The Crusader (Public Service Announcement)

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

July 2nd, 2021

The Witchfinder General strikes!

Incoming President appoints Tack as a new inquisitor,
 Criminals tremble before the sight of the Witchfinder General
Who will be charged first? Many wonder,
"Light the pyres!", Labor apparatchik comments

₁

_____________________________
^{1.) Original Image:
Portrait of Matthew Hopkins, Science Museum Group, UK, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

September 17th, 2021

As the Republic sinks further down,
a small piece of theatre and farce:

SECESSION

A Story in Three Acts

ACT I

In the peaceful, often badly governed valleys of Lincoln,
A parliamentary coup brings out a man's inner rebel,
Hell-bent on revenge, out of the General Court he storms,
A self appointed Sheriff on his tail, ready to call on the judges

₁

ACT II

In his Philist palace, a Governor smiles,
"I bring good tidings!" the rebel says, "the nation is bored, no one governs",
The Governor brings forth the perfidious crown, enthrones himself,
Roses fall, secessionists gather, for Lincoln, they say, shall be free again

₂

ACT III

On the streets of Burlington the rebels party,
Anarchy reigns at last, Philism shows them the golden future,
The patriots gather, for this they have seen before,
Annoyed yet determined, they know how this story usually ends

₃

THE END

_____________________________
<sup>1.) Original Image:
Gone crazy, J.S. Pughe, Puck Magazine, 1896, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.

2.) Original Image:
Coronation of the Autocrat of Protection, Puck Magazine, 1896, UK, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.

3.) Original Images:
A noisy mob; - but the sound money police are closing in on them, Udo Keppler, Puck Magazine, 1896, Wikimedia Commons; [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Phil_Scott_2017_(cropped).jpg
Consul General Alsace meets Governor Phil Scott, US Embassy Canada, Wikimedia Commons, both modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire</sup>

[Lumine]

All my trouble making was worth it for this, we all love you Lumine!

Glad you liked it! I've had way too many people taking it too seriously in the past.

[Lumine]

I'm not entirely sure how many people are actually engaged (Unionist or Secessionist) on the Lincoln debate and coming election, but I'll be trying to write a story about it, so if anybody (from Lincoln or otherwise) is interested on providing quotes, thoughts or statements on the matter, please let me know.

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

October 2nd, 2021

Strange Rumblings in Lincoln

A Chronicle of the Secessionist Movement

₁

PROLOGUE – YES NORTHEAST

Six years ago, the climax of a complex, unexpectedly successful political movement took place on the streets of the defunct Northeast Region. In the aftermath of Bloody July and the push to create what ultimately became the Constitutional Convention, leading Radical politicians like Oakvale and Clyde created the Northeast National Party. Party modeled after the Scottish SNP – currently struggling to regain relevance against British Prime Minister Owen Smith -, the NNP made the case for an independent Northeast and led an active, serious effort to achieve secession as the game, quite literally, stood on the crossroads. Initially thwarted on their attempts by constitutional provisions or by the Reformers, the NNP ultimately secured a referendum to be held on October 2015.

At the start of that pivotal night for Atlasia, the “Yes Northeast” camp stood confident of victory. NNP leader Clyde – who had been praised over his active efforts to promote his case for independence – expected a healthy margin in favor of secession, which would have only required an actual majority to exist. To his displeasure, as the night developed turnout revealed itself anemic, Reformer efforts bore fruit, and the YES stance was defeated with 60% of the vote, with only 20 voters taking part in a democratic exercise that could have changed the fate of the game in the years to come. The 2015 NNP experience has been occasionally mentioned or discussed before, but as the years go on and history is lost through distance, it appears as a mere footnote despite being the closest we've been to legal separation of the regions.

ONE - THE LINCOLNITE PUZZLE

After five years of existence, it has taken time and effort for the consolidated regions to build – or rebuild – their own identities and idiosyncrasies, often via different roads. There are those who have built on the past and re-adapted it, like the Southern Region – itself a direct heir to its main predecessor -, and those who have slowly built an identity of their own, like the Commonwealth of Frémont. Still, it is Lincoln who proves to be the more puzzling entity in terms of its own history and identity, itself being a region formed out of two of the most consistently active and engaging entities (Midwest and Northeast) of pre Con Con Atlasia.

Although an opponent to secession, regional legislator Brother Jonathan (FED – Lincoln) argues in favor of the existence of a distinct spirit of Lincoln (albeit as an integral part of the union), stating: “It is a sociological fact that Lincoln as a whole, and New England in particular, are distinct from the rest of the country—but every region is in its own way distinct, and only once in the history of our country has a region forcefully sought to turn that sociological fact into a realized political one, with devastating results. So I hope we listen to our namesake and to Daniel Webster and not to those who would seek to tell us our Union can, must, or should be separated for reasons that are not now new or even recently discovered."

