Regulation now, morality later.

[Confabulator]

The interweb has seen a proliferation of late of vile, disgusting, evil websites, from the homosexual trash of goatse to the evil immorality of whitehouse.org.  Pornography is traded easily, often involving tender young females, who are posing without their parents' permission.  Web forums such as this very one have become seething hotbeds of liberalism and abortion.  Millions of innocent young children have downloaded the devil onto their hard drives, from rap music to hip hop to Apocalypse Now.  A lost generation is forming, gentlemen.  It is time we as a nation acted.

I propose a complete ban on the use of the internet for all children under the age of 10.  Afterwards, a licence would be required, much like that for driving a car.  After all, death HAS resulted from many cases on the internet, what's the difference?  A child would have to use the internet with a parent until he is 16, at which point he can use all the regulated internet he wants.

Next, we would begin to regulate the interweb.  All pornography, all file sharing cornocopias, all evil web forums, all scientific claptrap, and all immoral pictures would be removed.  Google would be shut down.  All interweb users would have to access the interweb through a program, most likely AOL or MSN, which would make doubly sure nobody was viewing or discussing immoral deeds.  A report would be filed weekly by the program to the government so that they can better keep tabs on our citizens.

Now, I know this is asking a lot.  But I have begun a similar interweb regulation policy in my county at home, and it seems to be working.  All masturbation incidences are reported to be down 43%, all seditious discussions down 34%, all hip hop listening down about 15%.  Keep in mind, these are rough numbers, but as you can see it is truly having an effect.  You should all send letters to your congressman, or (god save us) -woman.  Working together as a team, we can accomplish the unthinkable: a triumph over the liberal hold on the interweb, and against our society's downward slide. HOLD STRONG, FELLOWS! We, like the founding fathers of yore, must hold together and rage against the very liberal machine of secular oppression!

[Gabu]

Nice try, but you've made it too obvious that this is a joke.

[Confabulator]

The only joke here is that your soul has already been corrupted.

[patrick1]

The only joke here is that your soul has already been corrupted.

LOL. "Confabulator" A nine year old nazi apparently

[Jens]

all hip hop listening down about 15%. 

LOL good one

[Kodratos]

Web forums such as this very one have become seething hotbeds of liberalism and abortion. 

You aren't a Nazi then(which I assume you think you are from reading your profile).

The Nazi's were the ones who legalized abortion in Germany to allow anyone to recieve abortions at any time during the pregnancy. The abortion laws in modern-day socialist Germany are actually stricter than they were under the Nazi's.

You aren't 9, btw. Stupid, but not 9.

[Lunar]

Obviously fake.

Someone faking to be a moral Republican would naturally choose Texas as his state in order to perpetuate the stereotype.  Someone who is so morally offended wouldn't know about goatse or whitehouse.org (which is just a parody site).  These "incidences" being reported obviously aren't.  "Interweb" is a parody word.  etc.

[ATFFL]

Web forums such as this very one have become seething hotbeds of liberalism and abortion.

You aren't a Nazi then(which I assume you think you are from reading your profile).

It says "Zig Heil" which is obviously a reference to the game Zero Wing famous for the "All Your Base" craze of a few years ago.

[Confabulator]

I promise, this was the only one.  My friend just told me that my first post should be a joke, so it was.  I'll change the appropriate information now.

[Blerpiez]

Does your friend post here?  If so, who is he.

[Gabu]

I promise, this was the only one.  My friend just told me that my first post should be a joke, so it was.  I'll change the appropriate information now.

No problem; I found it amusing.

[J. J.]

It is Zieg Heil and it means "Hail Victory."  It is German, but by no means Nazi.

[Confabulator]

cashcow.

[cwelsch]

'Sieg' - in German the S is usually pronounced like a Z.  I believe Zig was an intentional misspelling.

[Mikem]

why would you intentionally misspell it?  Zig is not a word that I have ever come across, and Zieg Heil just plain doesnt make sense.  It would mean something like - (You)Show welfare (command), which is just silly. 

[Alcon]

I just wanted to at least congratulate you on using the term "interweb."

[Gabu]

'Sieg' - in German the S is usually pronounced like a Z.  I believe Zig was an intentional misspelling.

Take off every 'Zig Heil'.