was that each and every sex act should have the potential for procreation or something, I don't know.  I wonder if that is still done in those circles. Needless to say, the strictures in that particular instant case were ignored, both before and after the fact. I myself would be unable to go through that prophylactic regimen. I would say, hey, that is just ludicrous, and decamp, and get married by some guru on Bali or something. I am indeed an opinionated SOB I admit, particularly when it comes to truncating my own pleasure, and that of my partner, whomever that may be. There had better be a darn good reason to do so.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

No update in 4 days?  Is the wedding cancelled?


(Sorry, Joe, I had too )

[Joe Biden 2020]

No update in 4 days?  Is the wedding cancelled?


(Sorry, Joe, I had too )

No, the wedding is still on!!  i just haven't posted an update!

Anyway, here is an update.  We are learning one very important key to a relationship, COMMUNICATION!!  We are learning to communicate with each other about our concerns and that is enabling us to work through them.  She has shared some concerns, mainly about cleanliness and including her in decisions.  I have shared concerns about not letting her mom or anyone tell us how to run our household or even our wedding plans.

As far as the wedding planning, we are going to slow down just a bit so we don't have everything planned and spend the last 11 months of the engagement with no planning to do.  We're going to temporarily shift from hardcore planning to enjoying each other.  I am taking her out on a date (which she will choose the place) next Friday, May 7.  We haven't been on a date since I proposed to her on April 3, so it will have been nearly 5 weeks.  That's too long.  I did promise her the other night that I would take her out somewhere at least every other week insofar as possible.  Then, when we are married, I will have a date night with her every week.  I want to continue to get to know her.  Now, we will still do some minor planning in the meantime, but we're not going to go really hardcore until probably November or December.  We've pretty much selected our attendants, although we are still working on our ring bearer.  Tomorrow, however, we will talk to her pastor and go ahead and reserve the church for Saturday, April 9, 2011.  The reason for booking it now, is the wedding is only two weeks before Easter and we don't want to take a chance of the church having plans that would prevent us from using their facilities on our special day.  The next major thing will be booking our honeymoon which based on that 330-day window, I can book it starting Saturday, May 22, 2010, because it has to be 330 days before the return flight home which will be on Sunday, April 17, 2011.

Tonight, her mother is fixing a nice steak dinner for my birthday!!  I'm to be over at her house by 5:00.

[Meeker]

Anyway, here is an update.  We are learning one very important key to a relationship, COMMUNICATION!!  We are learning to communicate with each other about our concerns and that is enabling us to work through them.  She has shared some concerns, mainly about cleanliness and including her in decisions.  I have shared concerns about not letting her mom or anyone tell us how to run our household or even our wedding plans.

THIS IS STUFF YOU SHOULD'VE LEARNED BEFORE YOU GOT ENGAGED. IT IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE TO DATE A WOMAN FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME SO YOU'RE SURE THINGS LIKE COMMUNICATION WON'T BE AN ISSUE. THE ENGAGEMENT IS NOT THE TIME YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Anyway, here is an update.  We are learning one very important key to a relationship, COMMUNICATION!!  We are learning to communicate with each other about our concerns and that is enabling us to work through them.  She has shared some concerns, mainly about cleanliness and including her in decisions.  I have shared concerns about not letting her mom or anyone tell us how to run our household or even our wedding plans.

THIS IS STUFF YOU SHOULD'VE LEARNED BEFORE YOU GOT ENGAGED. IT IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE TO DATE A WOMAN FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME SO YOU'RE SURE THINGS LIKE COMMUNICATION WON'T BE AN ISSUE. THE ENGAGEMENT IS NOT THE TIME YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

I hear what you're saying, but we are not just now learning communication.  We learned communication when we first started dating.  She has always been open to me and I have always been open to her.  We don't go through third parties to communicate to each other, either, which is very important.  Just like with any relationship, it is always a work in progress, because you're putting together two imperfect, and often very different, people.  So, there will always be some work to do.  Even after we get married, I don't expect us our lives to be neatly and seamlessly merged, but we will continue to grow with each other and grow toward each other.  Sometimes, it's like trying to put together a circle and a square.  It's not a perfect fit right off the bat, but as time moves on they will blend together and form a happy union.  That's probably a very poor analogy, but it's the best one I could come up with.