The Crusader (Public Service Announcement)

[Lumine]

South Constitutional Poll

Broad support for Southern Con-Con

Voters appear somewhat pessimistic on current institutions

Governor Tmthforu has a sky-high rate of approval

Are you satisfied with the present situation of the South?

YES: 46.2%
NO: 38.5%
Undecided: 15.3%

Are you satisfied with the current Southern Constitution as currently written?

NO: 46.2%
YES: 30.7%
Undecided: 23.1%

Would you support a Constitutional Convention for the South to look at the current text and make any changes deemed necessary to improve?

YES: 69.2%
NO: 23.1%
Undecided: 8.7%

If not, is there any specific constitutional amendments you think the Chamber of Delegates should consider?

Full List (4 answers here):
1.- Nothing specific. The whole thing needs an overhaul.
2.- No
3.- Reconsidering the size of the CoD
4.- Something about an archive and clearer/more specific rules about how the Chamber functions. Maybe the creation of a team to annually review the laws on the book and make recommendations to the Chamber.

Do you approve of Governor Tmthforu94's work as Governor?

Positive: 92.3%
Undecided: 7.7%

Do you approve of the Governor's role on the issue of changing the regional name?

NO: 46.2%
YES: 38.5%
Undecided: 15.4%

Do you approve of the Chamber of Delegates as a whole?

NO: 38.5%
YES: 38.5%
Undecided: 23.1%

Do you believe the current size and structure of the Chamber of Delegates is practical and efficient in it's work?

NO: 53.8%
YES: 30.8%
Undecided: 15.4%

What changes, if any, would you suggest for the Chamber of Delegates?

Full List (7 answers here):
1.- different Deputy Speaker-thumb would be great
2.- 5 maximum, change recall threshold
3.- Have special elections rather than appointed replacements. Soon 3/7 of the members will be unelected.
4.- I need to work harder and am disappointed in myself because of my lack of proper work ethic.
5.- I think it needs to be less vulnerable to downward swings in activity and right now it doesn't do that.
6.- Something to make sure it stays active even with a sh**tty Speaker. I'm too dumb to come up with a solution though.
7.- The chamber should be increased in size, elected in staggered terms by approval voting.

What is the single most important thing the South needs right now?

Full List (8 answers here):
1.- shift to the left ideologically
2.- more stability
3.- Spend some of that unnecessary surplus.
4.- Activity, just like the rest of atlasia
5.- To avoid controversy and work for the people.
6.- reasoned debate
7.- Free ********
8.- more engagement

[Lumine]

Right, while I don't mind having a continued debate elsewhere I will post my final thoughts on the discussion with the President for now, because this thread is most certainly not meant for walls of text to counter every publication made by The Crusader.

1.- North Korea: We'll have to agree to strongly disagree. I don't find it impossible to engage with the public and speak to them without revealing sensitive info, nor do I find it positive that for several months of struggle silence has been the norm and not the exception. I can think of several alternate presidents who would in all probability have handled the matter in a far more efficient manner, or at least kept the public engaged with such a relevant development.

2.- Scandals: Yes, I would say both criticism apply and are consistent. I don't find it unreasonable to state that what has been done in terms of scandals clearly hasn't been enough nor has it worked to deter more episodes from taking place. It would seem like the projection to the future is that we'll have to get used to these periodic scandals because nothing more can be done, which at least to me doesn't seem very inspiring.

3.- US Politics: I would argue the point is being missed insofar as it's not the ideological distance or proximity of the Federalist Party to the RL Republican Party which I've criticized now or in the past (not when I was a Federalist, and not when I wasn't one), but rather the notion that Atlasian politics must be concieved in strongly US-based terms, even against those of us with vastly different political or ideological contexts.

4.- Party: No, I don't think I have stated that the Federalist Party must be closed, its players withdraw from the game or some other extreme nonsense. I have, however, pointed out that the current approach clearly isn't working, and that given the apparent reluctance to do anything further it would seem we're settling for a "what more can we do?" mentality which is only going to normalize the appearance of scandals from time to time and it won't help the game or make it more welcoming for people.

[Lumine]

Election Special N°2:

Chairman Sestak:

The rise of a new and unlikely hero for the left?

Federalism mourns Labor return:

Federalist High Command thought to be distressed by the PUP exodus

First team to withdraw:

AZ/RC ticket ends campaign as new challengers from the left arise

Another Scandal?

The Advocate denounces possible voting intimidation in Lincoln

[Lumine]

A Interview with Pericles:

Discussing the state of the left and the October Election:

Lumine: Good to have you here once again, Congressman. If I remember correctly your last interview for The Crusader was held about five months ago, a period in which we've had two mid-term elections, a presidential election and quite a few developments. Do what you do make of the state of the game during this period? Has it improved in your opinion?

