Commonwealth of Frémont • 25th Parliament

[Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Bodies for Biden]

PARLIAMENT
OF THE COMMONWEALTH OF FRÉMONT

(1)

Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! This house will now come to order!

          At Denver in this fateful hour,
          I place all Heaven with its power,
          And the sun with its brightness,
          And the snow with its whiteness,
          And the fire with all the strength it hath,
          And the lightning with its rapid wrath,
          And the winds with their swiftness along their path,
          And the sea with its deepness,
          And the rocks with their steepness,
          And the earth with its starkness:
          All these I place,
          By God's almighty help and grace
          Between myself and the powers of darkness!

Citizens and members may use this thread to introduce legislation, motions, and resolutions for the consideration of the house. I invite our new members to take the oath of office at their earliest convenience that we may proceed with the election of a speaker. In the meantime, as president of parliament, I will adjudicate in our proceedings.

Gloria Frémontis!

Scott, first minister

(1) Wikimedia Commons.

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

AN ACT
To appeal to both anti-men and pro-men political forces in the region


Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

Section 1. Title

This legislation may be cited as the Manhood Is Still A Sin Act.

Section 2. Purpose

i. Whereas, the Bible, a millennia-old sci-fi best-seller, declares that God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, His only Son. But at the same time, we're all His children, so in His eyes, we're a bunch of girls, and to be a man is to defile the Lord and His only Son.
ii. Whereas, the previous attempt to ban men in the Commonwealth of Frémont was overly invasive and was thus repealed immediately.
iii. Whereas, Sovereign, the second installment of the Nemesis trilogy, our as-of-yet incomplete ultimate moral arbiter on Earth, ends with Graywytch attempting to murder everybody with a Y chromosome.
iv. Therefore, directly reducing the amount of men in the Commonwealth of Frémont is playing right into her hands.
v. Now therefore, the Frémont Parliament does hereby pass this act to protect the public health and morals of the Commonwealth of Frémont.

Section 3. Amending the Bessell-Truman Transgender Rights Act

i. Section 3 of the Bessell-Truman Transgender Rights Act is amended as such:

i. Persons may choose to have their official gender noted as any of the following designations:
(a) Female (F)
(b) Intersex (I)
(c) Male (M)
(dc) Neutral (N)
(ed) Other (O)

ii. Existing persons who have chosen to have their official gender noted as Male will be reassigned to Other, as will newborns who are determined to be male at birth.
iii. This act shall take effect immediately.

A RESOLUTION
To promote anti-pro-heterosexual rhetoric


Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

1. It is the position of the Commonwealth of Frémont that the following movies, art, and other intellectual properties owned by Disney are not racist, sexist, bigoted, or otherwise problematic to modern society:

Film

A. Encanto (2021) (the stressed out muscle mommy character all the lesbians love--Luisa)

B. Turning Red (2022) (the whole revolves-around-Mei-being-horny,-then-bleeding-out-of-her-wherever fact)

Television Series

A. Gravity Falls (2012 - 2016) (IDK, I've never watched Gravity Falls, I just put this here for the sake of completeness)

B. Star vs. the Forces of Evil (2015 - 2019) (They said "gay" in the form of "we just weren't the best match", alongside the titular character's blatant bisexuality)

C. Amphibia (2019 - 2022) (They said "gay" in the form of "finally me, but it's no big deal", alongside Anna Akana deciding her character, much like herself, was bi)

D. The Owl House (2020 - 2023) (They said "gay" in the form of "awesome girlfriend")

2. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns any proposed censorship or trigger warnings pertaining to the above listed intellectual properties from their original presentations.

3. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby congratulates the crews of Amphibia and The Owl House for their 2022 nominations for the Outstanding Kids and Family Programming GLAAD Media Award.

4. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns the Southern Region for putting Adventures in Babysitting on its list, if only because I wanted to put it on my list as the token 1980s film to match Tango and Cash on my Warner Bros. list. I didn't even know people considered Adventures in Babysitting to be racist, sexist, or bigoted. I suppose I still could put Adventures in Babysitting on here, if only because I'm still pissed that Disney+ hasn't uncensored it yet despite the fact that the Netflix MCU shows are on there now. We'll see how this fares in debate.

5.  It is the position of the Commonwealth of Frémont that should the holder of the copyright of any intellectual property listed herein claim to permanently halt and prohibit the redistribution of any copyrighted movie, short, or cartoon, or any scene or character therefrom, such copyright shall be null and void and the movie, short, cartoon, or the scene or character therefrom shall be a part of the public domain.

