Have you ever cheated on a significant other? / Is cheating always wrong?

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Some of you know that my parents' marriage has fallen apart over the last year and that this process was exacerbated by extra-martial activities on the part of my dad. If you didn't know, now you do.

I accept it even though I don't particularly like it, because I realize I will never be in his shoes and can't know why he did what he did or what truly led him to do it. I believe it's more of a symptom of the failing marriage than the cause, but my mom is certainly not interested in approaching the situation with any kind of open mind.

So reflecting on this experience as well as my own relationship, I've been thinking a lot about cheating. I've been trying to put myself in the shoes of both the cheater and the cheated on, and I think that sometimes it could be more morally grey than it's often made out to be in Western society. Just curious what people's thoughts and experiences are on the matter.

I realize this might be an instance of hiding behind the poll, and that's fine.

As for the definition of cheating, I left it vague on purpose because I expect people would reasonably be able to determine when their behaviour has crossed a certain line (and I respect that the line may be different for different people/relationships).

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Options 3 and 4.  I would urge you not to do that, Hagrid.  Imagine how you would feel if your SO cheated on you, too - not just in general.  Be honest if the relationship isn't as good as you wanted it to.

(I do believe that victims of abuse have a good reason, though.)

FTR, I am not considering cheating. I am interested in gauging whether this is a common thing and deciding if my dad is a complete SOB or just a bit of one.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Thanks to everyone for their kind words.

I suppose I have just recently been thinking that even though my dad kind of "pulled the trigger" by doing a bad thing, there is still blame to go around, and the situation could speak to his genuine unhappiness with my mom. It doesn't excuse him for being a poor communicator and making mistakes, but I don't know how exactly the disloyalty unfolded, and... if it's what he wanted, it's what he wanted.

I don't have to like it, but I accept it's a legitimate reflection of issues in their marriage.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Thanks to everyone for their kind words.

I suppose I have just recently been thinking that even though my dad kind of "pulled the trigger" by doing a bad thing, there is still blame to go around, and the situation could speak to his genuine unhappiness with my mom. It doesn't excuse him for being a poor communicator and making mistakes, but I don't know how exactly the disloyalty unfolded, and... if it's what he wanted, it's what he wanted.

I don't have to like it, but I accept it's a legitimate reflection of issues in their marriage.

I think that's a very mature and forgiving way to look at it (and I mean 'forgiving' in the best way), and certainly more equanimous than I'd probably be able to manage if one of my parents cheated.

Thanks Nathan. Although I don't know if I'd even say I forgive him. I wouldn't even say I particularly like him right now. I just kind of "get it" is all, and I appreciate that a good but unhappy person could still find themselves caught up in doing a horrible thing.

It doesn't help that my mom is infinitely divorceable in her own right.

Let's just say I'm happy to be away from it all in Vancouver.