Pericles: I think from a policy perspective we have made a lot of progress, the 13th Congress was by far and away(I believe it more than doubled the previous record) the most productive in history in terms of signed bills. However, policy isn't everything, and I am worried by the deregistrations we saw over the last term and you raise important points about interest in the game declining. The state of politics has also been tainted with the recent personality feuds and Discord scandals, which of course I have been a part of and that has been a mistake of mine. So it's sort of mixed, and right now things aren't dire but if we continue on with no changes then I think we could have problems down the road.

Lumine: One of the most cited factors in the recent drama surrounding the revival of the Labor Party has been the result of the mid-terms, which featured the Federalist Party taking back the House as the Progressive Union representation has crumbled. Considering the relative registration advantage of the left, how do you explain this?

Pericles: Well, we all know registration advantages aren't everything. However, I do think the left took these elections for granted, and we did not sufficiently communicate the benefits of a left-wing congressional majority. We had checked the Federalists when they went too far, such as on postal reform and the misguided Regulatory Process Reform Act, and we passed several progressive bills such as my criminal justice reform bill and child tax credit expansion. Also, we passed the HELIOS Act over a veto, but unfortunately this was just as the elections ended. This communication failure has fueled the Labor revival, as I've seen multiple people allege that PUP rolled over for Federalist deregulation, which is simply not the case. However, I don't think it's a structural problem with the party that caused this, and it won't be fixed by reviving Labor. It was a flawed campaign, and one that we need to learn from and then work together to avoid repeating in future elections.

Lumine: Perhaps one of the most controversial events of the past few days has been the allegations of Federalist involvement in the Labor revival, allegations which you have repeated and defended against Laborite and Federalist criticism. What do you believe took place behind the scenes?

Pericles: From what I've pieced together, I believe it started as an attempt to unseat Ninja as Lincoln Senator. The Federalists recruited MB for this endeavor. I have nothing against MB-in fact as my deleted endorsement shows I would have endorsed him if it were an open seat(as I thought when I posted it)-but I do think the Federalists were pretty cynical in recruiting a candidate to the left of Ninja, just so they could claim a PUP scalp so to speak. This then escalated to discussions about reviving the Labor Party as a whole, idk exactly how YT and fhtagn talking to windjammer about it fits in but it's still a useful clue. The person I believe did the actual recruiting was Sestak, and oddly he seems to have run to the left of PUP which goes against his history as a Yankee ally and moderate. The situation then escalated and became a bandwagon effect with even people who weren't PMed joining because it seemed cool and then the entire PUP leadership but me defected, believing the party was dead.

Lumine: To follow up on this particular matter, that revived Labor Party is currently in control of the Senate and having a strong registration surge. Is this the beginning of the end for the Progressive Union? And does this Labor revival have any future?

Pericles: I don't think PUP has no hope yet, otherwise I'd have already left. We've been refilling our leadership, with JGibson taking on Vice-Chair for instance, and reaching out to our membership. There are serious problems with PUP, but I believe they can be addressed and over the next few weeks I plan on beginning the necessary changes within the party. PUP after all still has around 55 members, just a few less than the Federalists and more than Labor. Labor does have sizable congressional representation, but we can't assume this is going to be a permanent situation. Labor hasn't yet outlined its platform, or proven that it has staying power, so it's a high possibility that it will die off again.

Lumine: The Presidential race also started a few days ago as the President announced his intention to seek a second term, and a handful of challengers from the left have already announced their intention or interest in running. The question being, is there a candidate you're committed to supporting now? And who do you think would be the best candidate for the opposition?

Pericles: I'm currently undecided actually, and the field is still pretty volatile. President Yankee has been pretty effective and active, but I do disagree with him on a range of issues and I'm dubious about simply continuing with the status quo. Former Senator Wells of course is a great guy, and he seems to have gotten off to a good start, but on the activity issue he has to strengthen himself there. I think both Wells and weatherboy have the potential to be strong candidates, a lot really depends on the quality of their get out the vote operations, as well as prior campaigning.

Lumine: Let's talk predictions, Congressman. How would you rate Yankee's chances of re-election?

Pericles:Personally, Yankee has a very high chance of getting re-elected. Dfwlibertylover is on the ticket and so will probably have an excellent GOTV operation like in June and his two re-election campaigns, and Yankee has appeal to many swing voters. It's possible for Wells or weatherboy to win, but very difficult IMO. Atlasia polls, as always, should be taken with a large amount of salt.

Lumine: Lastly, I'd want to talk a bit about your future and how you envision it. Having risen as an unexpected candidate for President - and persistent rival to a now former President - and having served in Congress for the past few months, how exactly do you envision your political future? Is higher office on the cards?

Pericles: Right now, I'm planning on completing my term in the House, and staying on as PUP Chair to lead the party through this crisis. As stated previously, I won't be a presidential candidate this election. I'm also unsure currently on whether or not I'll run for re-election for a third term in the House. I haven't mapped out my plans after October. I may run for President at some point, depends on how things go. In the meantime I look forward to the coming term and presidential election and seeing how things go down.

Lumine: Thank you, Congressman, a pleasure to talk to you.

