1928 Bull-Moose-a-Thon

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Terribly sorry we had to drag out the most boring of the three conventions, but a tie is a tie and Hiram Johnson craves votes like a heroin junkie. After soundly beating back the possibility of a merger with the dirty purple people, the Unionists were faced with the age-old party-wide dilemma of the more conservative wing, represented by the papist, anti-Prohibitionist Happy Warrior Al Smith, vs. the more liberal wing, represented by old-school progressive Hiram W. Johnson. The Smithites are labeling Johnson as a "BMINO" for being too close to the PA/FLP/WP/LGBT, and the Johnsonites are calling Smith the same thing for being too close to the Unionists in addition to pointing out his strange relationship with Tammany Hall - Smith, for his part, is denying both of those accusations and pointing out Johnson's instrumental role in the passage of California's Alien Land Law, to which he takes particular offense due to his substantial immigrant voter base. However, the war of words has not escalated into physical violence so far, unlike the other two conventions, and both have stated that they will respect the other's nomination.

Three days, go!

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Senator Hiram Johnson/Senate Minority Leader George Norris

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Senator Hiram Johnson/Senate Minority Leader George Norris

George Norris is pleased. George Norris will reward you in the next life.

[Senator Spiral]

"Really? Smith vs. Johnson? You literally could not have picked more generic names"

At least Hiram is a pretty cool name

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Johnson still leads.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Johnson still leads.

Not anymore

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Do y'all think Smith will absorb all the right-wing votes? How much of Ford's vote share was real? More importantly, who will Cathy vote for?