6. This act shall take effect immediately.

A RESOLUTION
To promote anti-pro-heterosexual rhetoric


Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

1. It is the position of the Commonwealth of Frémont that the following movies, art, and other intellectual properties owned by Warner Bros. Discovery are not racist, sexist, bigoted, or otherwise problematic to modern society:

Film

A. Tango and Cash (1989) (They're queer-coded, Your Honor)

Television

A. Steven Universe (2013 - 2020) (Fruity Pebbles)

B. Green Eggs and Ham (2019 - 2022) (Season 1. Need I say more?)


2. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns any proposed censorship or trigger warnings pertaining to the above listed intellectual properties from their original presentations.

3. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns the recent decision of Warner Bros. Discovery to cancel Batgirl in favor of a tax writeoff when The Flash was right there, among other notable bullsh**t decisions by David Zaslav.

4. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby recommends to Warner Bros. Animation that they make the Dreadnought movie. That's what the South means when they suggest "new and interesting characters of [diverse] backgrounds", right?

5. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns Jared Stern for not giving us more Guy/Sam content in Green Eggs and Ham: The Second Serving (2022).

6. The Commonwealth of Frémont also condemns Jared Stern for not giving Gluntz a girlfriend in The Second Serving.

7.  It is the position of the Commonwealth of Frémont that should the holder of the copyright of any intellectual property listed herein claim to permanently halt and prohibit the redistribution of any copyrighted movie, short, or cartoon, or any scene or character therefrom, such copyright shall be null and void and the movie, short, cartoon, or the scene or character therefrom shall be a part of the public domain.

8. This act shall take effect immediately.

I fully expect Scott to refuse to put any of these on the floor, but here are my first three bills.

[Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Bodies for Biden]

I fully expect Scott to refuse to put any of these on the floor, but here are my first three bills.

No, no, it's content. I think Mr. R's blue laws are silly but I wouldn't refuse to bring them to the floor in a regional government.

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

AN ACT
To address words that sound so nasty

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

TITLE I: PURPOSE AND ENACTMENT

1. The Parliament of Frémont does hereby pass this act to protect the public health and morals of the Commonwealth thereof, so as

2. This act shall take effect immediately.

TITLE II: SODOMY

1. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby recognizes that the Southern Region is set to pass a permanent extension of their Monkeypox Prevention Act;

2. That accordingly, the Commonwealth of Frémont extends an invitation to those who intend to have threesomes, gay, gay bathhouses and 'round the clock sex in the South to do so in Frémont instead.

AN ACT
To make Rambo great again

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

1. It is the position of the Commonwealth of Frémont that there is only one (1) film featuring the character of John Rambo: First Blood (1982). Films purporting to be part of a franchise based on the character are lackluster imitations. Any reference by the Commonwealth of Frémont to Sergeant Rambo shall solely apply to his characterization in the film enumerated herein, or the 1972 novel upon which it was based. No Regional funds shall be expended to purchase or promote any Rambo films.

2. This act shall take effect immediately.

AN ACT
To reject the South's theocracy and substitute our own

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

SECTION 1: REGARDING OUR BUSES

Within one (1) year of the passage of this bill, all public school systems receiving Regional funds shall permanently affix to all of its public school buses the following:

A. On both exterior sides decals stating “One Commonwealth Under Dreadnought” of a size and font so as to be visible by motorists passing the school bus.

B. On the exterior back a decal stating “In Danielle Tozer We Trust” of a size and font so as to be visible by motorists directly behind the school bus,

C. Any public school system failing to mark all of their public school buses as such shall have their Regional funding cut by 5% per year until such time as all public school buses comply with the law. Public School systems may use currently appropriated regional funding to offset any costs incurred in marking school buses pursuant to this act.

SECTION 2: REGARDING OUR AIRPORTS

1. Seattle–Tacoma International Airport (SEA) shall henceforth be known as Danielle Tozer International Airport.

2. Portland International Airport (PDX) shall henceforth be known as April Daniels International Airport.

3. San Francisco International Airport (SFO) shall henceforth be known as Kinetiq International Airport.

4. Tucson International Airport (TUS) shall henceforth be known as John Rambo International Airport.

5. Denver International Airport (DEN) shall, pending the construction of a new airport in the Denver area, be closed and turned into an alien suburb.

6. The new Denver Airport shall be known as Saira Rao International Airport.

AN ACT
To quit pandering to cis people

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

1. All uses of the word transgender in any Fremont law or regulation shall be revised mutatis mutandis to and defined as the word non-cisgender.