Whether a “Lincolnite” identity truly exists or not is something that The Crusader – attached as it is to Frémonter romanticism - cannot judge, but it is undoubtedly an entity in which relevant events take place. Be it as the closest thing to a “swing region” – in which the Labor Party nonetheless holds a commanding lead – we have, or as an always controversial semi parliamentarian experiment under the defunct Philadelphia Plan, one can expect interesting headlines to come out of New York City. It is therefore appropriate, both on heritage and context, that Lincoln is now ground zero for the latest serious attempt at political secession – Alaskan shenanigans notwithstanding – courtesy of declared or closet supporters of independence, resulting in a straw poll being held during this weekend.

TWO – THE ROAD TO SUCCESSION SECCESSION

No region has been exempt of political malpractice and/or mismanagement, but it can be argued Lincoln has suffered most than its two counterparts in recent years.

Be it either the verbally violent parliamentary coups under the previous constitution, or the repeated inability to pass viable budgets – with months long shutdowns going ignored -, or even the difficulty in getting enough people to be invested in regional governance, the region has experimented player-associated flaws that serve as an amplified sample of the difficult place the Republic finds itself at the moment, half-dead and half-deserted out of sheer inertia and boredom. The Lincolnite answer to the troubling regional and national context, it seems, has been to unintentionally resuscitate the dream of Yes Northeast and the Northeast National Party, but this time under the premise of separating well over a third of the nation and many of its most illustrious citizens from the game to form a new, presumably more dynamic entity.

Much of this appears to be rooted on the conflicted personal dynamics between the members of the regional government, many of them long-term participants of it. Indeed, the prelude to this recent secessionist movement – which originally invoked the tired cliche of revolutionary violence as the means to the end – appears to have been the very public conflict over the Speakership of the General Court and the associated dynamics of conflict. In the words of secessionist leader CraneHusband (REV FED – Lincoln): “The movement for secession became salient due to widespread discontent at the leaders' inactivity and undemocratic actions taken by the General Court.”

Thus, a very public fight between Mr. Crane and Mr. Wulfric (DA – Lincoln) – initially a pro-union politician during the early, violent days of the secession movement – led to a split within the Lincoln government, amidst the mobilization of the regional guard, action from the Justice Department, cases being brought before the Supreme Court, and the apparent possibility of there being two governments asserting to be the rightful legislature. This was ultimately addressed in a compromise between Governor KaiserDave (LAB – Lincoln), Crane and Wulfric, who negotiated a constitutional amendment that passed the General Court and which forms the basis of the current secession straw poll.

Still, the seriousness of the moment must not be ignored. As Attorney General Truman (LAB – Frémont) explains: “When the revolution began, the secessionist leaders appealed to me for my support and the support of my government. Though I sympathized with several of their grievances, as we must all lament the sickly state of our national institutions, I could not grant their request, for diverse reasons, which I will relate to you now. There was, of course, the dubious constitutionality of the initial proclamation of independence. But ultimately, I could not support them because I believed (and believe) they would fail in their nobler aims even in succeeding in their baser ones.”

THREE – A CAMPAIGN OF SILENCES

Although the public debate surrounding such a crucial decision has been disappointingly muted and low profile – as, perhaps, befits the sad state of the nation -, there are those who have raised their voices in opposition to the secession movement. Recently returned officeholder Sirius (DA – Lincoln) – previously known as GM and presidential candidate Ninja – was quick to form the Lincoln Unionist Coalition, a political group which aimed to take a stand against secession and which attempted, unsuccessfully, to target the incumbent Governor. The LUC, as its founding statement argues, believes: “that secession from the union is a dangerous move that will not benefit Lincolnites, threaten the stability of the game, and led by small group of narcissistic political leaders.” The creation of the LUC was, recently, met both with hilarity by Mr. Crane and support by citizens like new presidential candidate Joseph Cao (FED – Lincoln).

Even if the secessionist case appears to be hampered by the lack of an official and active campaign – at least out in the open – some are less than complimentary regarding the similarly anemic efforts to support the Unionist case. Attorney General Truman is particularly critical of this aspect, stating that: “I am, however, deeply disturbed by the lack of compelling arguments from the Lincoln unionists. Most of them are not even from the region (…). The few home-grown unionists are entirely uninspired. Mr. Ninja has called the independence campaign "dangerous" and destabilizing. What could be more dangerous, than to continue to ply the status quo? There have been several impassioned appeals to patriotism. A Union, however, that exists only on paper, inspires no loyalty. This is indeed a dire state of affairs. Though I love the Union, I despair for her, if these be her best defenses.”

Still, even in the middle of collective apathy sides can be chosen and public stances taken. For example, Presidential candidate Spark (FED – South) stated that: "As an officeholder and citizen, there is no higher priority than to keep this country together. I've worked for my entire career to further Atlasia's mission and it is clear that we are stronger together than divided. I encourage all Lincolnites to denounce secession and remain in the Union." In another case, likely Labor nominee and presidential frontrunner Scott (LAB/PAX – Frémont) has recently vowed to whip votes to oppose secession at the current straw poll. Others, like Mr. Wulfric, have come out in favor of it, creating the prospect of a pro-independence supermajority at the General Court regardless of the results of the straw poll and proposed constitutional amendment.