[Lumine]

A Interview with Weatherboy:

Discussing Atlasia, the Left and October (Pre-Announcement)

Lumine: Congressman, thank you for being here. Over the past five months or so you've served in Congress as a Representative, and at a particularly curious time as well. How would you say these past months of service have gone? And has your opinion of Congress changed after serving there?

Weatherboy: Well first I'd like to thank you for this opportunity. Now, onto your question. I think these last months have been pretty alright. I don't think there's much to say there. I've been a bit less active over this past summer, but as I already pledged, I will vote on at least 90% of bills or not run for re-election. Onto the second part, I don't believe I had much of an opinion of Congress. I had only been registered for around a month and a half when I won my seat via write-in. I'm not quite sure what my feelings exactly are on Congress as of now.

Lumine: It would seem like the Atlasian left is undergoing a complex process of reorganization following the latest losses by the Progressive Union and the surge of the revived Labor Party. What do you make of this?

Weatherboy: I think that PUP was starting to fall apart, and the elections were simply the death blow. I think the reason so many switched to the Labor Party was because of the overall feeling that the left should be united against the Federalists, and staying in a party that already lost several prominent members wouldn't help with it. I also think some on the Left had issues with Pericles. Many pointed out his previous corruption scandal with LT, as well as his defense of the Ex-Im Bank.

Lumine: Now that we're half-way through the term and forty days or so from the Presidential Election, what is your opinion of the present Administration? How successful - or unsuccessful - has it been?

Weatherboy: I think Yankee's administration has been mildly successful, but I don't think there's much else to say than that. The foreign policy victories, such as those in Korea, were already starting during Fhtagn's presidency, and most domestic victories came more from the Legislature.

Lumine: If I may, Congressman, and taking into account the view of the administration you've put forward, what would then say is the reason - or are the reasons - as to why the President shouldn't be re-elected in your view?

Weatherboy: Well, you see, I believe that the President will, most likely, rubber stamp almost any legislation made by the Federalists. I think that if acts like the Regulatory Process Reform Act get pushed through in their current form that the President would, most likely, still sign it despite several legitimate concerns. That isn't something I think a president should do. Now, perhaps the President can prove me wrong, but I'll have to see it to believe it.

Lumine: Now, you've been proposed by some as a potential candidate for President, and have expressed some interest to run as well. What would you say is the single greatest factor that pushes you to run?

Weatherboy: I think that really the thing that's pushing me is a desire to ensure that Atlasia can move in a new direction after 2 years of Federalist rule.

Lumine: And if such a candidacy was to take place, what exactly can the public expect of a Weatherboy run for the Presidency?

Weatherboy: I would likely run on being a principled Progressive, who is willing to work with the other side to get things done, while still ensuring a left-wing agenda can get through.

Lumine: Congressman, let's go to the realm of speculation for a moment. Let us assume you were to win the October election and enter the White House, how would your administration look like? And how close or how different would it be to the present one?

Weatherboy: Well, I think some parts of the current cabinet, if willing to work with me, may stay, as some of them have been extremely good. Other factors may be replaced by those I think will be willing to work with me, and will be good at their job. However, I at the moment am unsure about who those people would be. I, as a President, would attempt to get a progressive agenda put through, and occasionally vetoing bills that I believe are unreasonable.

Lumine: My last question at this point would be about the agenda you just mentioned, particularly in terms of specifics. What would you say is a progressive agenda to you?

Weatherboy: I would say a progressive agenda is about implementing a more progressive tax policy to expand the social safety net to all citizens, while reducing the debt and deficit. On the social side, I'd oppose attempts to restrain people's rights, although I doubt anything of that nature would pass the house. Of course, it's all more complex than that, but if I tried to go into too much detail, this interview would be far too long. If I do run for president, I will go into more detail about my platform.

Lumine: Congressman, thank you for this interview.

Weatherboy: Thank you for this opportunity, Mr. Lumine.

[Lumine]

Hiatus

"The Crusader" suspended for the time being

In light of former President Lumine's nomination as Secretary of State, it has been decided to suspend publication of The Crusader for the foreseeable future, and should the Editor be confirmed it will be suspended until his duties as SOS are over. The motivations behind this decision are a desire to avoid any possible conflict of interest moving forward, as handling the Department of State as a Cabinet official would undoubtedly be incompatible with running an increasingly satirical newspaper. We thank our readers for having taken the time to read or think about the material we've posted over the past few months, and express our interest - should a Senate confirmation be successful - in returning at a much later date.

[Lumine]

So I am curious, why the use of the term "federalism" as opposed to "Federalists" in some places, Lumine?

I actually kind of like it, don't get me wrong.

I consider it an equivalent to "Laborism", that is, a mindset beyond a purely partisan concept (and not a reference to a federal system of government itself). Bear in mind that the phrase would make sense in Spanish, so it's probably the non-native english speaker thing at work.

[Lumine]

We're Back!

