Alfred's Hastily Constructed Cardboard Independence Movement

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

My fellow citizens, it is clear that the very structures of Atlasian society - our democratic traditions, our cross-regional unity, our commitment to fun - are collapsing around us. While Sen. Deus and I may not agree on everything, we both agree that the Northeast is a damn fine region and anyone who says otherwise should be shot. That is why the Northeastern Liberation Army has seized control from the current regional government, as well as from the federal government, of most of Western New York as of 7:00 PM today. Deus and I believe in a Northeast free from either government oppression of business or from corporate oppression of the working class. We haven't yet decided.

More on this story tomorrow, probably.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

I intend to prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law.

I intend to resist your tyranny (Tyrionny?) to the fullest extent of my abilities.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

My fellow citizens, I come to you again today with a most urgent and liberatory message. As of now, the Northeast People's Hastily Constructed Cardboard Liberation Army is marching due south, or at least in a vaguely southerly direction. We shall continue to march thusly until the great city of Pittsburgh and the great state of Pennsylvania have been liberated. I encourage all my fellow citizens to rise up and rebel against the tyranny of oppressive governments and enter a new age of justice and freedom.

Fax mentis est incedium gloriae.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Alfred's Hastily Constructed Cardboard Presidency, Rochester, New York(Provisional Northeastern Capital)

Seeing that the cowards currently calling themselves the "regional government" have fled to a small town in Delaware, I am hereby declaring the Free Northeastern Republic to be an independent nation, consisting of the former Atlasian states of New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Delaware and declaring myself the President thereof. Deus Naturae is also permitted to assume the title of President if he so chooses - after all, he is the Father of the Revolution and the Hero of the Eastern Front. A full-on declaration of independence might follow, or it might not. I've still got homework to do. For now, the Western People's Liberation Army or whatever it's called will focus on taking Pittsburgh and New York and the Eastern PLAOWIC will do whatever it does. Boston, maybe?

Fax mentis est incedium gloriae.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

I regret to inform you, Gen. Winfield, sir, but my armies are not in New England. We are busy continuing fortifications along the Central New York line and extending our control of Pennsylvania. Deus is in charge of New England.

Also I find it mighty ironic that you are appropriating the image of noted secessionist rebel George Washington and his ilk.

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

I'm not being a killjoy, I'm simply saying that Rhode Island is not under my jurisdiction as of yet. You can come up to Central NY/PA if you'd like and we can duke it out.

In other news, I am officially announcing the creation of the Northeastern Catholic Church and establishment thereof as the state religion of the Northeast. We have no creed other than utter devotion to the Pope in all religious matters. I am the Pope.

Papal decree 1: don't be mean

Papal decree 2: that is the sum total of the doctrine of the Church

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Alfred's Hastily Constructed Cardboard Naming Process

Seeing as "the Northeast" defines this great land in relation to another nation, it is hereby resolved by His Holiness Pope Alfred, President of the Nation Formerly Known as the Northeast Region, that this region is to cast off the chains of Atlasian oppression completely and totally. Therefore, we shall unshackle ourselves from being simply "the place northeast of Atlasia", a name given to us by our oppressors, but instead we shall return to the true name of this land, the land of the first peoples to build their longhouses here. From this day forth the Free Northeastern Republic is now known as the Free Republic of Ganonsyoni, or Ganonsyoni for short.

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Terribly sorry about not answering your questions, Gen. Winfield, I know it must be so tiring fighting for the losing side. The revolution will last until the proud people of Ganonsyoni are liberated from the shackles of Atlasian oppression.

And I'm not banning freedom of religion. I'm simply saying that the government of Ganonsyoni simply recognizes Northeastern Catholicism as the official state religion. There is total religious freedom here, except for Scientologists because Scientology is not a religion. You can even be a Mormon.

If I am to be a martyr, I will be a martyr for justice. I will do so for however long it takes.

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Well, obviously the NCC is the one true church, but you are free to believe whatever you want. It's like Unitarianism, but run entirely by me. Also, you may call me Mr. President. Are you a citizen of New York or Pennsylvania, though? Because while I am technically the President of the entire nation, only those states are partially under my control.

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Alfred's Hastily Constructed Cardboard Bunker, Deep Beneath The Earth In An Undisclosed Location in the Greater Rochester Area

The counterrevolutionary forces have pushed back against our great movement, fellow Ganonsyonians and/or church faithful. Nick Tahou's has been burned to the ground in a flagrant display of hatred for both our great country and our great city. In other news, seeing as the entire doctrine of the Northeastern Catholic Church has been set in stone by myself, I am resigning as Pope and handing the title to Kalwejt. All shall worship and glorify Kalwejt. Or not. Do whatever you want, it doesn't matter. Henceforth, I shall merely be the President of our great and most definitely free republic. Shipment of food and military aid is encouraged, as we are running low on food and I don't want to eat the remaining lasagna because it's a month old and our only weapon is a handgun with three rounds left. Go to Messinger Hall on Gibbs Street and tell Margaret the password.

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

My fellow Ganonsyonians, I am pleased to announce that our best diplomats have been sent to Quebec for the purpose of enlisting the aid of their military or whatever it is they have and I am eagerly awaiting a reply. Together we shall crush the tyrant scum.

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

His Holiness the Pope is already shaping up to be a worthy successor. I wish Pope Kalwejt great success in all matters physical, mental, and spiritual.