And then there are those whose actual allegiance can be difficult to ascertain, or who have decided to adopt some measure of political neutrality. Governor KaiserDave, whom The Crusader recently satirized as a would-be secessionist, had this to say: "I have no official position on the referendum, other than I will protect the integrity and stability of Lincoln from external interference no matter the result. I will not hesitate to adopt enthusiastic measures for the protection of the homeland."

Perhaps more poignantly, there are those who can still feel passionately about the eventual result or the consequences of it. Brother Jonathan had this to say: “I am concerned that a region named for the man who most eloquently and forcefully articulated the inseparable nature of our union might perhaps now be cast as the vehicle of its ultimate dissolution. I make no bones about the fact that I consider myself a regionalist, but I do not believe that love of one's region should lead one to always seek to shear it away from the tapestry which it helps to comprise. (…) I am a proud Lincolnite, I will always be a proud Lincolnite, and it is for this reason I cast my lot with the Union that is the rightful and proper inheritance of all Lincolnites dead, alive, and yet unborn."

FOUR – THE REALITIES OF SECESSION

Can secession win the weekend? Even without a single vote being counted, the required constitutional margin of 75% is simply too high for any single position – let alone secession – to prevail, barring a further cratering of turnout in this low activity age. And although it is still early, the currently casted ballots indicate a strong turnout for no, providing little opportunity for the Yes camp. Even Mr. Crane recognizes this statistical reality, conceding that: “I would say based on early reports that these measures will not be successful, in no small part due to lack of knowledge about what the referendums do and don't do. In any event, we never foresaw a situation where interest in the game or activity would be restored to ideal levels.”

From a more historical perspective, Attorney General Truman is also skeptical of the potential for any successful push towards regional independence: “All of them have been the pet projects of one or two individuals, lacking a broad base of popular support. These inevitably crumble after a few days once the initial zeal of the conspirators is worn out, and things return to their normal state. This attempt in Lincoln is no different. Only a very few dim minds can conceive the present state of affairs to be acceptable. I do not see, in this independence campaign, a remedy to our present ailment." Still, Mr. Truman does not seem to be optimistic about what lies ahead: "When the referendum fails, the people will look to their leaders to rebuild our republic in a new era. Then, I fear, we shall see how "the best lack all conviction, and the worst are filled with passionate intensity."

Secession, it seems, is often a cry of help – or boredom – when the present state of the nation is unfulfilling and/or stale, both qualities which have been in open display for months, if not years. Even under the recent backdrop of two highly controversial and hotly contested presidential races, the nation is experimenting with the – unlikely – prospect of regional independence, and few people beyond the so called usual suspects appear to care. Under different circumstances, it would not to be impossible to see a better or more actively organized movement finding a route, if not to constitutional success, at the very least to ongoing legitimacy, something that may yet become a reality under the incoming General Court.

These are strange rumblings in Lincoln, alright. And the fact that they are mere rumblings as opposed to loud alarms of imminent danger is, undoubtedly, a problem.

_____________________________
<sup>1.) Original Image:
George Peter Alexander Healy, Painting of Abraham Lincoln, 1869, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.

2.) A number of officeholders volunteered statements or were approached for their insight, some of which could not answer in time or had no comments to make.</sup>

[Lumine]

I already invested effort on one article, so it's only fair to resume delivering mediocre entries:

The Crusader

October 5th, 2021

In the News:

Secession to fail in Lincoln

Amidst decent turnout, seccession measures set to lose,
the nation wonders what the point of the snap elections were

Fourth time is the charm

Senator Spark chooses 4th running mate,
Vows to run again if defeated,
"Self-awareness is not his forte", insider says

United for Lincoln

Politicians from multiple parties give birth to the UFL,
Despite most founders being pro-secession, party defines itself unionist,
Will we see a new pro-devolution regional consensus?

Tales from Atlasland:

The King of Lincoln?

Failed referendum leaves an apparent victor,
As Lincoln politicians shift away from the Union,
FM Truman denounces "Wulfricism" in speech

₁

_____________________________
^{1.) Original Image: A relic of the dark ages, F. Opper, Puck Magazine, 1894, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

October 13th, 2021

Coming soon,
to a voting booth near you:

₁

After years of forced retirement, renowned operative Agent Spark - key asset of FI6, the Federalist intelligence agency - has been brought back into the field to fight the nefarious communist organization Spectre and all of its undercover agents, many of which pose as normal, upstanding citizens. In spite of having lost three successive partners and some complaints by would-be leading ladies, Agent Spark and his DIA counterpark Felix CentristRepublican have persevered and are hot on the trail of villanous Spectre Chairman Ernst Stavro MB, whose plan to take over the world is on the verge of success.

And yet, Agent Spark must face endless perils before taking on MB, including a tense rivalry with his FI6 replacement, the dashing Agent Cao (who wants to take the mission for himself); fending off the dangerous Colonel Scott, whom FI6 considers a Spectre covert agent; and convincing the FI6 team (including newly promoted chief "L") that only he has what it takes to prevent a communist takeover. Is there still a place in the world for an operative like Agent Spark? Will he find true love at last after the devastating loss of Vesper Virginia? Can he stop MB in time?