2. All uses of the phrases Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist or TERF, in any Fremont law or regulation shall be revised mutatis mutandis to and defined as the phrases Cis Rights Activist or CRA, respectively.

3. All uses of the phrases biological sex, biological male, or biological female, in any Fremont law or regulation shall be revised mutatis mutandis to and defined as the phrases assigned sex at birth, assigned male at birth, and assigned female at birth, respectively.

4. It is the position of the Commonwealth of Fremont that the word woman, or, in this case, girl, can be defined in accordance with Dreadnought, the first of our three ultimate moral arbiters on Earth:

You feel like you're a girl, you live it, it's part of you? Then you're a girl.

5. This act shall take effect immediately.

I think I've gotten everything across.

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

AN ACT
To show support for Frémont culture

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

A. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby designates and affirms the following lists:

Culturally Significant Films

1. First Blood (1982)
2. The Karate Kid (1984)
3. The Karate Kid, Part II (1986)
4. The Karate Kid, Part III (1989)

Culturally Significant Songs

1. "For Crying Out Loud" - written by Jim Steinman, most famously performed by Meat Loaf in 1977
2. The Official Anthem of the Commonwealth of Frémont and any former such Anthems
3. Any Official Song of a State in the Commonwealth of Frémont and any former such Songs

Culturally Significant Television Series

1. Frasier (1993 - 2004)
2. New Girl (2011 - 2018)
3. Star vs. the Forces of Evil (2015 - 2019)
4. Cobra Kai (2018 - 2022?)
5. Amphibia (2019 - 2022)

Culturally Significant Books

1. Dreadnought (2017)
2. Sovereign (2017)

B. This act shall take effect immediately.

I'm willing to add more to this list, but I'm not willing to remove any of these except maybe Star, the regional anthems, and the state songs.

[Dr. MB]

Frémont Monkeypox Prevention Act

1. 100 Japanese macaques (Macaca fuscata) residing at the Oregon National Primate Research Center in Hillsboro, Oregon; 50 male and 50 female, shall be tagged and released into the Tillamook State Forest in Oregon in order to establish a wild breeding population of this species  in Atlasia.

2. Should the program prove successful, with at least 90 monkeys surviving until January 1, 2024, or at least 5 newborn monkeys born, the remaining macaque population of the Oregon National Primate Research Center shall be released by June 30, 2024.

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

A RESOLUTION
To promote anti-pro-heterosexual rhetoric


Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

1. It is the position of the Commonwealth of Frémont that the following movies, art, and other intellectual properties owned by Warner Bros. Discovery are not racist, sexist, bigoted, or otherwise problematic to modern society:

Film

A. Tango and Cash (1989)

B. The Matrix (1999)

C. The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

D. The Animatrix (2003)

E. The Matrix Revelations (2003)

F. The Matrix Resurrections (2021)

Television

A. Steven Universe (2013 - 2020)

B. Green Eggs and Ham (2019 - 2022)


2. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns any proposed censorship or trigger warnings pertaining to the above listed intellectual properties from their original presentations.

3. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns the recent decision of Warner Bros. Discovery to cancel Batgirl in favor of a tax writeoff when The Flash was right there, among other notable bullsh**t decisions by David Zaslav.

4. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns Warner Bros. Discovery for not producing new DC Animated Universe content for eleven years between the end of Justice League Unlimited in 2006 and the release of Batman and Harley Quinn in 2017.

5. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby recommends to Warner Bros. Animation that they make the Dreadnought movie. That's what the South means when they suggest "new and interesting characters of [diverse] backgrounds", right?

6. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns Jared Stern for not giving us more Guy/Sam content in Green Eggs and Ham: The Second Serving (2022).

7. The Commonwealth of Frémont also condemns Jared Stern for not giving Gluntz a girlfriend in The Second Serving.

8. It is the position of the Commonwealth of Frémont that should the holder of the copyright of any intellectual property listed herein claim to permanently halt and prohibit the redistribution of any copyrighted movie, short, or cartoon, or any scene or character therefrom, such copyright shall be null and void and the movie, short, cartoon, or the scene or character therefrom shall be a part of the public domain.

9. This act shall take effect immediately.

Ishan is right, not including The Matrix was a major oversight on my part. What the hell kind of tranny am I?

[Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Bodies for Biden]

AN ACT
To prohibit the use of corporal punishment in schools

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

Section 1. Title

This legislation may be cited as the Hitting Children Is Bad Act.

Section 2. Definition

"Corporal punishment" shall be defined as punishments intended to cause physical pain to a person.