Reuental Media Group (RMG) is pleased to announce that after a near eight-month long hiatus, former President Lumine no longer feels his questionable attempts at satire and political reporting would constitute a blatant conflict of interest now that he's leaving the Vice-Presidency. As a result, The Crusader will be back after Inauguration Day, featuring (among other things):

Future updates of A Song of Laborites and Federalists
The return of Crusader Polling, ideally with salad polls
A long-running parody for the incoming Administration/Congress
Guest editorials by Tmth, and by others upon request
Possibly -if there's material -, Captain Pericles Lives!

Generalissimo Griffin

Laborites celebrate the triumph of their beloved leader

₁

______________________________________________________________

^{1.) Original Image: Bundesarchiv Bild 183-R78376, Budapest, II. Weltfestspiele, Festumzug, Komsomolzen
German Federal Archive, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[Lumine]

A Interview with Scott:

Discussing Atlasia, Fremont and the Future

₁

Lumine: First Minister, a pleasure to be able to interview you again.

Scott: Thank you, Lumine!  I’m happy to be here

Lumine: The last time you had an interview for The Crusader was on April 2018, and it happened to be around the foundation of the Meadowlark, then-Centre Party in Fremont. Some 14 or 15 months after, what’s your view on the Meadlowlark Party’s existence?

Scott: Back when I first moved to Frémont about a year and a half ago, there was really only one dominant party in politics.  That was Fianna Frémont, as you know.  The right was too small to have a formidable coalition, and minor third parties were too scattered to have an impact.  At the time, Frémont was led by the inactive DFL, and with no formidable party to lead the opposition, I saw an opportunity.  And with the Meadowlark (then Centre) party, I wanted to use that opportunity to introduce a new flavor into parliamentary politics in the region: an agrarian-based populist people’s party.

Now at this point, I’m very proud of what the Meadowlark Party has accomplished electorally.  Although you can see it has a bit of an identity crisis between the progressive and more conservative factions.  These things are inevitable in a big-tent party, of course.  But I don’t regret having founded it, as today it remains one of the main two regional parties in Frémont’s politics.  That’s good for our democracy.

Lumine: And how would you feel the past year has been for you? Has it been a good or a bad year?

Scott: Politically, I’d say it’s been a very good year.  Most of the reforms I’ve lobbied for have passed with bipartisan consensus.  I’ve developed a clear, working relationship with other leaders in Frémont, especially YE and Truman, as well as both our two senators.  People in Frémont know who I am and know where I stand.  And, as I’ve alluded to before, the Meadowlark Party has been extremely successful.  Most big-tent parties tend to flame out in Atlasia, but not here.  And I’m very proud of that.

Lumine: I’d like to address the general situation of the nation before moving into more specific questions. What would you say is the biggest problem we face right now?

Scott: Without a doubt, I think the biggest problem Atlasia is facing right now is lack of debate, particularly in Nyman.  I’m disappointed that we’ve seen so many bills tabled or motion to be tabled, simply because one side doesn’t like the bill or its sponsor.  And bills in general tend to go with little or no debate.  I’ve also seen hardworking people like GM Reactionary put forward bills that get immediately shot down, like his recent bill, which actually expands SNAP benefits, being called “an insult to the poor” by one congressman.  It’s ridiculous, frankly.  And like in 2014, the culture of Nyman is continually being dominated by cliques and personality cults.  It’s not a road that we should be on and it ruins the game for people who want to get involved, especially, I think, new players.

Lumine: And what is the single best thing – as in working more efficiently or smoothly – about Atlasia right now?

Scott: I’ve been really pleased with the coordination between the executive branch in Nyman and the regional executives.  I think this is one thing the last president got absolutely right, and I hope to see it continue under President Griffin.

Lumine: Scott, you recently registered as “Labor-Peace Party”. I imagine you’ve explained this elsewhere, but what’s the motivation behind that?

Scott: Well, the sad truth is that after Peace was founded at the start of the Second Korean War, it has effectively been little more than what some would call a “satellite” party to Labor.  My registration change is mostly poking fun at that, but I was hoping that others would tag along in the interest of showing solidarity between the two parties.

Lumine: We both know that Fremont, whilst a great region, is possibly the one that has historically struggled the most with activity and competitivity. Do you feel there’s a risk of another activity collapse?

Scott: I’m always worried that there might be another activity collapse.  The low activity in Fremont from early 2018 is precisely why I moved to Fremont after my time in Lincoln politics.  Recently, we saw an election return a mere three people to the Parliament, if that’s any indication of how difficult it is to keep things active.  But with Virginia being a political newcomer into Frémont politics as well as veterans like YE and our new Speaker Truman being involved, I think we have a great team of people moving forward.  I think the biggest challenge for Fremont now is to expand in membership and to invite more people of both political persuasions into the Commonwealth.  A populous and vibrant region is what keeps a region from sliding into inactivity.

Lumine: What is your view of the coming election for First Minister?