Only time will tell.

AGENT SPARK WILL RETURN

_____________________________
^{1.) Original Image:
La Rareza de Hildebrando, Revista Zig-Zag, 1968, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

October 17th, 2021

IMPEACHMENT

Atlasian Crime Story

ACT I

Controversy reigns over the Supreme Court,
With another LT case dismissed, Windjammer is called out,
Calmly and amicably, the Chief Justice answers to his critics
in a rational, responsible manner

₁

ACT II

Outraged at the Chief Justice's antics,
The Wulfric, Crane and Spark triumvirate join forces,
Making the case for impeachment, they employ all their persuasion,
And predictably, they botch the public case for it

₂

ACT III

South of the Mason-Dixon line,
Governor LT celebrates the ruling and enjoys the fireworks,
Taking up his pen, he gets in the mind of a Laborite and starts to write a book,
"How to screw up an airtight case", he titles it

₃

ACT IV

Citizens take sides, parties mobilize,
Justice becomes political yet again,
But if you ask The Crusader,
Only one disciplinary outcome is fair

₄

THE END

_____________________________
<sup>1.) Original Image:
A hint to the fifty-sixth Congress, Udo Keppler, Puck Magazine, 1898, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.

2.) Original Image:
The Two Trust, Udo Keppler, Puck Magazine, 1899, UK, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.

3.) Original Image:
Extra session of the House of Representatives of the Fifty-fifth Congress, Udo Keppler, Puck Magazine, 1897, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.

4.) Original Image:
Damn Ye Both, Udo Keppler, Puck Magazine, 1894, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.</sup>

[Lumine]

What the Crusader claims: WJ responded in a rational manner
What actually happened: WJ threatened the careers of Atlasian Elected Officials

Enough said.

I... really don't see how I could have made the dissonance and sarcasm more obvious. The image associated with "rational and responsible" literally shows Windjammer brutalizing Crane!

[Lumine]

Wonderful job, Lumine!

Thanks! We aim to please and entertain (barring a few exceptions)

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

November 16th, 2021

Tales from Atlasland:

A Case of Mistaken Identity?

Prominent politician denounced over controversial behavior,
The accused remains confused about the nature of the allegations,
"What? I was just cosplaying as Charlie Chaplin!", he claims

₁

_____________________________
^{1.) Original Image:   Charlie Chaplin from the film The Great Dictator (1940), Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

February 21st, 2022

THE THUNDER AND THE PATRIOT

Story of an Electoral Expedition

I

Frustrated over an inability to find the Electoral Passage,
and after nine previous failed attempts,
The Federalist and Patriot admiralties discuss another route

₁

II

Having settled on following the Trumpian current,
Two vessels, the Patriot and the Thunder,
sail across the seas in search of victory

₂

III

But trouble strikes, the Libs are not owned,
Patriot is lost, Thunder trapped on demographic ice,
and Captain D'abbing promises Captain Louis de Ville
that he knows a way out of the crisis
"Follow me Patriots, let's Make the Current Great Again!"

₃

IV

With half the right wing crews dead, doubts grow,
"Are you absolutely sure this is the way?" asks a moderate crewman,
"Silence, cuck!", D'abbing and de Ville reply,
"We'll find the passage this time, we're sure of it!"

₄

V

The next day they see movement at a distance,
and celebrate the end of their plight,
"Reinforcements! Voting reinforcements for the expedition!", both Captains shout,
Only for Labor bears to swallow them whole

₅

VI

Across the coming days and months,
the sane, moderate natives see the wreck of Thunder with confusion,
"If only they had asked us!", they exclaim in sadness,
"We would have told them that Trumpian current leads nowhere but to the bears!"

₆

THE END

_____________________________

^{1.) Original Image: Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.
2.) Original Image: Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.
3.) Original Image: Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.
4.) Original Image: Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.
5.) Original Image: Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.
6.) Original Image: Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[Lumine]

Not yet in the mood for high-effort sh*tposting, but in the meantime, a musical reference:

How does Harry Truman, mighty Frémonter,
Historic leader of the Commonwealth,
Founder of the An Iarthar paper,
Ardently abuse his cabinet post
Destroy his reputation?
Welcome, folks to
The current administration!

[Lumine]

Treason and Reconstruction

Why justice must be delivered, and change enacted

Editorial, by Lumine

While not being able to boast the same experience of men like Yankee, I myself can count this as the third time in which a cabal of powerful players, who had every reason to know better, tried to bring down the Republic. For the third time, men who seemingly grew bored or frustrated with the game decided that, if they could not enjoy, no one else should. For the third time, they attempted to subvert our institutions, bypass the Constitution, and bring Atlasia to its knees by committing acts of treason. For the third time, they failed.

The editor of this newspaper recently left his office in disgust, depressed with the prospect that people did not seem to care. In this, his was mistaken and proven more than wrong by a coalition of citizens, old and new, who stood up, and exposed and defeated the conspiracy through the ballot box and the preservation of our laws. In this they have saved the nation, much as we will hear from the conspirators the old, absurd mantra that, in doing so, they only prolonged the inevitable. This was heard of in 2014. It was heard of again in 2015. The game is still here. Perhaps not as strong as it should be, but it is still here.