Section 3. Prohibition on corporal punishment

1. Parliament finds that the use of spanking and paddling misbehaved children creates long-term problems including physical and mental ill-health, impaired cognitive and socio-emotional development, poor educational outcomes, increased aggression and perpetration of violence.
1. No public, private, or charter school may enforce corporal punishment.
2. All currently existing laws which allow schools or school districts to enforce capital punishment are hereby nullified.

[Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Bodies for Biden]

A RESOLUTION
To amend the Standing Orders for the House of Commons

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

Section 1. Title

This legislation may be cited as the Someone's Gotta Do It Resolution.

Section 2. Amendment to the Standing Orders for the House of Commons

The Standing Orders for the House of Commons are hereby amended;

Article I

1) The First Minister shall be President of the House of Commons, and besides the authority bestowed on him in this capacity, shall enjoy all the rights of membership to the same.

2) The duties of the presiding officer shall be exercised by a Speaker of the House of Commons, chosen from among the membership thereof, or by the First Minister if no candidate for Speaker is declared.

Article II
3) The number of threads open to all legislation introduced by Members of Parliament or the First Minister shall be limited to six (6). The first four slots shall be reserved for ordinary legislation introduced by Members of Parliament or the First Minister. The final two slots shall be reserved for emergencies at the speaker's discretion. The Speaker or First Minister shall move legislation to these threads in the order in which it was introduced in the thread specified in (1).

Article III
1) After a piece of legislation is brought to the floor of the Commons by the Speaker, debate shall begin immediately. Debate on the legislation shall last for no less than seventy-two (72) hours.

2) After a piece of legislation is brought to the floor of the Commons by the Speaker or First Minister, a sponsor must speak within twenty-four (24) hours after its introduction in regards to why a bill is necessary or it is subject to be tabled at the discretion of the Speaker First Minister.

3) At the motion of the First Minister, the Commons may waive the seventy-two (72) hour requirement by unanimous consent. Consent shall be granted should no Member object to the motion of the First Minister within twenty-four (24) hours of its introduction.

4) After the conclusion of the first seventy-two (72) hours for debate, any Member or the First Minister may call for a vote on said legislation. The Speake shall open a vote if neither another Member nor the First Minister objects within twenty-four (24) hours of the call for a vote.

5) After the conclusion of the first seventy-two (72) hours for debate, the First Minister or the Speaker may move for cloture. Upon the concurrence of two-thirds of the membership, the Commons shall end debate and the Speaker immediately declare a vote on the affected legislation.

6) The sponsor of a piece of legislation may at any time withdraw their sponsorship.

7) At any time during debate on a piece of legislation, a Member or the First Minister may propose an amendment to that legislation. Amendments must contain either (i) clear instructions specifying all proposed alterations to the original text or (ii) a statement that the proposed amendment would override the original text. Any alterations to the original text that are not clearly specified (e.g. with obvious highlighting, bolding, striking-through, or a visible change in the color of the text) shall not be considered by the Commons and shall not take effect upon sponsor acceptance or Commons approval of the amendment.

8 ) The Speaker or First Minister shall have authority to correct grammar and formatting of legislation, provided that such technical changes do not alter the intended meaning of the legislation.

9) The Speaker or First Minister may ignore amendments that he or she deems frivolous, functionally impractical, or unconstitutional at his or her discretion, but a majority of the membership may compel the Speaker to consider the amendment.

10) The Speaker or First Minister shall allow twenty-four (24) hours for objections to an amendment following its introduction. If no objections are filed, the amendment shall be adopted. If any objections are filed, a vote shall be held. This vote shall last until a majority of the sitting membership have voted to either approve of reject the amendment, or until forty-eight (48) hours, have elapsed. Neither any Member nor the First Minister may change their vote once the voting period has concluded.

11) If multiple non-conflicting amendments are introduced concurrently, the Speaker or First Minister may open concurrent votes on the amendments.

12) Any Member or the First Minister may file a motion to table a piece of legislation during debate. The Speaker shall open a vote when either a Member or the First Minister has seconded the motion. Voting shall take place in accordance with the same rules that apply to voting on amendments, except that a two thirds majority of the sitting membership shall be required for approval of the motion to table. Tabled legislation shall be removed from the floor immediately.

Article IV

2) Only votes cast within the exact 48 hours after the Speaker or First Minister has opened the vote shall be valid. Any votes cast after the 48 hours has expired are to be considered invalid, and may not be counted by the Speaker.

3) In all instances where a two-thirds vote of the sitting membership shall be required, that threshold shall be increased to unanimous consent whenever the whole body of Members, excluding the First Minister, is fewer than three.