Scott: Well, I’ve already been informed that Jackson Hitchcock intends to make another run for First Minister.  While it’s unheard of for me to give advice to my election opponents, I did tell him that I would like to see a more active campaign season this time with platforms and policy differences.  Frémont is not a region for any one party or person and I’ve tried to make that clear, so to Mr. Hitchcock I say I look forward to a spirited campaign.

Lumine: Over the past four administrations there has been a change in power, from Federalist to Labor, to Federalist, to Labor again. In your opinion, is the two-party system – with deference to Peace and others – working well?

Scott: To an extent.  I still think there’s a desire for a strong third-party as evidenced by Peace, the ACP, Montfortian, Confederate Party, et cetera, but ultimately we have a two-party system and people seem mostly satisfied with that.

Lumine: This I have to ask. Even when I was a new player back in 2013-2014 there was already some significant speculation regarding the White House, and whether you’d run one day. October is of course miles ahead, but do you see yourself ever running for president?

Scott: Never say never, Lumine!  Though I do have to say that at this time I have little interest in running for the White House.  I am, however, strongly considering a run for House or Senate sometime in the future.

Lumine: First Minister, my most sincere thanks for being our first interview.

Scott: It’s been a pleasure, Lumine.

______________________________________________________________

^{1.) Original Image: Official portrait of Senator Mark Udall
US Senate, Wikimedia Commons.}

[Lumine]

Politics Betting Challenge

How long does DFW last as Secretary of Internal Affairs?

Inspired by Representive Wulfric's incisive question on the confirmation hearings, The Crusader will be running a betting challenge open for the next week in order to test the political instincts and gambling abilities of the citizens of our Republic.

The question? How long does DFW last as Secretary of Internal Affairs?

We invite all Atlasians to offer their own guesses on this thread, via PM or via Discord, trying to guess the exact number of days the nominee - if confirmed - serves on this position. The most accurate guess will recieve a reward for their skill in predicting the result.

[Lumine]

I'll be honest, the reason why a full edition of this hasn't come out is that I'm actually not sure if it's actually proper for me to do it.

In retrospect some mistakes made a while ago probably did cross the line in terms of what is actually appropiate, something I do feel rather guilty of. As I've taken on a more active role dealing with appropiate content on the board (racism, personal attacks, trolling and so) I've actually wondered if it's not rather... contradictory to be at the same time policing inappropiate content but producing a newspaper/satire news media that could also fall into that stuff without intending to.

So yeah, I'm still meditating what to do with The Crusader. I'd appreciate some feedback if anyone has an opinion on it, but still haven't decided what to do here.

[Lumine]

Thank you all for the feedback! The painfully unfunny satire continues.

EPISODE I

The Southern Menace

Turmoil has engulfed the
Atlasian Republic. The taxation
of trade routes to outlying regions
is in great dispute.

Hoping to escalate the matter
and own Fremont and Lincoln with logic
and facts, the greedy Chamber of Delegates
will not lift tariffs if the regions
do not recognise their Confederate flag.

While most of the of the Republic
endlessly trolls the new confederates,
the Commonwealth of Fremont has
dispatched Truman and Scott,
guardians of peace and justice in
the region, to settle the conflict…

[Lumine]

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the War Room! Let's change the perspective though:

EPISODE II

Attack of the Truman

There is unrest in the Regions.
Fremont officeholders have
declared their intention to continue
mocking the South over the flag issue
and annex the region.

This expansionist movement, under
the leadership of the fallen guardian
Count Truman, has made it difficult
for the brave Southern delegates
to maintain tariffs and order
in the Confederacy South.

Deputy Speaker Muaddib, the South's
new hope, is returning to the
Chamber of Delegates to vote on
the critical issue of dropping the
flag recognition demand...

[Lumine]

July 16th, 2019

Girlfriend, you are so on!

Yankee opens campaign for reelection to the Senate,
Marianne Williamson reference hits Atlasians out of nowhere

Liberals, Assemble

Ninja revives the old Liberal Party,
Party suffers first split after ASV joins and leaves?

Trade Wars at an end?

U. S. ("Unconditional Surrender") Truman smashes the south's resistance,
Confederate Southern politicians prepare to surrender

Gambling and Drinking on the rise

Thousands of grateful citizens applaud Yankee and AZ,
how long until drunken Atlasian PM's multiply?

[Lumine]

The Tradesburg Address

Fremonters and Confederates end the Trade War

Half one score and five years ago
the old players brought forth on this board, a new game,
conceived in Activity, and dedicated to the proposition that
all trade should be fair and free.

Now we are ending a great trade war,
testing whether that game, or any game so concieved
and so dedicated, can long endure.

We are met at the great legislative board of that war.
We have come to dedicate a portion of this board
as a final resting place for those who here gave their
time and youth, that Fair and Free Trade might live.
It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in an Atlasian sense, we cannot dedicate,
we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this board.
The brave players, online and offline, who struggle here,
have consecreated it, far above our limited power to legislate.
The Atlas Forum will little note, nor long remember what is said here,
but it can never forget what they did here.