Now that the conspiracy has been unveiled, there will be a temptation to look at it as a tragedy that we should leave behind us quickly. This would be a mistake. It is a tragedy. It is tragic that men like Truman, who – if that was his intent - could have retired commanding immense respect and dignity, felt sullying their good names with treason was the preferable way out. It is tragic that innocent men and women, even if they are NPC’s, had to die as the result of childish games. But we should never confuse the acknowledgement of the tragic nature of this situation, with attempts to downplay or justify what happened.

Treason was committed. Crimes were committed. The very basic structure of the Republic was under attack. Ultimately, there need be no animosity in acknowledging this and taking action. This editor thinks of several of the conspirators as friends, or as valuable acquaintances he is happy to work with in other aspects of the forum. But friendship should not erase actions. The justice system must be allowed to work if we are to prevent this, or to provide a warning sign to anyone who would contemplate a similar course of action in the future.

Thus, it is important that the current impeachments be allowed to run their course, regardless of who deregisters or not, and result in conviction. It is also important that others who committed crimes or planned to do so - including men like the so-called “Special Prosecutor” – also be investigated and, if necessary, stand in a fair trial to determine their responsibilities. To do anything less would be a disservice.

The task that awaits the President and his or her eventual successor is a monumental one. Aside from this call for justice, we in The Crusader also believe that, after treason, there must be a period of Reconstruction. We must have a conversation on what works in Atlasia, what doesn’t work, and what can work better, a conversation not constrained to a few people in a Discord server. We must look beyond the Constitutional provisions, and also consider which behavioral things can be changed or worked upon. We must, essentially, seize the opportunity to see what can change for the better, and rebuild a stronger nation.

If we decide not to pursue justice, and if we decide to reject change and blindly charge forward with business as usual, we may just be setting ourselves up for the next cabal determined to ruin the game for everyone else. And that may just be the greatest tragedy of all.

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

April 26th, 2022

Tales from Atlasland:

The Parrot strikes!

Parroting would-be prosecutor on a roll,
Makes excuses over participation in conspiracy,
Launches into incoherent non-sequiturs,
"Make it stop!", concerned citizens beg

₁

_____________________________
^{1.) Original Image: Puck Magazine, 1904, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

June 21st, 2022

Tales from Atlasland:

Victory at last!

Cao breaks the endless Labor streak,
Becomes first right-wing President since 2019,
Soon to be crowned God Emperor by desperate Federalists,
Would Labor have won had they run anyway?

₁

Don't Cry for Me, Atlasia

Peebs leaves the Cabinet after six years,
Our Thanos, constitutionally responsible for the purge of dozens,
Though we don't always condone her actions,
It must be said that it is truly, the end of an Era

₂

_____________________________
<sup>1.) Original Image: Puck Magazine, 1904, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.

1.) Original Image: Amparo de los Humildes. Afiche con el retrato de Eva Perón, 1948, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.</sup>

[Lumine]

Has any player had a longer consecutive streak of holding a single office? Coming up empty at the moment.

Yankee’s stint in the pre-reset Senate is the next longest I can think of.

I thought so too (that only Homelycooking as SOFE came close), but upon reflection, Windjammer has been a Supreme Court Justice for a few years longer.

And then I checked the wiki. To my shock, Opebo served on the Supreme Court for over seven years, so I think that makes him the winner of that record.

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

January 20th, 2023

Tales from Atlasland:

How dare they!

Supreme Court snubs and disdains Game Engine,
Justices refuse to hear case, cite having fun with the game as "illegal",
Outrage reaches newspaper editor living in comfortable exile,
Is Mr. Musk to be above our beloved Republic?

₁

_____________________________
^{1.) Original Image: Puck Magazine, 1897, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[Lumine]

Announcement from the Editor: Though blissfully unaware of much of what has actually happened since September (so no new musicals in store), a terminal case of boredom has led the editor of this newspaper to be open to new content. Players interested in having an op-ed published, an interview, or other forms of content may feel free to contact the editor.

[Lumine]

I'm leaving this as an open question to readers as I get acquainted with what I've missed: why is the Russo-Ukrainian war now suddenly a thing when it wasn't before in game canon? I don't want to misjudge, but I was a bit disappointed when I realized it.

(I also want to know who had the bright idea to have Zelensky issue a commissar order, because that's both questionable on several levels and, I'd argue, in very poor taste)

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

January 23rd, 2023

Tales from Atlasland:

HE'S BACK

Two years after historic defeat, YT makes a stunning comeback,
Ethics, supremacy of the federal government to be made "optional",
Federalists mourn Tim Turner defeat, lose a reliable vote in legislature,
Right-wingers vote for Treason 2: Electric Boogaloo

₁

_____________________________
^{1.) Original Image: Puck Magazine, 1893, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

January 23rd, 2023

An interview with Sirius:

Now entering her sixth year as a citizen, Sirius has gone through a remarkable journey that has led her into the defunct House of Representatives, the Senate, the Game Engine, the Chairmanship of several parties, and most recently, as a member of the Cabinet. Once viewed with some animosity by the editor of this newspaper - fueled by conflicting presidential ambitions -, Secretary Sirius has earned his respect and regard, a "fellow traveler" in that most contradictory area of Atlasian politics known as the moderate center. Now running for Senate, the Secretary is the subject of the first interview by The Crusader since April 2021.