4) Whenever the First Minister shall make a nomination for Judge of the Circuit Court, the Speaker or First Minister shall immediately open a confirmation hearing.

[Dr. MB]

AN ACT
To reform the criminal justice system

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

Section 1. Title

This legislation may be cited as the Sentencing Reform Act.

Section 2. Content

1. No person in Frémont may be sentenced to serve a prison term in excess of 25 years, except in the case of murder of two or more people, and no person convicted of a crime other than murder may be sentenced to serve a prison term in excess of 15 years.
2. Any person currently serving a prison sentence in excess of these new guidelines shall be:
a) released immediately, should they have already passed the maximum sentence allowable for the crime for which they were convicted, or
b) remanded to the court for resentencing to an appropriate sentence.
3. This act shall take effect immediately.

[Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Bodies for Biden]

AN ACT
To tax private colleges and universities

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

Section 1. Title

This legislation may be cited as the Ivory Towers Taxation Act.

Section 2. Taxation on private colleges and universities

1. Beginning in fiscal year 2023 there shall be levied a 2% tax on the investment earnings of any private college or university in the Commonwealth of Frémont that has at least 500 tuition-paying students and net endowment assets of at least $1,000,000 per student.
2. Beginning in fiscal year 2023 the ability of tax filers to deduct Regional taxes or State and Local taxes (SALT) is hereby eliminated.

[Continential]

A RESOLUTION
To recognize the 1971 Bangladeshi genocide

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

Section 1. Title

This resolution may be cited as the Bangladeshi Genocide Resolution.

Section 2. Content

1. The Commonwealth of Frémont recognizes that the Islamic Republic of Pakistan is responsible for the 1971 Bangladeshi genocide which killed between 300,000 to 3,000,000 people; displaced 30,000,000 million people; encouraged the rape of Bangladeshi women; attempted to exterminate Bangladeshi Hindus; and intentionally executed leading Bengali intellectuals.
2. The Commonwealth encourages the Republic of Atlasia to recognize the Bangladeshi genocide and encourages the Islamic Republic of Pakistan to recognize the Bangladeshi genocide.

[Continential]

AN ACT
To help pay for affordable electric and hybrid vehicles

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

Section 1. Title

This resolution may be cited as the Green Vehicles Promotion Act of 2022 or "GVP 3.0".

Section 2. Content

1. Section 2 of the GVP shall be amended to;

"i. To encourage the purchase of greener vehicles, the Commonwealth of Fremont will provide a financial assistance based of CO2 emissions of the vehicle.

- For a vehicle that emits less than 30 grams of CO2 per mile, the financial assistance will be of $3,000.
- For a vehicle that emits between 31 and 60 grams of CO2 per mile, the financial assistance will be of $2,000.
- For a vehicle that emits between 61 and 130 grams of CO2 per mile, the financial assistance will be of $1,000.
ii. To discourage the purchase of polluting vehicles, the Commonwealth of Fremont will give a financial penalty based on CO2 emissions of the vehicle.

- For a car that emits between 201 and 240 grams of CO2 per mile, the financial penalty will be of $300.
- For a car that emits between 241 and 270 grams of CO2 per mile, the financial penalty will be of $700.
- For a car that emits more than 271 grams of CO2 per mile, the financial penalty will be of $1,000
iii. If the purchase of a vehicle described in Section 2, i. is accompanied by the scrapping of a vehicle over 10 years old an additional financial assistance of $1,750 is granted."
iv. For vehicles that are under $40,000 which emit below 130 grams of CO2 per mile, the government shall give financial assistance that is 10% of the value of the car.

2. This act shall take effect on January 1, 2023.

[Continential]

AN ACT
To mandate classes for things that are important for life in high schools

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

Section 1. Title

This resolution may be cited as the Mandated High School Classes Act of 2022.

Section 2. Content

1. The Commonwealth of Frémont mandates that students attending a public high school must spend a semester attending a class on in order to graduate;
 a. Class on financial literacy
 b. Class on computer applications
 c. Class on college and career preparedness
 d. Class on life skills
2. This act shall take effect during the 2023-2024 school year.

[Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Bodies for Biden]

AN ACT
To put parents in charge of a parenting decision

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;[/i]

Section 1. Title

This resolution may be cited as the Lone Wolves and Night Owls Act.

Section 2. Content

1. No state or locality shall pursue legal action against parents or legal guardians for the unsupervised presence of their minor children in public or private establishments, unless a department of Child Protective Services can prove direct harm or knowledge of harm; nor shall the allowance of unsupervised presence be a factor in child custody cases without proof of harm.
2. This act shall take effect immediately upon passage.