Not bad. A couple of minor errors, but that is pretty much fine.
America's oldest ballpark, which was built in 1912.
Does not need a comma. Just need to say it was built in 1912.
Not true, "which" must always be preceded by a comma. This sentence is accurate as written and would be wrong without a comma.
The team won the World Series for many times.
We don't use 'for' in that context.
Agreed. I would also say that this sentence would be more natural with "has", i.e., "The team
has won the World Series many times."
Many college and university rowing teams also practices and all the city's students watch the world's biggest boat race, Head of the Charles Regatta every year in October.
Just 'practice'
I think this needs a little bit more reworking. I know the Charles River is mentioned in the previous sentence, but in English we need to call back to that mention somehow to say where the teams practice or else it sounds like something is missing, and there are also some missing commas here, and there should be a definite article ("the") for the Head of the Charles Regatta. It would be natural as, "Many college and university rowing teams also practice on the river, and all of the city's students come to the river to watch the world's biggest race, the Head of the Charles Regatta, every year in October."
Students also eat the city's famous seafood restaurants or go shopping.
Students don't eat restaurants.
Yes, this needs an "at" after "eat".
A few more comments:
>Boston is called a "college town" because there are 68 colleges and universities in the city, the most famous are Harvard and Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
This sentence consists of two independent clauses (clauses that could stand on their own as proper sentences). To combine two independent clauses in English, you have to use either a conjunction word plus a comma or a semi-colon or colon; you can't use just a comma on its own. I would, however, write the second clause as a dependent clause, i.e., "Boston is called a "college town" because there are 68 colleges and universities in the city, with the most famous colleges being Harvard and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology." Note that I also added a definite article ("the") before "Massachusetts Institute of Technology", which is necessary when writing out the full name (but it would be more proper to just say MIT without a definite article if you were abbreviating).
>At night, students can dance at the popular clubs and bars of Lansdowne Street.
This isn't wrong, but I think it is more natural to say "on Lansdowne Street" instead of "of Lansdowne Street" in English.
>Students also play Frisbee in the city's largest park, the Boston Commons. The Commons has a large pond. In the winter, lots of young people go ice skating.
Not an English grammar point, but it's "Boston Common" (not "Boston Commons")