Lumine: Ms. Secretary, how good to speak to you again.

Sirius: Hello. Its always a great thing when The Crusader is active!

Lumine: Upon doing some research, I realized our last interview was on March 2020, when you were GM. Thus, I have to ask: how would you rate the performance of the GM team thus far?

Sirius: So far I'd say I'm satisfied with the new GM team. We've been getting interesting stories from them and although the news releases have been somewhat slow, each one has given us quite a few stories. It might be nice to have more regular updates but we both know from experience that it's a difficult job, so I can't really blame them for having a backlog. It also seems like it has been pretty easy to get in touch with the GM team, although I do have a personal friendship with one of the GMs. I think that creating a team of three has been the right decision and I just hope to see more interesting content in the future.

Lumine: And, as it’s only fair to ask, what lessons should be drawn about the whole controversy with the Supreme Court?

Sirius: I think that the big takeaway here is communication, and there was pretty poor communication from all parties involved. I talk with GM Weatherboy pretty often and based on what he has told me the GM team didn't expect that the individuals affected by the Musk case would rush straight into filing a lawsuit in the Supreme Court. So although I do think that it was an interesting story, it wasn't clear what we in the public were supposed to do with it. Of course, there was poor communication from the plaintiffs, as there was no framework for how this case should be handled. After the suit was filed, pretty much everybody was confused about what would actually happen, and evidently the justices were also confused by it. On the flip side, the court also communicated poorly with the public. There were over two weeks between the filing of the lawsuit and the denial of certiorari, but not once did the justices share their concerns with us or reach out and try to find a way to make it work. And when Windjammer gave his decision, it still wasn't clear why it was denied, other than the court just not wanting to do it. It took until the next day for Justice Sestak to provide us with more details about the court's decision. So all around, everyone made some mistakes with regards to communication here.

As I've stated on the forum, I do believe that NPC court cases can work, as long as both sides have an attorney to represent them. It could help make the judicial branch of the game more dynamic and interesting, gives us more things to do, and it doesn't have to be overly intensive, as they could be done at any time. I hope to see the community work together to create a system for these sorts of cases in the near future.

Lumine: You’ve been a member of President Cao’s cabinet for some time now. How would you describe the experience of serving in the Cabinet? And what would you say is your most significant achievement?

Sirius: I would say that it hasn't been my best time in office, but that's mainly on me for holding the position during a period of burnout. That isn't to say that I haven't gotten anything done though, I've written a few directives and recently I've been able to use my position to influence the country's policy direction. President Cao has been a pleasure to work with as well. Probably the biggest achievement is that the office of SoIA exists at all. It is a position that I've held before and I have long advocated for it but we went without it for about three years. I'm somewhat surprised that it wasn't lost to time. At the same time, I would say that the best has yet to come from the DoIA.

Lumine: A Senate run is now in the cards, garnering not insignificant endorsement in the process. Why should the people elect you to represent them? And how do you rate your own chances?

Sirius: The people of Lincoln should elect me to the senate because I know that I can restore activity to our regional senate seat and pass an agenda to lead Atlasia into a bright new era. And I think that conviction is important, because a lot of the time people run for office in Atlasia without knowing that they can do what it takes. I've done it before too, running for office at times when I really had no business doing so. It leads to inactivity and disappointment. But right now, I know that I have the energy and the drive to be a great senator. And if the people elect me, I'm going to build the foundation for our future. That means fixing the problems with our railroad infrastructure, it means getting our grid off of dirty and unreliable fossil fuels and strengthening the grid to be more resilient to weather,  it means ending the housing affordability crisis, it means embracing a fiscal policy that will soften the blow of future economic downturns, and of course it means keeping our country together. So if you want an active senator with a solid plan, I'm your candidate.

Right now I feel pretty good about my chances. So far I don't actually have an opponent, and it is possible that I could be elected unopposed although I wouldn't be so arrogant as to consider that a certainty. Even if I do get a challenger, I expect to have strong support across party lines and I believe that I can appeal to a wide range of voters, so my chances are still good.

Lumine: One thing I’ve noticed is that the current endorsement list includes both the President and citizens one might describe as pro-administration. Is this a distinctly pro-administration run for Senate?

Sirius: It is not entirely surprising that "pro-administration" individuals would be the first to come out in support of me, as I am a part of the executive and I have been supportive of the president. However, my campaign is not about the administration, its about the senate, a body which I haven't been entirely satisfied with recently. I'm running for everybody who wants a better senate. Since "anti-administration" would mostly refer to Labor and their allies, I would like to address them directly here. I have no qualms about working with individuals on the right side of the spectrum to pass legislation, as I believe that its in the public's best interest for us all to come together and combine our best ideas. However, I would not in any way be a rubber stamp for the conservative agenda. In fact, I intend to act as a check on any attempt to pass blatantly partisan right wing legislation. I'm not exactly running on a conservative platform either, I think you'd find a lot to like about it. And I'm happy to elaborate on any topic that you'd like to ask me about. So that said, I hope to have your support too this February.