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

I congratulate Pope Kalwejt on his fine interpretation of the Holy Scriptures. He is a good student of the teachings of our great church. In Presidential news, I am declaring my support for the revolutionaries in Old New Spain. The people of Ganonsyoni stand with King King and with his people. With the momentum of the Rochesterian people on our side, we have managed to repulse the counterrevolutionary forces from their attempted conquest of our capital and have regained control over most of the Greater Rochester area.



Ganonsyoni-controlled territory
Territory where fighting is quite fierce

Fax mentis est incendium gloriae.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Hastily Constructed Cardboard Update on Cosmetics and Suchlike

It is my decree, as President of the Free Republic of Ganonsyoni, that in casting off the chains of Atlasian oppression, we must cast off the symbols of our forefathers and begin anew as Ganonsyonians, together. The first order of business is the motto: none of this torch bullsh**t anymore. Henceforth and forthwith the official motto of our great nation shall be The People Forever, which is quite a nice motto. The second order of business is the flag: it shall be a rectangle the sides of which are to be in the golden ratio, or approximately 1:1.618. The flag shall be a horizontal tricolor with a stripe of purple on top, a stripe of red on the bottom, and a stripe of white in the middle (all stripes of equal width). This is to represent the people of this land both past and present, the blood we have shed and will continue to shed (if so necessary) for our freedom, and the noble spirit of our citizenry, respectively. That is all. May Ganonsyoni forever be free.

The People Forever.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Hastily Constructed Cardboard Limbo in Reality

So with the ascension of Mr. Cranberry to the Presidency (a regretful turn of events for such a nice gentleman), we are left without a source of knowledge on the progress of the Revolution. In the meantime (until a GM is appointed), the military forces of the Free Republic of Ganonsyoni, having already secured most of Western New York, will march on Pittsburgh again, attempting to establish a foothold in Pennsylvania once and for all.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Hastily Constructed Cardboard Limbo in Reality

So with the ascension of Mr. Cranberry to the Presidency (a regretful turn of events for such a nice gentleman), we are left without a source of knowledge on the progress of the Revolution. In the meantime (until a GM is appointed), the military forces of the Free Republic of Ganonsyoni, having already secured most of Western New York, will march on Pittsburgh again, attempting to establish a foothold in Pennsylvania once and for all.

Over my dead body. I will be calling the Mayor and will be asking Governor Talleyrand to dispatch National Guard units to my home city to protect the good people there from this violent nonsense.

Hm. I had hoped the people of your fine city would welcome us with open arms, but I suppose it is not so. Could someone telephone my cousin James and tell him to skedaddle if he values his life? I fear the path of freedom may be strewn with corpses yet again.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Stand down now or I have to try you with treason

What of Lief and His Holiness the Pope? And will the trial be in absentia? Ganonsyoni has no extradition treaty with Atlasia.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

I'm an ecclesiastical leader, concerned with the souls of my brothers. To charge me with "crimes" would be nothing but prosecution on religious grounds.

I fear the tyrants may not feel the same way.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Hastily Constructed Cardboard Limbo in Reality

So with the ascension of Mr. Cranberry to the Presidency (a regretful turn of events for such a nice gentleman), we are left without a source of knowledge on the progress of the Revolution. In the meantime (until a GM is appointed), the military forces of the Free Republic of Ganonsyoni, having already secured most of Western New York, will march on Pittsburgh again, attempting to establish a foothold in Pennsylvania once and for all.

Over my dead body. I will be calling the Mayor and will be asking Governor Talleyrand to dispatch National Guard units to my home city to protect the good people there from this violent nonsense.

Hm. I had hoped the people of your fine city would welcome us with open arms, but I suppose it is not so. Could someone telephone my cousin James and tell him to skedaddle if he values his life? I fear the path of freedom may be strewn with corpses yet again.

If you wanted to come here and speak, that's one thing. Your marching on my city indicates the intent of violence toward loyalists of the Republic. I'd not see Pittsburgh end up like other cities that this has happened to. If you wanted to come here and speak in peace, I'm fine with that, but your intent is not that. Pittsburgh has no wish to leave Atlasia and will not be forced to do so.

The only violence will be that brought on Pittsburgh by itself. As for me, I am in no condition to fly out to as-yet-unliberated territory and get snatched up by government thugs.

And the conquest of Buffalo went along perfectly well. I, for one, would not like to see Pittsburgh in the same situation as Rochester was left in after we had rebuffed the Atlasian troops.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

I will try to update all y'all on the constitution we have adopted tomorrow, but I'll have quite a bit on my plate so I may not be able to.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Thank you for the updates, Mr. Attorney General, sir.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Does 24 hours and 5 minutes count? Because I'm willing to stand down now.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Oh wait it's 23 hours and 5 minutes.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Hastily Constructed Cardboard Peace Treaty

Peace has been restored to the land and the Grand Army of the Republic (i.e. myself and my trust assistant who happens to be a Marine) has laid down its arms. I have decided to not post my defiant suicide note and shoot myself through the mouth, and have also decided to recognize Cranby as the legitimate President of Atlasia. Also, we get autonomy for Ganonsyoni, which will include Vermont plus all the New York counties that border Canada (aka Clinton to Erie). The People's Tricolor will wave proudly, stained from now on only with figurative blood, and slightly below the Not-Tyrants-Anymore's Not-Tricolor.

Ad astra per aspera.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

OK, it turns out the President has not greenlighted this quite yet, so *reloads pistol, places against temple* you'll never take me alive.