It is for us the active, rather, to be devoted here
to the unfinished commercial guidelines which they
who played here have thus far so nobly advanced.

It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task
remaining before us, that from those honored players
we take increased obsession to that cause for which they
gave the greatest sacrifice and waste of youth, that
we here highly resolve that these players shall not have
gone in vain, that this game, under Dave, shall have
a new birth of commerce, and that government of the
players, by the players, for the players, shall not perish
from the board.

[Lumine]

Note: I’ve always liked Private Eye (a satirical magazine from the UK) and it’s long-running parodies of British Prime Ministers following certain themes (Blair as a sanctimonious vicar, Brown as a North Korean leader, Cameron and May as school headmasters), so I’ll be giving it a try in the near time – not sure whether it will be a continuation of this or something else -. In any case, official administration parodies (of this and the next ones) are intended to be satire – near absurdist satire – instead of anything even remotely serious or any sort of factual reporting.

Fire and Fury in Atlasia

₁

Episode I: The Squad

Firebrands oppose controversial President

Branded “The Squad” by the fake news media

“Go back to real life!”, says President

There’s fire and fury in the corridors of power in Atlasia.

Daily controversies overshadow important issues for the future of the country. Renowned for his abrasive behavior, a successful mentality of victory at all costs and by describing his opposition in harsh terms, the President – known to his friend as “The Adam”, on account of his boisterous personality – and his allies in the White House have begun an offensive against a group of four young conservatives from the Federalist Party and the Atlas Conservative Party, parties which the White House has casted as the Radical Right, and described as being both insane and in cahoots with the Yankee Deep State and the Fake Crusader Media due to their attempts to ruin the great nation of Atlasia and submerge it into evil neocon rule.

Representative Fhtagn, Delegates Muaddib and DeadPrez, and citizen LouisvilleThunder have all been targeted by the President and characterized by the media a single group, now known as “The Squad”. These four conservatives come from different backgrounds and ethnicities and have expressed their constant disagreement with the old Federalist establishment of Senator Yankee (known as “Yawning Yankee” to the President), as well as with the policies of the administration. Having a permanent presence in the news and in social media, all four have faced their own share of controversies in the past, DeadPrez getting into trouble over a perceived enthusiasm for impeachment and LouisvilleThunder facing his own share of gaffes about the Labor-Federalist conflict.

And for his own part, “The Adam” has faced trouble over his description of Congresswoman Fhtagn, which many have characterized as sexist and out of touch, as well as over his latest remarks. Fighting the President and his rhetoric on a number of issues, “The Squad” has often described “The Adam” as mean, unfocused and presidential, to which the President has reacted with a series of public appearances rallying his base against the would-be challengers and arguing that these unpatriotic enemies should “Go back to real life!” to the “totally broken, crime infested America from where they came from”. This was followed by an energy-charged speech in which the President rallied his base with a cry of “Send them back!” that reminded observers of his “Lock him Up!” chants against controversial nominee Young Texan in the emotional June 2019 Presidential Election.

Focusing his fire on his nemesis, the President described The Squad as “inactive crackpots” and went after Congresswoman Fhtagn in particular, arguing she did not “stand for the values of the people of Atlasia”, Fhtagn countering back by stating that “Atlasia belongs to everyone”, chastising the President for wanting the players to return to their real lives in America. Holding a press conference in Nyman, Muaddib encouraged the public “not to take the bait”, branding the President’s comments as a disruptive distraction; DeadPrez stated that: “I’m not going anywhere, not until I impeach this President”; and LouisvilleThunder closed the event by stating that President's agenda was “the agenda of radical laborites, which has now reached the White House”.

It remains to be seen how “The Squad” will attempt to fight the White House and how the President will counter such opposition as well, particularly as the debate over fiscal responsibility and the Paygo rule continues to attract discussion.

______________________________________________________________

^{1.) Original Image:
Congresswomen Rashida Tlaib, Ilhan Omar, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Ayanna Pressley, also known as ‘the Squad’, Photograph: Jim Lo Scalzo/EPA, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[Lumine]

Centristlocks

An Atlasian Fable

Once upon a time, there was a young
girl named Centristlocks, who lived at
the edge of the Fantasy board.

She was called Centristlocks because
her heroic moderation shined in the sun,
though voters oft did not appreciate her looks.

Centristlocks was curious by nature, and
often looked for parties to join. One bright
and shiny morning she set out for a stroll on
the dangerous Government board.

She came upon an empty Congress, looked
at the windows, and couldn’t find a soul.
Lacking partisan manners and an actual way
to get elected, she went right in just for fun.

It was the first thing she saw, three hammocks
of different height, size and color, all aptly titled
“Estate Tax”. “This looks fun!”, thought Centristlocks,
and instantly jumped into the orange one at the right.