Lumine: Gun to your head: if you had to vote on the current reform of the judiciary, would you support it or vote it down?

Sirius: I think that in its current form I would have to vote against it, because it is clearly incomplete and the senate can't even seem to agree on what it should entail. That doesn't mean I'm against judicial reform, I especially would like to see the jurisdiction of the court improved to include NPC cases and a term limit system could have merit as well. I am also wary though of any attempt to radically restructure the Supreme Court. In particular, I would be a hard no on an amendment that included judicial elections.
 
Lumine: Since it’s been three years, and looking back since then, what are most proud about during that period? And what is your biggest regret?

Sirius: There are two things I'd like to highlight from the last few years that I'm happy about doing. The first is helping to create the DA, and finally, after seemingly so long establishing a credible and stable third party in Atlasia. Ever since my turn towards the Atlasian center there have been so many attempts and failures to do this. Of course when I first joined there was Alliance, which seemed to be doing well during my Atlasian youth but ended up falling into irrelevance until I revived it again. Then as I'm sure you remember we founded the Montfortian Party, which for a short time punched way above its weight but it seems like it fell apart just as quickly as it worse. After that I attempted to bring back the Liberal party, a move that accomplished absolutely nothing but ironically did come back to bite me a few times. For a while I even gave up on the dream of a viable third party, until summer 2020 when I was contacted to help establish DA. Boy am I glad I said yes, because I am so proud of this party. We've gone through many ups and downs, there were times when people thought we would dissolve just like our predecessors, we've had fluctuations in membership, and even somewhat of an ideological shift, but through it all we've stayed strong. We managed to develop a culture of toughing it out, and through that actually accomplish goals of ours, while existing continuously for over 2.5 years now. Our core membership is united and tough, and I'll be damned if this party couldn't last at least another 2 years.

The other thing I'm proud of is getting involved in the NPC elections. Of course, those are now long gone, but its arguably a miracle that they ever happened to begin with. Through the NPC elections we were able to innovate our campaigning and focus on things we wouldn't normally get to, and it was some of the most fun I've ever had in this game. I'll never forget the month that DA swept the Great Lakes. They might not have lasted forever, but for me, it was rewarding and I'm glad it happened.

My biggest regret would have to be my tenure as Game Moderator, and my earlier than promised resignation from that position. I regret it especially because it was really something that I wanted to do. I wanted to create engaging storylines and breathe life into the game, but ultimately I wasn't able to accomplish my goals. A lot of that came down to mental health, I did deal with depression during that time especially after COVID lockdowns started, and that made it harder for sure. But there is one decision I made while I was GM that I particularly regret, and that was introducing COVID-19 to the game. At that time, I admittedly underestimated how big of a deal it would be, and I expected it to come and go like many of the other disease outbreaks that get hyped up by the media. In game I thought it would just be another story for the government to respond to. But as we all know, COVID was no ordinary disease outbreak. It ended up being what everyone focused their attention on, and all anyone would ask me about, but it really wasn't what I wanted to be doing. Perhaps some day, when I don't have other things like a cabinet position and a senate run on my plate, I'll offer my services again as a member of the GM team.

Lumine: You’ve mentioned not taking Atlasia as seriously – or perhaps, not as personally – as before, a sentiment many of us veterans have learned to adopt. And yet the question is always there. Will we ever see a President Sirius?

Sirius: My answer has to be, never say never. Of course I have already announced my support for Cao's reelection bid, so February is off the table. But maybe in June, if there's a demand for it, I'll throw my hat in the ring. Looking back at my previous runs, the first time I placed third, and I came in second the second run, so third time's the charm?

I also have one question for you, if you don't mind. Will we ever see a Registered Voter Lumine again?

Lumine: I must say I'm not used to being actually asked as question, so that comes off as a surprise. Truthfully? I think I enjoy being able to snipe from the sidelines a bit too much, but never say never. Thank you very much for your time, Ms. Secretary.

[Lumine]

West Virginia's Body

A Rallying Cry in Times of Strife

West Virginia's body lies a-mouldering in the grave
West Virginia's body lies a-mouldering in the grave
West Virginia's body lies a-mouldering in the grave
Its soul goes marching on
Glory, Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory, Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory, Glory! Hallelujah!
Its soul is marching on

The Southern traitors killed it, all them cowards to a man,
While giving old Young Texan all the powers of the land,
They call themselves for freedom, they themselves the tyrant crew,
But its soul is marching on
Glory, Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory, Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory, Glory! Hallelujah!
Its soul is marching on

The stars above in Heaven are looking kindly down
West Virginia may have died, but it will soon be alive again,
These traitorous delusions have dug very deep graves,
And its soul is marching on!
Glory, Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory, Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory, Glory! Hallelujah!
Its soul is marching on

The Army of the Union will be going on the march,
For Sherman’s work is left undone and Grant looks in disgust,
Secessionists can go to cry back to Conservacord,
These childish games will end
Glory, Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory, Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory, Glory! Hallelujah!
Its soul is marching on

There will be no compromises, and no giving in to fear,
The People will no longer stand for treason in out midst,
Three rousing cheers for Liberty, the Union marches on!
The Union marches on!
Glory, Glory! Hallelujah
Glory, Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory, Glory! Hallelujah!
Its soul is marching on!

[Lumine]

Treason and Reconstruction, Part II

Why justice must be delivered, and change enacted (again)

Editorial, by Lumine

It was on April 2022 that I wrote an editorial for this newspaper titled "Treason and Reconstruction". At the time, this was directed at a cabal of left-wing politicians, many of them distinguished servants of the state, who had committed treason against our Republic. In their case, using the Federal Government to trample on the regions and bring down the game by abusing the powers of the Presidency, the Justice Department, and other key institutions. Perhaps depressingly, many of the arguments still stand. Although, of course, this time it is a right-wing conspiracy from a Regional Government to trample on Nyman and the rest of the country using violent means, electoral chicanery, outright regional tyranny and a wide array of increasingly delusional threats.

The names have changed, and perhaps so have the ideologies. This time, the inspiration seems to come from the disgusting and morally bankrupt regime known as the Confederate States. "Dixieland", according to the most recent so-called "constitutional conventions". It will be up for the moderators to decide whether this breakaway delusion, made illegal by the Supreme Court and soon to be completely and utterly unconstitutional by the overwhelming will of the People, belongs in a certain board. What is up to us is decide what we do about the crisis today, and what we do about it tomorrow. And when it comes to current actions, we in The Crusader stand by what we said before:

Thus, it is important that the current impeachments be allowed to run their course, regardless of who deregisters or not, and result in conviction. It is also important that others who committed crimes or planned to do so (...) also be investigated and, if necessary, stand in a fair trial to determine their responsibilities. To do anything less would be a disservice.

Senators Reactionary and OSR, currently going through an impeachment trial in the Senate, must be removed from office. The first as one of the masterminds behind treason, who patiently and persistently provided the legal grounds for southern regional tyranny, seccession, and making it as difficult as possible for the federal government to restore order. That he has made substantial contributions to the Republic from many fronts - particularly legislative - makes it a sad affair, certainly. But if we rightfully swung down the hammer of justice on Truman - an even more accomplished citizen - it is ultimately necessary and fair that we do so on the ideologue of treason.

The same applies to Senator OSR, if from very different reasons. To advocate for a compromise of sorts, regardless of how flawed and/or futile the compromise was (and the Regional Rights Amendment solved nothing), is in no way worthy of contempt by its own. And to be a dissident voice unhappy about a break-up of the Union is not worthy of contempt either. And if had retained a sense of responsibility to the Republic, and stayed in the Senate, even as a dissident Unionist of sorts, we could have opposed his views, but not rightfully denied a right to champion them. But to endorse seccession and treason openly, to incite to action against the nation, to justify southern tyranny, to refute the supremacy of laws and the Game Engine, and to do all this while holding a high office, is simply not acceptable. Both men, regardless of the friendships they've created, and the good they've done in the past, must go.

Beyond that, court cases must proceed, and treason punished harshly. The tyrannical Southern Government, which tramples on democracy and makes a mockery of due legislative process, will have to be replaced with a properly democratic and responsible government. Insane legislation must be repealed, and we will do our utmost to identify such laws. The South will have to be Reconstructed. And we will have to rethink the relationship between the regions and the federal government. As we said a year ago:

The task that awaits the President and his or her eventual successor is a monumental one. Aside from this call for justice, we in The Crusader also believe that, after treason, there must be a period of Reconstruction. We must have a conversation on what works in Atlasia, what doesn’t work, and what can work better, a conversation not constrained to a few people in a Discord server. We must look beyond the Constitutional provisions, and also consider which behavioral things can be changed or worked upon. We must, essentially, seize the opportunity to see what can change for the better, and rebuild a stronger nation.

Tonight, seccession will be made illegal. Now and forever. Let us build on this magnificent accomplishment, and continue the quest to make our Union stronger. Let us punish traitors harshly, reconstruct the South with wisdom, and strengthen our Republic with vision. May we not waste this singular opportunity!

[Lumine]

The Crusader

Championing biased news since 2017

May 22nd, 2023

The Union forever,
Hurrah! boys, hurrah!
Down with the traitors,
Up with the stars

Secession made illegal!

Regions vote overwhelmingly to pass the Stop Our Secessionists Amendment,
Supreme Court, Game Engine shoot down traitorous fantasies,
Traitors in disarray, about to take the train to loserville

₁

_____________________________
^{1.) Original Image: Harper's Weekly cartoon depicting celebration in the House of Representatives after adoption of the Thirteenth Amendment, Wikimedia Commons, modified for patriotic Atlasian purposes.}