“Oh!” she complained “this one is absurdly low!”
She placed the orange hammock higher and higher,
but it was never comfy enough. “Feels like Trumpism!”
Tired of it, she jumped into the maroon one at the left.

“Oh!” she complained “this is stupidly high!”
She placed the red hammock lower and lower,
but it was never comfy enough. “Feels like Socialism!”
Tired of it, she jumped into the blue one at the center.

“Oh” she uttered in a moderate tone “This is alright.”
She dozed off to sleep on the balanced hammock,
it felt properly stable, and something to be maintained.
“Which idiot would want it lower? Or Dave forbid, higher?”

As Centristlocks slept, the owners of Congress returned home.
Labor Bear carried a red basket of crippling taxes.
Fed Bear carried an orange basket of deregulation.
There wasn’t a third bear because the others
really, really hated Parliamentarism.

They were not prepared for what they found at home.
“Someone lowered my estate tax!”, growled Labor Bear
“Someone raised my estate tax!”, growled Fed Bear
There was some silence before they remembered
Centrist Bear no longer existed. “Silly us”, they laughed.

“Quiet! You’re both wrong!”, whined Centristlocks
“Your hammocks are too high or too low! Only this one
is balanced enough to be good!”, she concluded.
Labor Bear and Fed Bear looked at Centristlocks,
promptly devoured her and began to set their
hammocks just the way they were before.

“You know”, said Fed Bear, “Your hammock is too high.”
“You know”, replied Labor Bear, “Yours is too low.”
“You Marxist!”
“Trump lover!”

And peace was missing in Congress for long.

[Lumine]

The Resurrection of Peace by the Messiah Razze

Miracle performed as Peace Party is apparently defeating death
Crowds flock to Jerusalem Florida in search for the Messiah
Labor officials react: "He's not the messiah! He's a very naughty leftist."

₁

_____________________________
^{1.) Original Image:
The Resurrection of Lazarus or The Raising of Lazarus, Leon Bonnat, 1857, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[Lumine]

August 5th, 2019

Miracle at the Census Bureau

Party affiliation remains stable for a whole week
11 different parties continue to exist, only half are troll or zombie-based
Professional moderates and serial switchers go days without changing parties
(The Crusader's Director included)

"Save Yankee" campaign in place

Atlasians join forces to save old institution
Duke comes out swinging in support of the Senator
Unopposed race a possibility?

An Activity Paradox?

Congress, Regions appear reasonably active
Administration signs bills, but is there a narrative or a vision?
Things kind of slow on Elections board?

[Lumine]

The Confederate Flag should Go

And citizen action should be praised

Editorial, by Lumine

It must be said that he situation in the South is one of absurdity.

By following absolute notions of incontrovertible electoral will in matters of regional symbols, through tolerating pointless edginess and a disregard towards a few historical lessons when it comes to the Confederacy, and by either trolling or abdicating responsibility at the crucial moments, a number of representatives – many of them esteemed, respected players – have allowed themselves to be put in a truly absurd position. That is to say, the position of willingly allowing a Confederate flag to stand as a new symbol of the South and repeating the mantra that, as this was the result of a non-binding referendum, it must and will be implemented blindly, though a heavy heart.

There’s very little point in choosing a symbol of secession, slavery and treason as a hill to die on, which is what some elected representatives have ended up doing almost by omission. Their reasons have a logic of their own, one that in most situations would indeed be sensible. Any democratic system must aspire to represent the people, and yet when it comes to a non-binding referendum with a result which is at least questionable in terms of the message it sends, it appears there are players who will not flinch when it comes to implementing the non-binding result through law, delegates willing to vote it unanimously with no debate, and officeholders prepared to sign it or to do something childish about the issue.

Among the greatest of the principles espoused by Burke during his career is the notion that elected representatives owe their constituents the outmost respect, communication and attention; but also their actual and honest judgement, and the sacrifice of such a judgement – and indeed, of one’s actual beliefs – for the sake of public opinion to be an error, a breach of trust, and a fundamental betrayal of the voter when the representative fails to be who he is, and fight for what he believes in. It is not a perfect notion, and it is something many of us have breached at least once with good reasons, but it is an important principle to be taken into account.

I think this is one of such instances in which the judgement of elected representatives should have prevailed, particularly when it is an issue of symbols. Representatives should have the courage to say no to something that goes against their ethics, and it is disappointing that in this day and age the use of the Confederate flag as a symbol of a region and its people should still be encouraged, for the sake of an odd belief on its power to be representative, which does not appear to be the case whenever serious discussion is involved. I am not a citizen of the South, and yet I can’t believe a flag that stood for secession, war and slavery could ever be an appropriate symbol of the South and its citizens.

This issue is now to go to another referendum, a process in which thanks to the initiative of citizens this problem may be corrected. But it is a worrying notion for the future, that regardless of what is voted on or polled in binding or non-binding fashion we will have players who will implement such outcomes uncritically, something which bodes badly for a game in which at times debate has been lacking on very relevant issues.

[Lumine]

U. S. Truman on the warpath!

Fremont hero embraces Great Expansionist persona
Threatens bimetallist neoconfederates with martial law
Rallies against Douglas-style popular sovereignity in Congress and the Press

₁

He's still our Hero, but...

Is it right to shove statehood down
the throats of the people without consent?

As proud, disloyal, out of touch Tories,
we in the Crusader say NO!

_____________________________
^{1.) Original Image:
"Trying it on: Aut Caesar aut nullus.", Joseph Ferdinand Keppler, 1875, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}

[Lumine]

Betting Challenge: YE is the winner!

44 days.

We have a winner for our betting challenge! YE came the closest, only beating MB in proximity to the actual date by a single day. The Crusader will soon get in contact with the triumphant victor to discuss the reward.

[Lumine]

Battle of the Atlasiantic!

USS Griffin makes surprise entry to the battlefield
Slams two torpedoes at the side of SS Jimmy
Admiral Jimmy thought to be confident of the situation

₁

SS Jimmy reported safe and sound

Admiral Jimmy and Captain Thumb rally the sailors

This battle is not over, they defiantly proclaim

Grand Admiral Griffin's defeat is certain

₂

_____________________________
<sup>1.) Original Image:
Battle of the Falkland Islands, William Lionel Wyllie, 1918, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.

2.) Original Image:
The Track of the Lusitania, William Lionel Wyllie, 1915-1918, Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.</sup>

[Lumine]

The headlines most definitely do not resemble the pictures lol.

LOL

Easily one of my favorite tricks, I think it enhances the satire.

[Lumine]

Fire and Fury in Atlasia

₁

Episode II: Labor Day Speech

President forgets about one term pledge

Sinks VP campaign with glorious speech

Jimmy's departure explained by Sestak through alternative facts

Rumor and intrigue runs wild across the corridors of power in Atlasia.

Having gone through half the term merely signing bills and ignoring trivialities like giving speeches or offering a vision - which of course, is for losers -, The Adam seemed to be content with his lot in life. Demographics had once again helped him to "own the Feds" and the power of "The Squad" had been drastically weakened, a triumph the President attributed to his eloquent, flawless call upon the women to leave the game and go home. And in the most shocking and stunning development since Yawning Yankee proclaimed the Federalist Party would only be dissolved over his dead body, Vice President Jimmy (seen as a reassuring figure which tempered down the brashness of The Adam) was preparing a presidential run of his own. Thinking victory against the controversial nominee defeated by the President last time as inevitable, Jimmy prepared for the glorious day in which he too would own the Feds.

The Vice President, however, was doomed upon the moment the President re-entered Discord again (a platform in which The Adam's comments have been most controversial), and suddenly realized it was his Vice President and not him who was going to fight the next election. The Adam, so we're told, was beyond infuriated at the notion of a different standard-bearer from his own party, and upon asking he was reminded by his terrified staffers of his famous one term pledge, tacit support for Jimmy's bid and the fact that he had ruled out running unless there was a complete collapse. The Adam would have none of it, dismissing this as FAKE NEWS and preparing to deliver his own speech on Labor Day, a speech that would not only crush the President's enemies, but end the small problem of his low-energy VP.

Lo and behold, The Adam rose in Nyman like a promised Messiah to deliver his brilliant and manic LABOR DAY SPEECH, arguing that: "Jimmy is a nice man, but he is low energy. We need a high energy President. And what's this about a former Fed as Vice Presidential candidate? Sad!", and announcing a run for yet another term as President, presenting it exactly as it was: as a noble decision for the good of the country. The Vice President, shocked at this betrayal and determined to make a stand, bravely resolved to suddenly drop out of the race as his Labor comrades swiftly altered the campaign banners and the billboards, and then refused to acknowledge Jimmy had ever run for President. Some, ever loyal to the President and his glorious leadership, even denied having known Jimmy at all.

Of course, this wasn't enough for "The Squad", the Yankee Deep State and the Fake Crusader Media, all of which outrageously and falsely pointed out their fake narrative of the Vice President having been suddenly and brutally knifed by his own President. The Adam, unwilling to let these lies stand, summoned the brilliant spin doctor Kellyanne Sestak - currently reported MIA by the GM's Office -, and demanded alternative facts to correct this nonsensical narrative from the unpatriotic Radical Right. The spin doctor delivered, skillfully pointing out to the Feds that it was nonsensical to think the President's glorious announcement had anything to do with Jimmy's sudden departure minutes after said announcement, arguing the Vice President's real intention was never to run for President and those who believed he had run were dirty liars.

Truly, the President and spin doctor agreed, the Feds had been owned once again.

______________________________________________________________

^{1.) Original Image:
President Donald J. Trump displays his signature on an Executive Order to place further sanctions on Iran Monday, June 24, 2019, in the Oval Office of the White House. (Official White House Photo by Joyce N. Boghosian), Wikimedia Commons, modified for arguably unfunny Atlasia satire.}